Normally I would just post the sweet ass image and be done with it but I figure I need to go into some explanation. See, I'm a fan of the guy. I also used to write a regular feature at Geek Syndicate that needed a logo. So what was I to do. I had a friend that was low on money and I both had money and the need for something he could provide. He could have used money and probably enjoyed getting paid to d something he loves. And thus the connection was made. Mikey made money and I got the sweetest fucking logo in the history of logos. so much so that it's going to be everywhere.

Of course when I asked I send a quick and awful mock up of what I wanted.



Ok, pretty bad. I'm not an art guy and it shows. But Mikey, he's a freaking mind reader or something. Because today I get an e-mail asking me if this is ok



YES! YES IT'S OK!

It's more than ok. It's Brilliant. This is about 10 times what I expected. So of course with it done he get's to coloring. And you know what?

I fuckin' love coloring.



Seriously. That background is simply stunning. Far and away beyond what I asked for. And because of that I popped him a little more money because well, it only seems fair. Because this is brilliant stuff.

Mikey, thanks a ton and I'm glad I can help out with that whole eating thing you like to do :P

This is something I tackled a couple years ago in a column and after the How to make reviews better panel from PAX I wanted to revisit the idea and expand upon what I had originally written by writing a couple extended Cuhblogs. Because I'm pretty much bed-ridden from this damned PAX Flu and am in the mood to rant on one of my biggest pet peeves in gaming today. And so with the help of my trusty feline friend, IT'S TIME TO RAGE!



Inserting Disk Now. - Wow, That is a cool as hell opening cinema. I can't wait to get into this.

15 Minutes In - That's a lot of exposition but it's a cool set-up. Even more eager to get into this now.

1 Hour in - Gameplay seems pretty damn fine at this point. Love the battle system and can't wait to open it up more.

2 Hours in - Holy Shit! It just keeps getting better. This game is epic. Great story. Great Gameplay. Shit this game is going ot be amazing.

5 Hours in - Man this is great. It seems to be going at a swift pace with a lot of story build up. I'm loving this.

10 Hours in - I seem to be running around a lot suddenly. Some of this stuff seems a little menial. Can't wait to get back into the story.

Why is it that over the past few years a games length is suddenly denotative of it's quality. Remember before the PS2 era when a game would last 30 hours and that felt like a truly epic experience. I mean not only did we get to adventure in one world in that time, sometimes we got 2 or 3, sometimes more. The first time I finished Final Fantasy 6 I thought it was the most epic thing I had ever seen. I mean 30 some hours and I got 2 fully realized worlds that each had the same towns but were uniquely different. That was mind blowing. Holy shit. Then I played Chrono Trigger and discovered a whole new meaning to the word epic. These games were long games that were paced brilliantly so that it always felt like you were heading somewhere and it never felt slow. And then something happened, The PS2.

15 Hours in - WOULD SOMETHING PLEASE HAPPEN ALREADY!

20 Hours in - FINALLY! Good god. 7 hours of just running back and forth doing menial crap. But damn. that story twist was pretty epic.

Once the PS2 came along suddenly people came up with this idea that it wasn't so much the quality of the gameplay, it was the amount of it. Suddenly games started boasting that they had 60+ hours of gameplay on the back of the box. A number that has grown exponentially since. How in the hell is a games length equatable to it's quality. Why is 100+ hours of gameplay a selling point? By that point in time I'm usually ready to kick a game to the curb and start up on something new. If you are going to artificially inflate game time at least offer the choice whether I should have to do it or not. It seems now it's just a bunch of extraneous crap thrown in as mandatory menial tasks to inflate the time.

25 Hours in - Damn, these last few hours got pretty epic. Check out the size of this city.

30 Hours in - Finally on my way out of the city I think. Thank god too because that was getting pretty dull.

31 Hours in - I DON'T CARE IF YOUR TOE HURTS AND YOU NEED ME TO FETCH YOU ICE! JUST OPEN THE FUCKING GATE ALREADY!

32 Hours in - Good god, required fetch quests? This is just fucking stupid.

35 Hours in - Oh good. Back to the action. Man this is really getting good again.

Yes the glory of fetch quests. For the most part inane bull shit that was always some sidequest that was completely optional. Why in gods name did people start adding this crap as being necessary. If I want to do a sidequest I'll do one. Don't make it part of the main game. I can understand if it's find a key to a door you passed earlier like an old Resident Evil (or any survival horror really) but half the time you can tell it's just stupid menial bull shit that was added just for the sake of being able to add length so you could brag on your box about having x+ hours of gameplay. You know how much time I actually spent playing meaningful game? It sure as hell wasn't 100+ hours. An RPG can almost get away with it if the story keeps moving at a steady pace. (It almost never does) But when it starts coming in to action games, that's just going way the hell to far.

