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IRC = das poop!
ScottyG | 12:01 PM on 07.14.2009 26 comments


Just in case you need yet another reason to hop on the dtoid irc (#destructoid on Dynastynet), I present the tale of the shitty surprise:

Edit: cleaned up a bit for readability

13:52 *** Banjina joined #destructoid
13:53 Banjina I've just had a horrible experience on the toilet.
13:53 Halfie Want to share the pain, banj?
13:53 Banjina ...are you sitting comfortably?
13:53 bushofghosts banjina are you okay
13:53 Halfie were you?
13:54 Banjina Initially.
13:54 Aerox I'd like to hear about it in detail
13:55 Banjina I got up too late this morning to "kick Rosa Parks off the front seat" before I left for work.
13:55 Halfie Heh.
13:55 Halfie That's a new one.
13:55 Halfie writes it down.
13:55 Banjina I have this thing where I can't use the works toilet unless everyone else has left the vuilding.
13:55 Banjina Like OCD or something.
13:55 Aerox Does that include peeing?
13:55 Aerox because there's a condition known as pee shyness
13:56 Banjina So I've been hanging onto this howler for 10 hours.
13:56 Halfie Oof.
13:56 Eagle_88 ouch
13:56 bushofghosts oh no Banj
13:56 Banjina No, I'm fine pissing.
13:56 Aerox oh, odd
13:56 bushofghosts let go of that need
13:56 bloodylip i find it odd that banj is shy about anything
13:56 Banjina I would be fine taking a shit too but I share a toilet with 2 chicks.
13:56 bushofghosts seriously
13:56 bushofghosts everybody poops
13:56 bushofghosts no really
13:56 bloodylip Banjina: shit on their chests?
13:56 bushofghosts let them be mad
13:56 Banjina My rep couldn't take it if they followed me in there after one of my adventures.
13:56 bushofghosts seriously
13:56 Halfie I'm very self-consious about my shits.
13:56 bushofghosts it is so bad to hold it in
13:57 bushofghosts you're going to hurt yourself
13:57 Halfie But for some reason, the more desperate I am. the more smooth and quiet they are.
13:57 scottyg Indeed.
13:57 bloodylip you'll blow a gasket
13:57 scottyg If you gotta go that badly, just poop behind the building.
13:57 bushofghosts did you sit there forever?
13:57 Banjina Anyway, they left about 30 minutes ago
13:57 scottyg Right halfie? :d
13:57 Aerox Out of politeness if I'm on the toilet I'll try to wait to make a ton of noise until the other person has left the bathroom
13:57 scottyg <3
13:57 Halfie It's like the Eurostar leaving the channel tunnel in a vaccum when I'm desperate.
13:57 Aerox Unless they are on their cell phone, which a lot of people do because they are rude
13:57 Aerox So then I blast as hard as I can
13:57 Halfie You know it, scottyg <3
13:57 Banjina I ran straight to the throne and fucking loved it.
13:57 scottyg Aerox: Ug... I'm embarassed to talk on the phone while on the toilet.
13:58 scottyg Unless it's someone I don't mind messing with.
13:58 Banjina However, I soome became aware that something was wrong...
13:58 scottyg Uh oh.
13:58 Eagle_88 Freud would have a field day with you
13:58 Aerox As you should be
13:58 Halfie Hush, Banj is talking.
13:58 bushofghosts no
13:58 bushofghosts did you have an abortion
13:59 Eagle_88 Roe v. Wade
13:59 Banjina Y'know how at the end of "dropping the kids off at the pool" there is the satisfying sensation of "the garage door closing behind the leaving car"?
13:59 Halfie Yes.
13:59 Banjina Well, I totally didn't feel that.
13:59 Halfie I think I know where this is going now.
14:00 scottyg Banjina: Gaping asshole?
14:00 Banjina It felt like the garage door was still open.
14:00 Banjina Yeqah
14:00 scottyg There's niche porn for that.
14:00 scottyg You should apply.
14:00 Banjina I though "hello, better give it a minute"
14:00 Halfie This is a defining moment for IRC, in my mind.
14:00 bushofghosts banj
14:00 Banjina So I took five and waited for the doors to close but they didn't.
14:00 bushofghosts did you go any more
14:00 bushofghosts no no no
14:01 bushofghosts close them manually
14:01 Halfie Pinch.
14:01 Banjina Eventually I got bored and tore off some shit tickets to clean up.
14:01 Halfie so-to-speak.
14:01 bushofghosts blood?
14:01 Halfie Semen?
14:01 Eagle_88 both?
14:01 Banjina I moved slowly... stalking my prey...
14:01 Halfie A human head greeting you with a friendly grin.
14:01 Banjina I went for the wipe when suddenly, disaster!
14:02 scottyg Oh no.
14:02 scottyg You shat on your hand?
14:02 Banjina I felt something warm and malleable strike my hand.
14:02 scottyg hehehe
14:02 Halfie Yah. Not as good as when this story will be adapted.
14:02 Halfie You must burn it.
14:02 Banjina That familiar cold creeping realisation took me.
14:02 scottyg !banj++ #shat on his hand
14:02 Banjina My heart raced.
14:02 DtoidBot The karma of banj is 1.
14:03 Halfie <Banjina> That familiar cold creeping realisation took me.
14:03 bushofghosts someone is saving this chat
14:03 bushofghosts right
14:03 scottyg I'll save/post it. :)
14:03 Banjina I withdrew and took care of the immidiate threat before continuing with the clean up.
14:04 deBLOO Banj shits on his hand to get off
14:04 Banjina ...it was right into the cuticles.
14:04 Banjina I was devastated.
14:04 bushofghosts oh my dear god banj
14:04 Banjina The sink was out of reach for a halftime wash.
14:05 Banjina ...with the steely determination of an aging warrior, I pressed on
14:05 Banjina I went in for the virgin wipe.
14:06 Banjina Somewhat akin to the feeling of loosing ones footing on an ice rink, my bottom seemed to offer no resistance to the bogroll.
14:07 Banjina I had managed to pass what can only be described as axle grease and not only plopped in on my hand but also managed to paint my cheeks with it.
14:07 Banjina I had to strip off my clothes, sat on the bog.
14:07 Banjina I went through 1 aqnd a half rolls and 4 flushes.
14:07 Banjina ...I need a bath.
14:07 Eagle_88 yes
14:08 Banjina ...and a better diet



