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10:43 AM on 06.18.2008

Why can I not bring myself to play GTA IV anymore?

Why can't I do it?! This is so weird.

GTA is one of my favorite series. I first played GTA 1 at age eleven, and I've played the series ever since. I loved GTA 3 and thought it was the best thing since sliced bread back when it came out. I loved GTA: VC as well. It was perhaps the best in the series. I liked GTA: SA as well, even though some criticize it for various reasons. I still loved it and thought it was very good.

But I can't play GTA IV. I bought it, and I was so hyped about it. I went to a GameStop release at midnight and I was one of the first people there. I got home, ripped it open, shoved it in, and started to play.

...The driving sucked. They changed it. Those mother fuckers...changed...the driving mechanics. SERIOUSLY?! They worked so well before.

I began to think the game was terrible. But I couldn't believe it, so I continued to play.

The driving STILL is pretty lame, but I've gotten more used to it and realize that it adds a sense of realism that I can kind of appreciate, so it's not as big of a deal. I'm used to it now.

The game is so details...If you drive too long and hard, your tires begin to rip off the rims. Seriously? What attention to detail! The entire game looks great and has so much detail and is quite fun.

But I still can't play it. It is sitting on my desk and every time I go to play a game...I switch on my PS3 to play the Battlefield: Bad Company demo rather than switching on my Xbox 360 to play GTA IV.

I think I've finally figured out my problem.

My problem is First Person Shooters.

"LOLWUT?", you say?

Yea. First Person Shooters. That's my fucking problem.

"But GTA IV isn't an FPS, dumb ass.", you say?

Yea, I know. The problem is that I've been playing FPS's lately and I realize I am pretty good at them. When I pop in any other type of game...I'm not as good. And I get frustrated and shut it off.

I recently tried Heavenly Sword. It's an okay God of War rip off, but the fucking game is such a button masher that I only got to the first boss before I swore it off. I haven't touched it since. I mean, God of War is a bit of a button masher, but it is so well-done and you have breaks in button mashing to solve puzzles, climb around, etc. Heavenly Sword - so far - just sucks. You sit there practically bashing two buttons. That's stupid. It's pretty though, I'll give it that.

I rented Heavenly Sword, of course...So no money was lost. It was even rented as a free rental. I feel sorry for anyone who paid for that game. My sympathies.

Anyways...FPS's...It all started when I pre-ordered GTA IV. I also bought the Orange Box at the same time. I had never played HL or TF2, so I tried them both and loved them. Previously, I had not really cared for FPS's; I thought they were iffy.

Then I played COD4. AWESOME.

Now I'm playing the BF:BC demo (as I said earlier), and I love the hell out of it.

So I go to play Heavenly Sword...It sucks. I try playing GTA IV again...I get bored and frustrated. I try Assassin's Creed...Bored! I try Warhawk...Okay, bad example...The flying in that game is fun, but the ground game sucks ass...Either way, BORED.

I go through my games and the only ones I can stand are FPS's. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? Also, TPS's like Gears of War were acceptable as well. It's like I enjoy organized war more than chaotic killing these days. I don't know.

But damn you, fraggers. You've got me in your clutches. I don't want to be one of you. Leave me alone. STOP IT! I don't WANT to run around in my daily life yelling, "BOOM, HEADSHOT!", I don't want to believe that running with a knife shall make me faster; THAT IS DANGEROUS!

I just want to enjoy my games again.

Gimme' back my soul. Fuckers.

'Kay, I'm going to go play BF:BC some more, but I wanted to ask those of you who are still reading....Has something like this ever happened to you? Ever tried a genre, liked it and then been bored by other genres afterwards? I just don't understand this, and I hope it doesn't effect me too greatly. I'd hate to pick up God of War 3 someday, or Spore or something and just yawn over it.

Oh well. Frag on. :(   read


10:16 PM on 06.08.2008

My gaming set up: Let me show it to you! Also, PS3 impressions.



So I blogged a week back or so that I had bought this awesome 40" Samsung HDTV. 1080p, 30000:1 contrast, etc etc.

