Samuel Dillinger's Profile - Destructoid

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Currently Playing:

...A lot of stuff

I like to fap...a lot.

I have been on Destructoid for a little and have grown to really love it's community. I love to write articles on gaming and I find it easy to do with Destructoid. I am currently studying a Bachelor Degree of Communication (Journalism), so that one day I can hope to do this professionally.

While studying I jump from job to job like crazy because I don't want to do anything but write, and while that may sound reckless, I assure you that I really couldn't live any other way if I tried.

I just want to say thanks to everybody involved with Destructoid including every reader, community blogger and contributor. It really is an amazing place in the digital, shit infested swamp lands of the internet.

I am a proud member of the Refused Classification panel also consisting of Destructoid members Puppy Licks and DanMazkin, which brings to the plate a fortnightly Destructoid only podcast and soon to be video content which will also be featuring guest appearances from gaming celebs such as the Masterchief.

I also write on Stereotoid; a weekly shift in the Earth's crust where the greatest music from all time seeps forth and pushes its way into our ears then forces us to write about it through mental fuckism. If you understood that, then well done.

P.S - One day I will write for Destructoid...That's right Niero! I'M COMING FOR YOU MOTHER FUCKER!
Following (35)  

Alright Destructoid,

I don't know about you, but I have had it up to here *point to head* with these petty piece of shit advertising campaigns about how to get ripped in 4 weeks. The before and after shots are...look, don't judge my writing skills based on this small spiel of abuse, but they are fucking retarded. To top it off when I am around retards, I am pretty uncomfortable. I know...O.K, I know. I am suppose to feel bad for them for not having the opportunities non handy cap people have, and to an extent, I do kinda feel bad for the poor guys and gals, but fuck, you can't help but feel a tiny bit uncomfortable when they are attempting to talk to you and all you can notice is how they all look the same.

I think I am going to hell.

But enough of that! Back to the point of this little venomous piff of shit. I have a dick that fucks (although the amount of fucking it does, needs to be worked on), a girlfriend that loves me (I hope) and hands to play video games with (that mostly fuck myself of course). So why do I need to get ripped in 4 weeks!

YOU TELL ME DTOID! ... YOU TELL ME! Because I am this *holds index and thumb close together* close to killing something that breathes because this world is petty as fuck! GOD HELP ME!

P.S - I can already see the fail blog sign ahead, but there is a point to this and I did mention video games in there somewhere. So yeah, I'm sorry if you consider this a waste of time, but what the hell isn't a waste of time these days. The only thing I can think of, is masturbation, because it always has pay off and all you need to worry about is yourself!

Fuck, I hate this place. I'm going to play some Xbox.

Long time no see Dtoid.

I have a job again and I fucking hate it, but you gotta do what you gotta do. On one of my very few days off I had a situation with some eggs which forced me to get the video camera out and then it led to the following.

While most of you present your set up's in the form of blogs and pics, I have decided to take it one step further and do a little video presentation, and while it may go for a while, it recommend you check it out in its entirety because there are things in this that I'm sure you will all relate to. So enjoy my day off from work and what it caused me to do...

It is unfortunate that any of us have to work coz it takes away from the time you could be doing more productive things, like this:


P.S - I have decided to make a little bit of a series based on the events that I cause throughout my free time and post it up on Destructoid's Refused Classification community post. Up and coming vids will be based on my bronx like home town, the Pyramid Rock Festival where I am bound to take acid and go crazy and a trip around the whole world...I kid you not. So stay tuned, coz I plan on taking a shit somewhere in France, coz its one massive toilet.

Modern Warfare 2 has minimized the perks from its predecessor and upped the collective of weapons you can dispose of your fellow enemy with. To be fair, there is an amazing selection that makes for extremely balanced warfare. From Sentry turrets to Sniper Rifles, and from Tactical Nukes to the almighty combat blade; to which I have developed a big fat hard on for.

Since the dawn of time, man has loved to produce sharp things to stab and slice things with. Regardless of what belief system you have, it is true. Evolution had the Precambrian Monkey Men smacking rocks into sharp instruments to plant into the skull of some other hairy dude that fucked his food collecting, flare bush of a misses. That, and they also liked to hunt with it, but who cares about civilized killing for procreation?

In the Christian bible the first siblings to ever be given mention; Kane and Able, had a jealousy problem with each other so Kane decided it would be in his best interests to shank his only brother to solve the issue of who God would love the most...obviously the tactic did not work, but the stabbing sure as hell did.

