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1:17 PM on 03.08.2015  

You've once again stepped into the world of fuckin' nerds

A short while ago, I was taken by Occams' blog about some of his totally radical statues. I wanted to show off too! ... but what, exactly? While I don't have but perhaps 1 or 2 things amidst all the crap in my room that comes anywhere close to that Occams level of raditude (seriously, dat SH nurse), I thought maybe I could at least do something a little different and detail sheer quantity. 

Because I have a lot of crap

That's my room. Well, the more exciting half of my room. That's where most of my crap calls home and where I have my personal time. Video games, masturbating, masturbating, thinking about life, masturbating, organizing my porn folders, video games, masturbating, etc. 

You may be already able to tell (how can you not?), but just from looking at that first shelf you might be thinking how the hell am I going to fit anymore crap in that room of mine? I've already resorted to grouping collectables that don't belong with other collectables (OCD kickin' in) and propping up stuff on the carpet...

I have a line of owls, btw. It's like cocaine, but with less cocaine and more owls. 

How many owls do you have? Probably none. I have 12. 

I have too much crap

Getting into amiibos was a bad idea as it forced me to rethink how I had arranged everything in my room. I mean, getting into picking up anything else for display is a bad idea at this point, but, nonetheless, those confounded amiibos were the tipping point. 

Adding anything else bigger than a tube of chapstick means moving that there, opening up space for this thing, facing my Finn figure this way so that it now looks like he's staring down Noble Team, stacking my games within a different unit, it goes on. I love finding all sorts of rare/cool gaming/general nerd doodads (especially since discovering a local antique gaming shop), but my poor nerd cave is close to completely full. Building mounted shelves may have to be a thing in the near future. Where will it end?

Also, pardon the stream of dust shooting from Kirby's innocent little lovehole. 

With all that said, how about we get on with the show, eh? 

Above are a few of my somewhat old gaming mags I like to keep around. Weird I've kept the RE5 one unopened all this time, but it's probably better that way. Not because it holds more value in perfect condition, but fuck RE5. You stay where you are, you naughty boy. Sonic Unleashed, Dragon Age: Origins, Guitar Hero: Metallica... much less awful. So, I'm sorry you all must suffer for RE5's sins. 

The Chaos Theory and Fallout 3 ones? I actually bought those second-hand from that antique gaming shop I mentioned several lines ago. Chaos Theory because it's one of my favorite games and Fallout 3 because, well, it's fucking Fallout 3. 

I have more, of course. I used to be really into Xbox before recent years. 

Speaking of Xbox and being into it and stuff, I was more specifically into Halo back in the day. Second only to all my Nintendo crap, I have a lot of Halo crap. Somewhere in this house is a framed Halo 3 picture (not just a poster, I'm talking a quality print) I got at Blockbuster. Thank you, Blockbuster, but I can't find that picture right now.

Remember the disappointment that came with this near life-sized helmet when we realized we couldn't wear it? I will never forget that pain. Midnight launch of Halo 3, got my Legendary Edtion, opened it up to try it on and be the Mastered Chief, exclaimed "It's no use!" and several people still in line let out an audible groan. 

It's okay bros. It's still a quality display. 

But, naturally, my favorite piece of Halo crap is the Noble Team statue that came with that awfully expensive Halo: Reach Legendary Edition. But, for $150 (?), you did get your money's worth. It's quite the display and some real awesome detail, but what I love about Reach's biggest bundle is that it's absolutely packed with tons of Halo lore memorabilia. Character notes/journals, security cam stills, a UNSC patch, etc. 

Those are the kind of bundles I like. The kind of bundles that seem to have fallen out of style as of late. About 95-99 percent of those 150 bucks went towards physical goodies that the franchise's biggest fans would no doubt get a kick out of. Not golden weapon skins or priority access to online servers (I'm still peeved about that, EA). Same goes for the Dead Rising 2: Zombrex Edition I gots. A pen shaped like a syringe + bandaid, a 40-50 page artbook, a giant Zombrex ad, etc. 

Still have the box it all came in (seen under the corner table in the first pic). Haven't opened it since the unboxing and didn't feel like breaking that streak just to show off it's contents, but, trust me, it's a lot

My combat knife signed by Steve Downes (Master Chief) and Jen Taylor (Cortana) would be my favorite Halo thang if the knife weren't just something I happened to have on-hand when I was asked what I wanted them to sign at last year's Comic-Con. 

The other signed crap I have is considerably more appropriate. Also see: awesome.

(Hey! I'm getting pretty good at these segways thus far.)

Here, is a slip of Dragonball Z Season 4 signed by Sean Schemmel. Known for voicing none other than Goku! Sadly, he didn't sign it in person, so not quite that awesome. But, still awesome. On the other hand, I had to purchase the entirity of DBZ on Blu-ray at one of PAX South's vendors in order to get it so it's at least valuable! 

They also gave me one of the seasons for free. How nice. Still was outlandishly expensive. 

Now, this is what I'm talkin' about! One of my favorite games signed by one of the most prolific and talented voice actors in the biz, Troy Baker.

Oh Troy-senpai <3

Planning on going back to Comic-Con this coming September so I'm hoping to gather up some more cool signed swag. 

The only non-gaming crap I absolutely love collecting is Domo-kun crap. He's a popular corporate mascot in Japan or something. I don't know. I just think he's visually endearing. He's also been pretty good with keeping my PS2 safe from my cat. 

It's been a while since I've found one (available in the US) I don't yet have. Sad times. 

These three Gen 6 Pokemon plushies are all very recent gets. Of any of my collectables, these are probably the sorts I need to worry about the most. Not only are they huge, but they aren't exactly built to stand upright. I don't want any napping on my nice shelves, so I always have to do surgical repositioning of their limbs (lots of screaming is involved on both sides) to make them stand upright. 

I may've even unintentionally given Chespin a vagina during his process. 

Thankfully, my Mario plushies didn't need much work. They knew their place. Even if Magikoopa seems to be in a constant state of shock.

The last of my Mario plushies, a cute little Shyguy, stands right in the middle of my DS/3DS collection. On the most right is my Puppycat plushie, which is easily my favorite of my many plushies. It has a bell that really bells! It's also very firm, which makes it great for cuddling. It's the perfect plushie and, no, you can't have it. 

Hanging in the middle are my PAX South Friday pass, a Miku Hatsune necklace/pendant, and a Companion Cube stocking that a local artist did two Christmases ago for that local gaming antique shop. It really is the place to be. They can hook you up with all sorts of crap. 

Some more local treasures are these pixel cut-outs I got at Comic-Con. Leonardo Mega Man was too great to pass up. I could take or leave Joker, but Leonardo needed a combatant. Frustrating that they always seem to be fighting when I'm just trying to pick out a Blu-ray to watch. 

Cyndaquil because he's easily a top 10 Pokemon. 

Oh, fuck. More crap I managed to fill my crap heap up with thanks to Comic-Con! Mostly still local, sans the Master Chief Collection poster that was also signed by Downes and Taylor. I especially need to get that Link X Ganon one framed and hung. 

You may've noticed this handsome Brute Splicer fella definitely looking handsome next to my Reach statue some pics ago. Another recent get and, once again, thanks to my local antique gaming shop. For it's quality, that it was only 20 bucks is a pretty splendid deal!

By now, I probably should mention that the name of said shop is called Game Over Videogames. I think they're only stationed in Texas, but they do have a site you can browse and order from. Love those retro gaming color schemes. They have Virtual Boys, ROB's, Atari's, even Odyssey's! I've been meaning to try and snatch up a Gameboy Micro from them for a while, if possible. 

I do have a few things, beside games, that I've kept with me for a long time. Such as this Guitar Hero II Xplorer that is in deseperate need of a clean. If only I could get it properly synced up with the game, I'd be in heaven. 

I think I got that Indigo League DVD collection a couple years ago, but my other Pokemon medias (there's more than what's shown) and THAT DERE KIRBEH are old as fuck. You probably won't ever find me trying to watch them again, but I do keep the VHS's around to stare at. Juuuuust in case, we still somehow have one of those DVD/VHS combo players in the other upstairs room. 

If I had the patience, I'd try to find my VHS of Donkey Kong Country: The Legend of the Crystal Coconut I know I must still have. What a riot that show was. Seriously, actually watch that. The movie, in particular, had some genuinely great musicals. 

Next to my SNES/N64 games and likely a handful of Pokemon cards, these posters are the oldest things in my collection. From all the way back in 2000, I got them at a little place practically hidden away in a dark corner inside one of our malls that, some years later, became the spot where I would buy my chains and saggy clothes because I thought I could pull off dressing "gangster" at one point in high school. 

That was a weird phase. I was probably the only person who dressed that way that was also heavily into Smash Mouth. Thankfully, no pictures exist of me from that era. I swear I'm not lying!

It goes without saying that that little patch of good ol' American consumerism changed quite a bit since purchasing those posters. I wonder if it's even still there at all. 

Oh yeah. And these. I also have these. 14 year-old Pokemon Bandaids. 


There are some games I'm proud to say that I own, like a week-1 copy of Xenoblade Chronicles and that wonderful, little, short-lived piece of RE pisstory that is "Revelaitons". 

