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About


The darkness to every light, the shadow to every shine, the dusk to every dawn, the Luna to every Sol.

And vice versa.

I'm ShadeOfLight.
I'm a Dutch law student who loves to game. I'm a Nintendo-fanboy at heart, but I don't feel that I'm blinded by that, at least not very often. I am also currently on the Cblog Recaps team for Thursdays, so if for some voyeuristic reason you want to know more about me, check out my weekly Shadeisms.

I'm obsessed with the Monolith Soft RPGs Xenoblade Chronicles and the Baten Kaitos series. I will not pass up the opportunity to mention them, ever, and I consider myself Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean's biggest fan. Finally, as is to be expected I'm super excited for the new WiiU "Xeno-" game!



The Wii is one of my favorite systems of all time, and my favorite games on this system include, but are most certainly not limited to;
Xenoblade Chronicles (see also: Baten Kaitos - Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean for GC)
Zelda: Twilight Princess / Skyward Sword
Smash Bros.
Super Mario Galaxy 2
Madworld
Muramasa - The Demon Blade
Wario Land: Shake it!
Sonic Colors
and Metroid Prime Trilogy.

I love my WiiU as well, and even though there aren't that many games out for it right now, I'm having tons of fun with:
New Super Mario Bros. U
Darksiders II
Mighty Switch Force: Hyper Drive Edition
Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate

Apart from Nintendo, I'm a huge indie game enthousiast. Give me a game like Trine, VVVVVV, Sequence or Recettear, and you've made me a happy camper for sure. You can keep your shooters to yourself.

Favorite indie game round-up:
Trine (+ Trine 2)
Super Meat Boy
The Binding of Isaac
Dungeons of Dredmor
Mark of the Ninja
VVVVVV
Sequence
Cthulhu Saves the World
Recettear - An Item Shop's Tale
Bastion
To The Moon
Cave Story
LIMBO
Dustforce
Orcs Must Die! 2
Machinarium
Botanicula
The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom
and many, many more!

Besides gaming itself, I like reading up on gaming-related news on my favorite website in the whole wide world: Destructoid. I love all the people here, and I'm glad that I get to be a part of this. Wouldn't know what to do without you!
Player Profile
Steam ID:http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198005145371/
Wii U code:ShadeOfLight
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Hey everyone, guess who's writing again? I've been busy with my studies for quite a while, and on top of that my personal life got massively shaken up a couple of months ago. Luckily, everything is back in order, leaving me with time to write a piece that I had planned to do for some time. And considering all the recent comments that the community needs to step up its game again, what better time than this to finally do it? This blog deals with a more personal side of my (gaming) life.

This is a story about me, about my life and about my experiences with video games. It is also, as so many are, a story about a girl. This girl is in a strange way special to me, but not in the way you might think. Now stay a while and listen, for I will tell you all about the girl with the Triforce bag.



Does anyone know what the absolute best way to play video games is? How can you have the most fun playing video games? Actually, let's go through some of my own experiences and see if we can find out.

A controller is in my hand. In twelve seconds' time I will put it down because I'll have beaten the game. Ten seconds now. It is 2011, and I have just defeated the final boss of Xenoblade. It took me over a hundred hours to get this far and I had an absolute blast. This is a great game and at the very least one of the best RPGs ever made. And yet, something is missing...

It is August 15th 2012, and I am at home alone. One hour ago, I achieved 100% completion on The Binding of Isaac. It's a really (really) addicting game, in which I happily invested all the time and effort I could spare. And yet, something is missing...

It is July 11th 2008. I am playing as Luigi in Super Smash Bros. Brawl because he has a killer air-game. Four years from now I will still be playing as him and loving it. I can already beat several level 9 cpu's without too much effort. I like to think that I'm pretty good at this game. And yet, something is missing...

It is October 16th 2011. Me and my friend have just finished the last co-op room in Portal 2. This is more like it.

Hopefully you can already see where I'm going with this. But just to really bring it home, let me show you what I think the best way to play games is:



But on the off chance that you don't have personal Black Cat and X-23 cosplayers, this will do:



So, while I am madly in love with a great many singleplayer video games, nothing in the world will ever beat the joy of on-the-couch multiplayer. If that's not available online multiplayer works too, at least as long as you can opt to just play with your friends. Whether it be a versus mode in Smash Bros., co-op in Portal 2 or a mixture of both such as in New Super Mario Bros. Wii, it's all great. If you have ever experienced it, I'm sure you know what I mean. The only thing you need are friends to play with you.