40 Hours in - Man this is getting really epic. looks like this is the start of the second act.

45 Hours in - Ok second act. You can start any time now. *grind grind grind*

50 Hours in - About damn time. that was really cool.

Seriously though. The amount of people who bitched at me across twitter once I finished Arkham Asylum and said it took around 12 hours was astounding.

"I can't justify buying a game that short for full price."

"That was quick. I'll be buying it used then. It just isn't long enough to warrant the price"

55 Hours in - Damn this is getting good again. My abilities kick ass now.

60 Hours in - *Snooooooore* We have to be coming to the end. Nothing has happened for hours...

What the hell? Why didn't I get any comments about when I was talking about how extremely awesome the game was? How great it played? Yeah it may have only been 12 hours long but the entirety of that 12 hour period was made of full on epic badass. Shouldn't that be what's important. The value you got from the game shouldn't be based on the time you put into it, but the quality of said time. After all If the time is quality over time I'm far more likely to play it a lot more than something which doesn't have that quality.

65 Hours in - Oh cool. Something finally happened.

"Were there multiple endings?"

"No"

"So why would anyone play through it again?"

BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING AWESOME! Remember when replayability just meant a freaking great game? When you didn't need 20 possible endings and 90 fetch quests to make a game good. When just being a good game would make you play it again and again and again? I've gotten more playtime out of a good old school platformer than I ever will from a lot of modern gaming. Mostly due to the fact that they didn't rely on extending playtime through artificial means. I don't need to explore a city that's the size of an actual city. It shouldn't take me 10 minutes to find the item shop that's on the fifth screen of the downtown sector of the kingdom of ridiculouslyhugetopolis. I shouldn't have to drive 10 minutes across liberty city to get to the next portion of my mission. It's cool, your game is all huge in scope and shit but it's samey. It's not fun after a while. It takes itself way too seriously.

I want a game that is well paced and consistent. If you want to add sandbox elements and things like that. MAKE IT OPTIONAL! I spent way more time dicking around in Saints Row 2 than I ever though of spending in GTA4. Why? Because for the most part the menial crap was mostly optional. And all of it was more about just being ridiculous and fun than it was about anything else.

70 Hours in - Woo. Finally it looks like I'm coming up on the end of the game.

75 hours in - Oh yeah. it's pretty epic now. This is really building to a crescendo.

80 Hours in - um. so I have to go back and forth how many times now.

90 Hours in - Final Dungeon! It has to be there is nowhere left.

95 hours in - Wait what? Now I'm in some wierd metaphysical bull shit realm. I'm this far I might as well finish up.

100 Hours in - Ok saved outside the last dungeon. I'm gonna take a break and try out this new platformer.

And thus the game remained unfinished until the end of time - honestly when you overextend everything with bull shit...I just don't fucking care after a while. Maybe I'm a crotchety old man lamenting for the days of yore but it's gotten to the point where it's kind of ridiculous. All I know is that kitty has one more thing to say...

That's an odd title. But it kind of makes sense with what I am going to get to by the end of this cuhblog. I'm gonna be talking about my hands on time with 2 games from the show. one of which went from being my most anticipated to my least and the other from indifference to utter enthusiasm. We'll start this bad boy out positively.

Coming in to PAX my only impression of Borderlands was that it was making some of the D'toid editors wet in their pantaloons. But all I saw was oh, it's Diablo the FPS. There is no way this could work. I mean really. An FPS with a Diablo styled RPG Loot system? If I want Diablo I'll just buy Diablo. Then I played the game, and it needs a new word to describe it's awesomeness. We'll go with Awesometacular. It controls great and actually feels rather intuitive. It blends the 2 elements seamlessly into a whoe that made this my must buy game of the show. Which is saying a lot given my initial impressions of the game. It really is an FPS RPG. I would say it's an FPS first and an RPG second but neither element felt skimped on. Simply a fantastic gaming experience and well worth the short wait I had on Friday Morning as it was the first game I hit.