And, being a huge Shin Megami Tensei fan, I'm also proud to own a Voltron sword of physical copies of these: 



And to close up, I give you my ultimate shame: 

Tiger Electronics presents... Big the Cat fishing. 

I'll see you all in Hell. 


1:14 PM on 03.03.2015  

Hee-ho! Here is literally all of the best Persona 5 fanart I could find

Only semi-related, but I also found this. So adorable!

All it took was a single well done piece to send me on a manic search for literally every great Persona 5 fan do-up I could find. I didn't think I'd ever do a blog like this, even for as huge a fan of Persona as I am, but... here we are. I need to vent my findings as my search was, indeed, very fruitful. So much so, in fact, I'm gonna have to properly organize shit into categories and shit. Even if Persona 5 has yet to have even been given a finalized release date, that doesn't stop the franchise's biggest and most talented fans from creating some really wonderful works with what material they have. 

For the record, I'm not here to out-art Dream or Hoff.

But, then again, maybe I am. 

I should also mention that I am very very strict about what I consider truly great pieces of art. I'm not even an artist myself, but the tiniest of details can really get to me. An eye that's just a bit off, a chin that's too big (I see a surprising amount of those), awkward poses, watermarks, obvious references, etc. I give some leeway when it comes to having a unique art style, but something about me absolutely hates that one thing that makes the piece imperfect. 

So, I guess expect some pretty awesome stuff. Everything's really fucking legit here. (sources, where applicable, in the captions)


Crisp Detail

I love that cold stare and smile. I mean, it's pretty cold for a guy with one eye bleeding. Not even a slight wrinkle or twitch? Feeling uncomfortable? ... guess not. 


Anne and Morgan in what might as well be official art. Not precise to the Persona style, but pretty close. 


Bright lights and cheeky smiles.


Not much in the way of creative style or posing, but my god that is some tremendous lighting and texture. 


Shhhhh. We gonna do it in the rear, now. 


I wouldn't mind if this were the official look of these two. I expect younger looks, though. 


Might be my favorite. The mask morphing into a blood spot better be a thing at a point or two in the game proper. Flames are so passe.



Persona Q-2: Sponsered by Funko Pop!


Will these characters be Persona 5's fuel to the loli/shota fire?


Remind me never to fall asleep near my cat. I'd rather wake up to a clean mouth. (oh there's a vagina joke in there somewhere)


It's also where he stores his eye drops. You don't keep a stare up like that without at least some excessive strain. 


I love chalk/marker scribble fills. Or anything similar. Always stands out. 


Rub, rub, rub, as fast as you can! I get way too excited by the motions of your hand!


You know he'll be Dancing All Night DLC at some point. He at least should be. Or maybe he's a secret unlockable? Oh my. Speaking of "way too excited". 



Don't tell me he doesn't look like Bayonetta here. 


Two fingers now. Three when you play my game. 


You can tell by the way he uses his walk that he's a woman's man, no time to talk. 


Holy crap is this nice. I'd buy a book of Persona/SMT art done in this fashion. Hardcover, limited edition, special plushie for pre-order. 


Stop with your cheeky smiles, already. You're quite literally breaking the fourth wall!


Kinda reminds me of some of the "Spring of Birth" art from Persona 3, but with more pink rather than blue. 


Finally, some solo art from Ryuji! He's sort of at a disadvantage, unfortunately, not being either the MC or the female eye candy. 


I hope you've washed that since your last dungeon crawl. 


The way they've done up Morgan is very endearing. Oh hey! I just noticed Arsene in the background.


Anne in her dominatrix kitty style!


"Guys. Isn't it weird, that when you look at your own nose, it becomes two? Don't you see it, too?"


Persona 2 x Persona 5 is always a surprise. Despite the obvious similarities with the emphasis on red, people seem to often ignore that in favor of just sticking the P5 MC with the P3/P4 dudes. 



Courtesy of our own Benny Disco!


No words needed.




Ring the fucking bell. 



He appears quiet and docile, but this behavior is actually a profound ruse.


They're just falling from the sky!


Click the link for the entire (awesome) thing.



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Sexy (oh boy, here we go)

I can hardly carry on a conversation over the phone, let alone become aroused by one.


... well played, Internet. Well played. 


Nothing blatant here. But, then again, you don't draw boobs that uncharacteristically huge without the intent of popping at least a few weasels or dripping a few faucets. 









Clean yourself up and finish your ice cream, already!


Oh god, now you're pretending to be a dog. What the hell is wrong with you? 


Whoever did this deserves some real fucking props. I absolutely love a little cheekiness/humor in my porn. 




It goes without saying, but you should post some too! 


9:09 AM on 03.01.2015  

Vidja Ramble 001: Please be gentle

[Vidja Ramble is a quick little experiment I wanna try. I'm in a good mood and feel amibitious enough to begin an original series of blogs. Well, nothing is original anymore. Rather, I'm blissfully unaware of anything like this, so, for now, I've got somethin' goin' for me! So, indulge me in my video game rambling, as this is a potential series where I do nothing but jot down my immediate thoughts. Minor filters, of course. I have a pretty active imagination. Anyway... crap, I'm already rambling. Quick! Indulge me!]

I'm listening to Podtoid Episode 258 as I'm trying think up something to talk about. 

Boogerman should make a comeback. I've been thinking about this for a wh- dammit, Jim. You talk so much. I love you, but... I can't be bothered to pause the audiio. Shut it for a second. 

Can you hear me? 

Guess not. 

Anyway. Boogerman should make a comeback. For mostly selfish curiousity. I want to put people behind the wheel of a thousands of dollars project to bring back Boogerman just for me. Even though I probably don't actually want it that badly. Is that bad? You probably have a wish like, don't ya? 

I wish I could stop thinking about Boogerman now. 


Persona 4: Golden. That is a fucking awesome game. Yosuke is cute. Naoto is cute. Chie is hawt. I swear I won't think about masturbating. Damn. Well, back to thinking about the game. It's awesome. I wanna be playing it right now, but I'm busy playing another Persona game: Persona Q. It's also awesome. I've probably spent a combined time of approximately an hour amongst these first 17-18 configuring my party. It's so hard not to just simply choose an all Persona 4 cast along with my Persona 3 MC because they're the most new to me in both Q and 4, seeing as how I only got so far into 4. 

Is Teddie really this much of a self-loving perv further ways into 4? It makes for some exciting fantasies, but I'm indifferent to it otherwise. Yeah, the fantasies thing. Even though Teddie's human form doesn't have a specified age, I'm just a tad creeped out I find him so strikingly adorable. 

Hold on. This is turning into an honest-to-goodness blog here. This is not what I was going for at all. Different topic. 




This is hard. 

Video games. C'mon. Video games. 






Nintendo! Yes. Nintendo. They make good stuff. Mario, including. Well, of fucking course. Do I have anymore thrilling conversation? How about that Kirby is cute? Oh yeah. Real original. Go me. 

I'm absolutely terrified of using my Wii U. I've mentioned this before, but I don't think it likes me. The Wii U hivemind. It doesn't like me. I've lost so goddamn many Gamepads. 2 is a lot. AND THEY DONT' SELL THEM SEPERATELY. I keep having to deal with Nintendo customer support and they still have no idea what Error Code 185-3000 or something means. 

Where did I put my warranty for my last Wii U? ... oh god. Wait. It's all on computers. That's right. Shit, but where did I buy it? Gamestop? Which Gamestop? Oh no. What have I done? I'm not shelling out anymore money on replacement Nintendo products. It's getting old. Why can't you be NORMAL, Nintendo? Normal controller. Normal console. Normal!

I mean, be creative and colorful and kiddy. But, be like everyone else at the same time!


I sometimes have to knock myself. I don't make sense sometimes. 

Well, I'm thirsty. Is that because I've been thinking so much? I haven't thought this much in a long time. Does that mean my brain is thirsty? I haven't exerted any physical strength outside my arms/hands/fingers. I almost spelt fingers as figures. The brain's a muscle, so I guess that makes sense. It's tired. 

Why do you only get wiser with new information? Couldn't you just think about the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until you got more intelligent like grinding in an RPG? That would be so cool. But, I'd have so much time to think about stupid shit that I'd be OP and for all the wrong reasons. 

"You cheated!", cries Hawking. "That's not fair!", exclaims... what are some more science guys? Who's that black guy? ....ffffffffuck. Almost had it. There was a funny image of him on a train with someone calling him a dork or something. 

No, that's not also Steven Hawking. "J" something? 

And who was the universe guy? Billions and billions. Fuck. 

Steven Hawking. 


Looking at my video games shelf now.......................................................................................... XIII has a cool art style.......................................................... Ty the Tasmanian Tiger was somehow a thing CRIKEY because Australia people say stuff like that............................................................... why did I buy Bejeweled 3 for the DS?.................................................................................... Wow, I am never actually going to buy Disney Infinity and yet I have 4 of those confounded figurines. 

I think I just wanna play Persona Q now. 











No. Nevermind. I read through what I had and it's not good enough. I really don't think this is a good idea. Hell, I don't even know when to stop. How would I know? This is candid blogging right here. So embarassing. I'm at the mercy of my busy mind. 