First off, this is my first HDTV as well as my first TV that is...well, massive (by my standards). I LOVE IT...I can finally read friggin' text for once. I thought dev's were making text small just to piss me off, but come to find out it's because apparently, games are not being made with SDTV's in mind any more! I finally got sick fo it because my SDTV ruined my GTA IV experience...It looked meh, I couldn't read text, and I just didn't want to play it at all...Which is saying something, because that is my favorite series of all time.

So the TV is great. Looks great, works great, all that...The only down-side is the fact that you had to scoot back from my desk in order to get full high-def. This is my fault because I wanted to put it by my PC so I could run games off of it, but it seems that is futile, because games look like shit on the HDTV because nothing I have will apparently go up to 1920x1080. Half Life, TF2, DoW, etc...They all stopped at 1200x1000 (whatever the exact res is :P) and unless they can go higher and I am unaware of HOW, then it is doomed to just look shitty, thus rendering playing it on the HDTV useless. I may move it off this desk and to my other desk...Haven't decided yet. I mean, it is pretty cramped on this one!

Anyways...So this is my set up. Like it? I do. Yay.

But on to the PS3...I always said I'd never buy one because they were so expensive, but with Bluray winning the format war and PS3 launching a few cool games soon (I'm actually not that hyped about MGS4, even though the first one [the only one I've played] was awesome...SOMEONE HYPE ME PL0Z!), I figured I'd buy one...Plus, the guy at Best Buy gave me $100 off the PS3 when I got my HDTV...Plus, I got 3 free Bluray movies with the HDTV, so I had to have a way to watch 'em!

The PS3 is great. You know what? I have a 360 as you can see...But you 360 fanboys need a big slice of STFU. I was never a faboy of the 360, and the 360 is great, but if the PS3 had a better library (the only thing 360 has on the PS3, IMO), I'd sell my 360 right now. I was THAT impressed with the PS3.

I was so impressed with the PS3 that I am actually going to start buying all PS3/360 games for PS3...Especially those with online capabiity; as the online on the PS3 is freakin' FREE. How cool is that? I don't even have to pay to listen to whiny 13 year old bitches anymore (any less, either...lulz)! AWESOME!

First off, before I even fired the PS3 up, I was impressed. There is no "on button" or "eject button", there is like...Star Trek technology on this muh-fugguh. You run your finger over an icon and BAM! The shit turns on. That is so cool. Also, I went to eject the disk tray to put in my first game; Warhawk...Another surprise...There IS no ejecting disk tray. You simply slide the disk in, and when you run your finger over the Star Trek-esque eject icon, the disk simply pops out without a disk tray! SWEET. That is actually really cool, as I am no fan of disk trays.

Anyways, I turn the sucker on and pop in Warhawk. I am taken to the PS3's system page, which IMO is much cleaner than Xbox 360's. Xbox 360's has ads and shit all over it, too...Makes it kinda' fugly. PS3 has no such thing! It's a sleek black page with a silvery wave going across it and a very simple interface.

So far, so good.

I go to play Warhawk and am prompted to make an online account for PSN. I make one with ease and am logging into Warhawk for my first game within minutes.

Warhawk is a pretty fun game, but it has a VERY steep learning curve as far as flying planes go. I am getting better, but still getting owned by the Generals flying around. :) However, I have taken my share of planes down once I learned how to lock on to planes after like, 2 hours of playing...Before that, I couldn't take ANYTHING down, lol.

The ground-game in Warhawk is not very good. You can unload a clip from a machine gun into your opponent and he will not die...Yet your opponent can throw one grenade at you and you are toast. Or even worse, as you are unloading a clip into him, he can simply run up and knife you. People seem to use knifes and grenades more than anything in this game, and that is truly a shame. They should really fix this, but since they haven't by now...They're not likely to. I mean, it's worse than Halo, and I hated how you had to unload clips into people on Halo. Argh.

So, I tend to stay in planes. I'm better at it and I don't have to deal with the "cheap" tactics of the ground warfare.

I have not gotten any other games yet, but I am likely going to get COD4, as I loved that game on 360, but never got to play it online. I also plan on renting (not buying...too short!) Heavenly Sword, and maybe even Lair, even though I am told it sucks bawlz.

