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Samuel Dillinger's blog

3:00 AM on 03.13.2014

Where did Destructoid go?

Not sure if things work as they once did here on Dtoid. Jim Sterling has left to work at The Escapist. I'm quite certain my very first blog here was me being a dick about how Escapist allows it's content to be full of shitty, fucked course language but did not (at the time) allow for comments to include any vulgarity, which resulted in me getting banned. Three times. 

Times have changed. Jim has culled me from his Facebook friends list, where once I was the guy who nearly got hired by Destructoid to work with them officially in Australia. The story is probably quite familiar with the staff at the time. A guy that could have jumped on board with his favourite website covering his favourite interactive medium. I had been working with friends to do an unofficial Destructoid exclusive podcast for Australia, do group blogs reviewing music with the Stereotoid boys and exchanging ideas with Niero, oh and Hamza also asked me nicely to change my avatar at the time; a close up shot of an actual hair encrusted arse hole (I felt it summed me up well). It wasn't a photo my arsehole though. I may be a blogger but I don't stick a camera an inch away from my anus, take a photo and check to see if I got the sphincter in frame, centred and in the right light.

But yeah, I got picked up by Destructoid a while ago to write for them, officially. I fucked that one up because some lads running a website database for game cheats and walkthroughs got in touch with Destructoid via email. Asked if they'd like to team up, join forces and rule the world... something along those lines. Unfortunately the email got sent through to all the staff writers and contributors as well (me being one of them), to which I took it upon myself to speak on behalf of most people who enjoy games without having them spoilt or ruined. This was before Dark Souls existed so I was pretty petty about the whole thing. In the email I sent back, I went on to explain how cheats and walkthroughs had shat on my gaming experiences and I used Turok 2 on the N64 as an example. Back in 99 my friend and I battled weeks to get through each level until Hyper magazine released the cheat codes. After that we were finished and bored of the game before the day ended... except for using the cerebral bore. I then went on to say that I don't really respect what they do and that gaming would probably be better off without them. You can imagine this shit didn't really float well with the guys. I honestly thought the email was a spam request that Destructoid must have gotten dozens of a day. Obviously I was wrong but fuck it, we're all wrong some times.

Since stopping my blogs here quite some time ago, I went on to write for a number of publications and websites. All had either crashed out or been shit to start with and never grew much from that. I guess you could say my writing skills reflect that, for which I write for but it's hard to write honestly when you're told what to write and how to write it. I came back a year or so later to check up on dtoid to see the liking and commenting section had been revamped and because of this, all the original comments from before the revamp got wiped. May not be a big deal for many people but half the reason somebody writes something is to see what it engages within others. Pretty sure half the people I spoke to on Destructoid, I met through doing that. Blogging and responding. 

I have no idea why I'm writing this. Just thought I'd come back to see if anybody remembers good ol' Mr shit starter. If so, I may just have to write something else again some time. If not, then the least I can do is say sorry to the Dtoid boys for fucking with the mix and not carrying through where I probably could have. I won't suck your dicks too much though since I've already stated 10 reasons why Destuctoid should have sex with your mother. Love ya, guys. 

P.S - I has a beard now.   read

1:29 AM on 03.23.2010

Review: Deftones - Diamond Eyes

Album: Diamond Eyes
Artist: Deftones
Label: Warner Bros
Released: May 18, 2010
Genre: Win
Sounds like: A living, breathing, screaming Pablo Picasso painting of two lovers acting out the karma suitra in one big act of passion and then stabbing each other while flying through a red sky filled with shooting stars

Change is something that many of us fear. We grow comfortable with things and when they are altered then we have to alter ourselves in one way or another to suit. Deftones have done something I never thought possible with their up and coming album, Diamond Eyes - in that they have progressed a great deal while keeping to the format which their fan base was firmly built upon.

From its opening track of the same name, Diamond Eyes is evident of change for the better. While borrowing lightly from temp altering bands such as Meshuggah through using eight string electrics, it still manages to stay well in a league of its own through ambient effects, catchy choruses but mainly through Chino Moreno's vocals which can snap between euphoric and chaotic almost instantaneously without losing the overall presence of a particular track. Because of this the album has beautiful flow and can easily be played in its entirety without wearing thin in its listening.

The digital melodics from White Pony's lighter side have returned and matured to a level unsurpassed in tracks Beauty School, 976-Evil and Sextape which quite simply make me want to go back and fall in love for the first time with Diamond Eyes playing in the background. Usually aggressive and single minded, few metal bands I have encountered can bring out this type of emotion with lasting effect. Keeping true to their metal roots, the band flip the table in tracks Royal, Prince and especially the mosh worthy Rocket Skates which cuts into melodics with scalpel like precision to insert chunky riffs and ear numbing screams leaving intelligent aggression open to the interpretation of any listener - it is set to become a future anthem for metal clubs globally.

