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10:29 AM on 08.16.2015

I haven't read any hentai, but I've looked at the pictures.

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6:23 AM on 08.16.2015

SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUP AND JUST PLAY VIDEO GAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES! [img]http://i.imgur.com/KYTUp3G.png[/img]

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10:29 AM on 08.15.2015

This is about as gay as Persona 4 will let you get. Beary disappointing. [img]http://i.imgur.com/gQHVGkd.jpg[/img]

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1:05 AM on 08.13.2015

My mum is probably trying to sleep, all the while I have "Everything's going to the ass!" echoing throughout the house. [youtube]https://youtu.be/NLbFz8jqe6c[/youtube]

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1:03 AM on 08.13.2015

Editing quickposts is a bit of a mess. Also, doesn't work. Hmph.

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2:04 PM on 08.11.2015

After a "bad" ending and approximately 80-90 hours of additional playtime in order to eventually proper closer, I have beaten the crux of Persona 4: Golden! [img]http://i.imgur.com/F3nJqLZ.jpg[/img]

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10:59 AM on 08.10.2015

Hey, um, I... uhhhh... *runs nervously back to the cblogs*

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1:08 AM on 08.09.2015

We're all just dust in the wind

Destructoid. Baby. We need to talk. Big time. 

But, as to not dampen the mood anymore than it already has been, I will be spacing out this piece with pictures of komodo dragons and Persona music. Because both those things are badass and awesome, just like Destructoid was, is, and still can be. 

^ "MESSAGE!" ^

Ever kissed with a forked tongue? It can get pretty interesting. 

Let's start off with the first blow. Something that hasn't exactly made the recent (temporary, though seemingly permanent, given the lack of meaningful communication from the staff side) changes to the cblogs any easier to swallow. 

A short while ago, you guys axed the forums. This was not something I was able to witness first-hand, but part of me is glad I didn't. Not only would there have been plenty of stress and, had I been a follower, a heavy attachment, but, as of now, it's not just locked but gone entirely. It was practically nuked from orbit. The only way to be sure, indeed. 

The more I think about it, the more I feel I have little right to speak on the subject. I'll just say that, from what I've heard, the forums weren't exactly very welcoming. Rape jokes and derogatory language don't sound like fun. So, I can loosely see the justification for a reboot or tighter moderation. But, even then, I've said too much. Maybe that wasn't the real heart of the matter and I've been steered into believing something I shouldn't. Who knows? 

The gist: the intentions (according to Niero) at least made perfect sense. 

The problem we have here is that these intentions are anything but noble or sensible. 

I'm all for segmented quick posts that offer a laugh or two. I'm all for more filtering options. That all makes sense and/or doesn't affect us if we choose to not use them. More options are great!

However, you wanna lower the barrier for entry... for the cblogs? What barrier are you talking about? The one that amounted to little more than clicking 1 or 2 links, writing a blog, and hitting publish? 

You desperately wanna drive up user count... when we were seeing hundreds of blogs per month and a 30% community activity level from a site as big as this? Are you just not satisfied unless most, if not everyone, used every one of Mr. Destructoid's bodacious limbs? That's not how things typically work. 

You wanna highlight the "good stuff" by... giving the more popular users a louder voice? That no longer makes this place about community and, instead, more a popularity contest. Where connections, pandering, and luck matter more than our collective? 

*single tear*

For all the changes this site has made over the years, this is the one that goes against what makes this place what it is more than any other. Frankly, it stinks of horse radish and spoiled milk. It's not about the principle of change, this is about Destructoid. 

You want to turn Destructoid into statistics over community? You want to play favorites with our readers who aren't mods or staff members? Do you even care about our feedback? From what little communication I've seen from the staff, you seem pretty deadset on this particular aspect and for reasons that I cannot comprehend. 

Turning your follower count into a sort of leveling system diminishes the purpose. Just wait until people start rallying followers for the sole purpose of power rather than because they do the writing all good. "Follow for follow!", they'll say. "I'll FAP your blog as many times as I can if you do the same for me!". Pretty soon, this place will no longer be so much about quality, but numbers as well. 

The more popular users will have the most sway and a blog will have 100+ FAPS not necessarily because it's that good, but because 1 or 2 users with a load of followers saw it and either had a favor to lend or because only they found it entertaining. 