Run boy run. This world is not meant for you. Run boy run. That just came onto my Spotify. That song from one of Dying Light's trailers. Such a good song. 


Yeah, I officially think about masturbating way too much. 


4:46 AM on 02.28.2015  

10 video game pre-rolls worth a million watches

Pre-rolls are far too often simply gameplay montages, story montages better suited experiencing along with the actual game, or sometimes just tiny bits of trailers you may've seen many times before even considering your purchase along with some extra title flashes like "GOOD AND ALSO BAD" ... "WHICH PATH WILL YOU CHOOSE?". They often do very little to excite, but who could blame them? It's just those few extra moments before you hit the main menu. Who gives a freak about those? 

Me. Me do.

I grew up with games that got you excited even before I could change the brightness to an extent that, in no way, reflected how the prompts told me I should tone said brightness. I have turned it all the way down and that first image is still clear as day! Oh and where is the awesome butt rock?

Sonic Adventure DX: Director's Cut

Embrassingly enough, this was the best segway I could come up with. This pre-roll is about half campaign footage, which I specifically decried above! However, it's in the way they edited it together with the other half and how they synced it to one of the greatest theme tunes ever by kind of famous Sonic band (that's pretty much what they are) Crush-40 that gets me excited. It was works like this that influenced my passion for video-making. 

If this doesn't give you chills, acquire a shittier taste in music and maybe things will work out.

Why Sonic Adventure DX, specifically? More high definition-y and the logo is nicer. It's that kind of remastering that we, in our 8th generation of gaming, can appreciate!


Mortal Kombat: Deception

The PS2/Xbox/Gamecube (Dreamcast?) era is chock full of excellent pre-rolls. Though, looking back, many of which impressed on a visual level rather than one artistic (we were easier to please back then). But, sometimes, they did more than show off the latest CG technology. 

Remember the fight between Qui Gon/Obi Wan and Darth Maul in Episode One? One of the few great parts of that film? There's something about a 2 on 1 fight that really gets me (clearly others as well) especially engrossed in the action. Even better when it's featuring characters dear to me despite my extreme inability to play fighting games to this very day. With the way I fight, you'd think these characters were total dorks.

Who's gonna win?! Is Raiden at a disadvantage or is he an absolute tank? Holy crap, he now has the upper hand! He really is a tank! Oh.. oh no! Raiden, get up! You're the protagonist! But, wait... now Quanchi and Tsung are fighting? WUT?! Now all three team up against a sudden "dragon king"? The excitement never stops. 

The coreography is occasionally a little Shatner-esque, but it's endearing all the same. 


Donkey Kong Country

Oh my lanta. Did you see that? That's the tip top of the original arcade Donkey Kong stage! I never noticed that! Fitting, of course, given Cranky is canonically (yes, Donkey Kong has canon) that same Kong that started it all. 

The SNES was my first console experience, all the way back in 1994. Even though I was just 3 or 4 years old, I distinctly remember walking out of Toys 'R' Us hugging a Donkey Kong Country/SNES bundle in my little arms... which would soon be given to my aunt and not me. I guess she really wanted me and my cousins to come visit as much as possible and, ya know what, it worked. Clever girl. 

I would always indulge myself in this short little animation. I chuckled a bit each time I saw it. It made me almost wish it would continue onwards like a full-fledged cartoon. Come 1997 (in the US), FOX Kids was the place to see exactly that and... 

... well, the games are still great. 


Brutal Legend

Oh, what joy Brutal Legend could've been had it knew what to do with itself. Grandpappy of metal, Ozzy Osbourne, couldn't even save it (God, such fantastic models and animation). One day, perhaps we'll see a fully-realized Brutal Legend from Tim Schafer and co. that impresses gamers and heavy metal fans alike. Until then, let's try to best enjoy what we have, eh?

Partly, the game's pre-roll. Unlike many others, it's actually live action! And starring Jack Black! That brother is always a good watch. Energy and passion ooze from all his best work, even if some may be tired of his antics by now. For all the missteps Brutal Legend took, it's cast and story were not amongst them. Setting up said story directly addressing the player towards a legendary tale hidden within an ancient metal vinyl was brilliant and fit the tone of the game perfectly. 

That it was all done in a single, continuous shot helps it stand even further out from the rest. It's such a crime that projects like Brutal Legend are so rare. 


So many of those arcade cabinets I could never afford to play as much as I wanted to

For as priviledged as I was growing up, it wasn't easy asking my mother for even several dollars to play a video game similar to the video games I could just be playing at home. Even my very naive, spoiled, young brain knew it was stupid, so I would mostly stare into those screens for minutes on end and often pretending that I was playing rather than the computer. 

Yes, they weren't much more than simple gameplay montages, but arcades were so far-removed from playing video games on your consoles or portable devices. Not only was it a wholly different experience, but they needed those lazy pre-rolls and that thumping music to get you to stop at their cabinet rather than that Pacman one for the eleventy-billionith time. I so wanted to play them, but I, at the same time, couldn't be bothered. Their pre-rolls, though, were my windows into those worlds.

From Cruis'n World, The House of the Dead, The Avengers, Jurassic Park, Pole Position, that weird light gun game Aerosmith put out, and so many more. I loved them all, yet I had hardly ever pressed start. 



Persona 4: Golden

I think anyone with an OLED Vita and Persona 4: Golden will agree with me here: Golden's intro is absolutely gorgeous! Trust me, this "480p" video does not do it justice at all.

The animation is pretty alright, but the visuals are so poppy and vibrant that it's almost impossible not to want to sit there and watch them flow by each and every time you start up the game. I shouldn't even need to mention the music given that Persona music is almost always some of the best in gaming, but Shadow World compliments the visuals perfectly. It's killing me, the happiness. 

I don't take kindly to those that can't at least crack a smile from this. You don't like it? Baloney. You keep watching it until you do. You know what creature is least known for smiling? Fish. You are a fish. Stop being a fish, you fish. 


Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

Vice City was probably the first PC game I got really into. My computer back then wasn't much, but it could at least play things like Vice City, WoW or Half-Life 2. Taking advantage of this, hours were spent roaming through Vice City and absorbing it's wonderful setting. More than the gameplay, story, or even the music, I remember the blurring neon as I passed by at night and the sun shining against my hawaiian button-up and assault weaponry during the day.

And sniping the moon. That was cool. Oh and hopping to get around, on-foot, in style.  

The game's pre-roll captures Vice City from all it's best angles while set to an oh so lovely tune clearly riffing off of Jan Hammer's classic Miami Vice theme. It never ceases to draw me into that fantasy 1980's, where everything is flashy, sexy, fast, and dangerously fun. I can't wait for GTA's eventual return to Vice City. It's just gotta happen. 


Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 3

DBZ is pretty exciting when it's distilled down into a minute and a half of actual fighting rather than several episodes of grunting, backtalk, and powering up before some fighting and then we get half an episode of comic relief from Hercule and the other half Goku is learning to drive because haha he can't drive. 

Seriously, I loved DBZ and still do to this very day. I'd say it was my favorite anime if I had seen more anime than DBZ, several episodes of a show here or there and a few films. At one point, I was also really into the Budokai series of DBZ fighters. Next to being Spider-Man, I really wanted to be a saiyan! With me and my blonde hair, I was always sort of half a super saiyan... just without the Galick Guns or the Kamehamehas. Thankfully, Budoaki 1, 2, and 3 were great opportunities to taste what it might be like to be in control of these amazing powers. Sporting faithful visuals and cinematic presentation along with tons of fighters, they were incredibly hard to put down. 

The intro to Budokai 3, in particular, I don't remember skipping too often. These days, the music alone keeps me invested. That slide, vibrato-centric guitar melody embodying that warm nostalgia I so crave whenever I think about stuff like DBZ, the PS2 and my many evenings spent alone playing it. Budokai is all three of those things in one sweet package. 


Super Smash Brothers

C'mon. I'll give you some leeway on Persona 4: Golden and it's infectiously upbeat pre-roll, but you're not about to tell me this doesn't get you way too excited to play Smash Brothers. Those classic sound effects, every cut aims to please, all escalating into the characters clashing with a critical strike and that uproarious narration: 


What more is there to say? It's, like, objectively one of the best. 


Onimusha 3: Demon Siege

Speaking of some of the best, we have finally come to end with the big daddy of video game pre-rolls: Onimusha 3. 

To this day, the CG here has barely aged at all. For a game that released over a decade ago (don't pretend you don't feel old now), that is a beyond tremendous achievement. Sure, most of the facial capture is just a little awkward and the sparse liquid effects look rather cheap, but everything else is top notch. You'd be forgiven for thinking this was a product of the 7th generation. 

The coreography, unlike what's seen in the Mortal Kombat: Deception opening, hasn't aged much either. It's actually some of the best mo-cap I've ever seen. Back in the day? Not only did I love it, but I found it so mesmerizing. I'm watching a high quality film here, ma! Look at those slick moves and that pro swordplay! Wide-eyed, I could not bare to look away. That I had a whole game to enjoy after such a display was unbelievable because I was already getting my allowance's worth. 