And that's exactly the problem.

I've mentioned this before in my 10 things blog some time ago, but I feel the need to go a bit more in-depth. When I was still in high school, I had several friends who played video games. We'd share experiences, hold get-togethers, all the good stuff. I still remember fondly one special multiplayer session where just me and the girl I liked spent all afternoon playing Smash Bros., during which I secretly let her win on several occasions, much to her amusement.

After high school though, over three years ago now, we all went our separate ways. Myself, I moved to a new place about 100 miles away to attend university. And while 100 miles may not sound like much, it is literally half the country over here, so it feels huge to us. As a result of this, combined with everyone having a busy schedule these days, I don't really know the guys from high school anymore. I only managed to keep in touch with my best high school friend, and he is now the only gaming friend I have. I do still know the girl I mentioned above, but our schedules prevent us from getting together all that often and she's not that big of a gamer either way. I am giving her Portal 2 for her birthday next week though; hopefully something will come of that.


When in doubt, Portal 2.

Off course none of this means that I'm a lonely person (none of you should be worried), just that I'm a lonely gamer. I've made lots of great new friends at my new place, guys and gals I wouldn't trade for the world. None of them, unfortunately, have any real experience with gaming, or particular interest in it. They accept the fact that I'm a gamer and they will listen to me when I tell them what I've been playing in my spare time, but that's about the extent of it. I have yet to seriously ask them to play with me, because I'm not quite sure how they'd respond, but I'm thinking of buying New Super Mario Bros. Wii if they would be up for it. Right now they are the people I hang out with the most, talking about all sorts of crazy stuff. Little of that crazy stuff involves video games though.

As it stands, my experiences with multiplayer games are lacking as well. I love to play co-op with my gaming friend: we've played Magicka, Lara Croft, Portal 2 and recently Orcs Must Die 2, and we had a blast during all of them. But here too the lack of gaming friends rears its ugly head. I personally love the Trine series...but he doesn't. This means that even though those games are supposed to have a pretty fun co-op mode, I won't be able to experience that. Similarly, he will never get me to play any RTS with him, because I can't manage to play an RTS for more than 5 minutes without getting bored for the life of me. Still, there are a lot of games we can play together, and this is closest I can get to the experience I want: it's pretty damn close. Nevertheless, none of these online experiences can ever match the chaotic joy of a 4-man Smash Bros. match or similar games. This has become painfully obvious to me after watching several Let's Plays of a bunch of guys playing multiplayer games together; a series of every (console) Mario Party being the highlight. They laughed together, cursed together (because hey, it's still Mario Party, if you're not swearing you're not playing it properly), and in the end had tons of fun together. As I was watching it, the same feeling would keep creeping up on me: "Man, I wish I could be a part of that..."

I would absolutely love to have more multiplayer sessions, but that just doesn't seem possible right now. I want to laugh at my friends when I beat them in a fighting game, I want to think of clever ways to get that out-of-reach Star Coin without someone dying, I want to give them Luigi's weird-ass Final Smash right in the face, I want them to tear me a new one at any shooter ever, and I even want to get a Blue Shell up the rear end when I'm just about to cross the finish line. I want all of that and more.
Alas, that was not meant to be.

But perhaps...perhaps I know what the problem is. Perhaps I know why I don't have enough gaming friends.
Maybe I'm simply lacking the confidence to declare my gamerness to the world. Maybe I'm simply not as courageous as the girl with the Triforce bag...


Technically it's the crest of the royal family of Hyrule, but eh, same difference.

I "met" this girl about a year ago. She was walking around town, apparently heading for the book store. She had dyed red hair, gothic-style clothing (but not too overdone) and, off course, a bag with the famous Zelda emblem printed on it. Now, I say I "met" her because I don't actually know anything about her. I don't know who she is, where she lives or what her major is. In fact, I have never even spoken to her, nor do I even know her name, so I'm going to have to disappoint all of you that were hoping for me to reveal a secret crush. Really I didn't so much meet her as see her walking down the street. Still though, seeing the Triforce on her bag struck me. "Wait, did I just see that?! Because it be pretty awesome if I did!" After that I didn't think too much of it, though. "After all", I thought, "it's a pretty cool looking symbol, so perhaps she doesn't even know what it's from." My doubts where quelled about two weeks later. I saw her again, a little closer up this time, and I noticed that besides the bag, she was wearing another special item. On her jacket she had a picture of the 1-up Mushroom from every Mario game ever. This could not be a mistake. You don't just wear that without knowing what it's from.

