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About
Just a guy who loves video games and music. Also artist on the rise!... maybe!



Wanna talk? I'm friendly. Wanna play? Shore. ESPECIALLY ROCK BAND BECAUSE I LOVE ROCKING OUT WITH MY COCK OUT!!!!!!





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Xbox LIVE:iAmHammett
PSN ID:WangDangSP
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As they should've, the Big 3 delivered. We are now officially well into the next-generation of (console) gaming, and the games are beginning to show it. 

We have a very generous handful of new IP's, ambitious projects, and a newfound appreciation for the indie scene. For as much as I love my tried and true franchises like Mario or GTA, innovation is what keeps that momentum going. If it weren't for newcomers like Prey, The Darkness, Gears of War, Rock Band, or Dead Rising, many of my fondest Gen 7 memories simply wouldn't have been and I may have quickly fallen out of love with newer releases. 

This Summer (so soon!), we'll start to see next-gen truly come to life (at least for me). That much, E3 has shown me. Thanks for that, guys!




Jack Black's Dead Island 2: Shamblin' Boogaloo

Easily my favorite trailer of E3 so far. It doesn't blow your mind or make you cry, it's just a fucking good time. 

I wanted to know where the hell it was all going. This definitely had something to do with zombies, according to a quick pre-face. It's so vibrant and alive (not undead "alive")! But, very quickly, something throws you off. But, what makes this stand out is that it's tone doesn't suddenly change like what so many other trailers may've had happen. Well, it does change, but it tries very hard to fool you that it hasn't. 

It could've predictably contrasted a happy beginning with a change into something dark and depressing as the music shifts into something more moody, but it didn't. And it easily could've gone the way of Dead Island's other two reveal trailers where it's just always a bummer.

Instead, it casually follows a random joggin' hunk with a bumpy tune playing up what should be an awful situation. Around him, shit's going down, but it's still so colorful and happy! He doesn't want any of that drama. But, as we saw in the beginning, he's been bitten. This starts to bite him in that tight little arse of his as the song goes into it's post-chorus breakdown, and it's a glorious showing of CG zombification. 

The entire thing is damned glorious. 




Halo: The Master Chief Collection

I love Halo. Or, at least everything before 4 (still liked it, though). As far as I'm concerned, Master Chief's story ended with 3's non-Legendary ending. It was a perfect sign-off, and put John 117's fate up for discussion. Forever drifting across space in hypersleep, or something a little more exciting? 

The less you know, sometimes, the better. 

Rather than trickle out remasters of 2 and then 3, Microsoft just decided to hand you the entire original trilogy, with CE Anniversary, Halo 4, that Halo live-action series dealy, AND the Halo 5 beta. With respective multiplayer systems intact

All wrapped up in a trailer featuring a lovely contextualization, leading up to Halo 5's single player. Brilliantly done, Microsoft. You've gotten me to care about your system(s), once again. 




Zelda: Hyrule Warriors

Even though it seemed so obvious, I was worried my favorite Zelda character, Midna, wouldn't make it in. My luck isn't so great, ya know? Every dog I've ever had never lasted me longer than a year, Pokemon aren't real, and too much delicious meat will make you fat. 

Lo and behold, the Twilight Princess is totally playable. Now we just need Darunia, Tingle, and the KYEEEEEEEEEEEEH fish. 

Oh, Midna-senpai =o3o=






Grim Fandango

Another announcement I thought I'd never see happen was the eventual remaster of cult-classic adventure title Grim Fandango. And such a Tim Schafer way of revealing it. What a scamp. 

Throughout those 10 or so seconds in between the clear implication and the name drop, I was continuously chanting "Grim Fandango?! Grim Fandango?! Grim Fandango?!", and wouldn't ya know it... I was, yet again, responsible for what Sony, Disney and Schafer could never realistically do on their own. Message me for donation info. 

You're right, "Sally". Piracy is NOT nice, and is no longer my only option. All responsible gets a theoretical hug from me.




