"A man without a moustache is rather like a woman with one."
- Nick Cave
Name: Matt Sanderson
Occupation: Habitual Line-Stepper
Location: New Jersey, USA
Date of Birth: June 13, 1983
Place of Birth: London, England, UK
Relationship Status: D.O.A.
Blood Type: Too Rich To Die
Steam ID: Sharptoid
Game Systems Owned Xbox 360
Playstation 2 (sold)
Playstation (gave away)
Gameboy Advance (dim screen)
Nintendo 64 (broken)
Sega Game Gear
Best Vidya Games Ever 01 Team Fortress 2
02 Earthworm Jim 2
03 Left 4 Dead
04 Half-Life 2
06 Earthworm Jim
07 Rock Band 2
Best Vidya Games Characters 01 Solid Snake
02 Anyone from Team Fortress 2
03 The G-Man
04 Gordon Freeman
05 Samus Aran
06 Francis (Left 4 Dead)
07 Francis York Morgan
Best Musics Ever 01 Wilco
03 David Byrne / Talking Heads
04 The Beatles
05 They Might Be Giants
07 Tegan and Sara
08 Paul Simon
09 Lady Gaga
Best Television Ever 01 Lost
02 Arrested Development
03 The Venture Bros.
04 Mystery Science Theater 3000
06 Doctor Who
07 The Adventures of Pete and Pete
08 Freaks and Geeks
10 That Mitchell & Webb Look
Best Ladies Ever 01 Amanda Tapping
02 Ellen Page
03 Thora Birch
04 Anne Hathaway
05 Alison Mosshart
06 Carey Mulligan
07 Kristen Bell
08 Amanda Seyfried
09 Alia Shawkat
10 Anna Kendrick
Best Dudes Ever 01 Steve McQueen
02 Wil Wheaton
03 Paul Newman
04 Conan O'Brien
05 Robert Downey, Jr.
06 Paul Rudd
07 Nathan Fillion
08 Jeff Bridges
09 Zach Galifianakis
10 George Clooney
Best Comic Book Ladies Ever 01 Power Girl
02 Barbara Gordon
03 Stephanie Brown
04 Cassandra Cain
07 Lady Blackhawke
08 Kitty Pryde
10 Miss Marvel
Best Comic Book Dudes Ever 01 Bruce Wayne
02 Vic Sage
03 Dick Grayson
04 Daken Akihiro
05 Booster Gold
06 The Riddler
08 Ted Kord
10 Mr. Freeze
If there's one thing that can often be said about me, it's that I am rarely on the cutting edge of, well, anything. I've spent most of my life a few steps behind the curve. My family was several years late in switching over from cassette tapes to CDs. DVDs came even later. Even when video games are involved, I'm frequently a bit slow to adopt.
So, this should come as no surprise: I've never played a Pokémon game.
No, no -- that is absolutely true. Hell, I've never even owned a Nintendo-made handheld gaming device. My only foray into the handheld world, aside from a few of those depressing Tiger Electronics games, was a Sega Game Gear. I thought it was the future. I was not a quick-witted child.
Anime has never seriously appealed to me. Sure, I've enjoyed some of the genre, but largely, I just don't get it. And to my young eyes, Pokémon was just another anime, full of wide-eyed, spastic young individuals with razor-edged hair and no concept of subtlety. So, naturally, the video game was also promptly disregarded as some cutesy Japanese import "for babies," as they say.
Well, no longer. In my old age, I have fallen into the habit of enjoying RPGs and leveling and upgrading and being a pack rat with non-existent digital items. Pokémon seems to have all these things to varying degrees. And given the fact that, so many years after the Pokémon craze of the '90s cooled off, gamers are still talking about the series even into their late-20s and 30s -- well, I have to consider the possibility that, maybe, I was mistaken.
So! That's where this new series of blog posts -- something I have dubbed Not-So-Early Adoptérmon, because I am clever and you love it -- comes into play. I'm going to finally see what's up with this Pokémon nonsense, and I'll be documenting my experiences and observations right here, on something that will, hopefully, resemble a weekly basis.
I have started playing through Pokémon Yellow. It appears to be a combination of the first two Pokémon games (Red and Blue) and, thus, seems like a reasonable starting point.
Given my propensity for overindulgence, I'm not entirely sure this is a wise venture. Still, as much as I enjoy RPGs, I also have a tendency to tire of them and not finish them. So, we'll have to see which bright, shining side of my personality wins out: The Addict, or The Quitter. Stay tuned.
[Okay, so I decided to start my own off-Dtoid gaming blog, dorkily titled "The Gentleman Gamer," since I apparently enjoy pretentious oxymorons. I figure I may as well cross-post the opinion pieces here, since no one is likely to read the other one, and I've really been neglecting my Dtoid blog. So, yeah. I'm back. Love me. I'm also too lazy to re-add all the links in the article, so visit the site if that bothers you, you freak.]
There’s a lot of complaining and arguing going around — oh yes, on the internet — about Dante’s Inferno, the upcoming EA game loosely based on Dante Alighieri’s epic poem, The Divine Comedy. Many of the complaints revolve around the basic idea of EA turning a classic piece of literature into a third-person hack-em-up. To an extent, this is understandable.
However, I can’t help but wonder if everyone is getting up-in-arms over nothing. I can sympathize with not wanting to see a favorite work of literature massacred in the name of entertainment and sales. I really can. But when I watched the trailer, all I saw was a concept for a game that looked really damned fun (no pun intended). Am I wrong? Is there a place for taking a revered work of art and reimagining it as a hilariously violent video game?