Combining jaw-dropping CG with excellent art and top-tier mo-cap, as well as considering it's age, it's easily the most impressive video game opening I've seen. At this point, I'm starting to feel that nothing will ever top it. Nothing. Ever. 



What are some of your favorite pre-rolls/openings? Show them to me! I really wanted to list the original Borderlands', but I was reminded it didn't show up until a new game was initiated. Shame. Don't get intros and openings mixed up like I did!


12:54 AM on 02.25.2015  

Seymour's Guilt-Tripped 9 Favorite Dtoiders List

You guys have had a lot of love to give with our latest little blog trend and that's been equal parts exciting, heartwarming, sexy, inspirational, all sorts of feelings. Good feelings. Problem with me is I typically keep all that gooey, bubbly love of mine locked up for very very special occasions. Probably because I'm afraid I would go too far and go totally yandere on all of you. 

Pictured here: Me and you. Yes, you.

That and, like many have already been over, it's very hard to narrow it down to just 9 people. I don't like making people feel sad or left out. Even people I dislike. I only wish bad things on truly bad people and feeling sad is bad, right? Right. You can see the bind I'm in. 

I really really love this community. I do. If you're reading this, there's a very high chance you are just as lovely a person as anyone I happen to list down below. There are many variables to how these folks ended up on my list. Timing, personal exchanges, having that rare gusto to really put themselves out there as "them" on this Internet and not just a username who says some words (like me). 

Don't put yourself down too much, guy. You're great!

... i-.. is it okay if I touch you there? 

Yeaaaah. It's okay. Really bring it in, now. 

Aw yes. 

Andy "The New Age Gigan" Dixon

Andy makes sure the community at large stays afloat. The community that means so damn much to you and me. There are many other mods that do their work well, yes, but Andy probably has the most pressence (if you know what I mean) of any of them. Seph and his charming Robocop/Metal Gear Rising infactuation and blunt attitude, Occams and his totally out there and surprise comments, but Andy is something else. 

How could you ever mistake Andy fucking Dixon? He always comes in to either lighten the mood or lay down the law, usually when it's most needed. Nonetheless, no matter the circumstances, no matter who you are (nature, creed or color), he's giving you an uplifting (if you know what I mean) thumbs up. 

He really knows how to put his thumbs up (if you know what I mean). 

I can't deny that, without him, things wouldn't be the same around here. Not just within our community podcasts or the cblogs, but as well as the FP. Less so about his significance to just me personally, he is a very crucial element of what makes Destructoid as awesome as it is and why I come here everyday. He is the mysterious white fluid that inconspicuously ladens about the walls and keeps us stuck together through thick and thin. 

(if you know what I mean)

Gajknight and Nekrosys, "The Unproblems"

Not too long ago, I wasn't quite as open with the more eccentric side of my personality as I am now. A part of me I kept locked away from most people as it's a particularly difficult part of me (heck, anyone) to express without coming off obnoxious or simply far too weird. 

Since interacting more and more with Gaj and Nekro, though, I've honed my senses and trained my body in ways unconventional to most other humans. Ways that would drive a sane man mad and a mad man sane, test the will of a sage, bring a seasoned warrior to his knees. But, with bright lights guiding, wrists aching, and sweat shooting from every pore, I came out the other side and a better man. Cue the angelic chorus!

That first fetish blog of mine was, despite my seemingly confident writing, just a little scary to put out there for all to see. People I love and respect now have clear and easy access to what, metaphorically speaking, overheats my hard drive. Holy heck. Do I still have time to delete that? Make a switchoroo? But, as I awoke that following morning, I was surprised by the positive reception it got and felt stupid thinking that, even for a second, of all places, Destructoid would disapprove. 

I love it whenever I get a chance to even just exchange a passing though loving glance with either of these two. They help bring out the side of me I thought was best to keep to myself like it was something I should be ashamed of and now it bleeds into much of what I do on The Internet. 

Keep it sexy, you sexy boys. 

Mike "M'lady" Martin

Better known as PhilKenSebben. But, alas, c-c-c-changes!

Mike, here? One hell of a human being. He's on this list out of sheer respect. I think most here know of the bollocks and hardship he and his family have gone through these last couple or so years and it's fucking amazing that he's able to keep up his fun-loving and brash though kind-hearted persona through all of it. Always seemed like a man who sees his glass half-full, knowing there's greener grass just over that slippery, poopy brown hill. Still more Vaseline in those clamped containers. I am honored to have even been acknowledged a time or two by him. 

It puts my own life into perspective and makes me want to do better. What I've been through is nothing compared to what some others have gone through and sometimes even learned from. Self-improvement has recently become somewhat of an addiction of mine and it's much easier to see myself through the hardest of it all when I think of people like Mike. 

More than anyone else on Destructoid at the moment, he is an honest-to-goodness inspiration. 

The Amazing Benny Disco

Benny may not be a seasoned vet or even around much anymore, but, for a good while, he was one of the best reasons to click every FP article that seemed even remotely interesting. He made those comments sections come alive. You'd even occasionally catch him still shootin' the shit and publishing absolute gold even when an article had long passed it's relevance.

He was also one part of the trio that made up the now dormant community podcast Not'Toid. More than a worthy contender for the most Podtoid thing besides our own Podtoid, it was a very fun podcast in it's own right. I looked forward to it every week... as short-lived as it was. 

I think I speak for anyone here who's had the pleasure of witnessing Benny in action when I say "We miss you. Not just your comments or your podcasts or your super saiyan frog icon, but we miss you.". This community needs every weird, slightly-broken, deliquent motherfucker it can find room for in that smelly old broom closet that is Destructoid.

Occams, I found a shark in Bioshock. Bioshark!

Does it surprise anyone that Occams has practically been on every 9 Dtoiders list thus far? Next to Andy, Occams absolutely embodies Destructoid and often emits that same brilliance that Benny once did. Only Occams doesn't leave us for reasons I can only assume are no good, making me cry like a car alarm. 

Occams is like a giant penis that wraps itself around you and whispers into your ear, through it's urethra, things sometimes just a little disturbing. But, you then start to appreciate the smooth texture and the overwhelming sense of love in every pulsing caress. It's warmth becomes intoxicating and you fall for it. You fall for it's siren song everytime, always wanting more. 

Not just his humor, but he's also really really nice. When he's not making me laugh, he's at least making me smile. If a positive outlook is the best medicine, this man could honestly cure cancer while simultaneously fronting a folk metal cover band and frying ostrich eggs with his feet. 

Pinkie swear that you won't ever leave us, Occams. 

Our bossum buddy, Dreamweaver

While Occams is our resident jester and generally happy dude, Dreamweaver is almost like a brother to everyone. There are only a handful of people I can say are next-level cuddly and understanding, but Dreamweaver is definitely one of them. Just thinking about him, I feel good. I'm afraid that if we hugged, things would get really awkward just below the equator, then he'd blush and shout "BAKA!". Then we'd just shake hands without making eye contact. 

He's opened up to us about some real heavy stuff a time or two, he's hardly (if ever) had a single cross word to say to anyone, he's name is fucking Dreamweaver! If you don't feel at least a sliver of an urge to bro up with this little dude some time, there's something up with that. Buy a couple Sonic slushies, chill, and talk to him about video games. I'm adding that to my bucket list. 

Whatever crazy stuff you happen to be going through or will go through, Dream, know you deserve to pull through. Chin up and keep being a bro!

Elsa, Community Mother

Me and Elsa haven't had much contact, but I've always quietly held a great amount of respect for her. One of the few times me and her have had direct contact, she was putting me in my place. That's her thing. I wasn't even mad. She is one smart cookie.

She always puts a tremendous amount of effort into her comments, whether regarding video games, politics, social climate, whatever. She'll rant about almost anything and kick your ass doing it. I mean, if your words were your ass. She says the words better than you, at the least. Whereas most on The Internet likely couldn't care less about how they come across because of their anonymity, Elsa is as lovely and thorough as she probably is off The Internet. Her husband is one lucky guy. 

Also, let's not beat around the bush: She's old and she likes video games. That's pretty fucking cool. 

Johnny "Macho Libre" Luchador

Of any community member who has left Destructoid, Johnny Luchador is the one I miss the most. Easily. 

He was the reason that I, unlike most, was happy that Destructoid had once decided to force embedded streams on the front page whenever they were live. That meant my chances of missing one of his shows fell dramatically and, from what little I was able to catch, he was such a surreal and insanely hilarious dude. 

He had great back and forth's with his chat, welcomed familiar faces, had plenty of exciting commentary, all the things that make a Twitch personality worth watching. But, Johnny took things a few steps further. He not only had splendid oral presentation (eheh), but his visual assaults were just as awesome. I wish I could somehow screen his Halloween Rad Show he did back in 2013 because it would do wonders in proving my point. He went above and beyond, which is something like 99% of Twitch streamers have about zero interest in.

He's still doing his thing via VideoGameCircus, which I should totally start watching already, but Destructoid? It has felt so much more empty since his departure. He's a one of a kind and Destructoid should be grateful to have had him. I salute you, Lucha, and keep up the terrific work!




Dale North; Kyle MacGregor; Steven Hansen; Laura Kate Dale; uhh....

