Or why my shocking revelation is blatantly better then Krow's
I'm sure you've all seen Krow's shocking expose, revealing my true identity: Canadian comedy star Rick Morranis (a fact even I wasn't aware of!) I don't like to hyperbolize, but I think it's fair to say that this was some reporting on the same caliber as Woodward and Bernstein's (the guys who broke the story about Obama not having a birth certificate.) It was missing one thing though. It had SCIENCE! and REASON! but was severely lacking in the most important of the three: JOURNALISM! Determined to write a post containing all three, I channeled my idol; ace reporter Geraldo Beedog, and the results were astonishing. Hold on to your hats everybody, because Destructoid's darling, Jim Sterling is secretly none other then androgynous singing sensation Boy George. And this isn't a recent development; Jim has been Boy George this entire time!!
Need some proof? Look no further:
They both like to wear makeup:
This was the first clue, and without a doubt the most obvious. They look fucking identical! Even more so then Lucy Liu and Jackie Chan! (don't pretend like you can tell those two apart.) Even without the makeup, the resemblance is uncanny. Compare them yourself; I guarantee you'll get deja-vu!
They both sing:
Although admittedly on a very different scale. One was an esteemed singer-songwriter at the forefront of the English New Romantic Movement in the early 80s, while Boy George has only done a Singstar charity concert. But take a listen to their musical stylings, and you'll be struck by how much they both sound like David Bowie. There's only two people in the word who sound like that, and I'm pretty sure one of those is Bowie, which leaves only one open spot. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They were both arrested for assault and false imprisonment of a male escort:
Now here's where things start to get really eerie. In May of '09, both George and Jim were arrested after a wild night spent abusing a male prostitute. Know what's even weirder? IT WAS THE SAME PROSTITUTE BOTH TIMES! The escort in question declined to comment on this "coincidence," but Samit will have to face the music sooner or later!
They both sound like Liquid Snake:
Apart from running his independent gaming new site 'Negative Gamer,' Jim Sterling is famous for two things: giving Twilight Princess a 4/10 and his fantastic Liquid Snake impersonation. Seriously, it sounds just like him! As if things weren't suspicious enough, Boy George actually played Liquid Snake in the Lifetime docu-drama Metal Gear Solid. How you gonna explain away that Boy Sterling? You can't because the evidence just keeps piling up!
They both tried to produce a Broadway musical based on their life story, which flopped after poor reviews and a heated public battle between themselves and co-producer Rosie O'Donnell:
And as if that wasn't definitive enough:
They're both British!:
Case fucking closed. Time to cut the crap Mr. Sterling, and while your at it can I have your autograph?
What can I say, after Phantomile remarketed his list for the Cblogs, my whoreisnish kicked in, and I felt compelled to do the same. Unlike his wonderful list though, you can probably guess mine right now with out even looking XP I hope you enjoy it regardless though!
10. The Embodiment of the Scarlet Devil (PC): A slightly weird choice, but very much a worthy one. TEotSD is blessed with hilarious charecters, some of the greatest music in gaming period (as is all of the Touhou series,) and some of the best Shump gameplay available, as insanely impossible as it looks, bullet hell can be done (seriously, if I can beat it anyone can ;3) and nothing can top the rush you get when avoiding certain death by literally just a pixel. Also this.
9. Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Justice For All (DS): Simple, addictive gameplay, amazing stories, beloved characters and fantastic music and art are staples of all the AA games, so picking favorites really comes down to personal preference. For me, I love 2 mainly because of the character interactions. Phoenix, Maya and Pearl are all gold on there own, and even more so together, capable of some truly hilarious humor, and of some of the genuinely sweetest and happiest moments you'll ever see. Plus the last case is all kinds of awesome. Seriously, it's quite honestly the greatest thing evar.
8. Pokemon Crystal (GBC): Ahhh, G/S/C. It's when the series achieved the perfect balance of depth and complexity, when the new Pokemon were unilaterally awesome and when the plots were epic tales of Red Gyradoses and final duels atop Mt. Silver. Of the three 2nd gen titles, Crystal is particularly noteworthy because of it's ever so awesome new feature, The Battle Tower, a challenge that has proved a key part of the series future and adds even more replay value to the already limitless fun provided by this amazing adventure.
7. Chrono Trigger (SNES): Like so many great stories, CT starts out so simple, with a boy going to his town fair, only to evolve into a struggle for the very survival of humanity. It's absolutely gorgeous, in terms of both visuals and music, and in the games scope. The time travel mechanic is perfect, and makes for a vast an all encompassing adventure that few RPGs, games or even works of fiction in general can rival.
