What's more fun than blasting 80's new wave out the front car of a train shaped like a hot dog wiener while you're being tit-cuddled by Jessica Nigri? Leeching off blog trends! And who doesn't love talking about themselves? You? That's a lie. I don't want liars reading my blogs. Of my many fetishes, liars aren't one of them.
First off, do like me while typing and play this while reading:
You shall feel as one with me and my words (it'll also offset the upcoming sadness).
Second off, I wanted to touch butt base with the community since my life has been slowing changing over the past month or two and, thankfully, for the better! I haven't been over it much here (if at all), but, this past year, I've been going through a real hard time. Let's just say gullibility, paranoia, loneliness, and ADHD do not go together in a very tasty sandwich. Not to say I've been completely alone or in a living hell (some people even here have it worse or way worse than I), but I've had some growing pains to get through. At 24, I'm going through nonsense I should have gotten out of the way when I was still a teenager. Knowing one's self, where I wanna go with my life, why I feel this or that, those sorts of things.
It isn't always there, but it's been what's kept me doing nothing with my life for far too long.
But, in this past week especially, I've calmed down tremendously. I've begun exercising again, I've been a lot more motivated to generally do things, and I also realized I look really fucking cute in glasses. Makes me wanna get my eyes checked like I really should be doing anyway.
With that said, let's say some more stuff about me that is at least somewhat positive. You gotta realize that, even at your worst, there's something about you that makes you great like nobody else and I do feel pretty great right now. I can feel the creative juices flowing...
1. I haven't finished a single game I've started in these past couple months
Not a single fucking one. And I've been really trying too! *sobs*
To be fair, most of them I haven't been quitting because I've been deciding I was more interested in playing something else when I could have been happy finishing what I was already playing like I used to do, but it's a little frustrating nonetheless. I love games, but, lately, they have not been loving me back.
Final Fantasy IX hurt the worst because it was such a beautiful game, ignoring it's combat, which I felt became horribly monotonous after about 15-20 hours. Murdered: Soul Suspect had some of the most trivial of gameplay spliced in-between some story bits that were alright (though, to be fair, the stealth was becoming halfway interesting some hours in), The Evil Within plays like butter... melted and caked onto a rusty pan, Bloodborne just isn't my thing despite it's very high quality, Freedom Wars' long-winded dialogue bits that just aren't that worthwhile and numerous tutorials wore me out quick, The Witcher 3 is awesome (if not occasionally flawed) but I began to feel as if I was really missing out having barely played 1 and not touched 2 at all...
Wait! I did finish Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker. That was the most adorable game I had ever played.
I can't count how many times I audibly squee'd at the highly-concentrated levels of cuteness on display.
But, that was it!
I'm gonna give Persona 2 another shot in just a few short hours because I didn't really give it a fair shake considering how much I was impressed with certain aspects, but I may just quit that one too. I'm gonna try really reeeeeeeally hard not to, though! This funk has got to stop!
2. I quickly learned that purchasing games from general megastores is a very very stupid idea
Taken just a few months ago.
Bitches on cocaine.
3. I wish I could be paid to think about cute guys
3-hour Boner Specialist. Chairman of the Bara. Doujin Analyst. Something. Ya know, in-between my photography, editing, and contributions to BareTwinks.
Why not girls? Vaginas are scary! Did you not already know that? You can't get much more complicated than that as far as stimuli go. They, women, in general, are complicated. I love them, though. I really do. They drive me absolutely crazy with lust. But, I know what guys want. I would proudly, enthusiastically, methodically, happily suck a cock while cradling, fingering, groping, slurping... there's a connection I have with dudes, on a sexual level, that women can't beat.
I could think about cute guys all the live long day, but I have yet to see a single penny for all my efforts. Wasting potential, if you ask me.
4. I still haven't skipped a night of watching The Simpsons
Go me, right?!
If you read my last "[x] things about [person]" blog, you might remember that I had stated there I had been watching The Simpsons every night for about a year. Now, as crazy as that may sound, given that blog is now over a year old, this means I've been watching The Simpsons every night for two freaking years! How could I possibly? Well, it's simple: The Simpsons is the embodiment of great television.
Other shows have come and gone and I have watched a lot of those as well, but nothing compares to curling up for bed while I slip on one of my 14 or 15 Simpsons DVD sets or maybe waking up and starting my day with an episode going on in the background because "Why not? My PS4 hasn't automatically switched off yet.".
That I can still laugh out loud (or "lol") at many of these episodes is pretty astounding. Whether that's a testament to my terrible memory, the show's quality, or both, I don't know. I just know that I love it.
5. I wanna be in a band
By now, you must have noticed that I love music. Probably even more than I love video games. My days wouldn't be complete without either Spotify or wailing on my acoustic guitar. On said acoustic guitar, I have tricked out many a gnarly riffs, licks, and progressions that I don't do anything with, but I want to do something with them.
I don't have the willpower to make a career out of a project entirely done solo, so I want to be in a band! Even as my own worst critic, I feel I could add a lot to an already awesome band. I may not know music theory or scales or keys or anything like that, but you give me just five minutes and I guarantee something I come up with will catch your interest. Bitch, I can make you sweat.
So, yeah. Musician for hire! Or do you need a good full body massage therapist? I can do that too. I also boil a mean bean soup.
6. I'm going back to Alamo City Comic-Con this year as Human Teddie
Above is a test shot I did with whatever I could do with my hair at the time (I plan on getting a professional to handle it the morning of the first day) and a button-up with the completely wrong color and design as well as a red wristband I taped to it.