I reached a conclusion then and there: This girl is a gamer, and she's proud of it.

But at the same time I reached another, less happy, conclusion: I am nowhere near as confident as she is.
The Triforce of Courage was never granted to me, it seems.

In a way this also relates to a question Dale North asked just last month: "Do you wear video game t-shirts?"
He answered his own question right away: "I suppose that's a silly question. Of course you do. I do. We all do."
I don't.
I have never worn any video game related clothing, and I'm not entirely sure why. I'm always tempted to buy one, but then I back down at the last second. I don't even give a single fuck about fashion whatsoever. I can barely tell the difference between any of my jeans, wear nothing but old shirts, and my only accessory is my digital watch which I never take off and is apparently so horribly out of fashion that nobody even sells the damn things anymore. Besides, it's not even like there aren't any cool t-shirts available.


I like this one, simple and to the point, but instantly recognizable.

I think what it ultimately boils down to is that I'm not confident enough to wear video game t-shirts, despite the fact that I would really like to. I just don't think that I'd feel comfortable wearing one, which I admit is pretty damn stupid. As much as we like to deny it, gamers still tend to get looked down upon, and I don't think I have the heart to test my luck in a crowded city. I'd feel weird shouting to the world that I'm a massive geek, even though I'm perfectly comfortable doing it here. Hell, I even assured my friends (gaming and otherwise) that "I have reclaimed the word 'geek'; it's now a compliment". However, when it comes to everyone outside my circle of friends, those bold claims tend to leave me...

But I am a gamer, and everyone who wants to hang around with me is going to have to accept that fact one way or the other. And yet I hardly ever tell it to anyone I meet for the first time. For fear of ruining my first impression, of them judging me? Perhaps so. In the end, I may be just a bit ashamed of how important games are to me. The fact that I prefer Nintendo games to all others also really doesn't help matters. Imagine this scenario:
"Oh, so you're a gamer are you? What are you playing now?"
"...Kirby's Epic Yarn"
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"...I'm playing Kirby's Epic Yarn right now...but it's actually really good, honest!"


Pictured: Your first impression going out the window

On the other hand, maybe being more confident in myself as a gamer is exactly what I need! At 21, I'm too old to be ashamed of what I do...aren't I? I've got my life on track, I've got my priorities straight, my studies are going well, and I just so happen to really enjoy video games. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

In his blog, Dale also talked about some stranger coming up to him to talk about his Prototype 2 t-shirt. Personally, I would love something like that! Maybe if I had worn a Zelda-themed t-shirt I would've had the perfect opportunity to compliment the girl with her sweet bag. Who knows, maybe I would have gained a gaming friend from something as simple as that. In fact, maybe the city is full of potential gaming friends but I just never really bothered to look. Just walking around town when all of a sudden a fellow gamer compliments you on your "kickin' rad" t-shirt would be pretty damn awesome if you ask me.

Ultimately, I think I need to learn to be more open about what is and will be for a long time to come an important aspect of my life. Gaming has changed my life and made me who I am, and I owe it to myself to make the most of it. Playing Smash Bros. against CPU's is no fun at all compared to the real thing, and letting more people know that that's what I want is the simplest solution I can think of. Off course this doesn't stop at wearing a new t-shirt, I need a boost of confidence all around, but it can be a nice place to start. Another step would be to simply ask my non-gaming friends to play a game with me. They can't hate Mario that much, can they? Hopefully this will pay off in the end.


And as it is written in ancient gaming law, I get to be Mario, they get to be Toads.

All in all, I think I've gained some new insights over the past year. My experiences with my co-op buddy, the Let's Plays I've been watching and, most importantly, the girl with the Triforce bag have all helped me to realize that I'm not as confident being a gamer as I would like to be and, moreover, that this is something that I should work on. It can only go up from here because, let's be honest, having most of your playtime in Smash Bros in singleplayer mode is at least a little sad.

I would also like to ask you, fellow 'toiders, what you think of my plight. Does anyone else recognize being the only gamer in a group of friends? What do you do in such a situation? How does one boost his gaming confidence; where does one find his Triforce of Courage? What tips can you give me for my next course of action? In short, what Wisdom can be found here on the Dtoid Cblogs, and where do you find the Power to live your life fully as a gamer?

Either way, I only have one thing left to say to round this off:
I don't know where or who you are, Triforce bag girl, but I just want you to know that your bag is friggin' sweet!