How do you not see a problem with that? Sure, the system could've been abused the way it was not even 24 hours ago, but you're only making it worse. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse. The more people you draw to this area of the site, as you so intend, the more sorts of people you're going to see and let's just say some are more cynical than others. 

Do I have any ideas for how to organize the best content with as many users as you predict you may have one day? No, I do not. That's not where my head is right now. All I can think about is how dumb this idea is. 

So, I guess I should apologize for having the moxy to complain without thinking up any way of making it better. I realize the staggering hypocrisy going on there. Maybe I don't wanna bother because I'm just preaching to the choir while the staff continues forward with what they believe will land them the most hits rather than the utmost quality content from very passionate users. 

Nonetheless, that is my piece. Take it or leave it.

Where will life take me next? 

Destructoid is not only where I found a solid as fuck gaming community (for once), but my passion for writing and an actual readership.

Before, it was an audience of two or three friends and the very rare unknown user that had randomly stubbled upon a well-timed blogspot post. Now? I have kept a pretty consistent following of maybe 8-10+ FAPs per blog (that actually matter) and sometimes I have blogs that reach maybe 100+ persons with 20-40+ FAPs (that actually matter)!

Things is, I'm not greedy. All I care is that people are reading what I write. I'm not going to feel any better seeing 100+ FAPs on my blog that just so happen to be from the right folks that read my blog. That's not fair to the rest of the community. A level playing field is what makes everyone of us equal and connected in a way stronger and sexier than most gaming sites. 

If this place becomes what I fear it will become, then I'm gone. I love this place, but it's clear that my input around here is becoming increasingly less valued. I simply do not feel nearly as welcome these days...

"We're game for any input but it's important to consider our motivations and limitations." - Tom

Which goes completely against your "motivations", Tom. 

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7:34 PM on 08.04.2015

LUMP isn't very good. So I searched for my favorite things on FurAffinity.

Life has been finally moving along this past week, which means I do have stuff to do, but I'm reluctant to move as fast as possible. So, rather than begin my online driving courses like a responsible adult, I just gave this "LUMP" thing a proper try not one hour ago. Possibilities ran through my head and my fingers pounded out some quick searches of choice topics such as Persona, Alien, and kaijus. 

The blog that would have originally followed would've been a glorified LUMP ad where I only would get paid in FAP's/Dixon's. A quirky look into the dankest realms of this newfangled service which would make even one such as myself blush. 

However, I quickly found that, in it's current form, LUMP is best used as an image browser rather than a search engine. Without searching for anything specific and, instead, sticking strictly to it's home page, you can find some really powerfully interesting or surpremely odd things. You click on this, you click on that, and, before you know it, that rabbit hole is way way deeper than you first thought. 

But, not a whole lot of it was quite what I was after. 

"Fuck it. I know how to salvage this."

For as well aware as I am of FurAffinity (I'm not afraid to say that I use it pretty often), some of my searches came up... very surprising. I cupped my mouth a couple times, lemme tell ya. 

Normally, I'd keep this all to myself. But, I know you sad plums are just as sad and plumy as I am. So, eheh, enjoy? 

 

Video Games

 

Zeke and Grilder - The last of us

I could go for The Last Of Us being a bit more vibrant as opposed to strict photorealism. Heck, reimagine the game as a lighter mascot adventure ala Jak & Daxter. They really should fucking do that. That'd be a remaster worth purchasing. 

 

Doctor Who + Ratchet and Clank crossover

Holy moley! Talk about brilliant ideas. I haven't even watched Dr. Who and I can get behind this. 

 

Ratchet and Flank

That's right. I kept my Safe Search off. 

Live dangerously, my friends. 

 

Umbra Wake

This was one of those searches I assumed would turn up hardly a thing, if anything at all. Alan Wake doesn't exactly scream "furry". But, something I have learned over the years is that these communities will always find a way. 

That has not been more reassured in quite some time. 

 

Persona eyes

It's not often I see eyes take front and center on a FurAffinity picture without the eyes looking up in a POV shot. 

 

Gardevoir Persona

A Pokemon Persona? Just in case you aren't catching on: That's incredibly silly. 

 

Party in the Rub' al Khali

Had the Subway promotion gone belly up, perhaps this could've been Sony's next step.

Free FurAffinity prints with select artists! Pre-order now, ya rascals!

 

Hide yo kids hide yo candy

For once, an inflated character portrait is fitting to the reference material

 

All's Fair In Love & Mario Kart 8

And she's playing on 200cc. I am not worthy. 