Crackdown

Who gets nostalgia for Crackdown? This guy does. 

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before Saints Row IV, we had gruff superagents with black outlines doing all the vertical scaling and gun pumpin'. We also still had multiple gangs to fight, rocket launcher juggling, and a vehicle that transformed around your current skill level. All with this really super cool narrator with you every step of the way. 

That's the guy you hear in that trailer. He also played some guy in Modnation Racers. Super cool. I'm just happy to hear him again, really. Crackdown 3 happening is just a bonus. An awesome bonus, to be fair. Surely, it'll end up interesting me more than 2 did. 




Far Cry 4

The MS conference reminded us that Far Cry 4 was going to be a thing.

This new villain... is kind of crazy, just a taaaad passive aggressive, and he may or may not be pretending to be the good guy. He's basically Vaas, but I have a feeling that he won't be quite as memorable. Let's at least hope the story is, generally speaking, less awful than it was in 3, yeah? 

Anyway. No more critical observation. 

The Sony conference, on the other hand, gave me exactly what I wanted to see from a game in the legacy of Far Cry 3: A gameplay demo. Stealth/action greatness with even more possibilities, a co-op friendly gyrocopter, a new and (seemingly) much more interesting region to explore, and elephants. Elephants that will wreck your shit. 

And here's the real bombshell: A co-op buddy can join in on the action without a second copy of the game! I assume there's more to it than simply entering a session via your friends list, but that's still awesome. 

It's not a drastic departure, but it doesn't need to be. A refined Far Cry 3 is all that I was asking for. 




Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker

I fucking called this about 6 months ago:



I totally had Iwata and Miyamoto co-op at my front door with a bag of 20's and a quick thanks. You're welcome, cocks. 

Captain Toad's levels in 3D World were always a very pleasant break from the norm. Starting out simple, and eventually letting my imagination go wild with what they could do given an opportunity to flesh out the idea. And Captain Toad's quite an adorable underdog. 

There's even going to be at least one boss fight! I can't wait for this, and my royalties. 




Batman: Arkham Knight

For the longest time, I always thought that Spider-Man was my numero uno superhero. 

But, ever since the Dark Knight trilogy of movies got me back into Batman and I thought about it for more than a few seconds, I concluded that there was gonna be nobody that could top the caped crusader. 

As many will tell you, Batman is awesome because while he may have vast riches, he's still infinitely more relatable than most other superheroes. He's no mutant, he's not a strongman, and his origin story is so modest yet dark, that, given you had the access that he had, you might believe you'd end up the same way.

Coming recently off of Arkham City, I was ecstatic to see something from Rocksteady's latest come E3. Though, I still didn't think whatever they would show would be exciting enough to bring out my o-face and squee's of pure joy. 

The Batmobile looks incredibly fun from every facet. From how quick it is to summon, to how painless yet satisfying the driving seems, to how HYPE the tank mode is! Yes yes yes! Don't remind me that it's been pushed back until 2015. 




------------------------------------------------------------------------

There were many others I was super pumped to see like Uncharted 4, Bloodborne, and Phantom Dust, but there's so little to go on that I'd have to be stretching out this blog even more than I already have. 

Tell me about your personal favorites!









A Kirby for each thing. What a great header!

I don't regular the C-blogs quite like I did in 2012/2013, but I still take interest every now and again! Hell, I'm actually currently writing up something pretty ginormous that I hope you will all enjoy once it's finally finished. I'll scream if you don't (no really, I probably will). 

I remember when this last stream of "10 things about..." blogs cropped up from, seemingly, out of nowhere. I felt obligated to start one of my own, which I never finished. Same can be said for actually most of the blogs sitting in my editor. There's one in there about the Xbox One reveal in the style of Sterling's classic "Blatantly Better" series that never got finished, a RE: Revelations review that was dropped in favor of just reviewing Jill's butt, even an in-depth editorial on video game waifus (I think I might finish that one after my time with Persona 3 and 4). 