...and, thank you.

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Legacy Comments (will be imported soon)


I used to hide being a gamer from all my frends. I grew up around jocks and anti-geek culture. My own group of friends (and myself) were all athletic, party folks. It wasn't really cool to be a gamer at all, at that time. As I got older, I stopped giving a fuck though. Now it's weird to me, that so many folks are cool with it. Awesome weird, but still weirdly awesome. I'd say come out your gamer closet. Be who you are and don't shy away from it. that way you can meet people similar to yourself and start to form bonds with them.
Man, where I'm from it seems like everyone plays video games. I've played games with almost everyone I've met in Columbus. Even several of my managers at work are big gamers. It's so weird.

I'm willing to bet there are way more gamers living near you than you realize. I'm not sure how you would go about finding them, but maybe wearing video game clothing and stuff like you were talking about would be a good start. You never know, someone might randomly compliment you on it. And once you realize that there are more gamers out there than you think, maybe you'll start to become a little more proud of your interests. I don't see why any sane person would think less of you for liking games.
I understand what it is like to not be able to share game related things to most of the people around me since none of them care or understand what I am saying.

Most of the best game experiences are coop. Halo wouldn't have been the same if you couldn't do it with a buddy and Portal 2 would just be Portal 1.5. I hate this current generation's idea where if coop can be done, replace it with online multiplayer and not bother with splitscreen. So games like Bioshock and Mass Effect get multiplayer and absolutely 0 options for those with a friend over. When you are making a shooter, you have literally no excuse if you put MP in to not include coop.

The Elder Scrolls Online is a good example. Instead of giving us what we really wanted which was to play the game with another person at our side doing the same cool stuff we were, they give us a cheap cash in mmorpg which can and will fail against the almighty megalith that is World of Warcraft and close down after its free-to-play death throes. It doesn't even have 1/2 of what made the series great so I don't know how they are gonna make it a success without magic or skooma or something.
@Phil
Man, at the very least I can be happy that I don't have to hide anything from my friends. They all accept what I do as part of who I am (that's why they're my friends, after all) and they understand it to a more or lesser extent as well. They're definitely cool with it, but I'd like for them to take just that one extra little step.

@bbain
Well, I do know one law professor who confessed that he wanted to try Civ V, that was quite a surprise for me. And you may be right, maybe I'm overlooking a lot of people by not being open about it myself. Also, it's really weird how I know I shouldn't (and don't, for the most part) care if people look down upon me for doing something I like, it still somehow gets to me.
Human nature, I guess :P

@Glitch
I've also noticed a trend away from on-the-couch multiplayer (co-op or otherwise), and I really don't understand why. I mean, it can't be that hard to program, right?
I do like what Nintendo has been doing with its platformers though. Kirby, Donkey Kong and Mario all have co-op that looks like a lot of fun.
Dude, just do it. I used to not wear game shirts, but that's only because I didn't like t-shirts, or more so the way they fit me. I got in better shape, bought a few Dtoid shirts, went to PAX, got like 10 more game shirts for attending, and now I love it.

Seriously, there's no conspiracy to judge what shirt you're wearing. Some game shirts are ambiguously cool looking and appeal to everyone, some are universally recognizable, and the rest are who gives a fuck? If you already wear t shirts, get some with which you identify. Just do it! You're not going to be ostracized, and you will start to hear tons of quips regarding it that you'd never hear otherwise. It's really cool! I actually started noticing other people's shirts more, too.

Don't let anything prevent you from from expressing you! And for God's sake, talk to the girl the next time you see her!
@Arttemis
Thanks, stuff like that is really motivating! (no sarcasm)
I'm seriously starting to eye that Portal shirt, along with some others.

Also, talking to whoever she is was definitely on my to do-list should I ever come across her again. I'm not even sure anymore what prevented me the first two times, but either way those were massive missed opportunities.
For me personally, I don't typically enjoy printed shirts. I do have a custom made Fallout 3 hoodie that I wore a lot. Don't feel like you have to wear gaming clothes to prove you are a gamer, but if you like the shirt, wear it proudly. I recently got my Double Fine Adventure backer shirt and I am going to love wearing it.

And I understand the type of situation you are in. I gamed with friends when I was in grade school (Goldeneye, Perfect Dark) and into high school (Halo, Timesplitters) and even college. If you are a fan of Rock Band, you can typically convince most people to drink and play some rock band and then go to a bar after. We did that a lot and everyone had a good time, even though I was the only one that could be considered a major gamer. Now in my life I moved for a job and I knew no one and no one I work with are gamers, but I met a friend through a coworker who liked old RPGs and so we got together one night and started switching back and forth playing FF7. Now we game a lot together.