 

Welcome... To Greenvale

This was my first "Gosh..." moment of the night. Another "I don't think they'll have this.". Bravo.

 

 

Movies

 

My Little Lebowski

About 95% of the time, when I'm searching for images pertaining to particular video games or characters, there's going to be at least one bit of pony art within the first couple dozen results. It's like the Internet is turning against itself. We're living in the Information Age and our number one source for said information insists on delivering you fucking ponies. 

 

Fear of the dark

Turning Riddick into a Lombax? Is this eventually canon? I mean, the third film does get pretty nuts, but not quite this nuts. 

 

Xenomorph

We all just want a Xenomorph we can have a beer with. As feisty as they may be with that tongue of their's, all is forgiven by the time their babies burst out of our tummies. 

 

GC_Late For the Party

I totally didn't grab this from my favorites. I swear. 

 

KORBENNN DALLAAASSS

I was so desperately hoping to find something of Chris Tucker's character from The Fifth Element and FA did not disappoint!

Thank you very much. 

 

Leemoo Dallas

Did someone just shove him into that outfit without any sort of prep? He looks surprised. Or aroused. Or both. I know I'd be both. 

 

Soothing Morning

I'm not kidding when I say that this search killed my childhood just a tad. I completely forgot about Amelia and all that could be ruined from there on. So, here's something nice. Something that, at worst, may have you wonder just what these two look like having a flesh party. 

Trust me. It's best you keep it in within your imagination. 

I saw Mr. Arrow in positions I never needed to see him in. Never thought he could be in. 

 

GODZILLA EATS MARGE

PICTURE CONFUSES ME

 

Godzilla wants Subway

I think we've all been there. Kaiju Con is over and done with, their vendors have shut down for the night, you've fought off both Gigan and King Ghidorah, you're exhausted, and you just wanna relax with a nice sandwich. 

 

60dollarvalue

There is R63 of SpaceGodzilla. Suck it in

 

 

Music

 

Mike Patton headshot

Sadly, nothing fancy for Faith No More frontman Mike Patton. Which is weird. You'd think Mike Patton fans had more active imaginations. 

 

Dave Growl Foo Fighter

I was going to caption a pun, until I saw what they already did there. 

 

dave grohl

All I can muster is me shaking my head in silent, unnerved approval. 

 

Dramatic Look Diz

I guess I should've at least expected to see some co-op shots of Jonathan Coulton and his fans. The 2% of my brain function that is completely demented and irrational wished for more. 

God, those furry suits always creep me out. I can get down with anthropomorphic creatures, but that just look unsettling. 

 

011 - JoCobo and Frontalot

Scratch what I said just a second ago. There actually is art of Jonathan Coulton as a Chocobo being ridden by a warrior MC Frontalot. 

I would say I can no longer be surprised, but we still have some real shit to gander at. 

 

FETID!!!

This is genuinely awesome fanart.

There is proper R34 of Ziltoid the Omniscient, however. Much like with Treasure Planet's Captain Amelia, I'd prefer to keep that unholy trite where it dwells. 

 

Psychostick Fancomic

Considering the source material, one of the band members of Psychostick becoming a T-rex isn't that crazy. What would be crazy is if Rawrb sprouted a horse cock and fucked Alex back into position while screaming Hall & Oates singles. 

Actually, that'd also be appropriate. 

Here's the Bill Nye cover in question. It's twice as splendid as you may be thinking. 

 

Too sexy...

... yes? What's with the pause after the title? Where you going to explain why you anthropomorphized the lead singer of Def Leppard as a small mouse wearing cufflinks, knee boots, black cut-offs, and grinding down a stripper pole?

Because I'd like an explanation for why you have anthropomorphized the lead singer of Def Leppard as a small mouse wearing cufflinks, knee boots, black cut-offs, and grinding down a stripper pole. 

 

Deftones - White Pony

This literally is the worst thing. 

 

Five nights at Fredd........ Freddie's!

NO I TAKE IT BACK THIS IS WORSE HOLY SHIT WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN YOU DON'T DO THAT YOU DON'T EVEN THINK THAT HOW COULD YOU

 

 

Waifus

 

Midna colored Ralts, Kirlia, and Gardevoir

Hey! No need to fight over who's best (Midna) when you can have the best of both worlds!

I elect Midnavoir as Destructoid's official new mascot. 

