Most people know and love the Pacman franchise... our elders once whiled away their time on ancient machines, trying to enter their names (or three letters) in to the annals of High Score fame. Personally, I hate the Pacman games... but that's another story, and not what I want to focus on right now.

What I want to focus on is an outrage that has gone on seemingly unnoticed to the gaming world. An outrageous case of incest that has occured right under our noses, which we merely passed off as the love of two strange circular humanoids.

I am, of course, referring to Pacman and Mrs. Pacman, the lovable duo who have starred in a plethora of self-titled games. It seems the perfect caricature of love, the only two existing members of the Pacman race (where are their parents?) meet in a stroke a fate while enjoying their shared favorite passtime; eating pellets while being chased by ghosts. (WTF?) Romantic, indeed, the two immediately fall in love and get married.



But there is something more to this relationship, something dark and seedy that lies in the Mrs. Pacman's past.



Here, I have pictured Ms. Pacman before her marriage. That's right, not only is she a hooker, but she and Pacman share the same surname.

They're siblings!

Not only did they get married, however, they procreated. I don't know if you've ever seen an inbred child born with pellets in their system, but it's not a pretty picture.


No child should have to live in such a state of mental disrepair. This abominable marriage must be stopped... I must ask that you boycott all Pacman's products, we'll cut his sponsorship. We have to send a message to these people, that they're despicable way of life will not be tolerated in today's civilized gaming world.