Any other suggestions from you guys would be welcomed. Keep in mind though, I'd only consider buying a game with multiplayer or massive amounts of replay value. I can no longer justify spending $60 to play a game once. It makes no sense. I don't buy DVD's for the same reason...Too expensive to only watch once, or even twice.

Which reminds me...Bluray movies are $30/each. Wow. Fuck that. I'm definitely renting those!

I also went on youtube and some other websites from the PS3's browser; something that I thought was very cool, but I likely won't use it too much. I thought about watching some porn on it just for comedic effect, but decided against it for obvious reasons...Porn+PS3=Not intended, surely.

Oh, and just to touch on the Sixaxis real quick...It's pretty nifty, but I only had Warhawk to try it out with, and it's not TOO great for Warhawk. I Imagine it'd be a lot more fun for Heavenly Sword and whatnot. I don't really move the controller anymore when I play games (I figured out playing Mario at 6 that moving the controller while jumping does indeed NOT make Mario jump any further, no matter how much I think it helps...), so moving it now is kinda'...weird. I can't imagine playing a Wii...I'd probably get so sick or that, lol. But anyways, it is nifty.

All in all, the system reaks of next-gen IMO, and it really made me look at my 360 and say, "Yo, whats up with you, bro?"...Like I said, if it wasn't for the 360's library now and in the future...I'd likely sell it. I still like my 360, but I'll be damned if the PS3 isn't taking me over just a little bit. I've even considered trading in my GTA IV for 360 for a PS3 version, due to the PS3's free online capabilities. I mean, hell...I have this PS3 and HDTV to pay for. Can't afford myself any Xbox LIVE! :P By the way...Anyone out there willing to do such a trade, gimme' a hollar. ;)

Soooo, yea...I guess that's it. I just wanted to make this real quick to say my impressions of the PS3, basically. I'm kinda' busy writing a science essay, so this is pretty half-assed. :P

Thanks for reading.
<3 Schmo0zle and his PS3   read


8:03 PM on 05.28.2008

My day of gaming indulgence and debt gaining: Let me show it to you.

So, my PS3 is downloading it's firmware right now and it is literally taking like, 5 weeks. It's at 50% right now, and it has been at it for 30 minutes.

So far, not good.

So let me show you how I got to the point:

I applied at Best Buy for a finance card. I figured I'd get rejected, so I expect to spend a grand total of "Jack shit" today. I was wrong. They approved me for $3600. "No way I'm spending that much today." I said to the cute lady at the service desk. She smiled. Then my friend cock blocked me by saying, "So, are you still fucking your ex?" Cute lady at desk heard this. She immediately gave me an odd look. Note to self: No longer friends with this man. Kill him.

So, I bought a PS3 today as I said. Why did I buy a PS3 that I hadn't planned on buying? Because the guy at Best buy said "$100 off if you buy this too, bro!" when I was shopping for my first HDTV.

Oh yea, by the way; I bought an HDTV today. It's a 42" 1080p, 30000:1 contrast, more stats that I do not know the meaning of, etc etc. It was $1500. I'm such a fucking idiot. I don't even have $1500. What am I doing?

The guys at Best Buy totally raped me. They must get commission, and they had to of been able to tell I had little idea what I was really looking for. So they sold me on the most expensive HDMI cable, a power system (actually probably a good buy, BUT STILL!), the HDTV warranty which was like $200 (Argh..), and even the PS3 warranty which I know I likely won't need. Thankfully, that was only $60.

FIRMWARE IZ DONE!

Okay, I'm back. Continuing on, I bought Warhawk, because the fuckin' PS3 didn't come with any games. Bastards, why must you rape me? I hope this game is good. It looked good, but so did Heavenly Sword. I decided to play the manly flying game instead of the girl ass-kicking game. Good choice? Who knows. We'll see. At least I got a Blutooth, amirite?

About the only good thing about today was that they gave me 3 blurays for free. This ended up being lame as well, as all 3 movies suck; yea, I didn't get to pick. What a joke. :(

I'm psyched that I got an HDTV so I can finally play GTA IV properly, and the PS3 seems nifty so far (still have to take it for a real test drive on the HDTV!), but I feel like I raped myself merely by going into Best Buy. Not only did I rack up like $2400 worth of goods, I now have a new system I have to buy games for, which will be even more money I won't have. Little Big Planet, MGS4...Damnit, I'm just going to stop there before I /wrist.