 

[ZELDA]midna

Y-yes, m'am. =o.o= 

 

Kirby and Hibari

Two adorable pink warriors on an adventure for the ages. I assume Hibari's journey ends with a trip to a plastic surgeon to fix up that face of her's.

 

SUPER DUPER YOKO LITTNER

I'm sure some of you are into this. I almost envy you... almost.  

 

Kentauros Ekrixi

It's terrible that I've spent more time watching Monster Musume than I have spent watching Kill la Kill, but it is actually a rather entertaining fanservice fest. 

 

Shadow Naoto

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! 

 

Naoto's Pimp Hand Is Strong

Naoto-kun demands satisfaction!

 

Rosalina the Echidna

Your Name + the Hedgehog could turn up worse results than this. However, Rosalina isn't known for her sense of humor. She'd probably just rework the Big Bang again like at the end of Mario Galaxy in hopes that we create a world without awkward Sonic fanart. 

 

rosalina in splatoon

The squidling reminds me of the "Oh, you!" dog. As if to say "Oh, you, FA! Putting things where they shouldn't belong!". 

 

Princess *inflate* Bubblegum

I'm right there with ya, Finn. That is one wicked giantess. 

 

Yay Monday, Princess Bubblegum

Haha! Am I right? Monday's are like the bottom of a bowl of spaghetti.  

 

Percival +Blaze the Cat

Another genuinely quality fanart!  

 

MeMeMe! Stimpy Bikini

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd we'll end things here. 

 

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1:04 PM on 07.13.2015

Better With Cage: A brilliant baby

It's 1999. Well, not actually. What I mean is that I want you to imagine that year. It was like a whole damned century ago, but bare with me.

This was about half a century before Cage set the industry ablaze and we all pretended to enjoy his so-called "cinematic experiences". Before we began to humor this madman, giving him naughty ideas and setting him up to be one of the most arrogant developers I can call out by name, he made something actually special. Something that should be remembered, but isn't. Something that people should at least still talk about, but don't. 

It was short-lived, but David Cage was once interested in making video games. Dude was still crazy, though. Because he didn't just make a video game. He made several in one. 

An FPS. A 2D fighter. A third-person action/adventure. 

He (and dozens of others) made fucking Omikron.

This is about where I stop pretending to have played enough to give you an extensive review of the thing.

I have ran around a bunch, done some frivolous dialogue choices, read some things, ran around a bunch more, fed my lizard (or whatever it was), visited a cafe where I bought something that that blind alien from the beginning of Titan AE would probably love to eat, trained in the simulator at my apartment, tons of pointless crap. 

I got almost nowhere with the story. But, ya know what? People can hardly get anywhere with the story in games like GTA before getting their money's worth. There's plenty of fun to be had in just seeing what's up. Though, what's up with Omikron is undefinable. All I can say is that it is super fun. It's a gem of an experience that I think can only be enjoyed in the way I am, more than 15 years after it's release. 

You know how stupid this game is? It's stupid wiith a capital DUMB. 

Everything will age. That cold, hard reality has practically displayed this game's flaws under a spotlight and besides an elephant with a cute top hat. I'm sure people like you or me thought this game was just so cool back in the day, but, once upon a time, we were pretty stupid people. We brought disco back, for Christ's sake. We let Digimon happen. We let Wonderballs slip into obscurity. 

Well, now we can appreciate this game for what it truly is: Very, very stupid. 

However, that's completely okay. You know what else is stupid? Deadly Premonition. No More Heroes. Metal Gear Solid. These are all incredibly stupid things. Why isn't Omikron as fondly appreciated for it's stupidity?  

Peep this: 

In this game, you are you. Yep. You. You are playing you in control of the main protagonist, just like you would be while playing the game. But, you're not actually playing as him in the way that you may be thinking. No. You're playing as him via a transferring of eachother's souls. 

Through a breaking of the 4th wall, the actual main protagonist takes over your life as you take over his... but, in the past. Before you have a chance to wrap your mortal brain around that one, you're tossed into an unknown city where you're almost blown apart by ED-209.

Right off the bat, should you explore enough, you'll find that this place is filled with oh so subtle hints that things are kind of bad around here. Like, ridiculously unreal-type bad. I'm surprised it's citizens aren't more impressed with how well their leaders do the whole oppression thing. 

"Wow. We really messed up, y'all. We can't even take a piss within the comfort of our homes without being on the clock."

When you're as fucked as these guys are, all there is to do is sit back and laugh. 