Well, I may just finish this one. And if I'm not the only one reading this, then that means I did! Enjoy?


10. I've had four active YouTube accounts over the past 7 years


The YouTube account I'm still using (and have been using since mid-2008) is HammettSHREDZ. But, before and in-between, there have been others. At one point, HammettSHREDZ and another account which I used for video game reviews were riding side by side. 

One of the two before HammettSHREDZ was where a couple guitar covers were uploaded, as well as a "review" of Battlefield: Bad Company that I've since purged from this world. Just to give you an idea of my idea of humor at that time, at one point during the... "review", I held up a triplet of Pop-Tarts like Poker cards whilst proclaiming "Cha-ching, motherfucka!".

.....

Everytime either one of my two friends who's had the (dis)pleasure of seeing that video brings it up, this is basically what's going on in my head:




9. I've played soccer, baseball, and even did a little karate



Baseball was my favorite sport growing up, and I passionately played it on occasion with my grandfather in his front yard or with my cousins. As far as soccer, I even played on a team for a short while before being diagnosed with a minor form of asthma.  

Karate was the one I "officially" stuck with for the longest. I got my yellow belt at around 6 or 7 in one institution, quit, came back several years later to another and got a couple stripes, then quit that one as well. I think I secretly wanted to be able to kick people's asses, but I would always realize quickly it wasn't all that interesting of a path to me. 

These days, any sort of sport (even "e-sports") bores me to no end. I can barely even be bothered to care for my local teams, even if it's thoroughly awesome that the Spurs are currently on such a brutal winning streak at the moment. 


8. I've broken my right wrist three times in the same spot


I might need one of these at some point.

At a very young age, some jerk pushed me off the edge of a playground castle, I fell to the sand below and broke my right wrist. Couple years later, it happened once more when I tried stopping a ball flying towards me at daycare. 

The worst and final case happened while rollerblading so goddamn fast that my brain didn't have the needed time to send a message down towards my legs to either stop myself or to bunny hop onto the sidewalk. I tripped and fell 7-8 feet forward onto my poor, already weathered wrist and commenced screaming

God, that was a scream if you'd ever heard one.

Now, considering the amount of guitar I play, how many hours a day I'm either on the computer or playing games, and... *ahem*... various other frivolous activities, you'd be surprised to hear how well off my wrist is to this day. I have my off-days with my guitar, but, beyond that, it's amazing I don't already have super arthritis.

I'm sure it'll happen someday, though. That's gonna suck. 


7. Most of my favorite games are... shooters



What plebeian nonsense is this?!

Yes, yes. I know I should be bored of shootyshootybangbang, but I'm kind of not. At the very least, if I were to list off some of my favorite games, I'd likely be naming quite a lot of shooters. Borderlands 2, Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition, Saints Row 2, Alan Wake, Bioshock 2, Dead Space 1/2, Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando, Left 4 Dead 2, etc. 

There's some genre variety if you look hard enough, though. Catherine, SMTIV, Super Mario Galaxy, Persona 4: Golden (hey, most of those are ATLUS games!), and while to call several off that first list just "shooters" would be doing them a great disservice, the fact still stands that I have a surprising fondness for GAWNZ. 

If I also told you I didn't like strategy games or MOBA's, you'd probably think I was rather mindless. Judge away!


6. I've watched The Simpsons every night for almost a year



It's easier than you might think. To me, The Simpsons is the epitome of good television. Some of the earliest fond TV memories are of comedy sitcoms, and it hasn't lost it's appeal in 2014. 

The Simpsons has had it's missteps in the later seasons, but I'm not of the consensus that it suddenly became unwatchable after S9-12. It's become more about filling time with thin punchlines and (in most recent years) montages as opposed to writing good stories and jokes relevant to said stories, but throughout most of it's 20+ seasons career, it's been pretty great. 

