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Just a guy who loves video games and music. Also artist on the rise!... maybe!

Wanna talk? I'm friendly. Wanna play? Shore. ESPECIALLY ROCK BAND BECAUSE I LOVE ROCKING OUT WITH MY COCK OUT!!!!!!

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Xbox LIVE:iAmHammett
Steam ID:isthisusernamecoolenough
Wii U code:iAmHammett
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A Kirby for each thing. What a great header!

I don't regular the C-blogs quite like I did in 2012/2013, but I still take interest every now and again! Hell, I'm actually currently writing up something pretty ginormous that I hope you will all enjoy once it's finally finished. I'll scream if you don't (no really, I probably will). 

I remember when this last stream of "10 things about..." blogs cropped up from, seemingly, out of nowhere. I felt obligated to start one of my own, which I never finished. Same can be said for actually most of the blogs sitting in my editor. There's one in there about the Xbox One reveal in the style of Sterling's classic "Blatantly Better" series that never got finished, a RE: Revelations review that was dropped in favor of just reviewing Jill's butt, even an in-depth editorial on video game waifus (I think I might finish that one after my time with Persona 3 and 4). 

Well, I may just finish this one. And if I'm not the only one reading this, then that means I did! Enjoy?

10. I've had four active YouTube accounts over the past 7 years

The YouTube account I'm still using (and have been using since mid-2008) is HammettSHREDZ. But, before and in-between, there have been others. At one point, HammettSHREDZ and another account which I used for video game reviews were riding side by side. 

One of the two before HammettSHREDZ was where a couple guitar covers were uploaded, as well as a "review" of Battlefield: Bad Company that I've since purged from this world. Just to give you an idea of my idea of humor at that time, at one point during the... "review", I held up a triplet of Pop-Tarts like Poker cards whilst proclaiming "Cha-ching, motherfucka!".


Everytime either one of my two friends who's had the (dis)pleasure of seeing that video brings it up, this is basically what's going on in my head:

9. I've played soccer, baseball, and even did a little karate

Baseball was my favorite sport growing up, and I passionately played it on occasion with my grandfather in his front yard or with my cousins. As far as soccer, I even played on a team for a short while before being diagnosed with a minor form of asthma.  

Karate was the one I "officially" stuck with for the longest. I got my yellow belt at around 6 or 7 in one institution, quit, came back several years later to another and got a couple stripes, then quit that one as well. I think I secretly wanted to be able to kick people's asses, but I would always realize quickly it wasn't all that interesting of a path to me. 

These days, any sort of sport (even "e-sports") bores me to no end. I can barely even be bothered to care for my local teams, even if it's thoroughly awesome that the Spurs are currently on such a brutal winning streak at the moment. 

8. I've broken my right wrist three times in the same spot

I might need one of these at some point.

At a very young age, some jerk pushed me off the edge of a playground castle, I fell to the sand below and broke my right wrist. Couple years later, it happened once more when I tried stopping a ball flying towards me at daycare. 

The worst and final case happened while rollerblading so goddamn fast that my brain didn't have the needed time to send a message down towards my legs to either stop myself or to bunny hop onto the sidewalk. I tripped and fell 7-8 feet forward onto my poor, already weathered wrist and commenced screaming

God, that was a scream if you'd ever heard one.

Now, considering the amount of guitar I play, how many hours a day I'm either on the computer or playing games, and... *ahem*... various other frivolous activities, you'd be surprised to hear how well off my wrist is to this day. I have my off-days with my guitar, but, beyond that, it's amazing I don't already have super arthritis.

I'm sure it'll happen someday, though. That's gonna suck. 

7. Most of my favorite games are... shooters

What plebeian nonsense is this?!

Yes, yes. I know I should be bored of shootyshootybangbang, but I'm kind of not. At the very least, if I were to list off some of my favorite games, I'd likely be naming quite a lot of shooters. Borderlands 2, Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition, Saints Row 2, Alan Wake, Bioshock 2, Dead Space 1/2, Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando, Left 4 Dead 2, etc. 