Adapting works of literature to the video game medium is still a fairly uncommon practice. Obviously, we’ve seen games based upon the likes of The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia, but those were more movie adaptations than book adaptations. Even the Conan the Barbarian games don’t strike me as being as difficult of a choice as The Divine Comedy. And dare I even mention Where’s Waldo?
No, Dante’s Inferno is definitely a stand-out, easily the oldest and most revered work to be adapted. (That is, of course, excluding The Bible. I refuse to intelligently consider something like Bible Adventures, here.) And awkwardly enough, it also appears to be one of the loosest adaptations yet, perhaps inducing a facepalm from anyone hoping to get through this peacefully. But no — if this adaptation is anything, it’s loose.
In Alighieri’s original poem, Dante himself is guided through the three realms of the afterlife — Hell, Purgatory, and Paradise. (The video game is likely based solely on the Hell, or “Inferno,” portion of the poem.) The recent Dante’s Inferno panel at Wondercon revealed that the game will revolve around Dante traveling through the nine levels of Hell in order to rescue the princess from Bowser’s cas- er, I mean, to save his late fiancée, Beatrice, from Satan’s clutches. Already, the game is way off-course.
I think that the key, here, is to remember that this is based on Dante’s Inferno. Based on. I don’t believe that EA ever claimed to be developing a strict retelling of the story. And while the title does suggest a direct adaptation — Dante’s Inferno — it actually ends up being a play on words: The game’s lead character is named Dante; undoubtedly whom the title refers to, as opposed to Alighieri. So, while there may be a small handful of literary scholars who will end up feeling dismayed and deceived on release day, I don’t feel that the title is something to be legitimately bothered by.
Is the title a crass marketing ploy? (Well, we all know how gamers go ga-ga over 14th-century Italian literature…) The game is based on Dante’s Inferno, so I fail to see why it’s a bad thing that they’ve indicated that in the title. I guarantee you that three-quarters of the gamers who play this game will not have any prior knowledge of The Divine Comedy. The game may, however, inspire more-thoughtful gamers to actually read the poem. Is that a bad thing? No. It’s just a name. Alighieri’s reputation, and his original work, still remain the same as ever, no harm done.
Is it the seemingly exaggerated ridiculousness of the game? I mean, turning a 14th-century poem into a hack-and-slash game of the God of War/Devil May Cry variety — complete with demons having crucifixes shoved through their skulls, and the lead character apparently slaying Death himself and stealing his scythe within the opening minutes of the game — well, there’s a lot there to find ridiculous. But ridiculous can be fun. Why are gamers dying to get their hands on the forthcoming MadWorld game? Why do people love the Evil Dead films? Because they’re ridiculous.
Many in the industry desperately want to see video games receive the same respect as movies do, and we’re definitely moving in that direction. But I think it’s unfair to decry the game as a huge step backwards. Do we really want an industry filled with nothing but serious games? Has the entire film industry fallen into an abyss of mediocrity because Rob Schneider and Dane Cook continue to star in movies? Is BioShock any less of a masterpiece because Earth Defense Force 2017 exists? No. We cannot have legitimacy and respect at the cost of being able to laugh at ourselves and have a little fun. Gaming is fun, first and foremost.
The God of War series took Kratos and completely changed key aspects of the character. (To start with, in Greek mythology, Kratos was actually a huge Zeus fanboy, and never once attempted to overthrow him.) Did this deviation from the character’s original story diminish the games at all? An overwhelming majority probably wouldn’t even consider it an issue. Granted, God of War deals with mythology, and Dante’s Inferno deals with one man’s work of fiction. Still, a lot of the same general principles apply. When a work of fiction makes the jump from one medium to another, changes usually have to be made, in order for the transition to work well within that new medium. Acceptable losses, etc.
So, I implore you: Relax. This looks, at the very least, like it will be an amusing, ridiculous third-person action game filled with over-the-top violence. Best-case scenario, we end up with an epic, surreal, dramatic gaming masterpiece. I absolutely adore the design and style of what little I’ve seen so far. Whether it’s based on Dante Alighieri’s The Divine Comedy or Matt Groening’s Life in Hell, I don’t care. A good game is still a good game. Even if its tagline is “Go to Hell.”
I mean, seriously. If I get into a game of Left 4 Dead with you, and I get ahold of Francis, I ain't giving him up to any of you bastards. I mean, seriously? You think "dibs" is going to do anything? I fart on your goddamn dibs. In fact, if you call dibs, I'm going to gank your shit and wiggle my stupid sexy ass at you. So, there. Stop that goddamn shit, people. "Dibs"... pfft. I've got your dibs right here, and I'm pointing to my penis when I say that.
In the above video, posted to the Kids' MySpace channel, the other four Kids watch Scott Thompson (the gay one, if you're keeping score) playing Portal on their (really freaking, ridiculously huge) tour bus, from the next room over. Now, I'm going to assume that alcohol and/or drugs were heavily involved, as not only does Thompson seem thoroughly incapable of doing something as simple as placing a cube on a button, but the other four Kids are finding all this ridiculously amusing. It's really not that interesting of a video, but if you love Kids In The Hall and Portal like me, or you enjoy watching middle-aged, Canadian comedians in hysterics over virtually nothing, then you'll like it.
The Orange Box? I've never been more proud to be a Kids In The Hall fan... Even if Kevin thinks that a test chamber is called a portal, and Scott can't seem to stop crouching. And is it my imagination, or is Dave Foley (my favorite, FYI) the only one who definitely isn't under the influence of anything?