As I happened about the surrounding areas, I began to feel a happy feeling in the pit of my somewhat blackened heart. This game was not only interesting, hilariously stupid, but fun to just soak in. 

During my entire 2 or 3 hours with the game, there was never a dull moment. I was always finding useful scraps, new indoor environments to check out, some weird distractions, or seeing what little I did of the asinine story. But, most of all, this game rewards exploration and I always love that. 

You know that this game's 2D fighting segments are actually servicable? That they could've feasibly been their own game way back when? 

There's also a sex scene that is, while still awkward, probably Cage's most realistic depiction of two robots in love. I'm telling you, it's maybe even worth a wank or two.

Holy shit, it even has a theme tune performed by David Bowie. 

If that video is anything to go by (and I'm sure it is), there's a lot to see with Omikron. 

I can't wait for when I get back to this game. What time I have spent with it has already gone down as some of the most fun I've ever had with a video game. You should give it a go as well, person! It's easily accessible via Steam and GOG. Or you can try to hunt down a copy of it on Dreamcast. I know I'll be doing that soon enough. 

Sheesh. In the meantime, I need a nap. 

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7:19 AM on 07.11.2015

Seymour's Cosplay Bucket List

Last year, I took a lousy step forward into the world of cosplaying at my local Comic-Con. I paled in comparison to about 90% of my fellow attendees, but it was a huge eye-opener. To quickly summarize, it was almost as if I had found some small thing I had really been missing my entire life. Now, I can't enough.

As an onlooker, cosplaying simply seemed to me just a nerdy little prom. A glorified Halloween show. People pouring savings, hundreds of dollars (more?) into costumes they may only wear a few times and to an audience of only those who pay attention to it amidst the thousands of others. That, I didn't get. 

Until I tried it for myself. 

It's much more than just dress-up. It's actually almost like being behind the scenes of a stageplay. There are those playing pretend almost the entire time, but there are also plenty just casually chatting about in sometimes very elaborant costumes. Some people topping big budget getups you see in Hollywood. It was something else. It made me proud, not ashamed, of how much of a geek I am. 

Everytime someone stopped me to shoot off a compliment, it was a huge confidence booster. Even if they were just questioning whether they were right that I was cosplaying "That guy from Far Cry 3.". I was even stopped a few times for photos, I was featured on a cosplay Facebook page, etc.

And look how fucking shit my cosplay was! People loved me! 

This upcoming Alamo City Comic-Con, naturally, I will be attending. Unlike last year, though, I'll be there for more than just a single day and I will not be half-assing my cosplay. 

If you can't tell who I am in the above photo, it's completely okay. There's still plenty of things to do with it. However, those that guessed human Teddie from Persona 4, I don't have a gold trophy, but give yourself a well-deserved slap on the bottom and a refreshing glass of iced water. 

I still need some dress shoes, black lining across my ruffles and sleeves (if possible), to trickle the shirt down about half a size or so, obtain a rose pin, and dye my hair a sharper blonde. When all is said and done, it will be pretty alright. It's definitely been more difficult to put together than my Vaas cosplay, but it's been worth it. I can't wait to see myself in the full attire.

You know how hard it is to find a ruffled tuxedo shirt that is even half appropriate? I almost broke down and just literally bought a pre-made Kanji outfit from Etsy. It would've looked good, but, deep down, I'd have felt a little evil. Untrue. And evil me was set to the tune of Ace of Base and let go off a high bridge a short while ago. We won't be seeing him anytime soon. Maybe. 

I figured I better go as something cute while I still could. I'm 24 and, before I know it, I'm going to be a very awkward-looking 30-something. That might suit an Isaac Clarke or... a Blastoise, but not so much Teddie.

There's no doubt that I will be making both PAX South and Alamo City Comic-Con regular visits as long as they're around, cosplaying whenever possible. Each time, shaking things up with a new do. That means lots of fabric, patience, and a little courage here or there. 

Read along and laugh at the idea of me fitting into any of these roles. 

 

Axel Steel (Guitar Hero)

Through the angry faces, medium-length boy hair, and pants that were not ripped when they were bought, characters such as Axel were how I channeled my rock god fantasies through the original three (technically four, counting Rock's the 80's) Guitar Hero iterations. But, Guitar Hero eventually became more than mere fantasy. It was where I found my passion for not only music, but playing guitar for realsies. 