6. Super Metroid (SNES): Not only is it some of the greatest gameplay you'll ever experience (nothing will EVER top exploring Zebes to it's fullest,) it features a shockingly moving story that's told with out a single word, save an intro at the games beginning. As awesome as "Metroidvania" always is, and as great as Symphony of the Night, Zero Mission and Cave Story are, (and oh god that last one is. Seriously, if this list had 5 more spots you'd SO be hearing me rave about it :3) they can never top the godfater of the genre, and one of the pillars of gaming as a whole.
5. Metal Gear Solid (PSX): Call shenanigans on it all you want, but the MGS series is damn good stuff. While it may not be everyone's cup of tea, Kojima crafts some brilliant stories in his games, and as fantastic as the latter ones are (if this list was 10 longer they'd all be making appearances) it's hard to top the first. From the opening infiltration, to the shoot out with Ocelot, to Pyscho Mantis and then a sniper duel with Wolf, from having to make the choice whether to try save a beloved NPCs life, and potentially lose a huge amount of progress in the process, or to take the easy way out and pay the price. From shooting Liquid's helicopter down and taking out his Metal Gear, to fist fighting him on top it, and finally defeating hiOH SHIT HE"S BACK and shooting him down in one final chase. MGS is chock full of some of gamings greatest moments and continues to demonstrate the fantastic capacity for stoytelling in this medium.
4. Persona 3 FES (PS2): A fantastic atmosphere (I wish I could describe it, but the best I can come up with is quasi-pseudo horror which just makes it more confusing XD), superb gameplay (visual novels and rpgs are my jam ;3) amazing music and some of the best characters I've ever had the pleasure to experience; every one of the 100+ hours I sunk into it were well, well rewarded, whether it be from the utterly incredible final act, that compouns on all the emotions you can't help but build up though out the months, or from the countless unforgettable moments throughout the game. Be it from plot, slink or even in battle dialogue, I've grown far more attached to SEES then I'd care to admit, and this epic of a story is unlikely to ever leave me.
3. Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations (DS): Controversy! Yeah, this "game" is flawed, and it's really more a visual novel then anything else, but it's my list, and I love it like no other :3 An incredible story with some of the finest characters ever crafted; it's the perfect conclusion to Phoenix's trilogy and has some of the most emotional and epic scenes of any medium, and certainly of games. So, Take That!
2. Earthbound/Mother 2 (SNES): Big surprise. Earthbound is really an indescribable experience. It switches from a lighthearted farce full of hilarious references to an absolutely terrifying tale of sacrificed humanity and battles against evil personified, and back again so seamlessly, it's hard to put a lock on how to describe it. What starts out as a simple, quirky diversion becomes oh-so much more, and tells one of the greatest stories in gaming with such a unique charm that your sure to be as wowed as I was :3
1. Mother 3 (GBA): Don't tell me you didn't see this coming ;3 To quote from tag line "Strange, funny, heartrending" It's quite honestly the greatest game ever made. Intuitive yet deep gameplay, beautiful graphics and sound, and one of the greatest and most powerful stories in ANY creative medium, Mother 3 is simply perfect, and I'll take anyone on who says otherwise :3
I'll make this uncharacteristically terse. The Gp2x Wiz Handheld Linux Game Console is amazing, and every emulator's wildest fantasy. It's admittedly pricey at $170, but for an NES/Atari/Commodore 64/SNES/Genesis/Neo Geo/GB/GBC/GBA/MAME, CPS and CPSII arcade on the go, all in one sleek, tiny package, I'd say it's worth it.
Well whatever could this be?
The Wiz and a bonus Winne the Pooh DSi Case. Just because.
Solo Pooh
Pooh Unboxed
Haruhi is not amused
Pretty in blue
It's really rather tiny (which is a very good thing
Don't tell me you weren't expecting this ;)
As for my impressions: Don't be fooled by the weird looking face buttons, everything feels ever so perfect, from the dpad, to the barley noticeable shoulder buttons. It's light, easy to stash and incredibly bright, even at the lower settings.The GBA and SNES emulators work FABULOUSLY (as good as they would on your PC) but I keep running into to trouble with the GBC one. The sound is perpetually slow, and some of the game's don't really do the whole "displaying graphics" thing. Bear in mind though, this is all first edition Emus, so I'm sure everything will be fixed in later patches. I have yet to try any of the others, (I was to distracted by Touhoumon >.<) but next on my list of to dos are CPS and NES,but from what I've read, both work just as well as the former two, and it's only Lemonboy that's having errors. I'll report back on them later, but as for now, Earthbound and Mother 3 work great though, so that's enough for me to give in an A+ ;3
Enjoy!