Music video for the first single of Diamond Eyes: Rocket Skates

What puts this album on the pedestal is its sexually fueled overtone, which no Deftones album would be complete without. Individuals with the interest of putting together a set list to fuck to would be wise to take note of the flirtatiously repetitive construction written into some of the bands greatest collective works; You've seen the Butcher and Risk, which work as the foundation for what rest of the album builds itself around and the final result is a definite landmark for both the band and the genre they represent.

Highly Recommended.

Track Listing

1. "Diamond Eyes"
2. "Royal"
[i]4. "You've Seen the Butcher"
5. "Beauty School"
6. "Prince"
[i]7. "Rocket Skates"
8. "Sextape"
9. "Risk"
10. "976 - EVIL"
11. "This Place Is Death"

Learn more about Deftones, here


9:18 PM on 03.18.2010

Hamza...Get out of my dreams please!

Look, this is going to sound quite perplexing but you have to understand that one does not will to dream things. Dreams are retarded...I'm sorry but they are. They mostly have no direct meaning so you have to analyze the piss out of them and try find a meaning. Well, help me Destructoid, if you will. This was my dream...and I need it analyzed.

I got a phone call, Hamza was on the other end. Now don't ask me why, but it was one of those dreams that shows things from other people's perspectives too. So I was able to know it as Hamza because it showed him talking to me on the phone, he was wearing a yellow t-shirt too. If it didn't, I would have had no fucken idea it was the big H because I've never spoken to the guy in my life (Which begs the question: Was his voice in my dream accurate?).

Anyway, the phone call went on and the conversation went a little bit like this:

Me: Hello

Hamza: Hey man, it's Hamza from Dtoid

Me (amazed): Dude! How are ya?!

Hamza: Not bad, but lately I've had this feeling you want to kill something (This is no shit what he said)

Me (shocked): What makes you think that?

Hamza: I dunno man, you just seem like a crazy cunt! (He had this crazy arse smile on his face)

Me: Yeah well, can't say I haven't thought the same about you. I've heard things!

Hamza: Most of it is true my friend, most of it is true (laughing)

Me: So what the hell are you calling me for anyway?

Hamza: There's a spot in Destructoid open, you want in?

Me (Stunned): Really?

Hamza: Nar man, I'm just fucken with ya! I gotta go, but take care!

Me (Semi-laughing): You're a funny man...I'm going to kill you when I come over to the States.

Hamza: Bring it you crazy Australian rapist! BRING IT! (Laughs Hysterically)

End Call

Then the dream jumped to my old grandparents house and there was a new freeway being build right out the front and my grandfather and I were laughing coz he just sold the house to some dickhead.

Then somehow my dream jumps from that to me sitting in a hot tub naked, with two hot chicks and Hamza (I was kinda glad my grandfather had vacated the dream at this point)... Yes, I know that is fucken weird which is why I am asking you all to help me figure it the fuck out.

Cheers   read

6:59 AM on 03.05.2010

Classic Album: Deftones - White Pony

Album: White Pony
Artist: Deftones
Label: Maverick
Released: 06/20/2000
Genre: Nu-Metal
Sounds like: A digitally modernized version of The Cure at their peak

Being a pessimistic 26 year old, it's hard to take a look at the up and coming youth of today with disgust without realizing that the young adults back in my prepubescent days would have viewed me with the same disregard.

From my understanding it seems that the minority quickly become the majority in the hopes to find their place in the world. Smirking packs of individuals in tight black jeans, blinding fringes and sleeve tattoos that mostly hold no meaning other than to just look's like watching a Michael Bay film consisting of all the wrong stereotypes, but then again, what is the right stereotype? But back when I was discovering the full advantages of masturbation when I really should have been endeavoring on the opposite sex in its ripest form, I was also opening my ears to the Nu-Metal scene, but then again, who the fuck wasn't? Korn, Limp Bizkit, (hed) PE, System of a Down and so on, but most importantly (in my opinion)...Deftones.

Digital Promo for White Pony (Warning: Contains burn victims having sex...which is awesome!)

Hard to believe that it has been a decade since its release but White Pony presented the world with a different sound during the hype of Nu-Metal, which ended as quickly as it came. So much so, that many refused to label Pony under the late 90's sub genre for the listening of juvenile delinquents wearing baggy jeans and backwards hats, but being the band that they are, Deftones didn't want to be anything but. Somewhere within these short sited skaters and rockers was an element of depth and the band produced an art form that spoke to it.