There's no reason to be shy about a hobby that you enjoy. People build tiny ships in bottles for fun, so what's there to judge about gaming?
As much as I hate myself and lack confidence, I've never had a problem wearing gaming related clothing. I remember attempting guitar lessons and my teacher saying, "You should be wearing band clothing, not Mario shirts." That's just who I am.

I'm not ashamed to be a gamer at all. Maybe I was embarrassed before, but websites like Screwattack and Destructoid have shown me that there is nothing to be shameful of. In fact, I'm wearing a Nintendo Power shirt and Mario pajama pants as we speak. Sometimes I have a Halo Reach shirt with PS3 pants. It's just what I do.

To the Iron Maiden concert, I wore a Ghost Recon shirt. My friend wore a Zelda one. It was awesome.
@myhero
Don't worry about me feeling forced to wear anything like that. It's more like I always sort of wanted to (if it's a cool shirt of a game I like, off course) but just never did for whatever reason.
By the way, a JRPG would probably be one of the last genres I would think to play together, but I guess it just goes to show that anything can work!

@KingSigy
It's kind of interesting seeing how it's the exact opposite for me. I've never "hated myself" (although I'm going to assume that it's not that bad for you either) and I'm reasonably confident in my everyday life, but for some stupid reason not when it comes to video games. It's getting better as we speak, though, and each of the comments here has been a little push in the right direction.
Glad to see you writing! I love reading stories from fellow community members.

As for game shirts, I'm not terribly fond of ones that have generic logos on them, but I LOVE ones that are fairly obscure, like the Konami Code and the Triforce with nothing else on it.

I mean, they're obvious to us, but not to the general public: so when someone says "nice shirt!" it can be a great conversation starter between two enthusiasts.
@Chris

Thanks for the compliment!
And I think you're right, the design makes all the difference. I've actually been searching for cool shirts ever since I posted this yesterday, but so far it does seem that many designs seem a bit too cluttered and in-your-face. I like it simple, but not so simple as to just be a logo (because where's the fun in that?!), so it's a difficult balance.

Still, every once in a while I stumble upon a shirt that a) is based on a game I like, and b) has a design that I could see myself wearing in everyday life.
So I'd say we're definitely getting there!
Oh and I'd like to share a secret of mine with you, on the subject of shirts: shirt.woot.com Almost every shirt I own is from there. Lots of gaming and other geek culture stuff there. Just got Tea Time and the T-rex shirts.
Oh my that starfox one too. That's awesome
@Phil
Personally, I'm digging that The Raven shirt! Sad that it's only a part of the poem (then again, that thing's a beast), but hot dang son!
@ShadeOfLight

JRPGs work surprisingly well actually if you switch back and forth a lot. We were also reading the dialogue in goofy voices so it added a bit of hilarity of its own. Also, enjoying some beer helps as well.
For a while I was confident in expressing myself to others as a gamer but there was a point when I moved and gathered a new circle of friends and I discovered I was actually pretty reluctant to share the fact that I'm a gamer, and only my closest friend knows I've written for websites and do some blogs here. He's never read them, as he isn't as much as an enthusiast. Maybe that made it easier for me to tell him about them).

Though the only time I've complimented on someones gamer t-shirt didn't go well. There was this big guy in a bar wearing this sky blue t-shirt with Mario's joyful wee face on it. The guy looked to be well in his 30s. Unfortunately, I was very drunk and walked in, saw the guy from the other side of the bar, pointed and shouted "nice shirt! what's your favorite Mario game? mine's 3!"
He then looked a bit sheepish and just said he liked the shirt and didn't really know what it was from.

I suspect he was lying to an extent, I mean who doesn't know what Mario is at all? but I suspect he reacted that way because I embarrassed him.

Though I'm not trying to put anyone off engaging someone about their shirt, as I just acted a dick... I suppose that's how not to do it.
@Leigh
Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my friends don't know about my cblogs and stuff either, although it's more because it simply never came up than not wanting them to know. Maybe I should get some of them to read this one, actually...

Anyway, shirt-complimenting also depends on the time and place, I guess. I can imagine that your guy didn't feel comfortable talking about his favorite Mario game in a bar (then again, if that was the case may he shouldn't have worn it in the first place).

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