There's some genre variety if you look hard enough, though. Catherine, SMTIV, Super Mario Galaxy, Persona 4: Golden (hey, most of those are ATLUS games!), and while to call several off that first list just "shooters" would be doing them a great disservice, the fact still stands that I have a surprising fondness for GAWNZ. 

If I also told you I didn't like strategy games or MOBA's, you'd probably think I was rather mindless. Judge away!

6. I've watched The Simpsons every night for almost a year

It's easier than you might think. To me, The Simpsons is the epitome of good television. Some of the earliest fond TV memories are of comedy sitcoms, and it hasn't lost it's appeal in 2014. 

The Simpsons has had it's missteps in the later seasons, but I'm not of the consensus that it suddenly became unwatchable after S9-12. It's become more about filling time with thin punchlines and (in most recent years) montages as opposed to writing good stories and jokes relevant to said stories, but throughout most of it's 20+ seasons career, it's been pretty great. 

The content above it's very worst (see: S16) is, at the least, so digestible that it's great to study or fall asleep to. I've memorized so many of the earlier episodes and beyond that I don't really have to pay attention to them to enjoy them. Maybe that's the only reason I'm still consistently watching? 

5. When it comes to music, "If it's good, I'll listen."

There's not a single genre of music (outside Noise, though I find that stuff hard to classify as "music") that I won't listen to. At any given time, I might be listening to Billy Joel, and the next moment I'm jamming Bangarang. Either one of those songs is a masterpiece in my mind. 

If you've adopted any sort of real instrument(s), you might understand where I'm coming from. The more you play, the more you start to appreciate not only your chosen field(s), but others as well. So, naturally, I've found myself discovering the merit in just about any type of music you can name. 

Shit. As much as I hate to admit it, I've even enjoyed an exact two Justin Bieber songs. Don't be surprised to see this edited out later. 

4. This is on display in my room:

Pokeman band-aids I got well over a decade ago. 


3. My gaming backlog is 246 games long, with more on the way

According to my current Backloggery, I have a lot of shit to get through. And those are just the "priority" titles. This is not counting any newer releases, upcoming releases, and games I just chose not to include for the time being. 

This... is actually less than I was expecting, actually. 

Wouldn't it be a real knee-slapper if by finishing this backlog of mine, I feel no sort of accomplishment? Rather, it reassures my crippling loneliness, breaks me into a hard sweat, and I realize how dreadfully pointless it all actually was? Haha!

2. My dentist was responsible for the worst day of my life

Before about a year and a half ago, the worst day of my life was what traumatized me into never ever drinking or smoking again. While that is a story worth telling, it's also a long one. And not the focus of this section of the blog. My true worst day story does still have to do with drugs, though. This time, it was under the caring supervision of my dentist. 

I only say "caring" because I'm sure it wasn't his intention to shoot me up with so much of whatever the hell he gave me for my tooth removal that I felt like I was on a bad shroom trip. 

It may've only lasted about 3 hours, but those were some fucking awful 3 hours. All I could see was a swirly blur of purple, yellow, black and green, all I felt was extreme depression and anxiety, and all I could stand to murmur was "I want to feel normal.". You'd think it'd be something that'd pass with time, the vivid memory of a bad high. But, I guess that, sadly, only seems to work with the good ones. 


Interestingly enough, the best day of my life had to do with drugs as well. You might think that I've led a pretty exciting life, but no. Not really, no.

1. The Internet is the reason I'm as socially well-adjusted as I am

From the time I was in high school to when I started going to college for a brief 6 months, it was about a 5-year span. In said span, I went from quiet, awkward and hardly self-aware, to one of the most talkative (and occasionally trouble-making) students in any of my courses and one very much aware of how stupid or plain wrong I could be. 

Not from parties, casual get-together's, classes, or anything like that. It was The Internet. Finding new friends over Xbox Live and chatting it up with them and others via a number of forums or Skype, skimming through hot e-topics that eventually led to me wanting to take part in intelligent discussion, and watching a stupid amount of YouTube content. All helped form what was a sludge of how I am today. 