The content above it's very worst (see: S16) is, at the least, so digestible that it's great to study or fall asleep to. I've memorized so many of the earlier episodes and beyond that I don't really have to pay attention to them to enjoy them. Maybe that's the only reason I'm still consistently watching? 


5. When it comes to music, "If it's good, I'll listen."



There's not a single genre of music (outside Noise, though I find that stuff hard to classify as "music") that I won't listen to. At any given time, I might be listening to Billy Joel, and the next moment I'm jamming Bangarang. Either one of those songs is a masterpiece in my mind. 

If you've adopted any sort of real instrument(s), you might understand where I'm coming from. The more you play, the more you start to appreciate not only your chosen field(s), but others as well. So, naturally, I've found myself discovering the merit in just about any type of music you can name. 

Shit. As much as I hate to admit it, I've even enjoyed an exact two Justin Bieber songs. Don't be surprised to see this edited out later. 


4. This is on display in my room:



Pokeman band-aids I got well over a decade ago. 

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. 


3. My gaming backlog is 246 games long, with more on the way



According to my current Backloggery, I have a lot of shit to get through. And those are just the "priority" titles. This is not counting any newer releases, upcoming releases, and games I just chose not to include for the time being. 

This... is actually less than I was expecting, actually. 

Wouldn't it be a real knee-slapper if by finishing this backlog of mine, I feel no sort of accomplishment? Rather, it reassures my crippling loneliness, breaks me into a hard sweat, and I realize how dreadfully pointless it all actually was? Haha!


2. My dentist was responsible for the worst day of my life



Before about a year and a half ago, the worst day of my life was what traumatized me into never ever drinking or smoking again. While that is a story worth telling, it's also a long one. And not the focus of this section of the blog. My true worst day story does still have to do with drugs, though. This time, it was under the caring supervision of my dentist. 

I only say "caring" because I'm sure it wasn't his intention to shoot me up with so much of whatever the hell he gave me for my tooth removal that I felt like I was on a bad shroom trip. 

It may've only lasted about 3 hours, but those were some fucking awful 3 hours. All I could see was a swirly blur of purple, yellow, black and green, all I felt was extreme depression and anxiety, and all I could stand to murmur was "I want to feel normal.". You'd think it'd be something that'd pass with time, the vivid memory of a bad high. But, I guess that, sadly, only seems to work with the good ones. 

Sigh.

Interestingly enough, the best day of my life had to do with drugs as well. You might think that I've led a pretty exciting life, but no. Not really, no.


1. The Internet is the reason I'm as socially well-adjusted as I am



From the time I was in high school to when I started going to college for a brief 6 months, it was about a 5-year span. In said span, I went from quiet, awkward and hardly self-aware, to one of the most talkative (and occasionally trouble-making) students in any of my courses and one very much aware of how stupid or plain wrong I could be. 

Not from parties, casual get-together's, classes, or anything like that. It was The Internet. Finding new friends over Xbox Live and chatting it up with them and others via a number of forums or Skype, skimming through hot e-topics that eventually led to me wanting to take part in intelligent discussion, and watching a stupid amount of YouTube content. All helped form what was a sludge of how I am today. 

A bit ironic, ain't it?

To think of where I'd be without The Internet is, actually, a little frightening. I've always considered myself a late bloomer in many respects, and, even still, I have a ways to go. But, as somebody who had originally been developing in what most would consider a "normal" environment, I simply wasn't where I needed to be until The Internet became a huge part of my day-to-day.  

It all may sound somewhat pathetic, but considering the results, I can't complain. My life is still waiting to really get going, but I can't wait until it does. I'm ready.








 
I've heard of these... "life hacks". Simple though genius ways to (sometimes drastically) improve your stupidly boring and generally pointless life. 

[Face it. We're all just dust in the wind.]