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26 comments | showing # 1 to 26

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Hamza CTZ Aziz's Destructoid Blog
I can't believe I read this. What the fuck. You sick fucks. HAHAHAHA
MEE's Destructoid Blog
wait, banj comes to IRC? wtf, i need to chat more often.
bushofghosts's Destructoid Blog
seriously, i just started my day with this. 7am. i need this every morning.
Sam Spectre's Destructoid Blog
ahahahahaahah when does banj do IRC
CelicaCrazed's Destructoid Blog
And suddenly I remember why I'm scared to go into the IRC >_>

Poor Banj.
Banj's Destructoid Blog
First time in the clogs this year.

It's shit, see you in 2012...
Half left's Destructoid Blog
You shouldn't be sharing these special moments with the plebs, ScottyG.
blehman's Destructoid Blog
hahahahah AMAZING
MechaMonkey's Destructoid Blog
Frankly, I don't know what to say. Axle grease?
Kyousuke Nanbu's Destructoid Blog
Poop jokes are the pinnacle of comedy people, LAUGH.

On another note, you could call this blog "Reasons to never go into the Destructoid IRC chat room" and it would have the same effect its having on me now.
Hamza CTZ Aziz's Destructoid Blog
Kyo: Jesus Christ dude. CEREAL BUSINESS!
Technophile's Destructoid Blog
Banj is typically even MORE amazing in IRC then he is in the forums.
randombullseye's Destructoid Blog
Am I still king of that place?
bunnyrabbit2's Destructoid Blog
Banj is quite the higlight of IRC with his poop stories (This isn't the first one) and telling us about various things that most people would leave in the bedroom.
vexed alex's Destructoid Blog
I really am bothered that I missed this.
The Young Scot's Destructoid Blog
I am so sad I missed this, but happy to have heard about it.

God bless IRC
KYOUSUKE WAHHHHBU's Destructoid Blog
Guys, seriously?!

Poop jokes totally aren't funny. If you laugh at this nonsense, you deserve to die. My sophisticated sense of humor makes me so much better than any of you assholes on Destructoid.

I don't even know why I bother with you guys sometime.

BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW *sniffle*
ScottyG's Destructoid Blog
I don't even know why I bother with you guys sometime.

gtfo of my blog narc. Take your negative vibes elsewhere.

NARC!!

NAAAAARRRRRRRC!!!

In all seriousness, why are you even here? You clearly hate dtoid and the entire community, and your constant pissy, whiny, bitchy, negative attitude just brings everyone down. Why not just go away? Or at least never grace my cblog with your presence again. <3
ScottyG's Destructoid Blog
Also, poop!
NihonTiger90's Destructoid Blog
This needs a NSFW tag, Scotty. >.>
Naim Master's Destructoid Blog
@nanbu
That's our Nanbu !
pendelton21's Destructoid Blog
Congrats on getting Topsauce in today's Cblog Recaps!

Seriously, how could this NOT be Topsauce, you sick fucks?
ScottyG's Destructoid Blog
Woo! Topsauce! :D

Also NihinTiger90, how is this NSFW? Obviously the subject matter isn't exactly PG, but it's text. :\
Blasto's Destructoid Blog
Fucking...epic.

And also a little... O_o

...but mostly epic.
Mikular's Destructoid Blog
I was just a little bit sick in the bathroom, I kid you not.


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 about me



SteamID & XBL Gamertag: ScottyGrayskull





---

At the moment pretty much all of my few local friends who actually play games are dinks who now spend all of their time playing WoW. So, feel free to look me up and send an invite to play games. ^_^

---

Hello! <3

Bit about me. I've been a gamer for the most of my life. When I was seven and waiting for my parents to pick me up from piano lessons, the teacher's two sons showed me Super Mario Bros 2. Needless to say I never learned to play the piano very well...

I've flip-flopped several times between consoles and PCs. I generally love non-generic FPS games, puzzlers (Tetris is probably my favourite game of all time) and platformers of all shapes and sizes. I tolerate RPGs, but usually don't bother because I just don't have the time to invest in them.

I'm one of those freaks that regard FF7 and Ocarina of Time as merely average. That might be partly because I'm biased against the first round of 3D games that generally looked and played like crap compared to the 2d games at the time (during that generation I was a PC gamer, where they actually could do decent 3D at the time). By no means are they bad games, but plenty of games have done just as well and actually looked good in the process.

Yeah yeah, graphics aren't everything. But as important as gameplay is, looks still matter. It doesn't have to be the best looking thing around, but it at least has to be passable.

I tried to be a collector for awhile, but realized there was no market where I lived and gave that up. Currently I have an NES, SNES, GameBoy/GameBoy Colour/GameBoy Advance SP, DS, a 360, and of course my lovely gaming PC. ^_^

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