So, what do you guys think...Will the police believe me if I call them and say my house got robbed so that I don't have to pay this shit off? Lulz. :(

Not a very good blog since I want to get playin' teh Hawkz o' War, but just thought I'd let everyone know how much fail and win I am full of today. Win due to epic gaming experience, fail due to me paying for it.

Oh well, at least it's 3-year financing. it's only, what...$75/month?

PS3 fanboys, rejoice! For I am now your brother!

...PSYCHE! My 360 hasn't red-ringed yet, nukkah's! But there is one red-ringed at the metrodome in Minneapolis, FYI.   read


10:45 PM on 04.25.2008

GameStop: Evil, or Evil GENIUS?!

I think GameStop is evil. And I have proof.

I was determined to buy GTA IV at Wal-Mart (or anywhere else) instead of GameStop so I didn't have to support what I perceived to be an evil company. And for you wise-ass fuckers...No, Wal-Mart is not evil. Shut up.

I walked past a GameStop yesterday and saw the GTA IV boxes stacked up so I had to go and ask if they were selling them early since I had seen other places ni various states/countries selling them early.

I went in and asked.

They said, "No...But you can reserve one..."

Long story short, I walked out of there with a reserved copy of GTA IV and a copy of The Orange Box for PC.

How the fuck did they do that? Is there some kind of aura in there that rapes your mind, or what? The clerk even started rambling about trading in some of my games to go towards GTA IV because they have a 20%+ special when trading them in for GTA IV...

...AND I STARTED TO THINK IT WAS A WISE IDEA.

Plus he made me endure sitting through his rambling about World of Warcraft and his Human Warlock. Fuck you, fat boy. I'd rather die (but didn't, due to that strange aura).

Pretty sure those stores all rest on Ancient Cherokee burial grounds. Or gates to Hell.   read


7:52 PM on 04.23.2008

PS3 fanboys: Convince me!

So, I have this Xbox 360. I've been intending to get GTA IV on it for forever now...It's announcement is what made me buy one 15 months ago. I bought one for my girlfriend, too. But the PS3 is rolling out a couple interesting games this year, and it has a GTA IV BUNDLE...And Bluray won the format war, so I'll need to buy one eventually right? And what about GoW3? PS3 exclusive, surely? But the PS3 lacks exclusive GTA IV content that Microsoft bought from Rockstar for 50 dino bonez. Wut does I do come Tuesday?! Do I spend an extra $340 that I wasn't going to spend, or do I STFU AND GTFO with my 360 version of GTA IV, saving myself money for delicious cake? Your job, PS3 fanboys, is to convince me that a PS3 would be a good buy. Go.   read


4:03 PM on 04.23.2008

EA creating a "Monopoly" board game? O RLY?

Just my thoughts on this...First, I'll start out with a comment I made on the post by Jim.

"It'll be released and become semi-successful, which will make EA buy all the rights to all Parker Brothers, Mattel and Hasbro board games. They will then release 1 video game per board game every 9 months with no changes other than updated rosters. And they'll remove the Thimble piece from Monopoly, citing it as being "overpowered".

They will then charge $10 to players to get the Thimble BACK, stating "re-stocking fees". This Thimble will now be UNDERPOWERED, but will have a special /dance emoticon.

People will get bored of these games, and start calling EA "fucktards" and "thieves". To combat this, EA will release a video game version of the Muslim-created board game, "From Mecca to Medina" for free. Since this is a game about arab trade-routs, and the Muslims made no money from this...The Muslims will riot, citing "hurt feelings", eventually causing a giant BAWWWWfest that leads to the occupation of all Muslim countries and thus, bringing about WWIII.

EA is the harbinger of the apocalypse, you see.

I beg you, EA...Do not ruin the board games. The world will end."

Anyways, back in the day when SNES/N64 was ruling the years of my childhood...I was not being ruled by these systems. My family was too broke to get me one (my first console was a PS1 which I spent 3 months mowing lawns to buy). Do you know what I got? Board games. I played the shit out of them, too. Now EA wants to rape my childhood! I USED TO LIKE THE MONOPOLY GUY! Now he's going to be a giant cunt!