Also, Special thanks to NotGeoff for bringiing this to my attention in the first place. <3ulongtimeJorff:3
Why this bold deceleration? Because I've just triumphed over Touhou Projects: The Embodiment of the Scarlet Devil, a grueling Bullet Hell Shump that I've been playing since April! :D
If your not aware, the Touhou series are a fantastic, albeit it, insane Bullet Hell, or curtain shmups (think games like Ikkaruga and Radiant Silvergun), featuring a huge cast of quirky witches, vampires and devils, and some of the most balls out hard gameplay you'll ever face. Seriously, by the end of it 90% of the screen is bullets, all arranged in beautiful (but very deadly patterns) designed so that you can only escape death by the margin of a pixel.
I did this :3
Truth be told, around here, where plebeians like myself can rub shoulders with Bullet Hell masters like Topher Cantler and Magnalon, who can best games like this with no continues and a blindfold, this really isn't that huge of an accomplishment. But for me,. a gamer who oft struggles with anything that isn't turn based, this is monumental. And it's only the beginning! The Touhou series is HUGE, and I still need to unlock the Extra stage in this one. Before I embark on those quests, I hope to take this moment to celebrate my first victory with you by sharing the following amazing remixes of the series INCREDIBLE soundtrack! L'Chaim!
Remember that time I told you Qalamari was the greatest person ever? Don't worry, he still is (<3ulongtime Qala :3) but now Ashley Davis is as well.
As if she wasn't amazing already, Ashley took the time out of her busy schedule as an editor, to not only fulfill a trite request of mine, to draw a certain phallicly haired guitarist who once served as my very face on Destructoid in the form of my old animated avatar. Knowing Ms. Davis' past work, I was sure it would be amazing, but nothing could prepare me for the fabulous adorableality of Daryan's portrait:
Seeing Mr. Crescend rendered in such an unbearably cute manner is really rather hilarious (as well as incredibly awesome,) since in game, he's almost as big a dick as his hair is. I've long been a fan of the sharky frontman of the Gavinners so receiving this frankly magnificent drawing was already a huge honor, and enough to keep me happy for a long, long while, but Ms. Davis didn't just stop there; she tossed in a picture of another of favorite charecters, Mother 3's Princess Kumatora:
You probably don't know this, but I kinda like Mother 3 (I could take it or leave it though) and the whole cast has an irreplaceable spot in my heart, which is doubly true for mainstrays like Kuma, Duster, Lucas and Boney. After making a mildly amusing gif of her I swapped the princess out for the equally beloved Daryan (may he stroke in piece) as my new face on the interwebs. Since she's almost as fiery as Mr. Crescend himself, seeing her drawn in such a cute manner is unbearably adorable (not to mention the amazing inclusion of PK Freeze behind her!) I wish I could come up with words worthy enough to describe the two pieces and the joy they fill me with, but I'm hardly a wordsmith so I'll leave it at the bold but true statement, that these are the greatest things ever made :D
Receiving one of these incredible masterpieces would have rocked my world, but both?! (And bare in mind this was 100% pro bonno on Ms. Davis' part!) This may very well have made my year, and has defiantly spiced up my account. While I currently have Kumatora for cblog and Daryan for forums, I'm trying to work out a random image script so I can have both at once, as choosing between the two is a Sophie's choice of the worst kind ;) Both are so, so, so amazing, just like the artist behind them, who just so happens to be the greatest person ever :3
Now Playing:
Final Fantasy V (SNES)
Final Fantasy X (PS2)
Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box (DS)
About Me:
Favorite game: Mother 3
Favorite genre: JRPGs
Favorite series: Mother/Earthbound, Pokemon, Final Fantasy, Persona, Touhou, Metal Gear and Ace Attorney
Favorite animus: Gurren Lagann and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
Favorite book: So You Need to Disarm a Chimpanzee Favorite musicals: Legally Blonde the Musical and Gyakuten Saiban: Resurrected Truth Favorite Godzilla Monster: Mothra
Name origin: The Scary Womanizing Pig Mask (or Fierce Pork Trooper) from Mother 3
Avatar origins: An amazing drawing of Mother 3's Kumatora done for me by the awesome Ashley Davis
