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Backlogging with ADHD: IMPOSSIBRU

by SeymourDuncan17   //   7:55 PM on 03.02.2013



I try. Everytime, I try. I just can't.

It's a serious problem as a gamer, to not be able to goddamn finish even the games that impress enough to make me WANT to continue playing them whilst my will just isn't there. No matter how much my heart tells me to continue, my brain tells me to move on. My brain tells me I've had enough.

The best I can do just won't cut it any longer. It's a never-ending Hell. My backlog just keeps getting bigger and bigger, and I'm not doing it any favors by purchasing the latest Nintendo console or finally adopting the dreaded scum of the industry's DRM market software in order to play their exclusive titles. I never fucking learn. Gaming, nevermind just living life in general, with still-rampant ADHD sucks. Big time.

Today, I just bought some more games. Games I will start, then stop, then never finish.

My name is SeymourDuncan17... and I have a problem.



After so many attempts at ridding my life of this gargantuan backlog of mine, this bothersome monkey on my back, I've started to wonder if I'm now more a collector than anything else. As I type this sentence, I'm sitting at well over two hundred physical discs, nearly two hundred Steam purchases... and two Origin titles. Of those many many games, I've finished approximately 20 percent of them. Give or take.

Of those many many games I have played, on the other hand... that's approximately another 40-50 percent.

Which means, yes, I have plenty of games from my collection I haven't even TOUCHED.

I haven't counted my digital 360/PS3/Wii/Wii U titles, but I am already so freaking sick of counting. Counting with ADHD sucks too! It's all the more monotonous. Maybe I should get back to finishing my games instead of excessively counting or typing up this blog, eh? Once the 15 or so people that read these things does whatever it is they do after they read these things (whether it be comment, fap and/or move on), it's long gone and forgotten. Like... does this whole thing matter?

WHY DO I CONTINUE TO WASTE MY TIME?!



Speaking of which, do you know what I've played just as much as I've played Persona 4 (one of the many games I've started recently)?

Ice Breaker.

Fucking Ice Breaker. No, it's not some drab dating sim, it's some dime a dozen (though competently-made) Breakout clone that's too easy but I don't quit because I haven't GO'd yet and I need a good high score! ... on Ice Breaker. I ask again, does this really matter? Honestly. I know I'd rather be unraveling some engaging school murder mystery than breaking ice, but alas.

We need some more Defender clones, lemme tell ya.

There's also the matter of me desperately wanting to replay this or that game on a constant basis. Is it still awesome? I can't go around claiming it's so amazing without knowing for sure it's still so amazing! For example, countless times I've tried to restart Super Mario Galaxy, but I stop quickly everytime because I know I have more important things to do.

When I'm away from a game for long enough, I'll wanna restart it because I've forgotten some story bits and/or I've completely lost my groove with the gameplay. Just before I start a sequel, I must play every one of it's predecessors. I must.



Now I'm starting to ask myself "Have I turned my hobby into a job? Once it's started, must I really finish it?". I really should just be doing what I wanna do at any given moment, right? It's just... that's exactly what I do. Or.. yes? Right?

My brain is torn between wanting to finish games (I really, truly do wanna finish them, especially the better ones) and wanting to start/restart something else. OCD? ADHD? Both? Most likely. I don't know what to think of myself. There's a war going on in my head. It's a cycle of madness.

So, perhaps I could use a break from gaming? Though my backlog will still be there and I, more likely than ever, will never finish it.

I believe I'm getting better as time goes on. Very slowly. Right now I'm convinced that I'm going to stick with Persona 4: Golden, but it's depressing to even think about the possibility of me dropping it for something that's likely not quite as good.









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