Well, my hyper quality "life hack" is especially handy for ignoring those heated forum/site discussions that always seem to bring out the worst in you. You're a nice guy, but sometimes people are just wrong on the Internet. I understand. Or maybe you just simply don't like all the bad stuff you see during a casual browse. 

An abused kitten intentionally drowned itself clenching his favorite toy mouse? Boy. Now I'm crying all over my pajamas. 



Now, you could use this if you're lazy (and actually want a way to make your day even worse), or you could use my far more complicated, though effective, step program. 

Play this through a separate tab, then click the speaker icon until it's on low (it's rather loud otherwise). Next, play this in another tab. Annnnnnd that's it! Around the clock Animal Crossing music that always somehow goes perfectly with the relaxing pitter patter of a minor rain storm. 

Do you dudes have any other video game-related life hacks? Better than mine?... hah! I'm a genius.










[Rather than do a general retrospective or Top 10 of the last 7-8 years of gaming, I decided to break each game down into their own little blog. Each of these games has made a huge impression on me as a gamer, so I have a lot to say about them. Confining all of them into a single blog would likely be far too long or not do them enough justice. So, here we are!]

Greenlighting a Bioshock 2, all the while still pertaining to Rapture, made by a totally different studio, was one of the most questionable things to happen in all of these last 7 or 8 years (nevermind impressions upon release). At the time, the thought was just as depressing as it was laughable. How could this "2K Marin" even think of accomplishing anything more than a so-so copycat?

Even just 2 or 3 years down the line, the original Bioshock was already a solidified classic. However, much of it's majesty was in experiencing Rapture for the very first time. Experiencing the cynicism, the oppression, the dangerous Splicers and iconic Big Daddies, the awesome Plasmids, it all came together to form such a unique package.

And we were about to do all that... again?

Oh and it has MP too? Because of course it does

This was supposed to be an underwhelming, gimmicky ("Remember the tension from the original? Remember those awesome Big Daddies? Well, now we're gonna empower the FUCK outta your PC by making him a Big Daddy! Doesn't that sound just great?!), shameful cash-in.



And, upon first impressions, that's exactly what I thought it was. Even if the gameplay was better and most of the events in-game were wholly new, the cynic in me couldn't help but notice a lot of parrot talk. Monkey see, monkey do. At least several major plot points and events were largely similar. 

1.) During your first steps, you're walking through dark corridors, taking in this "Rapture"
2.) You're very first Plasmid is the Shock Plasmid, you insert it, and the PC falls to his knees in pain
3.) You make direct contact with the main villain via a confined space with TV screens
4.) Enemy Splicers attempt to kill you while in said room, but the player manages to escape
5.) You eventually acquire the Incinerate Plasmid and are required to backtrack to a frozen obstacle

It may be all trivial nonsense in retrospect, but considering what I had expected of the game going in, this stuff stuck out to me like mud in a candy store. 

However, as the game went on, the cynic turned into the optimist and I started to notice some really fucking great design decisions. 



Imagine you're up against a particularly tough enemy like, say... a Big Daddy. In the original Bioshock, you had to keep switching between Plasmids that did damage overtime, distracted, or reflected attacks back at this Rapturian Spartan and weapons that did most of the work. Oh, and all the while dodging other incoming attacks. 

That's bullocks now, moyt. Presenting Bioshock 2's ingenious duel-wielding system! So, while you're delivering a quick shock or a flock of BEES(!), you can immediately follow through with a shotgun blast or machine gun fire. 

This (almost so simple) addition, in combination with keeping much of the other BS1 gameplay systems and other lovely advancements in gameplay and enemy variety is what, at least when it comes to gameplay, pulls Bioshock 2 leagues above the original. In fact, at it's best, it's just about the most fun I've ever had playing video games.

And it's fun not just because of the core gameplay, but because it, surprisingly, retains strategy and challenge.


"Come at me."

You'd think all these combat possibilities stacked upon nearly a dozen or more passive abilities would vastly overpower your Big Daddy. But, at least on Hard difficulty, you'd be thinking incorrectly. As, sometimes, no matter how much you prepare, careless thinking could easily lead to death or a vast waste of valuable supplies and ammo. 