Short and sweet: EA, quit ruining everything. :( Bastards.

/mock anger over.   read


11:34 PM on 04.11.2008

8800GT installed! LET THE GAMING BEGIN!

'Sup /D/?

Well, long story short...My computer has always sucked a fat one. I've always had to watch PC games fly by me and all I could do is whimper in pain. But with Spore coming out soon and a lot of good games dropping monthly...I figured it was time to suck it up and upgrade.

Finally, I sucked it up and shelled out $300 of my $400 paycheck for the week for a 8800GT and a 500W power supply to replace my 350W junker that most certainly would have 'sploded if I tried to run a 8800GT on it. (See my "Not my turning point gaming rig" post for pics and details!...not that you'd want to.)

Newegg was running a sale on EVGA 8800GT's ($199+$30 rebate ftw!) so I figured I would just go ahead and buy one. The power supply was $80...A friend recommended it as "totally GOOD, yo!" because I do not know much about this new fangled computer st00fz.

So it gets here today (as it damn well should have, since I paid UPS to get it here today!) and I unpack it gleefully, knowing full-well my computer will probably be toast by the time I am done, since I know not what I do when it comes to computers.

Actually, it went pretty damn well. The 8800GT was (of course) an easy install...Even a computer illiterate individual like myself can do that one. I had to switch a hard drive connector that was in the way of the video card, which is looooooooooooooong, but thankfully quite thin. I have large hands so messing about in a mid-tower case isn't easy. At all.

The PSU was what worried me...And it was pretty easy, but I forgot to put in the, uhh...SATA connector, is it called? Yea, and the computer would boot, but windows wouldn't boot up, obviously...

I plugged that in after I realized and it made this aweful SCREAMING noise and I thought the world was going to end or something. It was pretty damn terrible. So I switched off the PSU, plugged it in...Problem solves, everything booted up fine.

Installed drivers, and tested it out on CoH...The game runs very fast with everything on high settings and looks pretty good.

Now I just need some more games to really push the card to see what it can do. :)

Recommend? CoD4 sounds promising. As does The Orange Box.

<3 Schmo0zle

Oh, and the next upgrade is likely THIS (http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16824254026) bad boy. My 27" TV's screen messed up...So I figured, hell...Why not get a 28" MONITOR that I can use for my PC *AND* my Xbox 360 gaming!

Plus, the damn thing is only $500. Can't beat that.   read


1:29 AM on 03.11.2008

Game Blamers: BREAKIN' THE LAW!



Well, not LITERALLY breaking the law, however, one can draw a correlation between what they do and what the "McDonalds made me fat." criers did - which is now illegal.

In 2004-2005, a couple of pudgy 'gals brought a lawsuit upon the greasy desktop of McDonald's Corp. The reason? They claimed that their immense consumption of McDonald's food made them obese and that - and this is the kicker - this was McDonald's fault.

...And they were in their lawlsuitz, seekin' some damagez!

Much to the lulz of everyone sitting ring-side, we all knew this was a completely bogus charge because it isn't someone else's fault that they asked "I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER?!" one too many times. And everyone else involved knew it was bogus too, including the Supreme Court where the trial eventually ended up.


The final ruling was that Pudge Queen and Pudgerella McDonald (no relation to McDonald's Corp.) were at fault for being obese. McDonald's was not guilty of "Fattery in the 3rd Degree".

This resulted in Bill #H.R.554 of the 109th Congressional Congress. The "Cheeseburger Bill". Which stated that - essentially - no one could sue a corporation for making them fat because it was their own damn fault.

IMAGINE THAT! Responsible for their own actions, which were done all by their lonesome, how can this be?!

When I heard about this in 2005, I also heard about the nefarious actions of Mr. Jack Thompson - Attorney at Lawlz. He and other nay-sayers were berating my favorite pass-time by saying that if I were to partake in said pass-time (gaming), that I would go on a violent shooting rampage, killing everyone in my path, screwing hookers, snorting coke and then finally, offing myself with a chain-saw rifle.

