Character Name: Nicholas
Details of specimen: Bleached Blond hair (Natural is dirty blond/blond). Wears Glasses of +10 INT. Eyes appear to be blue. Approximately 124 lbs. Ethnicity is German.
CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! THIRD REICH!* CAUTION! CAUTION!
This PS3 exclusive takes place in a post apocalyptic world ruined by dinosaurs and books. Along your journey you are trying to kill as many zombies as you can, horde as much gold as you can like a jew, and figure out just why you have been turned into a furry that can magically fly if you run fast enough.
The PS3's sixaxis features take control when you are flying. This would be neat, but it also requires a wiimote (setting up a wiimote to a ps3 is hard and doesn't work one bit, I don't know what the developers were thinking.) But, if you get both work you can use the ps3 controller to go up or straight while you swing the wiimote around as fast as you can while button mashing A in order to keep up in the air.
After figuring out how to do this properly you must track down and destroy your mortal enemy: Kil'Jaeden
But, on the way to Kil'Jaeden you must defeat the seven deadly sins that rule under him in order to cleanse yourself of being a furry and attain the ultimate power within.
1: Green Pedo This man does nothing but hang around with 4 other green guys he calls his minions in alleyways and hobo infested train yards while trying to seduce super powered little girls. In this battle he makes you go through the trial of the mind. This trial helps you purge your mind of any furry tendencies or furry thoughts.
2: The successful business man This man knows a hard day's work. He sits up in his office and ponders ways to torture those who work under him. Throughout this battle you go through the trial of the pure body. This will not get rid of the furry appearance, but it is the main catalyst after all 7 chaos emeralds from the trials you endure are put together.
3: Christopher Walken This man once hid your father's watch up his ass for 2 years while he was in a Viet Nam POW camp.
This is the trial of realizing your father was in Viet Nam. This means you will grow up to be a boxer who gets into some trouble with mobsters.
4: Anthony Burch eh liekz vidya gaems. This fight teaches you that indie games are superior. This means..you now realize indie games are superior?
5: Pokemon Trainer: Red This is a teen who really knows how to get shit done and bend any small animal to his will. He was kicked out at the age of 10 and since then many horrific things have come and gone on his treacherous adventure. This is the trial of realizing your mother is a horrible parent and should be arrested for kicking out an underage child. You learn how to tame small animals after this.
6: Bill Kaulitz Bill Kaulitz from the German Band "Tokio Hotel." He is a very pretty man and you realize that this trap cannot go unpunished for his crimes against nature. This is the trial of TARP!PASpf!?! This trial helps you overcome your homosexuality.
7: This Corgi This is the ultimate evil in cute form. You learn nothing from this but you still get a chaos emerald. (This battle took me 43 tries).
After all this you must back track all the way to the beginning, your house in Kokiri Village. Once there you must combine all the chaos emeralds in your horadric cube in order to free your soul revealing your true form:
Immediately afterwords the furry that was inside ambushes you. This battle is epic with many cinematic attacks that last for minutes at a time allowing you to take bathroom breaks and get food or what have you. Throughout the battle you'll need to unplug your PS3 controller from slot 1 and plug it into slot 2 because he takes over your mind and renders slot 1 forever fried.
After this battle you are instantly teleported to Valhalla where you must defeat Kil'jaeden in four minutes or he will destroy Midgard in an instant. Throughout the battle Kil'jaeden has a mash-up of every single boss's move set. Only having three unique abilities of his own. His first ability is that he makes it rain fire or some generic thing. The second is a BS move that stuns you for three minutes and thirty seconds. The final is that he summons a horde of lesser corgis that eventually destroy your armor
Note: if Midgard is destroyed you don't get a game over, you just get a secret ending.
After the battle you get to witness a new level of epic when it comes to this most glorious cutscene ever. It was like the gods' voices boomed from the heavens making the earth below tremor in fear while all evil was expunged from the crust of our land. Be warned, this cutscene is longer than Pulp Fiction.
Well, friends and I decided to dick around today. Eventually..we ended up playing scrabble. Greatest word game ever to come into existence. Be it you and your friends start an argument over abbreviations and words derived from Latin, it's pretty damn fun.
Such a large array of words and strategies to choose from your minds will be fully locked in on your intense experience. No, there's no car crashes and explosions (Occasional naked woman though), but still brings people to their feet screaming "FUCK YEAH!" Mostly after wasting 20 minutes on your turn just to lay down two obvious letters, or spend 2 seconds to lay down one letter that will indefinitely adding 30 or 40 points to your score . Krow for example, took 30 minutes a time to lay down things like "Vag" and "Pop." Many knifing threats were brought up but fun was had. I mean, who the hell won't have fun with words? And shh about the illiterate, leave them alone.
If you don't have this game..go buy it (Or steal it) and gather up around 3 and a half people to lay down little tiles to make your IRL E-peen even larger. Just...don't take it too seriously or Jesus will cry.
Other than that....well...we did nothing else with our day, besides Burger King drive through. No really, what a memorable sight. A fairly cute girl that was around 6'8" tall. Made me feel fairly inadequate for being 5'9".. What is it with tall people. Freaks I tell you
Well, I joined earlier this morning and I just dove right into some bullshit about Christmas, so let's get this started.
Bonne apres-midi, C-blog. No, I am not French nor do I know any French besides basic things. I recently turned 17, along with my only friend that can drive (I'm too lazy to get my license) so that means...Fuck yeah late night R rated movies and buying M rated games!! Double exclamation points, so extreme! I was born on December 6th, which is Saint Nicholas' day. Lets make a game out of this, take a wild guess at what my name is. (I swear to god if you guess this wrong I'll murder some hot famous guy).
Since I was around 3 I've been sucked into video games, be it then it was just watching. Naturally, like most kids born between 1990-1993, my first console was a SNES. First game happened to be my still in perfect condition Final Fantasy IV, I plan on selling this soon. After that Mortal Kombat fell into my hands. To this day I hate fighting games. I do not oppose playing them with people though, it's a great way to end a friendship or strengthen a relationship between you and a loved one. Nowadays..I mostly play MMO's due to the fact that my computer is the only up to date thing I have. Outside of my 20 year old brother's X Box 360 with sports games and Castle Crashers at this point (Boo Sports games, Huzzah Castle Crashers) I am left with my girlfriend's PS2 with very few games worth replaying. That consists of Disgaea 2 and Kingdom hearts 2. Screw you number 2.
Hm, what else...Oh, I attempt to draw with what shitty talent I have. Always sketches, I tend to strafe away from finishing stuff. Other than that..I'm a noob at life. Feel free to pwn me to level up every now and then. <3