Just when I thought I had braved through the thick of it, Spider Splicers and a Leadhead jump me and I'm down to no heath kits from 2 or 3. I was this close to death, because I wasn't prepared. Or how about when a Brute takes up your attention while a Leadhead fires upon you from an entirely different position? There goes at least 1 or 2 health kits right there. Something that could possibly be avoided or at least kept from getting worse with quick thinking. 

Even when things are easy, it's so fun that it must be criminal. And things will only go so easy during the more intense battles if you get creative. At this point, the fights may drastically tip into your favor, but it's hilariously awesome to watch everything play out. 

A Splicer makes it through an explosion and a Security Bot, only to walk through 2 of your Trap Rivets. A Brute trips the alarm, 2 Security Bots hone in, I toss a Mini-Turret, I shotgun him from the side, and the poor guy has no idea what to do! I guarantee you'll find yourself giddy with power. 

Or how about 2 Security Bots, 3 Mini-Turrets, an Incinerate pool, and my machine gun fire against a Rumbler Big Daddy? 



Do what you want! The simple thrill of a perfectly-executed Drill Dash or point-blank shotgun blast, or something more complicated. Whatever!

I've had some especially neat things happen. Like a Splicer dropping a bomb near his side after a lucky hit with my drill, which then froze him thanks to one of my passives, I jump away, then the bomb goes off and shatters him to pieces! Show me another FPS with gameplay/combat this varied and polished. 

And because it's so awesome, finding or upgrading a weapon/Plasmid isn't some casual "Oh, well, that's nice.". Reactions are usually more akin to something like:

"Tesla pack for my shotgun!!!!!!!"

A number of smaller things from the original have also been improved. Most notably is the hacking, which is not only now much less about overcoming a slightly annoying obstacle, but, in fact, pretty darn fun! On top of that, you'll be a lot more inclined to participate not only because it's a nice little reflex exercise, but, if you're particularly good, you'll also get a bonus item drop! I always hack anything I can find for extra supplies.

New enemies such as the Brute Splicers are like less aggressive, occasionally elemental Big Daddies and the Big Sisters... who are also elemental, but are just as tough as a Big Daddy and a whole lot more nimble. You also can't run away from them. They're nerve-racking fights, and if there was ever a point in the game where you needed to save (granted you've switched off those pesky Vita-Chambers), it's before these fights. 

To say nothing of the game's story, this is one of the best FPS's I've ever played. On a good day, I would even say it's the very best!



But, what about the story? The original Bioshock primarily focused on Adam and EVE, the two components of Rapture's "evolutionary" Plasmids and Tonics, and it's long-term effects on the body. Essentially, it turns you into a crazed, monster-like addict.

Bioshock 2, instead of reinforcing the concept of a crumbling Utopia, focuses on a more inner, revolutionary struggle for the perfection of the human body and mind led by credited psychiatrist Sofia Lamb. Rapture may've previously attempted to evolve it's people solely through the use of Plasmids and Tonics, but Sofia Lamb has a different solution.

Sofia spouts that while Andrew Ryan claims to have created a perfect society rid of the hindrances of law and religion, that the people of Rapture are still greatly under the influence of a single man. A leader. A "God". One that inspires greed, segregation, and so on. And that they also are hindered by a so-called "nature's bias".

Through unity and control of Rapture's Adam and EVE, Sofia hopes to lead (or, as she puts it, nurture) humanity into a new age. An age of harmony and free of sin itself. A truly perfect society.

Or, so she'd have you think.



What makes Bioshock 2's story so captivating is that Sofia's vision and ideals are even more, at their surface, easily sympathized with than with Andrew Ryan's "no law, no religion, just the man". Meanwhile, Sofia points fingers at Ryan's flaws and hypocrisy while justifying her own. 