Since I have been playing GTA since I was 11 or 12, this was hilarious to me, because the thought of committing a school-shooting had never even crossed my mind. Not once.

So what is my point in all this? My point is this: You cannot blame game developers, publishers, programmers, animators, marketers, or even the janitor's in a developer's offices for the latest psychotic loony-toon child that goes on a shooting rampage and just HAPPENED to have played a violent video game.

Just like with the "Cheeseburger Bill", I am suggesting that the legality of suing a person or corporation for some kid going crazy and offing people should seriously be questioned in court someday, and when (not if, when) it is found that this is baseless, it should be made illegal; just like suing McDonald's for making you a fatty.

Furthermore, what the hell?! We see more violent things on TV than we do in video games, and they don't say "Clearly this child watched too much American Idol.", now do they! No, they do not! But I'll be damned if American Idol doesn't make me want to off people more than COD4 does. Ugh, hate that show. Simon Cowell is such a douche.

Now, CAN I HAZ CHEZEBURGER, pl0z?!

This technically is my first blog. How did I do?

<3 Schmo0zle   read


3:52 PM on 03.07.2008

Not my Turning Point gaming rig

Long time Destructoid user, first time blogger!

This is DEFINITELY NOT my Turning Point gaming rig. In fact, if it resided in any certain place, it wouldn't be at the "Turning Point", it would be at the "Point of no return" which I am told is a street-corner in Harlem with gang bangers and prostitutes just standing there...Waiting for you to look at them wrong.

That is my computer. A prostitute that is waiting for you to look at her wrong. So she can shank you in the back and then laugh at you while you try and limp to safety.

Safety in this case being the "Turning Point" gaming rig. It saves lives. It is that good.

So I am entering a picture of my completely shoddy rig so that I may be saved by the Holy Jeebus of computers - the "Turning Point" gaming rig!




Also, product placement for DASANI, Alltel and the Smithsonian Museum!

And yes, all three of those items ARE faster than my "gaming rig" -- hell, let's not kid ourselves. This is not a gaming rig. This is a PC suitable for browsing that I happen to use to play games -- while getting 15 FPS doing so.

If you look closely at my desktop, you'll see games like the "Dawn of War" series (minus Soul Storm, which I haven't gotten yet...), WoW (which I don't play anymore...), Guild wars (ditto.), CoH, and Black & White 2. The only problem is that while I CAN play these games - I play them under immense lag on medium settings.

My computer sucks.

So for all those who were expecting a pretty face - you've clearly been let down. And for those of you who are naive enough to think "It is what's on the inside that counts!" - please, who are you fooling? The guts are worse than the skin that surrounds them! Here's my specs: Laugh hard. Laugh fucking hard.

- OS: Windows Vista Home Premium (which holds my gaming back EVEN further, YAY!) 32 bit version.

- Motherboard: AMD.

- Processor: AMD Athlon 64 2X Dual Core 5000+ @ 2.6 Ghz (Probably the best part of my 'puter, sadly.)

- Memory: 2GB RAM

- Graphics Card: ATI Radeon X1200 Series. (Suck.)

- Hard Drive: 320 GB 7500rpm P.O.S. (The P.O.S does NOT stand for "Pretty OutStanding", either.)

- Sound card: Integrated. (Cry.)

- Power Supply: 350W junker. (Can't even update my graphics card with this in the way.)

- Monitor: 19", I believe. (I say "I believe" because it's like 4 years old and I'm too lazy to measure it. Also, for comedic effect, my dxdiag logs insult me by calling my monitor "Generic PnP monitor". Thanks, asshole!)

- Speakers: No idea. They suck and crackle when I turn the sound up or down. Ugh. They too are 4+ years old.

- Mouse/Keyboard: Wireless Microsoft 4000 keyboard, 5000 mouse. Just got these the other day for like $70. They're alright.

So there you have it. I haven't been able to play a "new" game since...Well, I've actually never been able to. I've been trying to save up for a computer (and failing due to teh poorz), but since I saw this, I've decided to publicly humiliate myself by posting this in hopes of winning the monster rig!

Thanks for viewing! Try not to /mock me too hard, and congratulations to whoever wins this awesome PC!

<3 Schmo0zle   read


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