By now, I have been playing guitar for 7 or 8 years. It's become a huge facet of my life. Sometimes for the worse (long story), but often for the better. If it weren't for guitar, I would be one unaccomplished motherfucker. I speak through music so naturally and I hope for, one day, to be in a band. I feel I have so much to give to the world of music that I simply can't give on my own. 

Guitar Hero is very important to me. It changed my life in ways almost as profound as some of my bestest of friends or careless mistakes. It's only fair that I at least pay a little tribute to it. Whether by cosplaying as Axel, a male Judy Nails (ohhhh, that'd be fun!), pretty much anyone but that scary, big-mouthed male singer from GH3. Dude belonged in a Honey Combs commercial, not at the forefront of every song in the game. 

 

Maraca Guy (Mario)

While Sticker Star may have been a polarizing sequel for reasons including it's extreme lack of any interesting characters, it does have a Shy Guy mariachi band! That's not just interesting, that's great! 

Cosplaying as any Shy Guy would give me a great excuse to just shut up and be. I'll shake my maracas (the instrument, you naughty boy) in people's faces, tip my sombrero to all the madams, make some cute noises, etc. I'd probably even try to really sell it by building the costume around me in a fetal position and walk about as such. As strenuous as it'd be, it would be also super and people would want to pet me. 

 

Malthael (Diablo III: Reaper of Souls)

What a hurdle this getup would be. This is endgame. If I ever cosplay Malthael, you will know I have made something of myself. 

Expensive? Surely. Lots of moving parts? Check. Do translucent segways exist? Not yet? I'll have to fix that. I can't possibly have a crane pulling me along the entire time in order to pull off the illusion of floating, now can I? 

Reaper of Souls was, while overpriced, one of the most satiisfying expansions I had ever played. It gave the core of Diablo III a proper closure, lovely new features, and some extensive added replayabilty. Malthael, Death, the main antagonist of the expansion, was not only as slick in it's design as an oiled up slip 'n' slide, but an awesome boss fight. And that amazing opening cutscene. Boy howdy. 

Give me Malthael over some tired "Diablo" anyday. For someone who's referred to as the "Artist of Terror", his boss fight was pretty monotonous. 

 

Kanji Tatsumi (Persona 4)

As I said already, I once contemplated going as Kanji rather than Teddie. For one, I wouldn't have to keep my hair long (which I've grown to loathe as I've gotten older... sorry, Nekro). I also wouldn't have to worry about being pretty. It's much easier for me to just look like an ass.

As I've also already been over in one of my Junes blogs, Kanji is someone I really connected with as I witnessed his "Shadow" self. While his experiences didn't directly mirror my own and, in fact, were pretty different, the general issues that Kanji was going through were things I fully empathized with. He's easily my favorite male cast member and I want to wear his skin for just a day or two. 

Or I just want to scream into a camera "What the hell are you pricks lookin' at?!". 

 

Male Marceline (Adventure Time)

I caught me a glimpse of a male Marceline at last year's ACCC and it was hawt. I told him he was cool and he just pointed at me in approval. 

Getting a proper bass (hell, I'd happily try my best to transition into bass and learn a thing or two for the role) wouldn't actually be that challenging. You can find fan recreations or close approximations everywhere on the Internet. The only challenge would be the tedious task of applying all that make-up. Also, growing my hair out to a suitable length. I just really don't like dealing with long hair!

However, I really would like to get myself into a good make-up centric role. If not Marceline, perhaps Nocturne's Demi-Fiend. 

 

Johnny Gat (Saints Row 1/2)

Speaking of bad hair days, get a load of Johnny Gat. He's an awesome dude, but a dude who decided that fucking hair was cool enough to sport for two entire games. 

Unfortunately, he is one of my favorite video game characters and his Saints Row 1/2 incarnation would make for an infinitely more interesting cosplay. Unless I went as him as seen in Gat Outta Hell. That's a strong "maybe". However, I also have to consider how important the original two Saints Row games are to me. Heck, for a long time, Saints Row 2 used to be my favorite game of all time and anyone who preferred GTAIV was a sweaty butt.

What sucks is that I would have no idea how to sell myself as Gat outside the costume. He is so different from me. How do I pull off a smooth psychopath without actually being a smooth psychopath? I need a director to feed me lines and inspiration. It feels like wasted potential, just dressing as someone like Gat. Man, I wish I was fine with looking really stupid. Maybe I could get lucky and sync up my attendence as him and a visit from his actor, Daniel Dae Kim, but that'd be a stretch. 