Basically anyone on staff that loves Persona and it's plethora of husbandos and waifus.

Chris "Lil' Pumpy" Carter

How do you fucking play so many fucking games, do the amiibos, keep up with your monstrous collection of other stuff, have a wife, write for Destructoid more than anyone else, and still have time to write The X-Files? (HAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S ORIGINAL, INNIT?)

Jim "Fucking" Sterling, Son

This was the man that steered Podtoid from a video games podcast (what the hell) off a country road and into a realm of magic and Jonathan Holmes' chungus, what has, in this past year and a half of extensive backlogging, become my favorite thing on The Internet. Not only that, but between Jimquisition, Podtoid, Dismal Jesters, Podquisition, his reviews, his YouTube LP's, Fistshark Marketing (though, I haven't actually listened to much of that yet), etc. he has provided me countless hours of superb content that I will continue to treasure until he's finally fed up with being the fat fuck who talks a lot about video games. 

Whether he's here or there, infamous to some and a messiah to most, he's the man. 


It doesn't take long to see why, but, despite my choice of header, Jonathan is just about the smileyest man I know. Second only to Big Man Tyrone

While some here really don't like 'em, I find it incredibly hard to imagine staying mad at a man like Holmes. He can come off a little condescending on occasion (whether intentional or not), but I know that behind that keyboard and computer screen is a truly swell man who has, like Sterling did for Podtoid for it's remainder until the eventual reboot, begun steering Destructoid into what feels like a second golden age. I've been loving the resurgence of Dtoid's YT channel, the staff comebacks, just how smooth-sailing the front page has been since he took charge. 

And while there's his terrific work on Podtoid/Dismal Jesters, what he still does on Sup Holmes really shows his love for video games and why he's perfect for the position he has on staff. He also seems to like it whenever I suggest questions during his streams, so that's sweet! What a sweetie. 

Add yet another to the bucket list: Shake Jonathan Holmes' hand and hope he doesn't think I'm a douche.





Heh. That outta hold the little SOB's. 




6:51 PM on 02.20.2015  


Our glorious and superior leader, Niero, proposed a very interesting though slightly nerve-wracking question to the community while I was asleep in Seymour's Dreamland. A question I had never considered, but one I am now. With as sharp a mind can be just waking up, but with full attention. 

"Should Destructoid venture into general geek media?"

Thankfully, through means that is quite the long tale, I still have all the time in the world these days to think about it. If I were browsing this during school or work, this is where all my attention would be despite. That is how important Destructoid is to me. It is the place where I have grown my permed persona into what is, I would like to think, a somewhat respected member of a community that is as awesome as it is. It's a place to talk about video games, but sometimes go off-topic and nobody can predict where those threads end up. 

I absolutely adore the community here. You guys are hilarious, honest and dangerously sexy. You've also given me a pedestal that has continuously inspired my brain to create some half-worthwhile pieces of writing. I won't forget you guys when I'm managing my own speciality taco business out of my aunt's Lincoln. 

Destructoid is my harem. My allied trench in the war between idiots and The Internet. My bubble buddy. 

It is practically my second home. 

You may have already noticed, but the comments seem to be at, for the most part, a resounding "No.". A couple made a suggestion that Destructoid should implement subsections as to keep Destructoid as Destructoid as possible whilst drawing in new viewers, then there was our own staff member Mike who was easily the most open of our commenters. Also, cocks. 

Look, I'm not going to pretend that it isn't at least partially the fear of change that makes me think "No." as well. I mean, look at those two toddlers in the Full House cast shot. Who the fuck were they? Does anyone remember them? I don't want them! But, they're cute and people love cute. 

"Whatchu talkin' bout, Niero?"

I'm also not going to pretend that going the route of general geek media wouldn't be the right move from a business standpoint. It probably would be. I think. The Destructoid folks have been scraping for cash for pretty much ever, am I right? It may be stable enough, but stable doesn't always ease your mind in a time when YouTube is fast becoming the new media. It's practically an Internet within The Internet.

Could explain the concentrated awfulness of most the community there. 


But, I do know one thing for sure: You will lose a little bit of what makes Destructoid, well, Destructoid.

For 9 years, you guys have solidified yourselves as the no fucks given crew of gaming media. A humble abode that has made history with the likes of Anthony Burch, Jim Sterling, Nick Chester, Jonathan Holmes, etc. All still very much active in the gaming space. Who's to say they would be where they are now without Destructoid's undying devotion to de vidja? What kind of environment would that have been? What would it be now? Destructoid, to this day and especially today, stands out amongst the rest because of said undying devotion. 

Speaking of devotion, it's clear your most vocal viewers, the part of our community that makes it what it is, mostly, would not welcome the change. I know I'd still stick through to the very end, but I know some here that are, in some ways, more passionate than I when it comes to Destructoid. They may leave entirely. Some of my most favorite people. And that would blow. 

Destructoid is the only video game website I regular. It's like my special someone. I love you the way you are, baby. Even without your make-up and with a few grey hairs, you're still you. 

Then again, I'm not under Destructoid's payroll. I don't know what it's like to be asked this question from that perspective. I bet even they don't know for sure what would happen if this change was inacted. In theory, it's better for business, but... who knows? I'm getting a headache, so imagine what Papa Niero and the rest are going through.

Being like all the others could either bring great things or wane interest across the board. Perhaps a subsection minus any of the frontpage crossbreeding would be best, but why would it stop there? 

I also know another thing that is certain: Destructoid, as amazing as it is, won't be around forever. In ten years, we may be all asking ourselves "Remember IGN? That's so retro! I'm gonna look those guys up on Google Wiki with my Google Brain through my Google Tube and see what Google Censor thinks I should be allowed to see.". 

Is it stubborn to keep up with what you do best when everyone else already provides what you think will assure success for only so long? I think that's what all this boils down to. 

I can't make the decisions and as a single member of a much larger vocal minority that has little baring on the livelihoods of dozens of Destructoid staff members I have no right to. But, I will say that I would, personally, like to keep Destructoid the way it is. As long as it's income is sustainable and they continue pushing HUGE memberships (they haven't been doing much of that, actually), I don't see the harm. 

With that said, do what it is you think is best, Destructoid. Whatever that may be, I won't judge you for it. At the very least, you will have left behind one heck of a history. One of the best The Internet has to offer. STFUAJPG will live on, whether with our wonderful staff and community or in spirit across the vastness of existence. At least wherever there is video games. 

You keep on lighting that fire, Destructoid. As long as you can.



6:57 PM on 02.14.2015  

Fetish Blog: Return of the Shag

... and the bees.

Willickers! What a beautiful day outside!

I could be out walking, getting fit, getting some sun, pointin' and winkin' as I cross paths with my neighbors and the local deer herds (I assume they run because my too cool attitude just gets them that flustered), but, instead, I'm inside typing up (what is assured to be) another wonderful entry in this series of blogs where our community confesses to all the weird crap that makes their hearts thwomp and their nethers goomba (that one doesn't work quite as well). 



There are many wisdoms to take from the penis.

Can we just set one thing straight? You guys are fucking weird. But, I love you. I love you all. And, yes, in that way. I mean, I'm weird too. I want to be weird with you. On the Internet, in your car, in the park, at the movies, while you cook, in the presedential election booth, locked in a cell, protesting the establishment, but, mostly, right here and now. 

I've already detailed ten people/creatures I would be more than happy to get happy with, but ever since shortly after posting that and witnessing the feedback it got, I've felt as if I've let some of you down. 

I've had this nagging itch at the back of my head for some time now. It's not that bump I got from slipping in the shower, it's not that rash I got from rubbing on that mysterious lotion I bought off some pestering old man with one eye, no... it's something else. Did I not perform to the best of my abilities? Length wasn't the issue, nor was it the build-up or the titilation, it was the substance

Consider this blog an apology. A lament. I know you all want to know as much about what makes me a perv as possible and my past discharge clearly did not quench your thirst. 

Well, drink up, you lovely deliquents. 


Our resident Laura Kate knows this all too well: Butts are grrrrrreat. If they could talk, I'd hope they'd say they loved me back. 

Ever since I was 16, I have been absolutely obsessed with butts. Situated at the pelvis, much like the penis, vagina, and hips, it is like the center of all that is the physical form. There's something very flattering/satisfying about being directly presented or interacting with something so central and personal to someone.

Shaped just right, it is visually flattering as well. How it stretches/bends, warps, gives in. But, when size, shape, and firmness come together just right, if I'm being frank, there's nothing quite like the feel. Can I get an amen? 


Look at how excited they are! There's only 3 things you get that excited over: 

1.) Exam results

2.) Landing that job

3.) Butts

The butt is evolution's way of saying it cares. It is one of THE greatest things ever.


Now, this is KIND of (I'll explain) a recent fetish. At this point, it's actually one of my most passionate. 

I used to think I became interested in dudes out of boredum with the fairer sex because, if I'm being totally honest with myself, I haven't had a single successful relationship with a female. I've had what could be described as "flings", never a real significant other. Whether it was because I wasn't assertive enough or she simply wasn't interested, I haven't had much luck. 