Fast forward to today, the knife has so many uses that they have to put about fifty different kinds into one and call it a Swiss army tool. But if it isn't big enough to see your face in it's reflective blade, then who cares? The following statistics are taken from my favorite custom class, and collectively, they practically make me Sonic the Hedgehog welding knives and guns...on speed.

- Class Name: The Runner

- Title: Impaler

- Primary Weapon: UMP45 Sub Machine Gun with Red Dot Sight: Light and automatic with decent accuracy.

- Secondary Weapon: AA-12 Automatic Shot Gun: Light weight with decent spread for close encounters.

- Special Equipment: Recoverable Throwing Knife: Difficult to use but oh, so satisfying

- Perk 1: Marathon - Unlimited sprinting and fast ladder climbing.
- Perk 2: Lightweight - Quick on my feet and quick aim after sprinting.
- Perk 3: Commando - Can leap further at somebody with a knife and not take damage from falls.

Needless to say, this class was set up for the simple pleasure of being able to run around the map at top speed while sticking my blade into every single opponent that has the unfortunate fate of crossing paths with me.

I am difficult to hit with a sniper rifle, I am hard to catch with a spray of gun fire and by the time an enemy has seen me, I usually have a blade stuck in their face...

I wait for a challenge...bring it mother fuckers, my knife needs to be fed.

P.S - Whatever you do, don't google knife ain't pretty

Yeah, yeah. I know people. I know that this issue has been talked to death. But I am not here to talk about the level in question (to which I morbidly got great satisfaction from playing). I am here to discuss this issue that is; What the fuck is wrong with everybody?!

Most of the population (including many individuals of Destructoid) have stated that the 'No Russian' section of Modern Warfare 2 is of bad taste and it could have been extracted from the game entirely without weakening the title. All I can say is, put some cement in your breakfast cereal and harden the fuck up.

If you want to argue the point that games are just as much for adults as they are children, you would appreciate the fact that a game developer has gotten the balls to do what most wouldn't even consider after it being brought up by designers in the development stage. Yes, it is difficult to watch given the fact that we are watching innocent civilians being massacred, but last time I checked...These things happen...a lot. I don't know if it is just me, but I am sick to death of the people up on high thinking that the best way to avoid the issues of the world is to pretend they don't even exist. I don't want things sugar coated, I want the bare back truth. Not some collared up, pink polo shirt version of it.

Yes, shit happens and yes, we have the power to either cause it or fight against it, and the fact that Infinity Ward have decided to man up and say "This is what the world can be like so have a good hard look" is something I think most pessimistic fuck heads should consider to be a wake up call more than a Columbine wanna-be simulator for the one in every millionth teenager with stability issues and access to daddy's gun cabinet.

The problem with this World is that most people are so ashamed of what it has become that they believe you are better off without eyes, so you can't see the horror of the shit hole it has become thanks to human nature. Try and remove my eyes and I (as Edward Norton so poetically described), this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho that I am, might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers.

Oh wow...I do have a killer in me after all, as I am sure you do.

P.S - On a more gameristic (I just made that up) note I am so glad I have finished writing this so I can go back to Modern Warfare 2, aside from the menu's, it is one of the greatest gaming experiences I have ever played through.

This is going to have a little bit more of a serious tone to it because I have been up all night thinking Now before you all start to facepalm yourselves and think of me as an emo, hear me out because gaming and you, yes you, have a part in this and because of this I want you to try to understand it.

Some people look at certain means of entertainment and write it off their list before they can even comprehend the greatness of it. In fact we all do it. But I didn't come here to piss and moan about everybodies faults. We all have them, so why should I care about what your faults are when I have faults of my own that need sorting out? Perhaps the most fucked up thing about our faults is that we rarely even know what they are. Other people from a distance can make an assessment built up over time, but we as individuals can't for the life of us, change, without being able to safely say, "I am at fault here" or "I need to improve there" and it usually takes a long time for your brain to convince your heart to go ahead with attempting to create a better future for yourself by going through the forced but necessary changes.

I honestly don't know where the fuck I am going with this, but I know the reason I came on dtoid this morning was to make a point. A very important point.

We all go through shit at one point or another and when it happens it is like being put into a blender with a fuck load of doubt, fear and self conciseness. The amount of shit a person goes through in life is irrelevant...but what is relevant, is how the person feels while going through the shit. If somebody is down and out, who are you (and who am I for that matter) to judge the degree in which a person should be pissed of at the world.