A bit ironic, ain't it?

To think of where I'd be without The Internet is, actually, a little frightening. I've always considered myself a late bloomer in many respects, and, even still, I have a ways to go. But, as somebody who had originally been developing in what most would consider a "normal" environment, I simply wasn't where I needed to be until The Internet became a huge part of my day-to-day.  

It all may sound somewhat pathetic, but considering the results, I can't complain. My life is still waiting to really get going, but I can't wait until it does. I'm ready.

I've heard of these... "life hacks". Simple though genius ways to (sometimes drastically) improve your stupidly boring and generally pointless life. 

[Face it. We're all just dust in the wind.]

Well, my hyper quality "life hack" is especially handy for ignoring those heated forum/site discussions that always seem to bring out the worst in you. You're a nice guy, but sometimes people are just wrong on the Internet. I understand. Or maybe you just simply don't like all the bad stuff you see during a casual browse. 

An abused kitten intentionally drowned itself clenching his favorite toy mouse? Boy. Now I'm crying all over my pajamas. 

Now, you could use this if you're lazy (and actually want a way to make your day even worse), or you could use my far more complicated, though effective, step program. 

Play this through a separate tab, then click the speaker icon until it's on low (it's rather loud otherwise). Next, play this in another tab. Annnnnnd that's it! Around the clock Animal Crossing music that always somehow goes perfectly with the relaxing pitter patter of a minor rain storm. 

Do you dudes have any other video game-related life hacks? Better than mine?... hah! I'm a genius.

[Rather than do a general retrospective or Top 10 of the last 7-8 years of gaming, I decided to break each game down into their own little blog. Each of these games has made a huge impression on me as a gamer, so I have a lot to say about them. Confining all of them into a single blog would likely be far too long or not do them enough justice. So, here we are!]

Greenlighting a Bioshock 2, all the while still pertaining to Rapture, made by a totally different studio, was one of the most questionable things to happen in all of these last 7 or 8 years (nevermind impressions upon release). At the time, the thought was just as depressing as it was laughable. How could this "2K Marin" even think of accomplishing anything more than a so-so copycat?

Even just 2 or 3 years down the line, the original Bioshock was already a solidified classic. However, much of it's majesty was in experiencing Rapture for the very first time. Experiencing the cynicism, the oppression, the dangerous Splicers and iconic Big Daddies, the awesome Plasmids, it all came together to form such a unique package.

And we were about to do all that... again?

Oh and it has MP too? Because of course it does

This was supposed to be an underwhelming, gimmicky ("Remember the tension from the original? Remember those awesome Big Daddies? Well, now we're gonna empower the FUCK outta your PC by making him a Big Daddy! Doesn't that sound just great?!), shameful cash-in.

And, upon first impressions, that's exactly what I thought it was. Even if the gameplay was better and most of the events in-game were wholly new, the cynic in me couldn't help but notice a lot of parrot talk. Monkey see, monkey do. At least several major plot points and events were largely similar. 

1.) During your first steps, you're walking through dark corridors, taking in this "Rapture"
2.) You're very first Plasmid is the Shock Plasmid, you insert it, and the PC falls to his knees in pain
3.) You make direct contact with the main villain via a confined space with TV screens
4.) Enemy Splicers attempt to kill you while in said room, but the player manages to escape
5.) You eventually acquire the Incinerate Plasmid and are required to backtrack to a frozen obstacle

It may be all trivial nonsense in retrospect, but considering what I had expected of the game going in, this stuff stuck out to me like mud in a candy store. 

However, as the game went on, the cynic turned into the optimist and I started to notice some really fucking great design decisions. 

Imagine you're up against a particularly tough enemy like, say... a Big Daddy. In the original Bioshock, you had to keep switching between Plasmids that did damage overtime, distracted, or reflected attacks back at this Rapturian Spartan and weapons that did most of the work. Oh, and all the while dodging other incoming attacks. 