But, in retrospect, I've always been interested in the peen. Without going into too much detail, even at the early stages of puberty, I never considered dudes any different than gals. I was just suddenly finding the general human body... tantaliizing. Somewhere down the line, though, for whatever reason, I began putting those fantasies behind me. Perhaps it was because most, if not all, the attention I had been receiving, at the time, was from the females. So, naturally, I guess my brain began to heavily associate with girls. Cooties and all. 

As I've grown in these last couple (rather tough) years, I've done a lot of digging around in my head. Who I am, what I've gone through, what I what, etc. And given the amount of (eheh) personal time I still have to myself, it was only so long before these urges would begin to creep back up. 

Specifically, I love the pretty boys. Not always the androgynous boys, but that does help. If they wanna put on lady's garments and high heels, be my guest. In vidja game terms, you might find me fawning over the likes of Link, Yosuke, Ringabel, Jonathan, etc. 

Now, I've, of course, never been at all against going for whoever it is you love (within reason), but ever since officially adopting a more bisexual state of mind, I've begun to especially appreciate the beauty of sharing the same appendage (or lack thereof) and hate the sometimes very arbitrary notion of the law or religion. 

Why should two lovers be denied their right to get married or even a good time (in some parts of the world, just being anything but straight will get you fined)? "Sanctity"? Who's to say what that means to you is what it should mean for all? When tradition becomes more of a burden (to say the least) that holds back what hurts nobody, don't you think it's about time you start considering how stupid the whole thing is?

Personally? I want nothing more than to be taken from behind, on all fours, by a lovely young stallion with a nice dick. He slips it in, there goes my butt virginity, and I plead for it to stop because of the pain. But, I'm then caressed firmly at the neck and kissed softly on the back of the head, as if to say "It's a wild ride, but I'm here for you.". The pain turns to pleasure as we both begin moaning in unison and eventually finish with a loud scream. We both collapse in heat, breathing heavily. We look at eachother, still red, and kiss passionately for several seconds and I finally hear those words I've longed to genuinely hear for so damn long:

"God, I love you."

I know it. I'll burst into tears and kiss him for several seconds longer and repeat that powerful phrase, "I love you.". We fall asleep in eachother's arms, both mouths ajar from the previous intensity. But, on the inside, I'll be smiling more than I ever have. 

Asian Gals

Another early fetish of mine that I've carried into adulthood, Asians ladies are easily a number two just below twinks. 

The more native, the better. Even when they're not perfect, they're still sooooo mesmerizing! A lot of them are real cuties and, as I've detailed in my last fetish blog, when cute gets sexy it gets really sexy. It should be no mystery, but part of said cuteness comes from the eyes. Whether as large as saucers or as narrow as toothpicks, there's something about them I adore that I can't quite put into words. 

All 3 are of Rina Akiyama. One of the few models I know by name because that's how amazing she is! You might actually know her from her pin-up cameo in MGS3.

They're a commodity I can't imagine someone (who's into vjj) not at least enjoying on some level. I can't help but lose my shit just a tad when I see an especially attractive Asian girl. There's definitely the foreign appeal. That they could probably show me things I never thought possible, beautiful things.. sexy things. 

They also seem rather fun-loving. I've never seen a shoot with an Asian girl who didn't look like she was having the time of her life rather than trying to look as easy as possible. I think we all here at Destructoid can at least appreciate being able to keep a heartfelt smile while showing a little (or a lot of) skin. 

There's nothing to be ashamed of. Whip it out!


Oh, boy. Here we go. 

Yes. I'm a fur[youknowwhat] through and through. I love big, fluffy tails. The smooth, vibrant, cartoonish styles. The structural impossibilities. Everything about them. I love furries


To make matters worse, it's doesn't even have to have fur! Yeah! Pokemon? Rock hard. Ponies? Aw yees. Imps? Aliens? SHARKS?! 

SHARKS?! ... sharks? That doesn't ev- ACK, how? What is wrong with me?!

Sometimes I even surprise myself. 

Perhaps it's best that we move on...


Now, being laughed at is a whole separate thang that I'm not personally into. I'm all about submission and being powerless (as I'll detail in the next topic), but there's a fine line between that and just straight up degradation. 

However, laughing from the sensation of skin touching skin or from the sheer pleasure? That's fucking hot. Just the sound is enough to evoke an ASMR-like response from me, especially when it's really cackly and squealy, but to know that I'm entertaining my other to a point that drives them crazy enough to laugh is immensely flattering. Sex is a mutual thing. If my partner is having fun, I'm having fun. 

I wouldn't even need to see equal pleasure from my partner. If I can blush them silly and then have them release, my job is done. I'm content. I just like making people happy!


As far as the more fantastical fetishes go, macro/giantess/giant/etc. is easily my favorite. 

There are some aspects of it I find greedy, that I enjoy anyway. To not only be caressed by, but surrounded in flesh or to be in awe of the immense scale. Some aspects unreasonable, that I can't help but think about. To be topped and pounded into the ground by a giant/giantess... with no outstanding pain... and live! Some aspects unconventional, but somehow still erotic. To be disregarded on a level that someone would consider trying to derive sexual pleasure from devouring me. 

Is that necessarily "degradation"? I don't think so. I don't like being told I'm unsexy or that I'm pathetic or anything. I like the idea of being used like almost a toy or a mere aphrodisiac. To have someone be pleasured at my expense. 

Or for someone that size to be my gentle protector. To keep me safe and consolidate me with massive hugs and kisses, and to be pleased orally or through small amounts of pressure against soft, firm skin. Ya know, in a way I would likely, given the already unrealistic circumstances of a macro human/anthro, come out alive.

Mostly, I just think about what it would be like to witness an attractive person of that scale. As tall as houses, skyscrapers... an entire planet! To feel insignificant to or be at the mercy of someone in that way. Not through anything emotional, through power, or social status, but through sheer size. I think that's incredibly interesting. And sexy. 




Before Destructoid, I had never felt I could be this open about my sexual desires. It's very therapeudic, as I'm currently still living at home and going through a bunch of nonsense that must be dealt with before really getting life underway. I haven't had much room for exploring this particular facet of life since my high school years, so I appreciate being heard. 

It may not seem immediately obvious, but this is not only very fun but very helpful. This is one hell of a community, one that I am proud to be apart of. I feel we can be open about anything here with no ill judgement. Whether someone needs life advice, we need to vent, talk about video games, or we want to share what gets us wet, it's all open for discussion around here! That's fucking something. Let's not ever take that for granted. 

I look forward to reading through any future fetish blogs that catches my eye! That's enough sexy from me for a while. 


7:11 PM on 02.11.2015  

I Love Shoji Meguro (featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry Series)

We talk about the story, the gameplay, and the sexy of a video game on the community blogs pretty often, but hardly ever the music. I've had music blogs that are considerably more well-received than my others, but, from what I've seen, only I and perhaps a couple others talk about music at all and let alone on a regular basis. Not even I do that!

It's a real fucking issue, guys. When we neglect music, we get *bile rises* artists like Nicki Minaj or whatever noise was featured in the latest DmC: Definitive Edition trailer (I like wubbystep, but that was all wub and with little to no mind payed to volume control besides "make it super loud"). Unfortunately, sometime during the 90's, the music industry began laxing and realized it was very easy to impress people and it hasn't quite been the same since. We've still had plenty of good stuff, but not nearly as much I'd say. 

Around that same time (at least in the US), games like Final Fantasy and practically anything Rare were releasing and doing more than just presenting you with a video game, but a world. To create a world, it takes more than gameplay and a nice idea. Story/characters, landscape building, and, of course, music. Technology was improving, cartridge/disc space was increasing, and developers got more ambitious. Naturally, video game music was only getting better and better. 

And ever since 1996, for nearly 20 years, this man has been responsible for some of the best of the best: Shoji "Motherfucking" Meguro. Composer for much of the Shin Megami Tensei franchise of games. 

Where most composers tend to stick with maybe one or two genres as their speciality, Meguro has practically done it all and done it incredibly well. Blues, progressive metal, alternative rock, jazz.. metal (?), lounge, j-pop, orchestral, electronica, etc. It takes a tremendous amount of talent to channel multiple genres at all, nevermind for a single project. He may not be the only one responsible for the music (there's "Lotus Juice", Shihoko Hirata, and Yumi Karamura who do a lot of the vocal/lyricical work where applicable), but he's typically credited over anyone else and... I mean, the guy is awesome. 

I'm aware of Japan's notorious reputation for unfair or outright untrue credentials, but I would like to think everything's on the up and up over at ATLUS. They've remained genuine and trustworthy in my eyes as a consumer for all these years, so I assume they treat their employees with siimilar amounts of respect. 

With that out of the way, how about some brass tacts music discussion, eh? 

Holy shit, I need to play the female path in P3P

As with a lot of people, I'm mostly familiar with the soundtracks to Persona 3 and 4. Featuring more than a handful of tracks that are composed unlike most video game music, the spotlight is not only set on the instrumentation, but the vocals. Akin to how most music bands compose their latest work, Shoji and company have now made it practically a Persona tradition to include tracks like Reach Out to the Truth or Mass Destruction during gameplay or story sections.

There's also the theme tunes that everyone (including me) absolutely salivates over. 

