Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you the computing rig of Mr. Matthew J. Sharpless Sanderson, VIII. Yes, the glorious laptop you see above is where I conjure up all my magnificently witty comments and my lusty, sexual forum posts. Oh, the horrors that this computer has seen. Here are the measly stats:

Toshiba Satellite A105-S4104
Intel Core Duo T2400 / 1.83 GHz (dual-core)
1GB DDR II SDRAM
120GB Serial ATA-150 HDD
Mobile Intel 945 Express Chipset Family (aka shit video card)
128MB video RAM
15.4" widescreen display

Now, let me tell you a story (i.e. let me complain) about how I came to find that Toshiba is el douchebago.

Once upon a time, in the spring of 2006, Little Baby Matthew had saved up his hard-earned pennies from his work on the streets and decided to hand them over to Mr. Computer Retailer for a bright, shiny new computer -- his first. For $1200, he got a nice computer from Uncle Toshiba. Little Matthew liked this computer very much.

Two months later, Mr. Computer spontaneously took a dump on Baby Matthew's face and died, causing Matthew to lose over 60GB of data. Oh, and this was after Mr. Sound Card and Ms. Ethernet Port also got grumpy and had to go to the doctor's for several weeks. Needless to say, the doctor was a failure, almost as big of a failure as Mr. Computer. Matthew complained to Uncle Toshiba until Uncle Toshiba gave in and sent Matthew a shiny, new, improved laptop.

And that is the laptop you see before you.



But hey, guess what? This one sucks a little bit, too!

First of all, what the hell? Mere months after purchase, there's a crack in the casing (it's bigger than the picture suggests), and a strip of plastic on the side snaps off. It's nothing serious (at the moment), but still. It's not like I'm putting abnormal pressure on that part of the computer. WHY? Furthermore...



What the hell? Why so ugly? I have seen many laptops owned by many different people, and none of them have nearly that much wear and discolouration around the front. I'm pretty sure my body secretes fairly normal levels of oil and sweat, even for a fatty. Why so sensitive, Toshitba? It looks like a wolverine was clawing at it.

And here's the icing on the shitcake: Right as the warranty is running out, the DVD+RW drive craps out. I can still put CDs and DVDs in, but the drive doesn't seem to be spinning at full speed. DVDs are choppy and unwatchable, CDs are useless. I can burn data DVDs at 2x, if I'm lucky. That's it, though. WHY? I WANTED THIS SO I COULD BURN AND RIP STUFF. WHY PENIS WHY?



I am extremely, extremely careful with my computers. I have been good to them, and how do they return the kindness? By being arseholes. Yes, Toshiba-brand laptop computers, you are arseholes, you frigid bitches. They make me want a Mac. :( At least this one is still alive, and it lets me play Audiosurf. So, woot. It sure would be nice to have one that let me rock TF2 without any hiccups, though.

Anyway, that's my story. If anyone read all that, well, I'm sorry. I'll make an even more amazing not-contest-related post about my ttly awsum console gaming rig at a later date, so Hamza can put it all over the main page and make people jealouzzz.