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SeymourDuncan17 says:

Jill Valentine's Butt Review

// Submitted @ 7:29 AM on 05.28.2013




How many total seconds have I lovingly stared into Jill's butt? That's a question I cannot answer. But, it's a question I frequently ask myself nonetheless. 

Her butt ain't all that badonkadonkin', but it's a solid B. At the least. I think it's that shiny, tight diving suit that really makes it pop. I'm not really a jeans kinda person. Maybe some pajamas. Sweatpants, I also don't mind. However, I think Revelations has reinvigorated my appreciation for skin-tight leather. 

Although, I have to also wonder: By the end of the game, how smelly must her butt be? At that point, it must be really smelly! Eck! I don't want a smelly butt. Or at least one that is exceedingly more smelly than it should be. All that blood, dirty ocean water. And sweat. God, she must've worked up such a sweat. 



Let's pretend for a bit that she takes a nice, long shower between each scene. Or between play sessions. I like to think the video game world, in actuality, is a bit like how Wreck-It Ralph paints it. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Jill's butt pressed against a shower stall window. That's what Resident Evil is missing, by God!

Then again, that would mean that Jill is quite possibly on to my infatuation with her butt. That is something I do not want. I've tried to keep my comments about her butt quiet, but I'd be lying if I said I was able to contain myself throughout my entire first playthrough of Revelations.

You don't spend 6-8 hours looking at someone's butt without making a comment about it. And sometimes things just slip out.



Her butt seems to hold up well in combat as well. When it falls, it never gives up. It sticks to it's guns. It knows what it is and what it has to do.

Appropriately enough, a right step sways her right hip and so on. And a lovely attention to detail has been given to the light that gives off from each cheek. Oh if only every game could be as advanced as Splinter Cell or Uncharted, where water affects the player character's outfits. Thing is, neither Sam's nor Drake's butt is of any interest to me. 

Water is such a prevalent feature in Revelations, and the lack of properly soaked buns is quite possibly the game's biggest downfall.



But, I digress. A butt like this isn't meant to be scrutinized, it's meant to be appreciated. Jill's butt not only meets expectations, but it greatly surpasses them.  

Like you, I, too, long for the day when a butt as glorious as Jill's isn't seen as such a video game taboo. It's always about the boobs, ain't it? Dead or Alive. Tomb Raider. Senran Kagura. WELL I'M TIRED OF ALL THE FUCKING BOOBS! I want butt physics, in butt games, with butt songs about butt dances.

Good butt times! 

Thank you, Resident Evil Revelations. For showing the world how a butt is done.

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