God, and that hair. That'll be hard to explain to people the days following the convention. 

 

Bandit (Borderlands)

This would definitely be something I'd love to cosplay once I got real fit. Also, I'm not gonna lie: I really wanna yell a bunch and the Borderlands bandits are some of the most quotable video game characters out there. I wanna scream at somebody that I want them to be my new meat blanket or that I once plucked the hair of a dying baby. 

I won't get in trouble either! If they can allow a gangster Deadpool blasting (and I mean blasting) Lil' Jon, there's probably some leeway for a little explicit shouting. 

The costume is so simplistic that going the extra mile with "cel-shaded" make-up and dirtying up the entire look would put me in the higher echelon of bandit cosplays so easily. I wanna be iconic. If not through music, then through being the Nathan Barnatt of cosplayers. 

 

Alice Teddie (Persona 4)

I almost did. I almost did this year. However, I regret to say that I am not yet that confident. 

Someday, though. Maybe even for this upcoming PAX South. Who knows? I'm already neck-deep in nailing human Teddie. But, I reeeeeeeeeeeally wanna do it! The soft knee socks, the pretty blonde wig, the dress, the panties... I've always wanted to feel what it would be like to dress as a pretty lady. I don't wanna actually be a pretty lady, though. Having to deal with my very own vagina? No thanks!

To avoid preconceptions that I was simply cosplaying as Alice from Wonderland because there are those casuals out there, I'd probably slip a Teddie plush under my apron or something. If they still don't get it, I'll just scowl, snap my gown onto their sides, and skip away. 

 

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Now, if you'll excuse me, in my continuously counterproductive race to lose as much weight as possible before the middle of September, I'm gonna wait it out and order a pizza in a few hours. If only all fat went straight to your bum, then I could stop before I gained any weight in places I didn't care to gain weight in. 

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7:59 AM on 06.14.2015

Um... i-is it too late for an E3 predictions blog? Not that I care. BAKA!

I really shouldn't be, but I am excited for this E3. About as excited as I would be for real meat day in the school cafeteria, but excited nonetheless.

I hope that doesn't sound too cynical as I do love playing video games, but I'm becoming less and less interested in events where all we do is announce or tease them. Unless there are actual gameplay demos or some monumentally amazing, Earth-shattering reveals like a new Earthbound (see what I did there?), Prey 2 (again), or the whereabouts of the Dreamcast I lost in a move well over a decade ago, I have to assume the worst because that's what this industry has done to me in just this past year. 

Or Nintendo's regularly-scheduled Directs have finally spoiled me. 

Perhaps if Bethesda's conference weren't today and, instead, way after folks like EA, Ubisoft, and MS, I would not have quite the energy I have now. It'll be nice to start things off with a stream of news I have a great amount of interest in and have some surprises here or there to keep me invested until Sony's the next evening and then a Nintendo conference not half a day away from that. 

What are these things I'm interested in about Bethesda? What will these "surprises" be? Where the hell is my Dreamcast?!

Bethesda will reveal Doom to the mass public and it'll be pretty good 

Not just good, but pretty good. You more rabid fans of Doom may be ecstatic because they bring back that thing I didn't know needed bringing back or they do a reference to a stage or event from the first two that I don't get because it isn't from the first 30 minutes of either title, but I will look upon it with more than a vague interest. 

If nothing else, it's fucking Doom. Even if I don't care about it that much, there's a great deal of significance that Doom holds in video gaming and we haven't been blessed with a full sequel since 2004's Doom 3. It's like GTA or Mario. Another one has to release every so often to make sure our moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandma's, and grandpa's remember that video games are still kicking and they should be very afraid for our future. 

Capcom will announce a fully 3D Phoenix Wright for Wii U, using the engine from Catherine

You don't believe me? Well, it's better that you don't because it's never gonna happen, but it would be amazing. 

Like Doom, I only have so much interest in the franchise, but playing Persona 4: Golden recently has reminded me that I do love a good murder mystery story and they've already proven they can make Phoenix Wright look awesome in 3D. And that was just on the 3DS. 

So, imagine the bar and nightmare intermission scenes from Catherine, overlayed with Phoenix Wright investigations, keeping with the menu-centric court sequences, adding in more dynamic presentation during, and you have a game I would play and do a smile at while doing so. 

