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Seraphis's blog

11:48 AM on 03.26.2009

'How To Fail' by Sony Australia

Step 1:
Create a new marketing campaign in Australia, for the PS3 game "BUZZ! Brain of OZ".

Step 2:
Tailor the campaign around intelligence, concentration, and general knowledge. This is important as it's all about a quiz game.

Step 3:
Create an email piece to send out to your customers, based on the above:

and the bottom half of the email:

Step 4:
Totally Fail...

Thanks, Sony.
I'll be sure to consentrate hard on this.

**Don't believe me? Here's the direct link from the email:   read

2:35 AM on 11.23.2008

One Must Keep One's Promises

Indeed, one must keep one's promises. And as such, before departing Classic WoW for the Outlands it was time to keep two very special appointments, making good on two promises from an earlier time.
They say pictures speak louder than words, so in that case..

First up was an old acquaintance:

Deathgrip FTW!

And then there was someone else who was owed a very special visit:

My my.. what's that dish that's best served cold?? Huh? Huh ARAJ YOU COCK!

Wow, that sure feels better.
Hrm, maybe one day I'll be able to return to Outlands, to pay my respects to this guy:

/cry   read

7:15 PM on 11.19.2008

I R Made Of Meat

Yes, I am.
And therefore, should you <Brian Blessed voice> "Smite me down with a heavy blunt object that resembles The Thinker and speaketh the time of day" </Brian Blessed voice>.. should expect to be able to reap my remains. Which would contain something along the lines of:

1x Seraphis Head
2x Seraphis Hands
2x Seraphis Arms
3x Seraphis Testicles (long story..)
2x Seraphis Legs
2x Seraphis Feet
0.5x Seraphis Brain (another lengthy tale for a future occasion..)
2x Seraphis Eyes
1x Seraphis 6" Meat Flank (at least)

However, it would appear that the vast majority of MMO developers disagree with this expectation, and for some reason decide to skirt logic by having mobs drop their parts in random percentages.
Kinda like Clinton. Oh wait - parts - my mistake.

This results in a player killing a Goat That Has Two Eyes, for the quest named 'Kill Goats That Have Two Eyes and Collect 10x Goat Eyes', and not being able to find 2x Goat Eyes on the carcass.

After killing 26 of them and having only 7 (seven??!) eyes and RSI, said player's suspension of disbelief is arguably threatened as it dawns upon them that they are no longer 'Questing', but have been lulled quietly into a Grind.

Bugger. /slump

It may well just be due to good fortune on my behalf, however one of the things I noticed about WoW post- WotLK as I made my way through the Plaguelands on my way to Outlands, was that meat dropped.

As in, every time.

I first noticed it on the Carrion Grubbage quest in EPL. Every single one of those slimy fiends dropped one of these for me:

In fact, it was enough for me to actually sit up and notice this was happening, being so used to it not.

Once I made my way into Outlands, I wondered what this:

..would turn out like.

And to my pleasant surprise, the same thing occurred: every single Hellboar dropped a slab of meat. Before I knew it even the purification count was complete.

So there it is - things have most certainly changed (for the better imho) since my last visit. Whether or not some of my other pet peeves have been addressed remains to be seen, however so-far the return to Blizzeroth has been an enjoyable one.

More soon.   read

8:42 PM on 11.16.2008

Idiocracy & The Unbearable Likeness of Being Arthas

Having recently decided that I would pre-pay for the Collector's Edition of WotLK, in order to satiate my somewhat uncontrollable desire for shiny objects and their place upon one of my shelves, I figured I might as well actually install it. Fancy that.

Whilst that may sound unextraordinary to you, and I blame you not for thinking so, this event marks two items of significance for this blogger:

- a return to WoW
- a subsequent return to blogging

..after a self- imposed hiatus from both.

So before I know it, there I am at the character creation screen, agonising over which particular race looks more.. 'death-ish' as a DK, before allowing my index finger to descend upon MB1, plunging myself back into the world (of Warcraft).

After the introduction cinematic, there I am once again, in Azeroth. Right off the bat, colour me excited to find me standing right beside Arthas, The Lich King! Sweet!

But wait - he's in a classic BSG Cylon costume! Wow! This guy really is old skool!

Although, it looked like he'd put on a few pounds since his last outing.



And here's hoping things work out better for Arthas than the Cylons:

Anyhow, after the obligatory /hug'ing, /kneel'ing and /flirt'ing at Arthas, I turn around only to find another hark to my past; Siouxsie The Banshee insulted me, and my memory buds nerdgasm'd.

Okay, so maybe this might just turn out to be an okay ride afterall..