She's a more ambitious Andrew Ryan within Ryan's very own already appropriately realized ambition of Rapture. So even though you can probably already guess there's something sinister going on behind all the flattery and damage control, you can't wait to see how it all plays out. 

And, after playing Infinite, I appreciate that Bioshock 2 didn't try to totally blow people's minds with convoluted twists. They, in Infinite, tried to 1-up "Would you kindly?", and, in my humble opinion, failed. Bioshock's twist worked as both a statement on gameplay design and a nice surprise. How Infinite played out was the former without that just as important latter. 

The canon introduced in Bioshock 2 may be tame in comparison, but, sometimes, a simpler story is what is needed.


Why, hello there neighbor!

I would delve into the things that I had a problem with in Bioshock 2, but that's not the point of this series of blogs. The point is to explain my first impressions, to then go into exactly why the game was so goddamned awesome. And that's way more fun than trying to find fault with an, overall, perfectly fine experience (although, the PC port is rather finicky). 

There's a lot to take away from Bioshock 2, and there are many other great things about it that I never touched upon for the sake of time/length (such as level design, the Litter Sisters, the ending, etc.). It's fun factor is untouched by any other in the genre, and while the story isn't quite as oppressive and atmospheric as the original classic, it's a story worth seeing through to the end nonetheless. It succeeds where it counts, on top of providing the most insanely fun FPS combat around.

Fucking A. It is my favorite FPS of all time.
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Destructoid? A word, if you please.

What took place during yesterday's "Game of the Year" awards was just sickening. As I am typing, I am vomiting. Still vomiting. Eugh. It's everywhere.

Why did you choose X over Y? Also, Z wasn't even a nominee! WTF? Well, I probably don't have all (or even one) of the answers you want, fellow concerned community members. Because, most likely, I am not Hamza, Steven, Chris, or any other Dtoid staff member. Even better: I am a REAL gamer. I actually PLAY video games. Not like those jerks. 

So, here are some REAL awards from a REAL gamer just like you! 


Best Platinum Games Game - Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance



FUCK YOU DESTRUCTOID!!!!!1!!1!1!111

GAME OF THE CENTURY - The Last Of Us




Best Game I Haven't Played - Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance




Best DILF (Down(Loadable Content) I'd Like To Fuck) - The Stanley Parable HD Demo



Eight. 

Eight. 

Eight.

Eight.

Eight.

Eight.

Eight.

Eight.

Eight.

Eight.

Eight. 

Eight.


Most Awesome - Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon




Best - Super Mario 3D World




Stinkiest Piece of Shit - Bioshock Infinite




Best Indie Game - NOT Gone Home



Nope.


Best NCILF (New Character I'd Like To Fuck) - Tanooki Rosalina




Most Tolerable Non-Game - Beyond: Two Souls




Most Responsible For The Downfall Of Destructoid - Hamza Aziz



Fuck. This. Guy.
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I'm sleepy Seymour, and this is a video game. 

Like most humans end up doing in the morning (or at night, I don't judge), I get up. Although, when I get up, I begin the day with either the Internet or video games. They're my bacon and eggs. Or butter and pancakes. Can anyone else pull off a wank in the morning? Again, I don't judge. 

Anyway. To be more specific, this videoed game is...



Being the sleepy Seymour that I was, I didn't particularly enjoy this parodied take on simulation games. Janitorial work? Ahahaha.

Aha.

Uh.

I'm, in actuality, well aware of the appeal of Viscera Cleanup Detail (and it's spin-offs). It's like the game knows how stupid it is, as well as you. So it's like you and the game are laughing together at whatever minuscule thing you find yourself doing (whether it be mopping, tossing away trash, making a bigger mess with your limited moveset, etc.).

It's cheap, short, but to the point. You either think it's stupid/ridiculous and you laugh along, or you find it sincerely boring and jump out your chair onto a pile of upright pieces of broken glass.

Oh and this might turn into a series thing!
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