NES Games
1. Metroid
2. Megaman II
3. Mother/Earthbound 0
4. The Legend of Zelda
5. Super Mario Brothers 3
6. Super Mario Bothers 2 (US Version)
7. Super Mario Brothers
8. Kirby's Adventure
9. Megaman III
10. Megaman
SNES Games
1. Mother 2/Earthbound
2. Super Metroid
3. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
4. Final Fantasy 6
5. Final Fantasy 4
6. Super Mario World
7. Chrono Trigger
8. Kirby Superstar
9. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars
10. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
N64 Games
1. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
2. Pokemon Snap
3. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
4. Super Mario 64
5. Super Smash Brothers
6. Star Fox 64
7. Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards
8. Pokemon Stadium 2
9. Harvest Moon 64
10. Paper Mario
Gameboy Games
1. Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow
2. The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
3. Pokemon Pinball
4. Metroid II: The Return of Samus
5. Tetris DX
6. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
7. Gameboy Camera
8. Tintin and The Temple of the Sun
9. Super Mario Land
10. Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins
Gameboy Color Games
1. Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal
2. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons
3. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages
4. Pokemon Trading Card Game
5. Pokemon Puzzle Challenge
6. Mario Tennis
7. Super Mario Brothers DX
8. Kirby Tilt 'n' Tumble
9. Wario Land 3
10. Metal Gear Solid
PSX
1. Metal Gear Solid
2. Final Fantasy VII
3. Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo
4. Street Fighter Alpha 2
5. Street Fighter Alpha 3
6. Harvest Moon: Back to Nature
7. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
8. UmJammer Lammy
9. PaRappa the Rapper
10. Resident Evil
GBA
1. Mother 3
2. Pokemon Fire Red/Leaf Green
3. Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga
4. Wario Ware Inc: Mega Microgames
5. Metroid Zero Mission
6. Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald
7. Yu-Gi-Oh Worldwide Editon: Stairway to the Destined Duel
8. Sonic Advance
9. Wario Land 4
10. Sonic Battle
Gamecube
1. Super Smash Brothers Melee
2. Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
3. Luigi's Mansion
3. Super Mario Sunshine
4. Custom Robo
5. Super Monkey Ball
6. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
7. Animal Crossing
8. Mario Kart: Double Dash!
9. Legend of Zelda: Four Sword Adventure
10. Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life
PS2
1. Persona 3 FES
2. Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
3. Final Fantasy X
4. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
5. We <3 Katamari
6. Katamari Damacy
7. Persona 4
8. Shadow of the Colossus
9. ICO
10. Soul Calibur 2
DS
1. Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations
2. Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Justice for All
3. Hotel Dusk Room 215
4. Professor Layton and the Curious Village
5. Pokemon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum
6. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
7. Mario Kart DS
8. Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
9. Advance Wars Dual Strike
10. Animal Crossing: Wild World
PSP
1.-10. Pangya: Fantasy Golf
Wii
1. Super Smash Brothers Brawl
2. Zach and Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure
3. Super Mario Galaxy
4. Trauma Center: Second Opinion
5. Wario Ware Smooth Moves
6. No More Heroes
7. Wii Play
8. Mario Kart Wii
9. Pokemon Battle Revolution
10. Wii Sports
PS3
1. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
2. Valkyria Chronicles
3. Flower
4. Super Puzzle Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix
5. Street Fighter 4
6. Soul Calibur 4
7. Rockband 2
8. Street Fighter 2 Turbo HD Remix
9. Metal Gear Solid 4 Database
10. Talladega Nights
RPGs
1. Mother 3
2. Earthbound
3. Persona 3 FES
4. Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
4. Final Fantasy X
5. Final Fantasy IV
6. Mario and Luigi Superstar Saga
7. Chrono Trigger
8. Persona 4
9. Final Fantasy VI
10. Final Fantasy VII
Action-Adventure Games
1. Cave Story
2. Super Metroid
3. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
4. The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening DX
5. Metroid Zero Mission
6. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
7. The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass
8. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
9. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of the Seasons
10. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of the Ages
Fighting Games
1. Super Smash Brothers Melee
2. Super Smash Brothers Brawl
3. Super Smash Brothers 64
5. Street Fighter Alpha 2
6. Street Fighter 4
7. Soul Calibur 2
8. Street Fighter Alpha 3
9. Marvel vs. Capcom 2
10. Darkstalkers: Vampire Savior 2
First-Person Shooters
1. Team Fortress 2
2. The Ship
3. Bioshock
4. Half Life 2
5. Left 4 Dead
6. Halo: Combat Evolved
7. Half Life
8. Goldeneye 007
9. Perfect Dark
10. Wolfenstien 3D
Racing Games
1. Mario Kart DS
2. Mario Kart: Double Dash
3. Mario Kart Super Circuit
4. F-Zero X
5. Mario Kart Wii
6. Mario Kart 64
7. F-Zero
8. Super Mario Kart
9. Konami Kaczy Racers
10. Lego Racers
Platformers:
1. Super Mario Galaxy
2. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island
3. Super Mario World
4. Super Mario 64
5. Super Mario Brothers 3
6. Super Mario Brothers 2 US
7. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
8. Super Mario Brothers
9. Sonic Adventure 2
10. Megaman 2
Shumps
1. Imperishable Night
2. Embodiment of the Scarlet Devil
3. Mountain of Faith
4. Perfect Cherry Blossom
5. Cho Aniki
6. Star Fox 64
7. Sin and Punishment
8. Phantasmagoria of the Flower View
9. 1924
10. Gamma Brothers
Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press living the dream since March 16, 2006