I think what makes these (and other) tracks so freaking good is Shoji's sick ear for backbone. By that, I'm talking bass and synth/keys. 

For the most part, it seems instruments like bass or keys are seen as those things that those "other" band members operate out of necessity. They don't need to be there or they have to be there in some way so here ya go. When I was young, I didn't even understand the concept of "bass" until I got more into music and then, later, playing guitar. I realized how much I used to, what seemed so arbitrarily at the time, change melody in my head according to the bass as opposed to the vocals or the other instruments. 

Nobody ever air-basses unless they're listening to Rush. Nobody ever strikes an invisible piano and wobbles their head around like Ray Charles unless they're listening to Elton John... or Ray Charles. The thing is, the rhythm is big part of what makes a song and percussion isn't all that can make up a song's rhythm. 

I haven't studied music theory, so a lot of what I say may sound either inarticulate or straight up whack, but I just know I gotta be on to something!

Fucking listen to that bass. Those keys. They ride just as well as everything else (if not better). When you have great bass, keys, percussion, etc. backing up great vocals and melodies, the result is euphoric. 


Even when there aren't any vocals, there's always something unique to every track that keeps me coming back. Not just whatever Shoji puts out, something about the music pertaining to the SMT franchise makes me think these guys must really fucking love music and put as much effort into said music as the design leads, progammers, animators, etc. put into the rest of the game. 

A lot of other franchises have great music, but nothing like SMT's. It gels with me in a way I can no longer go on describing without simply talking about each individual track and I can go on like that forever. 

Shoji had little to no hand in the SMTIV soundtrack, but it's one of my favorites still. The main theme plays like the intro to a quality TV drama/thriller. 

Combining technicality, genre-blending, and catchiness with a little bit of personal appeal (there tends to be a lot of progressive or electronica elements throughout even tracks like Time to Make History), the SMT franchise is all that makes music so great and interesting to me. When Persona 5 (FINALLY) releases, I'll be playing it for the music as much as I'll be playing it for the gameplay, immersion, and story. Then, when I listen to the soundtrack rips off YouTube, I won't be just reliving the context(s) surrounding the tracks, but appreciating just how fucking great the music is. 

A lot could probably be said about the music in relation to my enjoyment of the other parts of the SMT games, but that's for another time. Unlike most video game music, I don't feel as if I'm necessarily missing anything when I listen to these tracks outside the game. I don't focus on that time I did that thing when this music was playing, I just get lost in that wondrous art of voice and sound. 

Play me off, Persona. 


6:34 PM on 02.07.2015  

When I look into your eyes...

... there's a special kind of feeling I get. From the bottom of my heart to the furthest reaches of my most raging boner. The way you speak your gibberish, the way you laugh, the way you work your stuff as you work your enemies over like a young teen to their parent's credit card, how you were there for me during times most would simply say "Hey, put some pants on you pervert!" . Girl, you're always on my mind. 

Some would say our love isn't right. That it is "forbidden". We're from two completely different worlds. One physical, one virtual. That hasn't stopped the fanart. That hasn't stopped the countless late nights or suspiciously long showers. Hearts weren't made for holding back. 


Take me away.

Your stature may be a concern for some, but, to me, you are 100% woman. Well, imp woman. Actually, if anything, your size should be more of a concern for you. I'm like 3-4 times your height and weight. But, that can be alleviated, am I right? Your allure is matched only by your power. What may be physically impossible isn't a concern with Zelda canon. Or my imagination, for that matter. It's magic, you ain't gotta explain shit.

The things you've done to me, the things I've done to you... mostly the things you've done to me. Submissiveness is my thing. That giant hand of yours has not gone to waste, I assure you. 

"Prepare your anus!"

Something about that sassy smile of yours. 

That 'come hither' stare.

That butt. 

But, it didn't start with a look and then "I want in.". What kind of wound up delinquent do you take me for? Jesus! Midna is a gal I would, honest-to-goodness, profess and commit to if possible. With that kind of status, it takes more than looks and a butt that can crack solid cement. 

Before Hyrule Warriors, all it's fanservice-y glory, and the influx of Rule 34's, there was only The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. What was considered by many to be the second black sheep of the franchise next to Wind Waker until Skyward Sword showed us just how lackluster a Zelda game could really be (don't hate me, bros). 

For me, though, the timing was very late. If it were menstruation, start buying diapers. The Wii was all but dead, the Wii U had recently released, and I was content with some mini-games and a new Marios. All the while, I continued to miss out on one of Nintendo's biggest releases. But, in early 2013, I finally played what would end up becoming not only my favorite Zelda game, but my favorite Zelda story. Thanks in no small part to Link's new companion character, Midna. 

The imp with the butt

Some time into the game, you would think you were clear of any pesky tutorial fairies or shouting rocks. Then you're captured, put behind bars in an overtaken Hyrule Castle, and, most egregious of all, humiliated by being turned into a furry. How could things get worse? With that, how the heck do I get out of here?!

What's this? Someone call for a little plot magic? (stop asking so many questions or I'll never finish this blog)

Enter the mysterious Twilight Princess (spoiler alert!) turned adorable scamp, Midna. She has the power to set you free, but on one condition: You must help her do some stuff that I don't remember. 

Christ. How? How could I say 'no' to that face?

Surprisingly enough, Midna is fairly light on the patronizing tutorials or blatant hand-holding. She's even a little interesting. A character in her own right straight from the get-go. She's less of a helper or companion and more of a necessity. If it weren't for Midna, Link would not have been physically capable of continuing his adventure to save Hyrule from (spoiler alert!) Ganon once more. 

Nevermind that, if it weren't for Midna, I'd have much less to do during my day to day. 

Link and Midna's relationship is a little rocky at the start. Midna clearly playing up her dominance to get her way, her personality was immediately more further developed than just a bullet point convention. Helping was the new animation engine that was later used for (the much muuuuuch worse) Skyward Sword, giving characters new levels of expression and leaving behind the static pool of angry face, sad face, happy face, etc. 

Slowly but surely, though, Midna becomes a tad more sympathetic. She realizes your situation, much like her's, puts you at a frustrating disadvantage and even shows obvious compassion a time or two. 

Then, suddenly, several dungeons later, the shoe is on the other foot when Midna is attacked and left near death at the hands of the first of the game's main antagonists, Zant. Luckily, through more PLOT MAGIC, Link and Midna are teleported to near the city entrance before it's too late. Link must now carry Midna, in his wolf form (PLOT MAGIC), to the safety of Zelda's makeshift prison at the top of Hyrule Castle. 

This part of the game was, without a doubt, The Legend of Zelda's most powerful moment for me. The context, imagery, and somber music all combining to pack one hell of an emotional punch. It was a long piggyback, but we eventually made it. Our bond now all the more strong because of it. I wanted nothing more, in that moment, than to get Midna to safety.

I was now mad at Zant. His first big reveal and they nail end goal motivation to the wall with a railroad spike. From then on, I was set and determined. Twilight Princess had officially engaged me. 

By the final hours of Twilight Princess, Midna and Link are bosum pals. Heck, they're arguably 'a thing'. Midna opens up to the validity of Link's quest as well as her own. They're both just as important and she was just a little selfish to think otherwise. 

At the very end, when we had to say goodbye, it felt too real. It wasn't a tear-burster, but genuinely bittersweet. We had done what we set out to do, we knew we had to part ways, but I simply didn't want to. It all balanced out and I was left staring at my screen totally numb. 

For me, Midna isn't simply a convention or a tool, she's a character. She's more real to me than any other Zelda "character", or many other video game characters in general. The silent Link echoing my every intent and reaction (or lack thereof), me and Midna traversed Hyrule in name of hot, steaming Twili/Hylian justice and kicked enough ass to fill up several football stadiums. 

And she also just happens to speak to my kinky side. 

Midna is a butt, but she is a meaningful butt. She's ass, but with class. In more ways than one, I can't get enough of her. Whether it's her character, the mechanics surrounding her in either Twilight Princess or Hyrule Warriors, or her mammoth sensual magnetism, she's my gal. 

She is my waifu. 




6:57 AM on 02.06.2015  

(VIDEO) Persona 5cast: Me and two friends analyze the new trailer

That first blog I did on Persona 5 was a thing. This is a much MUCH better thing. That's not just my opinion. My mother told me she enjoyed it as well. 

This is mine and Travis' first podcast, with Rodkey having not only some experience but quite a bunch! He still runs the Comedy Button Facebook group/Twitter, edits videos for various outlets, knows Max Scoville (!), and is currently even applying for a job at IGN. He's probably our most famous face/voice/blob. 

Since Rodkey had to leave some time into the podcast, things got considerably less analytical for a while until we got back into the groove by the time we began answering questions (which I really should've done here as well, but didn't think about it). But, enough negative. We have a lovely discussion as a whole and even, at one point, talk about men with vaginas. That's a major positive. 

Hope you guys enjoy! If I do say so myself, I find it thoroughly entertaining even as someone who can't stand the sound of his own voice. 

This may become a semi-regular thing. Like once every several months. But, that's unlikely. It's very rare that something like this gets me passionate enough to set aside a whole 30min-1hr+ discussion to it. 