Before long I was thrown into the thick of it, and I found myself being a generally not-so-nice character inflicting pain and suffering upon my human playthings in the village below. And very quickly it became apparent, to this blogger anyhow, that this was some of the best questing to come out of Blizzard - period.
In fact, I only remember one or two 'Kill 10 Rats' quests; and even those were interwoven amongst a variety of play mechanics, scenarios, and genuinely interesting story arcs.

Yes, this was most definitely a fun experience. My, have things changed since Outlands?

A particular highlight, was one of the starting abilities gained as a DK named 'Death Grip'. For those who never remember the names of their spells:
"Harness the unholy energy that surrounds and binds all matter, drawing the target toward the death knight and forcing the enemy to attack the death knight for 3 sec. Instant cast. 30 yard range. 35 sec cooldown. Costs no power."

Why was this a highlight?
Because of the macro one particular player had made, which spammed "GET OVER HERE!" every time he cast it. That's why. Kudos to you sir, bringing a wry smile to my face.

I also noticed that 'General Chat' was alive and well, as always. However, I quickly observed that there was no mention of Chuck Norris, no [Legendary Links], nor any GTFO.. how curious.
So I decided to actually pay attention and read the general chatter - and it was then that I realised I wasn't in The Barrens anymore, Dorothy. Ooh no, it was far, far worse:

I realised that logging into WoW now transported me into the middle of the world portrayed in the movie Idiocracy.

Allow me to elaborate with some renditions:

<Player> weres teh scralet hold?
<reply> it's the big castle/fort building
<Player> were?
<reply> in the village, it's the only building that looks like a castle
<Player> im in the carsel but IT NOT HERE
<reply> 0_o

<Player> weres the chain at
<reply> in the blacksmith, read the damn quest
<Player> WHERE CHAIN!!!!!
<reply> READ the quest, moron
<reply> you know, the one you saw when you flew the eye thing at the beginning

<Player> LFG for assault on shipz
<reply> wtf? why
<Player> damn! millins of LEET SCARLETZ in front NUB!
<reply> *groan

<reply> its in your character screen in the pet tab
<reply> well it's in mine.. :S
<reply> do the quest?

<Player> wheres Browman Mill?
<reply> /facepalm

<Player> weres mayor qwimy in scarlet hold???????????????????????????
<reply> /facepalm

<Player> WERS IS TOWN HALL>?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!
<reply> /facepalm

<Player> were is floor 2????
<reply> above floor 1?
<reply> /facepalm

..I could go on. For days. No, really.

Although the best one ever was from a polite and well spoken player, who also was looking for a landmark. In fact, I whispered him a reply:

<whisper> it's location is written in the quest log
<reply> ok

..and about 10 minutes later I got another tell from them:

<reply> oh wow! thanks man!

I put it down to the fact that Quest Helper isn't currently working in the DK starting zone, and that suddenly all of these mindless players were l.o.s.t. They had no pointy arrow to follow.
And, based upon my observations, these same folk apparently weren't aware of the powers of reading. The quest log.

Maybe these folk were more acquainted with:


Despite bloating my /played hours observing the ensuing hilarity and eliticism in general chat, I decided I should get back to questing, where it soon became clear that I was approaching the end of this new beginning. The stage was being set for a showdown, and I was invited.

Without revealing any spoilers, I must say that this leg of the journey was the most disappointing. It all seemed to come to a hasty and unfulfilling end. There was without doubt a certain buzz being part of the final event, standing alongside a fair few famous entities from WoW Lore. However before I knew it I was standing in the Western Plaguelands, having being conveniently segued into the normal L59-ish storyline from Classic Wow.


What? That's it? I've been unceremoniously turfed back into the questing production line? There's no more DK-specific stuffs for me to explore? I'm to make my way to Northrend, 10 levels away, from here?

But back in the DK zone they were crying battle towards Northrend.. they said we'd take the fight there..
QQ & Le Poop.



Wrath of the Lich King contains the prize WoW newbie area; without doubt the Death Knight starting zone and it's associated activities and quests, is one of Blizzard's finest moments. The pacing, variety and general storyline (despite the ending) are superb in every which way, and as such the bar has been raised significantly.

Sadly, this makes the return to WPL or Outlands pale in compare. However, the DK starter experience is well worth the price of entry alone, in my opinion.
In fact, I know for certain I am not the only player considering deleting their existing DK just to be able to play through the zone once again.

I can't comment upon the new continent (Northrend) as I haven't made my way there yet, however I hold out hope that it's as carefully and lovingly crafted as my recent experience has been as a Death Knight.

Now - anyone know where the Chapel is..?


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