I have heard hundreds of people tell me that people are starving on the other side of the world and I should be greatful for what I have and who I have in my life. Fair enough, but if I am going through a bad state the last thing that is going to be going through my head is Keuth Fanarong...or something(My sponsor child from some bum-fuck-nowhere village...thing) and how he has to carry water buckets to the river and back every day. Sure, he's got it bad. But try as I might to give a fuck about Keuth in a time of personal change, my focus is on what is changing around me.

I still don't know where the fuck I am going with this and it probably makes no sense at all.

So where am I going with this Hailey Berry Oscar speech of a blog entry? A good friend of mine is going through some pretty difficult changes at the moment, and while many would consider these changes to be mediocre and not worth giving three fucks about, I consider these changes to be life altering. And anything life altering is serious fucking business.

Tonight while listening, talking and offering my support, I started to think about the times I have had to face myself or a forced act of change without wanting to submit to it. And sure it saddened me a little to think about shit like that, but through thinking about that depressing, wahhh wahhh, Nanbu styled bullshit, I came to a very special and important revelation...

Gaming has gotten me through some fucking HARD times, and it has always delivered. I am this solider once I put in Cod4, I am this driver in Midnight Club:LA, I am this fucked unit tearing others apart with chainsaws on machine guns in Gears of War. And through progressive gaming, film viewings, friendships and writing I got through it all. As have many others, as have probably you.

So, I'd like to tip my hat to gaming and everybody involved in it by saying a big cheers for getting me through the shit in the past and sticking around for the future. (Hope I don't get hit by a car today because it will kind of take away the meaning of this Ricky Lake story).

So, long story short (And I know for a fact you didn't read the whole thing because I wouldn't), thanks guys.

Moses Dillinger

P.S - What the fuck did I just write? And where the fuck did I get that from? ... Eh, I'm going to bed, its 10am now and I have been up since 9am yesterday. So, yeah...bye.

P.P.S - Wait, before I go, you need to see my Dad's opinion of video games, I filmed him and put something together I hope Dtoid will enjoy.

P.P.P.S - Click on the link in P.P.S

P.P.P.P.S - The statement in P.P.P.S is a direct order from the leader of your country...but since most people hate others above them, disregard that and suck cocks.

P.P.P.P.P.S - Add me on facebook here

P.P.P.P.P.P.S - I just had the most amazing piss of my life, and I sat down to take it.

Samuel Dillinger
5:03 AM on 08.12.2009

So...I am unfortunately coming to the end of my contribution to dTunes. Which is a shame because I love putting these articles together. But as RonBurgandy2010 has stated, it is always great to pass the baton onto somebody else to share their tastes in music with the rest of the community.

Since the end of the week approaches I figured I would dedicate this day to one of the most beloved gateway bands in the history of music. While it may not seem original to bring them into focus through dTunes, I believe it necessary. They are one of the very few that play the game collectively by their rules.

With little radio play, promotional marketing and over excessive press coverage, there is only one reason these four men have ascended in artistry as well as personal wealth; The creative spark of talented individuals fusing together to form a creation which many have tried to replicate to the same magnitude and failed.

Before I begin this article, just let it be known that the singles released to video are in no way the best material Tool has brought forth. If you want to have a really in depth look into the music they produce, be sure to check out tracks: Eulogy, H, Pushit, Third Eye, Lateralus, No Quater (Led Zeppelin cover), Swamp Song, Jambi and perhaps my absolute favorite tune of theirs; The Patient.

The Early Days

During the 1980s, each of the future members of Tool moved to Los Angeles. Both Paul D'Amour and Adam Jones wanted to enter the film industry, while Maynard James Keenan found employment remodeling pet stores after having studied visual arts in Michigan. Danny Carey performed as a drummer for Wild Blue Yonder, Green Jell˙ and Carole King, and played in the Los Angeles area with Pigmy Love Circus.

Keenan and Jones met through a common friend in 1989. After Keenan played a tape recording for Jones of his previous band project, Jones was so impressed by his voice that he eventually talked his friend into forming their own band. They started jamming together and were on the lookout for a drummer and a bass player. Danny Carey happened to live above Keenan and was introduced to Jones by Tom Morello (Guitarist from Rage Against the Machine), an old high school friend of Jones. Carey began playing in their sessions because he "felt kinda sorry for them", as other invited musicians were not showing up. Tool's lineup was completed when a friend of Jones introduced them to bassist D'Amour. Although Lachrymology was also explained to be an inspiration for the band's name, Keenan later explained their intentions differently: "Tool is exactly what it sounds like: It's a big dick. It's a wrench.... we are... your tool; use us as a catalyst in your process of finding out whatever it is you need to find out, or whatever it is you're trying to achieve."