That's bullocks now, moyt. Presenting Bioshock 2's ingenious duel-wielding system! So, while you're delivering a quick shock or a flock of BEES(!), you can immediately follow through with a shotgun blast or machine gun fire. 

This (almost so simple) addition, in combination with keeping much of the other BS1 gameplay systems and other lovely advancements in gameplay and enemy variety is what, at least when it comes to gameplay, pulls Bioshock 2 leagues above the original. In fact, at it's best, it's just about the most fun I've ever had playing video games.

And it's fun not just because of the core gameplay, but because it, surprisingly, retains strategy and challenge.

"Come at me."

You'd think all these combat possibilities stacked upon nearly a dozen or more passive abilities would vastly overpower your Big Daddy. But, at least on Hard difficulty, you'd be thinking incorrectly. As, sometimes, no matter how much you prepare, careless thinking could easily lead to death or a vast waste of valuable supplies and ammo. 

Just when I thought I had braved through the thick of it, Spider Splicers and a Leadhead jump me and I'm down to no heath kits from 2 or 3. I was this close to death, because I wasn't prepared. Or how about when a Brute takes up your attention while a Leadhead fires upon you from an entirely different position? There goes at least 1 or 2 health kits right there. Something that could possibly be avoided or at least kept from getting worse with quick thinking. 

Even when things are easy, it's so fun that it must be criminal. And things will only go so easy during the more intense battles if you get creative. At this point, the fights may drastically tip into your favor, but it's hilariously awesome to watch everything play out. 

A Splicer makes it through an explosion and a Security Bot, only to walk through 2 of your Trap Rivets. A Brute trips the alarm, 2 Security Bots hone in, I toss a Mini-Turret, I shotgun him from the side, and the poor guy has no idea what to do! I guarantee you'll find yourself giddy with power. 

Or how about 2 Security Bots, 3 Mini-Turrets, an Incinerate pool, and my machine gun fire against a Rumbler Big Daddy? 

Do what you want! The simple thrill of a perfectly-executed Drill Dash or point-blank shotgun blast, or something more complicated. Whatever!

I've had some especially neat things happen. Like a Splicer dropping a bomb near his side after a lucky hit with my drill, which then froze him thanks to one of my passives, I jump away, then the bomb goes off and shatters him to pieces! Show me another FPS with gameplay/combat this varied and polished. 

And because it's so awesome, finding or upgrading a weapon/Plasmid isn't some casual "Oh, well, that's nice.". Reactions are usually more akin to something like:

"Tesla pack for my shotgun!!!!!!!"

A number of smaller things from the original have also been improved. Most notably is the hacking, which is not only now much less about overcoming a slightly annoying obstacle, but, in fact, pretty darn fun! On top of that, you'll be a lot more inclined to participate not only because it's a nice little reflex exercise, but, if you're particularly good, you'll also get a bonus item drop! I always hack anything I can find for extra supplies.

New enemies such as the Brute Splicers are like less aggressive, occasionally elemental Big Daddies and the Big Sisters... who are also elemental, but are just as tough as a Big Daddy and a whole lot more nimble. You also can't run away from them. They're nerve-racking fights, and if there was ever a point in the game where you needed to save (granted you've switched off those pesky Vita-Chambers), it's before these fights. 

To say nothing of the game's story, this is one of the best FPS's I've ever played. On a good day, I would even say it's the very best!

But, what about the story? The original Bioshock primarily focused on Adam and EVE, the two components of Rapture's "evolutionary" Plasmids and Tonics, and it's long-term effects on the body. Essentially, it turns you into a crazed, monster-like addict.

Bioshock 2, instead of reinforcing the concept of a crumbling Utopia, focuses on a more inner, revolutionary struggle for the perfection of the human body and mind led by credited psychiatrist Sofia Lamb. Rapture may've previously attempted to evolve it's people solely through the use of Plasmids and Tonics, but Sofia Lamb has a different solution.

