Okay so I’m totally ripping off two other posts with this, I know. But all of my blog posts lately have had, at least, a touch of seriousness in them and have been well thought out, so fuck you I need to have a little fun. Plus the fact that this comparison has been overlooked warrants a serious overall of the Destructoid community!

The heat of debate has waged on about Killzone 2 and how it is apparently the greatest game ever. Ever since its first trailer debuted oh so long ago, a giant shit storm of controversy and rabid fanboyism has followed the game right up until its launch. While Killzone 2 is a great game one could argue whether or not it is superior to Halo 3, a debate I too am having myself since I own both titles. Others have thrown Killzone 2 into the greater arena of comparing it to great games in general and compared it to the likes of Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2. Now while I played very little of the original Dynasty Warriors Gundam and don’t have much reason to play the next one, I’m going to assume it’s a good game… it’s big fucking robots of course. However both of these solid titles are overshadowed by something that was and still is the greatest thing known to man. Ever. No matter how hard they try, they’ll never be this awesome.

Godzilla. And here is why.

He’s a big f*cking monster, he’s always part of the topic

It doesn’t matter whether or not he’s a video game, he’s relevant for this conversation because he’s Godzilla. Even if you still somehow lack the mental capacity to agree with me, I’ll even point out that he has his own video games both recent and old! Anyone who disagrees simply is a liar.



Toho Company, Ltd.

It’s a pure and simple fact; Toho produces all of the awesome movie monsters ever. Anyone who ever decides to work there does so because they are simply destined to and have a vision where they encounter Godzilla wearing a holy white robe while sipping from a bottle of Jack Daniels, with Abraham Lincoln at sitting at his right side. Godzilla promptly tells them they are making the best choice in their entire life. When you’ve been around since the 30’s and you’re primarily known for making movies featuring either Godzilla or Rodan then you’re totally fucking doing something right. Killzone 2 has been out for only a week or two and already people are bitching and moaning about stuff that needs to be fixed and improved. Godzilla = 1 point. Killzone 2 & Gundam = 0 points.



Godzilla Hates PlayStation 3

What city is Godzilla constantly destroying? Tokyo of course! Where is Tokyo? Japan! Who’s in Japan? Sony! What does Sony make? The PlayStation 3! Godzilla constantly attacks Tokyo and other parts of Japan because he too was pissed at having to dish out $600 bucks for a PlayStation 3 when they launched, so he quickly jumped ship and now supports the Xbox 360 while his son plays the Wii. Godzilla does not allow his awesomeness to be confined to one exclusive system because of this, unlike Killzone 2, and therefore appears on every console because they all fear his wrath if they do something to offend him. What do you think those factories that he destroys every movie are? They’re PS3 manufacturing plants, of course! And if he doesn’t actually destroy your PlayStation 3 he’ll growl and roar at you until you buy another console to put alongside it, otherwise he’ll be a giant dick and put one huge scratch on the top of your nice shiny PS3 just so it will annoy you.



Biggest Stomping Possible. And Beats Robots

Godzilla is huge and trumps even Gundams. Big ass robots also exist within Godzilla’s universe too whether its robotic tanks, air vehicles, flying-laser-drill-missle-submarines, or even other big monster robots. Heck we’ll even count half-robot half-monster creations like Mecha King Ghidora in this conversation, since he came back from the fucking future to fight the big guy. In fact, the only robot who’s ever been able to stand toe-to-toe with Godzilla was a giant Robot Godzilla. This simply proves that even robots grow up hoping to be like Godzilla.



Godzilla Supports Midgets Too

Looking at Godzilla’s city wrecking size might make you think he falls into Jim Sterling’s bigoted anti-midget classification. However if you look at the details you’ll actually see that Godzilla can very closely relate to supporting the midget community. Godzilla’s son Milla isn’t exactly what we’d call “full grown” by monster standards. He only ever reaches the height of his father’s waist and seemingly never exceeds this height despite being around for quite a while… proving that Godzilla’s own son is in fact a midget monster. So don’t think that Godzilla doesn’t support the midget world, if you think otherwise he’ll tail whip you faster then a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.



Gundams & the Helgast Combined Couldn’t Beat this Guy

Gundams can take damage during battle and Helgast could have their precious gas masks blasted off during a firefight, thus rendering them almost incapable of battle. When Godzilla gets blasted by just about anything he simply shrugs it off and keeps coming back for more. The only Helgast or Gundam that could top Godzilla would be Godzilla dressing up as a Helgast or piloting a huge Gundam. And don’t think any of these guys super weapons would make a difference against Godzilla, Visari could drop a nuke right on Godzilla’s forehead and it wouldn’t do a single thing because Godzilla was created from nuclear explosions!

Dinosaurs

Jim Sterling himself has said that one thing Killzone 2 needs is dinosaurs because they make everything better. Well guess what, Godzilla is a dinosaur! He’s the very pinnacle of improvement in Killzone 2’s multiplayer, and any improvement this grand would immediately trump any other video game as well.

He breathes goddamn radioactive fire!

JUST LOOK AT IT



I believe I have clearly made my point; Godzilla is better than Killzone 2 and Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 2. Godzilla is without question the best thing ever created in the history of mankind, assuming human beings have the capacity for such awesome in which case he may have been created by aliens.