After only a few gigs, the band was approached by record companies, and only three months into their career they signed a record deal with Zoo Entertainment. In March 1992, Zoo published the band's first effort, Opiate. The EP included the singles Hush and Opiate. The band's first music video, Hush, promoted their dissenting views about the then-prominent Parents Music Resource Center and its advocacy of the censorship of music. The band began touring with Rollins Band, Fishbone, and Rage Against the Machine to positive responses.

Tool - Prison Sex


The following year, at a time when alternative rock was at its height, Tool released their first full-length album, Undertow. It expressed more diverse dynamics than Opiate and included songs the band had chosen not to publish on their previous release, when they had opted for a heavier sound.

Tool later played several concerts during the Lollapalooza festival tour, and were moved from the second stage to the main stage by their manager and the festival co-founder Ted Gardner. At the last concert of Lollapalooza in Tool's hometown Los Angeles, comedian Bill Hicks introduced the band. Hicks had become a friend of the band members and an influence on them after being mentioned in Undertow's liner notes. He jokingly asked the audience of 60,000 people to stand still and help him look for a lost contact lens.

With the release of Tool's follow-up single Prison Sex, the band again became the target of censorship. The song's lyrics and video dealt with child abuse, which sparked controversial reactions; Keenan's lyrics begin with: "It took so long to remember just what happened. I was so young and vestal then, you know it hurt me, but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive." The video was created primarily by guitarist Adam Jones, who saw it as his surrealistic interpretation of the subject matter.

In September 1995, the band started writing and recording their second studio album. At that time Tool experienced its only lineup change to date, with bassist D'Amour leaving the band amicably to pursue other projects. Justin Chancellor, a member of former tourmates Peach, eventually replaced D'Amour, having been chosen over competitors such as Kyuss' Scott Reeder, Filter's Frank Cavanaugh, Pigmy Love Circus' E. Shepherd Stevenson and ZAUM's Marco Fox.

Tool - Sober


This was my gateway album to much of the music I appreciate now. I first listened to this album from start to finish when I was 16 years of age. From that point on it was difficult to see me studying without my diskman tuned into my ears, tapping my pens on the desk and sometimes shutting my eyes while swaying my head in a hypnotized-like state. While most people at the time were off listening to Eiffel 65 and Crazy Town, I was baptized to a new way of listening and in the long run and new way of thinking. This album did more than entertain me for a short period of time and drop off the charts; It literally opened my mind.

But it was long before my awakening on October 1, 1996, when Tool released their second full-length album, Ćnima in Compact Disc format and in vinyl format on October 15, 1996. The album was recorded and cut at Ocean Way, Hollywood, California and The Hook, North Hollywood, California from 1995 to 1996. It was certified triple platinum by the RIAA on March 4, 2003.

The title Ćnima (pronounced ON-ima but who really gives a shit how you say it?) is a combination of the words anima (Latin for 'soul' associated with the ideas of "life force" and a term often used by psychologist Carl Jung) and enema the medical procedure.

The album was dedicated to satirist Bill Hicks, who had died two and a half years earlier. The band intended to raise awareness about Hicks's material and ideas, because they felt that Tool and Hicks "were resonating similar concepts". In particular, Ćnima's final track Third Eye is preceded by a clip of Hicks' performances, and both the lenticular casing of the Ćnima album packaging as well as the chorus of the title track Ćnema make reference to a sketch from Hicks's Arizona Bay, in which he contemplates the idea of Los Angeles falling into the Pacific Ocean.

Tool - Stinkfist

The break between albums and lawsuits

A legal battle that began the same year of the album opening, interfered with the band's working on another release. Volcano Entertainment—the successor of Tool's by-then defunct label Zoo Entertainment—alleged contract violations by Tool and filed suit. According to Volcano, Tool had violated their contract when the band looked at offers from other record labels. After Tool filed a countersuit stating that Volcano had failed to use a renewal option in their contract, the parties settled out of court.