7:05 AM on 02.05.2015  



If I could record myself screaming to accurately portray my level of excitement, I would. But, it's late at night early in the morning, so this blog may have to suffice. 

Pay attention, protag-san! It's dissection time!

I mean, this is game is fucking beautiful! Clearly, they're using an updated version of the engine they used for Catherine (you should buy that, btw) and it does a great deal of justice to the Persona universe (EDIT: Apparently it's not the same engine. Still, they obviously borrowed the style and presentation they tested out with Catherine.). No longer are we stuck isometrically with almost completely static models, what we have with Persona 5 is much MUCH more dynamic and expressive. 

The traversal is obviously a big departure. What's up with that? It flies by so quickly that my brain couldn't have time to tell itself "I like/don't like this.". It just sort of made me foam up even more. Stealth? Platforming? Whoa! 

Like, really. This is pretty huge (like my boner right now). 

What's that? It's also probably still turn-based? As it should be! Calenders are still in, stores, exploration, side missions, classic SMT demons/personas (hey there, Sandman and Pyro Jack!), all-out attacks, and...

Hey! You're a nice surprise! I thought characters died with their voice actors over in Japan. Rest in piece and all that (seriously), but with all these new changes, it's nice to be already assured some convention beyond gameplay/HUD hints. 

Speaking of our characters...

These 3 seem to be our central lot. The main protagonist is a cutie, the girl has a chip on her shoulder (Chie much!), and the other looks like a dick. But, we know we'll end up loving him no matter. Shinji was rather blunt and reclussive, but he's alright! Right? Yeah. Whatever. I don't got time for this shit

There's also what seems to be one of those (what would be obligatory across most anime culture) poppy companion animals. A kitty cat. 

His attire reminds me of another interesting tidbit to gather from this trailer: It seems our leads carry a burden much like our past Persona leads. They have a regular social life and a school life which we will, no doubt, have a huge part in affecting, but unlike past leads... their second lives seem a bit more mysterious. 

Are they heistmen? A masked vigilante group made public (our main protagonist is nearly arrested, in uniform, towards the beginning of the trailer), out to uncover a dark truth? Who knows! It's all so exciting!

There's so much to dissect from this trailer that I, with the time I've given myself before I can no longer act as an intelligible human being from the sheer EXCITEMENT, cannot possibly be up to the task. But, I hope my two cents will get some of our more ambitious users (staff members?) groundwork to start from. 

Who else can't believe their eyes? IT'S SO. FUCKING. GORGEOUS!

Even the menus are more fancy this time around!

It goes without saying, but I'm also thoroughly in love with the music. 

To think I'm neck-deep in my PC catalog. Soon enough, I need to tear myself away and finally finish Persona 3 and 4. Such long games. 

Have a good one!


6:04 PM on 01.24.2015  

PAX South was better than meaty fajitas

Last year's Alamo City Comic-Con was my very first convention experience. It was loud, exciting, life-affirming, all around nerdy as fuck and awesome. I wasn't preparred for the fun that I would have and I wanted that fun to continue whenever possible. The kind of fun that would fuel my day better than any breakfast. Possibly unless that breakfast was exclusively bacon. A lot of bacon.  

When it was announced some time ago, the idea of a PAX South had me even more ecstatic than the weeks leading up to Comic-Con. More than any other facet of geek culture, I likes my video games. They bring me into fantastical fictional worlds effortlessly, like no other medium. I love getting lost in a good RPG or shooter, or sinking my teeth into the mechanics of the latest indie craze. I've also never really had the opportunity to get the inside scoop on upcoming releases, always wondering what it would be like to be on the other side for just one day. 

There was a sizable barrier to break through, though. The fact that this was no Comic-Con. I needed to put myself in the right head space to get what I wanted to get out of PAX South. With no autograph signings worth mentioning, not nearly as much cosplay, no panels worth actively seeking out and no interest in the competitive scene, it would come down to whether or not I could find enjoyment in something far more modest than what those attendee statistics and gigantic convention halls would imply: Game demos and chatting with the people behind them.

Most of my first couple hours were spent whoring myself out at the vendors and snapping up whatever cosplayers I could find. Suffice to say, it took me long enough to snap out of the funk I was in and just play some fucking video games. But, when I did, that's when the happenin' began to be happenin'. 

As someone who, recently, has been mostly dealing with his backlog and hasn't had much motivation to keep up with the slew of new indie... news, PAX South was a godsend. I now have at least several additional upcoming indies on my radar and I may even purchase JumpJet Rex later today! That was a fun one. It was hard resisting the urge to mention to Mike Gaboury that it heeeeavily resembled Flappy Bird, until he said it himself. 

I like that. He's knows exactly what he's doing and isn't trying hide it at all. 

I even came across a "Social Justice Warriors" game that predated GamerGate by a whole several months! You could tell the developer was legit. Sadly, my Social Justice Warrior mage pins I was planning on sending much of the Dtoid staff got lost somehow. 

I believe Fortified was the first game I came across that enticed me to chat with the developers enough for what went down to be considered a conversation. I don't know what it's like for every developer, to be told that "Your game is a lot like [x] with a little bit of [x]!" rather than saying it's very special in it's own way, but these guys, much like Gaboury, had no trouble admitting that they were essentially making Orcs Must Die with 50's Americana. 

The intentionally simplistic enemy designs reminded me a lot of Earth Defense Force. A chasy, claw arms, a bulb at the top, tall legs... you want a giant robot? There's your giant robot. Nothing fancy, and I love it. 

"No relation to Epic's upcoming Fortnite?", I asked them. "No. But, we are using Unreal 4!". Nice. Here's hoping for a PS4 release (currently slated for PC and Xbone), where I do a lot of my indie nonsense these days. 

As far as quanity and quality went, Devolver had both in spades. More than any other booth, hands down. Titan Souls looked sweet, Enter the Gungeon played tremendously well, Hotline Miami 2 seemed like more of the same that many loved (I, personally, wasn't a fan), and The Talos Principle still looks amazingly interesting.

If Broforce ever gets Vasquez, know that it was totally all me. But, I had my longest chat with one of the people behind The Talos Principle. It was goddamned intimate. We talked at length about his involvement with Serious Sam, why I should look into The Talos Principle, etc., but all that was as much me as it was him.

He, himself, though, honest-to-goodness, insisted I wait for a Steam sale to purchase it. He implored that it wasn't that amazing that they could both tackle a cheesy action-shooter and an intelligent, methodical puzzler and do them justice. "We're just passionate about making games, man. Nothing special.". Bullhonky. Read between the lines a bit, man! He was the most modest person I had come across in a long long time. Regardless of how he truly felt on the inside, the man deserves to flaunt a bit. 

It was also interesting to hear that a lot of the mechanics in The Talos Principle were initially apart of Serious Sam 4 "to give you something else to do". My brows perked as I told him "Well, that doesn't sound very Serious Sam." as politely as I could have. He agreed, so he and (assumedly) others pushed for a whole separate experience with these parts. That was when The Talos Principle was born!

Oh yeah. And Serious Sam 4 is fucking happening, people. 

There was one game, though, that impressed me beyond any sort of objective basis. It was incredibly rough, but it had potential and a tremendous amount of charm. The developers were also a very humble and adorable bunch. The above picture, for me, pretty much embodies "indie gaming". 

Periodyc Studios' T Is For Guilty is a title I hope you all keep your eye on. 

The main protagonist, he's got "classic, lovable" down to a 't'. In fact, that's exactly what he is! How can you not love a character that is literally a capitol 'T'? He's like Rayman by way of Mavis Beacon.

There isn't much to go on as far as gameplay. As I said, the game is very very rough. It really takes playing what is there to "get it". Once you begin making this feller move and punch through the air like Guacamelee's Juan along to the cheeky jazz soundtrack, you fall in love. Or, at least, ideally. I certainly did. It's character design speaks to me in a way I can't describe. 

I am very very glad to own this lovely poster: 

The demo I played didn't even have a proper "end". You simply couldn't go any further. That's how rough it was. But, I can't deny I was taken by it. 

Make a Sticky Note to stalk Kickstarter for whenever their's goes up. To be frank, I can't imagine it getting too far with the build it has and some cute concept art, but I hope to be proven wrong. I mean, I really wanna be proven wrong! These guys need to evolve the game to a point that even halfway capitalizes on it's potential. 

It was booths like this and Devolver's that gave me a newfound appreciation for the indie scene. I wanna give them all a big hug. 

Between Alamo City Comic-Con and PAX South, I have become a con junkie. I never saw myself as that sort of person, but now I can't imagine my life without 'em. They accentuate my love of being a total nerd to levels indescribable and I get to meet all sorts of interesting people, both eccentric fans and developers. 

Like I said with my last con blog, if you haven't already and if you want to go even just a teensy bit, you owe it to yourself to. It will give you lots of good feelings. 


The Gearbox Rockin' Fun Zone!


Also, to prove that I can look considerably less stupid than I do in that selfie, here's a test shot I did a few days ago of a James Sunderland cosplay I almost completed in time for the con, but noooot quite:


Still needed patches and an appropriately-colored jacket, but it's basically there!


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