[WARNING: Hardcore Halo 3 spoilers may be contained within. Do not read this unless you have beaten the game, or you don't care about being spoiled. I'd recommend avoiding the spoilers, unless you're a disinterested, heartless asshole from some retro gaming podcast.]

As much as I'd like to play it cool and not add one more Halo 3 post to the vast, quaking throng of Halo 3 posts smothering the internet in its succulent bosoms, I cannot resist. See, when the Xbox came out, I noticed the original Halo. It sounded interesting, but I kept my distance. I had no interest in the console, yet. Then, I started playing Halo socially. "Damn," I thought, "this game is fun." When Halo 2's release drew near, I took the plunge and bought an Xbox and the first game. I bought Halo 2 on the day it was released, and I beat it the day after. A year later, I subscribed to Xbox Live. I read the novels, I poured over the websites... I had become taken by the Halo mythos in much the same way that Star Wars, Star Trek, Transformers, and LOTR had drawn me in before. I loved Halo. I still do, but I used to, too.

As such, I have to weigh in on Halo 3. As you know, I do not own a 360. (I'm still accepting donations, by the way.) However, I was able to take part in the midnight-launch madness, thanks to friends who do own 360s. Within an hour of the game's release, I was awkwardly stumbling through the jungles of Tanzania. Why was I, a seasoned Halo veteran, stumbling awkwardly? My controls were inverted. Inverted controls are only used by the mentally challenged and cancer. Embarrassingly, it took a while to figure out how to change this, but once that nonsense was fixed, it was business as usual. We played four-person co-op on Normal difficulty and we finished the game in under 5 hours. Yes, the game is relatively short, but keep in mind that we were bookin' it. We wanted technicolor alien blood and Gravity Hammers and Brute Choppers and space zombies, and we were damned efficient at getting to those things. Your mileage may vary, but I was content with the game's length. Like a good album, if it goes on for too long, you're likely to have filler. Sometimes, shorter is better.



I heard some negative things about the campaign prior to release, but I can honestly say that my fears were put to rest. The game started out slowly, but picked up rather quickly. Once it hit its stride, it was a tremendous, prolonged stroke-fest for this Halo fan. I was surprised by the number of vehicle-based sections there were, and just how badass they managed to be. It doesn't get much better than having four Scorpion tanks dropped off by a gigantic UNSC spaceship, just for you and your buddies. Best of all, the new content and features all delivered the goods. The Gravity Hammer was the popular child, amongst my friends. Personally, I was taken with the revamped Assault Rifle. Also, the flamethrower, portable turrets, and the fire/spike grenades may be the greatest FPS toys ever. Needless to say, my betrayal count got a little out-of-hand, while wielding flames. And, needless to say, I didn't care that much. The last level blew us all away and was possibly the most fun I've ever had in a video game. When the last two players standing/driving made the jump into the hangar bay (I and my partner got, uh, left behind), we erupted in shouts and victoriously raised fists. It was like Halo 1's "The Maw" on crack. It probably helped that we didn't know where the hell we were supposed to be going and any given turn could've been the wrong one. That is how a game should end.

I may be in the minority here: The story is, largely, what I come to Halo for. I've come to care about Master Chief, The Arbiter, and Sgt. Johnson in much the same way that I care about LukeSkywalker, Han Solo, and Chewbacca . I was - and I'll remind you about that SPOILER warning - thrilled to see the Chief survive the trilogy. I was less thrilled, however, to see Johnson kick the bucket, even though I knew it was inevitable. I've always thought of the Elites as being the Klingons of Halo and I was also pleased to see them as the most victorious of all the races involved in the series. I was always fond of The Arbiter and The Shipmaster (the white dude missing one of his mandibles), and I was more than happy to play as the blue "Combat" armor Elite during my initial campaign run, so it's good to see them come out on top as our allies. (Spartans are overrated, anyways.) And then, there's the real ending of the game...



If you didn't stay through the end of the credits and watch the final cutscene, then you are a phenomenal fool and you've missed the best story-related part of the whole game. Honestly, I think it's one of the more beautifully and tastefully done game endings that I've seen. Without watching it, you'd think that the Chief got burned up in the destruction of the new halo. Instead, he is now resting peacefully, possibly for the first time since the trilogy started, once again in that familiar cryo chamber, with Cortana watching over him - the way it should be. Also, if you happened to finish the game on Legendary difficulty, you saw that they were drifting towards some sort of planet. I really don't get the significance of this, unless it ties into the Peter Jackson project, or some other upcoming Halo game. Maybe it means something, maybe it means nothing. I don't know. [Note: This might be meant to imply that Master Chief goes on to become the primary character in the Marathon series. Bungie has hinted at this, in the past.] Either way, I was extremely moved by this tender, peaceful ending to such a chaotic, destructive trilogy of games. Bravo, Bungie. You did not disappoint.

The graphics also don't disappoint. While you won't find anything graphically groundbreaking, you will find enough to make you say, "Ooh, that's cool," unless you're a graphics nazi. I particularly enjoyed how characters realistically kicked up the powdery snow when they walked, during the "Halo" mission. Also, if you've been playing Halo 2 on XBL for as long as I have, seeing fresh, more-detailed environments is like a breath of fresh air. It's no Mass Effect (no lesbian sex, either), but the game does look pretty, especially in the little details.

As for the multiplayer, most of the new maps didn't really impress me. I'll reserve judgment, however, until I eventually get to try them out on Xbox Live for a while. I mostly just walked around looking for opportunities to either whore a turret or snipe people with a Spartan Laser. Hopefully, Bungie will add some much-needed variety, in the form of new maps and gametypes, in a future update. My multiplayer experience wasn't quite as enjoyable as co-op. However, I did thoroughly enjoy myself, and the whole experience was much more engaging than Halo 2's multiplayer. Minor shortcomings aside, this game is a winner. Anyone who tells you otherwise... Well, I'll save my rant about all the Halo-haters for another time. It won't be pretty.

Bungie, I still love you. You didn't disappoint me. Moar plz.