During this time, Keenan joined the band A Perfect Circle which was founded by long-time Tool guitar tech Billy Howerdel, while Jones joined The Melvins' Buzz Osborne and Carey drummed with Dead Kennedys' Jello Biafra on other side projects. Although there were rumors that Tool were breaking up, Chancellor, Jones, and Carey were working on new material while waiting for Keenan to return. In 2000, the Salival box set was released, effectively putting an end to the rumors. The CD contained one new original track, a cover of Led Zeppelin's No Quarter, a live version of Peach's You Lied, and revised versions of old songs.

Tool - Ćnema


This release has been set at the top of my all time favorite albums of all time for quite some time now but it wasn't always so. All the winning elements of classic, gritty and evolutionary artistry from previous Tool efforts flowed into the creation of this 13 track eye opening device but there was so much more beneath the surface that I was unknown to until later on down the track.

In January 2001 just at the peak of my mind alterations from their previous release, Tool announced a new album, Systema Encéphale, along with a 12-song tracklist containing titles such as Riverchrist, Numbereft, Encephatalis, Musick, and Coeliacus. At the time, Tool members were outspokenly critical of file-sharing networks in general due to the negative impact on artists that are dependent on success in record sales to continue their career. Keenan had this to say during an interview with NY Rock, "I think there are a lot of other industries out there that might deserve being destroyed. The ones who get hurt by MP3s are not so much companies or the business, but the artists, people who are trying to write songs."

A month later, the band revealed that the new album was actually titled Lateralus. Rolling Stone wrote in an attempt to summarize the album that "Drums, bass and guitars move in jarring cycles of hyperhowl and near-silent death march... The prolonged running times of most of Lateralus' thirteen tracks are misleading; the entire album rolls and stomps with suitelike purpose."

Tool - Schism

Drummer Danny Carey sampled himself breathing through a tube to simulate the chanting of Buddhist monks for Parabol, and banged piano strings for samples on Reflection.

Disposition, Reflection, and Triad form a sequence that has been performed in succession live with occasional help from various tourmates such as Mike Patton, Buzz Osborne, Tricky, and members of Isis, Meshuggah, and King Crimson.

The title track, Lateralus, incorporates the Fibonacci Sequence. For example, the syllables of the lyrics follow the Fibonacci pattern, and the time signature of the chorus rotates between 9/8, 8/8, and 7/8 time, referring to the 17th Fibonacci number, 987. The theme of the song describes the desire of humans to explore and to expand for more knowledge and a deeper understanding of everything. The lyric "spiral out," which is sung repeatedly throughout the song, refers to this desire and also to the Fibonacci Spiral, which is formed by creating and arranging rectangles for each number in the sequence's 1,1,2,3,5,8,... pattern, and drawing a curve that connects to two corners of each rectangle. This forms a never-ending and infinitely-expanding spiral.

Tool - Parabola

10,000 Days & The Future

The album opener, Vicarious, premiered on U.S. radio stations on April 17. The record followed on May 2, 2006 in the U.S. and debuted at the top spots of various international charts. 10,000 Days sold 564,000 copies in its opening week in the U.S. and was number one on the Billboard 200 charts, doubling the sales of Pearl Jam's self-titled album, its closest competitor. However, 10,000 Days was received less favorably by critics than its predecessor Lateralus had been.

In an interview conducted in May 2007, Justin Chancellor stated that the band would probably continue their tour until early 2008 and then "take some time off". He qualified this statement by adding that the band has already written new material and would surely release another album at some point down the road. A possible project until a next album is to make a band movie, a possibility the band has reportedly considered for a long time. The ideas range from a narrative story in a surreal fashion with as much money and special effects as possible to pockets of all of that or something that's live or the band playing.

On hiatus since early 2008, Tool is expected to begin writing a new album sometime this year, according to Keenan, but no details on a possible release date.

TOOL is:

* Maynard James Keenanvocals
* Adam Jonesguitars
* Justin Chancellorbass guitar
* Danny Careydrums

Former members

* Paul D'Amourbass guitar

Check out their official site (and their hilarious biographies) here.
Support creative artists and buy there albums here.

I recommend checking out:

Tool - Vicarious

Much love Destructoid, I hope I pleased your ear pussies.
Mr Dillinger

P.S - Thank Wikipedia for a lot of the information posted on here. Although I cut it down significantly, applied HTML and reworded some of it. They provided the brunt of the information I fed into you today.

P.P.S - Doubtful that the band will ever read this, but on the off chance that they do, I'd just like to thank em for everything. And when I say everything, they know what I mean.