Sofia spouts that while Andrew Ryan claims to have created a perfect society rid of the hindrances of law and religion, that the people of Rapture are still greatly under the influence of a single man. A leader. A "God". One that inspires greed, segregation, and so on. And that they also are hindered by a so-called "nature's bias".

Through unity and control of Rapture's Adam and EVE, Sofia hopes to lead (or, as she puts it, nurture) humanity into a new age. An age of harmony and free of sin itself. A truly perfect society.

Or, so she'd have you think.

What makes Bioshock 2's story so captivating is that Sofia's vision and ideals are even more, at their surface, easily sympathized with than with Andrew Ryan's "no law, no religion, just the man". Meanwhile, Sofia points fingers at Ryan's flaws and hypocrisy while justifying her own. 

She's a more ambitious Andrew Ryan within Ryan's very own already appropriately realized ambition of Rapture. So even though you can probably already guess there's something sinister going on behind all the flattery and damage control, you can't wait to see how it all plays out. 

And, after playing Infinite, I appreciate that Bioshock 2 didn't try to totally blow people's minds with convoluted twists. They, in Infinite, tried to 1-up "Would you kindly?", and, in my humble opinion, failed. Bioshock's twist worked as both a statement on gameplay design and a nice surprise. How Infinite played out was the former without that just as important latter. 

The canon introduced in Bioshock 2 may be tame in comparison, but, sometimes, a simpler story is what is needed.

Why, hello there neighbor!

I would delve into the things that I had a problem with in Bioshock 2, but that's not the point of this series of blogs. The point is to explain my first impressions, to then go into exactly why the game was so goddamned awesome. And that's way more fun than trying to find fault with an, overall, perfectly fine experience (although, the PC port is rather finicky). 

There's a lot to take away from Bioshock 2, and there are many other great things about it that I never touched upon for the sake of time/length (such as level design, the Litter Sisters, the ending, etc.). It's fun factor is untouched by any other in the genre, and while the story isn't quite as oppressive and atmospheric as the original classic, it's a story worth seeing through to the end nonetheless. It succeeds where it counts, on top of providing the most insanely fun FPS combat around.

Fucking A. It is my favorite FPS of all time.

Destructoid? A word, if you please.

What took place during yesterday's "Game of the Year" awards was just sickening. As I am typing, I am vomiting. Still vomiting. Eugh. It's everywhere.

Why did you choose X over Y? Also, Z wasn't even a nominee! WTF? Well, I probably don't have all (or even one) of the answers you want, fellow concerned community members. Because, most likely, I am not Hamza, Steven, Chris, or any other Dtoid staff member. Even better: I am a REAL gamer. I actually PLAY video games. Not like those jerks. 

So, here are some REAL awards from a REAL gamer just like you! 

Best Platinum Games Game - Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance



Best Game I Haven't Played - Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

Best DILF (Down(Loadable Content) I'd Like To Fuck) - The Stanley Parable HD Demo













Most Awesome - Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

Best - Super Mario 3D World

Stinkiest Piece of Shit - Bioshock Infinite

Best Indie Game - NOT Gone Home


Best NCILF (New Character I'd Like To Fuck) - Tanooki Rosalina

Most Tolerable Non-Game - Beyond: Two Souls

Most Responsible For The Downfall Of Destructoid - Hamza Aziz

Fuck. This. Guy.
Photo Photo

I'm sleepy Seymour, and this is a video game. 

Like most humans end up doing in the morning (or at night, I don't judge), I get up. Although, when I get up, I begin the day with either the Internet or video games. They're my bacon and eggs. Or butter and pancakes. Can anyone else pull off a wank in the morning? Again, I don't judge. 

Anyway. To be more specific, this videoed game is...

Being the sleepy Seymour that I was, I didn't particularly enjoy this parodied take on simulation games. Janitorial work? Ahahaha.