Nintendo won't announce another Metroid and both you and I should deal with that

A lot of people will be disappointed by something during Nintendo's conference on Tuesday and my instincts tell me it's going to be a severe lack of even so much as a mention and a wink from Reggie in regards to their Metroid franchise. 

Actually, no. They will announce a Metroid amiibo line and laugh so hard Iwata can hardly even utter his iconic "Please understand.". Reggie will shove Iwata aside and say "That's rude.". But, as he looks into the camera to sign off, he visably wants to laugh. He'll buckle under the pressure, snort several times, then burst and resume pointing and laughing. 

Destructoid will then implement an amiibo subsection of the site where they will moderate all those even mildly perturbed by this news onto it and they will not move from there until they can appreciate all that Nintendo has done for us. Especially the amiibo. And the Powerglove. And Wii Music. And the Virtual Boy. 

Especially the Virtual Boy. 

The inevitable Fallout 4 gameplay demo will put all my fears to rest 

When Fallout 3 released and I first played it, for reasons I still can't figure, I absolutely hated it. I said, outloud, "I... I fucking hate this. And I have no idea why.". My feelings eventually changed and I managed to explore for countless hours without actually getting anywhere with the story, but the weirdest thing is that it seems many first experienced the game the exact same way. 

"I hate this and I have no idea why."

I mean, the games were always sort of crappy and we knew that. Even for 2008, 3 wasn't up to par. But, whatever that mystery element was that we couldn't get over for those initial hours, I don't think Fallout 4 will have that. In fact, I also think (hope) they'll finally fix that terribly broken stealth system and give me a good reason to live out my roleplaying fantasies of my sneaky warrior lady scavenging the wastelands in her Spring gown and augmented Fisto. 

I mean that I use it for my bum. 

Can we finally expect to see this "Greatness" we keep hearing so much about? 

Between the "Big 3", Sony may not be my favorite from a business standpoint, but they are when it comes to their exclusives. They only just barely beat out Nintendo, even with Twilight Princess and Mario Galaxy under their belt.

The original Jak & Daxter is still an absolute treasure, Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando exceeds comprehendable levels of fun, Uncharted 2 is a grand adventure in a box, The Last Of Us makes me wish I still had the capicity to feel human emotions besides "boner", and motherfucking PERSOOONAAAAAAAAAAA!

Will we witness Sony's supposed "greatness"? They may not even be alluding to games there rather than their invulnerable will to make every one of their products black as pitch night, but, if they are, I think their upcoming conference will solidify many of our PS4 purchases. Whether past, present or future. Unless you just do not care for their exclusives, in which case why the hell do you have a PS4? 

Between the Ratchet & Clank remaster (and this is an actual remaster, friends), an assumed Uncharted 4 presentation, maybe a new Persona 5 trailer (!!!), and any number of other surprises they may have in store, I'm almost shaking with excitement!

Well, mostly at the prospect of Persona 5. Can't a guy fanboy every once in a while? 

As for everyone else, they can kindly go and... make me wish I had paid more attention to them before now 

Final Fantasy hasn't put out anything worth my time since XII (for as quality of a title XIV: A Realm Reborn was), but I want XV to break that streak. Deus Ex: Human Revolution wasn't my cup of tea, even as a huge stealth fan, but maybe I should give it another go? Maybe Mankind Divided will be amazing? 

What if EA actually ignores sports and Battlefield for just a few flippin' moments and grants us a Mass Effect 4 gameplay demo that invokes the sort of quality we got with Dragon Age: Inquisition? Perhaps they'll even do a new Mirror's Edge some proper justice. 

Will "girl wood" continue to be a thing? That'd be cute. 

I just want this E3 to be a solid one. 2013's was definitely something else thanks to the heat Sony brought with their PS4 deets, 2014's was pretty nice and that's even if 2014 was a pretty ho-hum year for actual releases, so let's keep these hearty thrusts moving in the right direction because it's pretty damn awkward when you just can't make contact!

I know most were not even fans of these last couple E3's, so, if only for those downtrodden peoples, I hope the next few days are a welcome change of pace.

I know what it's like to feel as if your passion for gaming is fading because of all the cynicism that's easy to get wrapped up in recently, but all it takes is that one special push and everything is suddenly not so bleak and, in fact, you could poop flowers and vomit puppies if it were possible. 

What are you looking forward to? You just watching to get in a few quick laughs? That sounds plenty reasonable. 

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