So yes. BUY BORDERLANDS. From what I can tell It will be well worth the purchase. With that out of the way it's time to get negative. But to do so requires a story. A story of bad business decisions and bad behavior. A story of a man in a rooster hat who would just as soon run off a cliff as he would run up to it. Yes my friends. I'm talking about the game that got the Brown arrow award for Worst in Show. Scribblenauts.



Yes. That Scribblenauts. The one everyone including myself was hyped as hell to play. I've been watching all the vids and reading the write ups like they were some kind of electronic gold, awaiting with huge levels of anticipation just to try this game. And try I did. 3 times actually. And I have to say. From the very little I saw. I am more than unimpressed. Let me into a little story. I waited in line for a long while. I saw person after person jumping on for long play sessions. 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there. I was stoked I was going to get to try it for a good session and really get a feel for the game. I sat down and booted up the first puzzle. Started playing around with the controls and summoned a Jet pack. Then I hear someone say "Oh you have a media badge. Let's get you on a machine." I feel a tap on my shoulder and am told that my time is up. I didn't even have enough time to do more than fly about an inch in my sweet jet pack and I was kicked off. That bugged me so I decided I would come ack the next day and try again. I mean I really wanted to play this game. So I return on Saturday. and what happens? THE SAME DAMN THING. At this point I was pretty pissed off. I mean this is a show for the fans. Yet you have a jump to the front of the line thing going for any person with a media badge. It was ok though. I wasn't going to give up. I came back on Sunday and finally got a little bit more time with a tolerably lengthed play session.

So what did I think of the game now that I actually got my hands on it? It's...terrible honestly. I'm a big fan of anything that actually tries to do something unique with a medium. But you have to back it up with more than just the gimmick. And they didn't. The control is absolutely horrendous. That actually is understating things. It's overly sensitive and quite sticky. The UI in the game is equally as horrible. What do I want to do with this horse I summoned. Do I want to USE, or RIDE. Why would I need both. Some of the things I saw really made me question why anyone would buy this game. It's a gimmick. A unique one yes. But that is all it is, a game that relies on it's gimmick which will most likely get extremely old after a few play sessions.

So there you have it. Gamplay impressions Cuhblog #1. I'll keep posting these as I work on the podcast outline where I'm going to go into bigger detail about everything I got my hands on.

But you can check out some more of my generic meaningless awards over at my column at Geek Syndicate

What is this strange thing known as a gaming convention? Up till this point I had never been to one and had no idea what to expect. What did I expect? I expected something similar to a big comic Convention. I mean there can't be that much of a difference can there? Well there definitely was. One thing I noticed for the most part was a ridiculous level of respect shown by the people attending the show. Then next was the swag. At a comic convention you get pins and maybe a free issue of something and tiny fold in half posters. Here I got toilet paper, toy cars, swine flue, posters galore and more T-shirts than even Goodwill would accept. Simply a shocking development in showing how awesome something can be.

But that honestly isn't the important part of the PAX. The important part was the people. More specifically, my fellow D'toiders. This was actually something that ended up being the best part of the week. I was just this stupid kid in a batman T-shirt popping in and suddenly mingling with people who had no idea who the hell he was. I mean really. Who was I? Scion of Mogo? I think I had made maybe 10 comments since I had joined the site before I came to the show. Yet somehow multiple poeple recognized the screen name and were accepting of this stupid short guy running around like a chicken with his head cut off as he introduced himself to as many people as possible.

I originally walked away shy. I really am a quite and reserved person for the most part but something brought something out of me that Friday. I don't know what it was. I think it might have been the hundred plus people standing on the stairs for a picture screaming Also Cocks. Or it could have been the fact that every time I saw someone with a D'toid name badge I could walk up and say hi and they would immediately let me join in their group walking around for a bit. That amazed me. It didn't matter that I was new. It mattered that I was a member of the community and was willing to join right on it. What kind of acceptance is that? Where I can just walk up and immediately be accepted just for having I'm Satan and my screen name on a name badge? It confused me I've been a member of huge forums for other mediums and I have never seen anything as large and as caring as what I saw last weekend. You folks are seriously freaking amazing. Whether it was taking over the Red Lion on 2 nights and drinking like nutters or going to a fancy bar and giving the bartender an aneurysm from anger it was an amazingly fun and accepting atmosphere. Not to mention the way you guys were going out of your way for one another. Whether it was having us all sign a big poster as a gift or signing a card in an effort to cheer up another member it was astonishing. This isn't a community, it's a family and I'm damn glad to be a part of it now. Also Cocks