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Sassafrass McGee avatar 8:53 PM on 05.29.2013  (server time)
EA wants to sell blank discs and abolish cancer research.

In a bold announcement, EA's president, Satan announced that EA had plans to start selling blank discs at full retail price, this is what Satan had to say: "The gamers of this generation do not want new, innovative games, in fact, they don't want any games at all, our blank disc initiative will turn the industry on its head, rape it violently and then shit on its face. If you do want an actual game, there will be ridiculous amounts of DLC to fill up all the blank space on your shiny, magnificent disc." When a journalist asked the president of EA a question regarding their plans to abolish cancer research and destroy the earth, Satan simply replied with: "People nowadays are getting tired of cancer, it's getting old, the AIDS concept was done to death, and as a result people got bored, they wanted something new, the answer was cancer, but cancer is about as redundant and out of date as Eiffel 65, I mean has anyone actually died of cancer? We at EA work to bring you the most groundbreaking illnesses that we can, and if you disagree, we will strike you down with unrelenting force." Now, you might be wondering why you haven't heard about this on Destructoid or any other major gaming site, well the truth is EA actually own every gaming website and publication. Then why did Fuse get mediocre scores? Because EA wanted it to Goddamnit, can't you see? Still don't believe me? There is actually footage from the announcement on Youtube right now, I suggest you watch it before EA takes it down: All we have left is hope. 

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