I'm, in actuality, well aware of the appeal of Viscera Cleanup Detail (and it's spin-offs). It's like the game knows how stupid it is, as well as you. So it's like you and the game are laughing together at whatever minuscule thing you find yourself doing (whether it be mopping, tossing away trash, making a bigger mess with your limited moveset, etc.).

It's cheap, short, but to the point. You either think it's stupid/ridiculous and you laugh along, or you find it sincerely boring and jump out your chair onto a pile of upright pieces of broken glass.

Oh and this might turn into a series thing!

In mere hours, I will begin life in the first house I've lived in since I was around 6 or 7 years old (currently 23). That's already pretty exciting! But, with that comes new obligations, a new (and much better) primary living quarters, and some big life changes that I hope to have myself stick to. 

A new place of living is more than just that, it's also a damned good reason to start yourself off fresh. Like a New Years resolution-type deal. All those awful memories of let downs, bad choices, and unconsummated commitments are now far easier to let go of, and you're ready to begin again.

Now, speaking of which, I'm not exactly known for committing to much of anything. I spent 6 months at college to then reconsider my career choice, for one thing, and I always proclaim many tinier changes throughout the year that never amount to much in the end. I almost had a song appear on Rock Band's indie-friendly Rock Band Network for Christ's sake! I'm just that lazy. 

But, I'm tired of that. Tired of being such a fucking late bloomer. I feel as if so many have done so much more with their lives by my age. I hate thinking about that. The most committed I've been to anything is my meagerly successful YouTube channel, my guitar playin', and this here blog (which I'm very glad is as popular as it is within a community of some real quality writers).

Changes are a-comin'.  

For starters...

Jogging for a longer, fitter, healthier life

When I was around 14, I was very unhappy with my weight. I wasn't necessarily fat (nor do I consider myself fat now, despite Wii Fit having me momentarily believe otherwise), I was just pudgier than I would want. And, ya know what? I lost that weight like a champ. Where did all that moxy go? I was so awesome to myself then!

I remember one of the things I had a problem with was my jean size. Funny that it wouldn't be until several or more years later where I accepted that I just had more of a female-type figure rather than being straight up-n-down like most other guys. But, my stomach was also a problem, much like it is now. 

Crunches and walking/jogging will surely solve all that. To make things easier, I'll be moving into a community that's far less anti-social and into surroundings that are more minimalist and more in it with nature (we have cutesy deer prancing about everywhere).

The Internet as a career

This is the one that scares me the most, but it's also the most exciting!

In recent years, I've learned that the Internet is a viable way of steady income. YouTube may be slowly becoming a much harder place to make money off of, but there's always Twitch and journalism. 

Gaming and blogging are two things I've already familiarized myself with quite well, and I feel I have the chops to become a damn good addition to any gaming site (hint hint hint). Next to music, blogging and commentary are my best skills, and putting those to especially good use would be much easier and far less soul-wrenching than spending most of my week at places like McDonalds or HEB (it's a Texas thing). There's no future there, and with the little experience that I've had at my growing age, unfortunately, those are the places I have the biggest chances of landing a job at.

Until another 3 or 4 years of college are out of the way, I'm either going to have to settle or apply my strengths. And most of my strengths lie here.

Remember that life is rarely ever all that bad

If I can't live an amazingly successful life, I should at least stride to live a happy life.

Just like that. I'm lucky to be as well off as I am, and so sweating the small stuff is pretty stupid. I have close/supportive friends, I have enough entertainment to last me several lifetimes, I'm social, I'm not stuck to a single hobby, I don't foresee much financial trouble...

So what's the big fucking deal if, God forbid, my Internet goes out, or I feel a little sick, or another job potential slips away? Shit happens! It's so simple, but we hardly truly realize how stupid it is to complain about crap like that. Or to at least let it drag us down in the long run. In my case, staying positive isn't very hard as long as I just try. 

And exerting just a wee bit of effort is, in of itself, not very hard. 


Go play Not the Robots. It features stealthy, hungry robots and will make you happy. Office desks, shelves, and lamps are the ultimate comfort foods!