If I lost a little bit of weight, I think I could pull it off pretty well! There's also finding a tuxedo shirt with the appropriate ruffles, which has proved frustrating. I may have to do with a white button-up with the flaps serving as "ruffles", but I don't wanna... half-Vaas it... like I did last year. Eheh. I may even try for a new costume each day! But, woo boy, would that be a challenge. I loved it so much from last year, though, that I think it'd be worth it. Here's hoping Troy-senpai is back and we can discuss, in person, why he hasn't responded to any of my tweets or late-night Skype calls.
Oh, I would love going as a Borderlands bandit the second or third days. Would give me a reason to scream a lot. If Deadpool can bring a boombox blasting Lil' Jon, then I think they'd deal with a few video game quotes.
7. One of the worst days of my life traumatized me into never drinking or smoking again
I also mentioned in my other "things" blog that I would possibly, one day, go over this story. It's a much more interesting tale than that psychadelic dentist trip one from last time. On top of which, it still involves drugs!
This is where I'd say don't do those things, but you can still do the nice ones. Not the ones that lead you near death or to vomiting in a Little Caesar's parking lot.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
When I was 15-17, I, like many other obnoxious teenagers did, experimented with drugs. I didn't do shrooms, pills, or dip, or any of the harder drugs like cocaine or meth, it was just good ol' based Mary Jane. I remember my first time and the sore throat that followed and while I didn't enjoy the taste, I rather enjoyed the high. It helped that it was something my friends were doing while I was around and who was I to poop on their pot party? We'd invest in all we could. The cheap stuff (which we had a word for that I forgot), kush, skunk, whatever and made pretty efficient use of it too. If there was one thing we knew how to budget, it was weed.
The best week of my life was spent skipping school with my (still) best friend as we chilled in my apartment, smoking it up each day and watching movies like Next Friday and Mrs. Doubtfire. And eating several pizzas and bags of cheese puff twists (remember those?) and Sour Patch watermelons in the process. Those were the fucking days, man.
You know what "shotgunning" is? It's when you and someone else exchange the smoke from your hits, mouth to mouth. It was so hot.
However, one day, fate had decided I was to have a wake-up call. A blessing in disguise? For all I know, I could have made an even worse mistake later in life if not been for this day. I think about this all the time and it's a little scary. For as stupid as I was back then, I can't imagine I would have ever gotten into harder drugs or have drunken myself silly enough to deeply regret my actions later (or not be around to regret my actions), but, then again, half the crap I did when I was a teenager I can't believe now.
A friend of a friend of mine came over and said that he had gotten his hands on the dopest of the dope. He called it "lemonade", but I... don't think it was lemonade (a little research brings up what is known as "tincture of cannabis"). After a brief assurance that it was all on the up and up, he poured me about 3 or 4 cups. I drank it and, almost immediately, I was smiling from ear to ear. It was great shit. My friend of friends gulped down even more than I, though taking it far less on the nose. He was a chief amongst us druggies. Actually, a really awesome dude, now that I think about it. I miss him.
That friend of mine whom I was closer with was with us and he, for whatever reason, decided to not have any. He probably wanted a dinner and a show because not 5 minutes into downing our glasses, we were ordering pizza. Minutes more go by and me and Soloman (the friend of friends) were, naturally, still flyin' sky high, anxiously awaiting when we found it best to start our drive down to Little Caesar's.
When that time came, we got into Solo's car (with him at the helm, no less) and headed on out.
Mere moments pass and I started to feel incredibly claustrophobic, panicing and proclaiming that I wanted out this instant. My friend tried to calm me down, but then even Solo started chiming in. "Ohhhhh, it's not just him. I'm feeling wierd too, man.". Solo and my friend began arguing over whether they were to pull over or not, while I sat in the back getting worse by the second.
Eventually, I went deaf. I looked left to right from my back seat and all I could hear was through a muffled filter like I had witnessed a close-proximity explosion. Then, I began seeing a grey tunnel. It wasn't even going through my head that I should maybe attempt to stay awake. I think I was too afraid to consider it. Sure enough, I "greyed" out and the next thing I remember is climbing out of the car and vomiting. As I looked up, I noticed we had arrived at Little Caesar's in the end. I guess my friend convinced Solo to keep driving, even in his and my states.
My mom arrived to pick me up, but with the surprise addition of my best friend who was now being treated to the sight of me, eyes barely open, vomit dripping down my clothes, and my speech hardly intelligible. Great. I also had to have her and my other friend watch as my mom gave me a bath because I could barely move without help. Perfect!
A bit of solace, as after I had dressed myself while, somehow, simultaneously lying on the floor, I literally crawled into the next room and got into my mom's bed. Lemme tell y'all, that bed was like heaven. I absolutely sank into those sheets. Assuming the worst of it was over, I could now relax. Even my best friend barging into the room to give me the whole "You're so stupid! But, I'm glad you're okay." speech couldn't faze me. All I had to say to her as I stared at her with a smile and blurred vision was "... God, you're so beautiful.". I meant it, too. I'm not sure if she knew that.
From what I could see, she smiled back, but then quickly launched back into the other room to yell at my friend for letting me do what I did. According to my mom, she gave him a real what-fer.
See, that's a motherfucking best friend. God, I loved her so much, and not just as a friend. I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. What a dame.
So yeah. Before that afforementioned dentist trip, that had been the worst day of my life. I stayed in bed for two days, with The Road to El Dorado on repeat on the TV near me. I didn't care. I just needed something besides quiet self-reflection because I probably didn't actually sleep but several hours during those two days despite almost always having my eyes closed and my strength drained.
From then on, for the longest time, the idea of picking up another pipe or glass of alcohol made me shake. I did try smoking with my best friend and an acquaintance of her's some time after, but I ended up ruining it for both of them.
To this day, I don't drink. However, I wouldn't mind seeing recreational pot legalized. It'd probably do wonders for my anxieties.