Addictive guitar threats open what builds through smashing snare cracks into an opening track that is second to none in terms of demanding attention; Feiticeira. Catchy yet some-what progressive it is a testament to what is to come throughout further listening in other highlight tracks, such as the mass of decibels and distortion that is Elite and the euphorically erotic Digital Bath. The album then takes a different form in the heart rising RX Queen, the somehow nostalgic Change (in the house of flies) and especially the eerie electrics of Knife Prty which are...quite simply put; songs that make a couple of strangers want to fuck. To top it off the production work is perfectly balanced somewhere between polished and raw and is cut together / mastered by none other than Terry Date, who has worked with so many A List bands he has become a house hold name. Throw in a masterpiece; Passenger (Featuring Tool / A Perfect Circle vocalist Maynard James Keenan), and in my opinion you have one very worthy serving on music that is indeed worth respecting if not enthralling.

Studio Rehearsal of 'Elite'

Look, I know I sound bias and some of you may think this album is a piece of shit. But having sold millions of copies world wide, assisting in many orgasms (mine included) and hitting mainstream charts while still remaining respected within the independent music community...I think you'd be wrong.

Track Listing:

1. "Feiticeira" – 3:09
2. "Digital Bath" – 4:15
3. "Elite" – 4:01
4. "RX Queen" – 4:27
5. "Street Carp" – 2:41
6. "Teenager" – 3:20
7. "Knife Party" – 4:49
8. "Korea" – 3:23
9. "Passenger" – 6:07
10. "Change (In the House of Flies)" – 5:00
11. "Pink Maggit" – 7:32

P.S - You will get laid if you listen to this album with ANYBODY! Hell, you might even fall in love! You have been warned.

Lean more about Deftones here.   read

3:38 AM on 02.10.2010

Album Review: Rob Zombie - Hellbilly Deluxe #2

Hey dtoid,

I usually save this space for writing about gaming and all its wonder. However, lately I have been focusing on music a little more because my side job of contributing to a street press mag presents me with some wonderful opportunities to offer my some-what professional opinions to the masses of the retarded Australian state, Victoria. Hopefully you don't mind and if you do, then click back on your internet browser and save my words for people who give a shit.

Album Review: Rob Zombie - Hellbilly Deluxe #2

The latest single: Sick Bubblegum

Some will tell you that there is no limit to the artistry an individual can possess. If that is the case than the busy Mr. Zombie must be one of those rare individuals who’s drawing closer to his artistic end. Not only because his latest effort is an attempt to regain past glory through a deemed ‘sequel’ of a classic release, but because it just doesn’t live up to the glory of its predecessor.

While fans will be pleased with Zombie taking time out of his current film making routine to deliver a much anticipated album, many will be knocked back with the obvious lack of artistic merit within the package. Repetition was something that achieved massive results with the original Hellbilly Deluxe due to the amount of effort put in to giving it an adrenaline fed sound causing listeners to put their foot to the floor while driving along in their car or take their significant other to the bedroom and have it play in the background. Gone are these urges due to lack of build within the musical arc throughout most of the album.

Repetitive background drumming efforts are apparent throughout two thirds of the album, only picking up speed to differentiate it from one track to the other. The same can be said about the electrics, samples as well as vocals, making each track sound identical to the last. The albums only real saving grace is in its attempt to salvage something different for a listener in its closing track The Man Who Laughs, with authentic string symphony samples keeping pace throughout some hefty guitar licks and an experimental drum solo which starts to wear thin soon after it starts due to it laying down a bloated foundation that nothing else builds upon.

This effort was something I feel Zombie felt forced to do in between more important artistic opportunities - A shame really, because this is the business that built him up to begin with.

I badly wish he would bring out another album to throw on throughout coitus. My copulation playlist is starting to get old...your suggestions, if you will.   read

7:26 AM on 02.06.2010

Mastodon (Live Music Review)

Being a citizen of Australia its rare we get the opportunity to see many great things. It costs too much for bands to come out this far and we only have a few capital cities to cater for. However when a band does make the effort to come down, we embrace it far more than any of you foreigners would! A few days ago I was treated to witness Mastodon...and all I can say is, fuck!

I write for a music mag on the side and what reviews I put up there, I've decided to share with you lovely bunch of awesome guys n gals. So if you have a keen ear for good music then read on.

Mastodon - Live @ The Palace - Melbourne, Australia

Opening track - Oblivion - Music Video

Being musically bias effects the way a person will listen to a certain selection of music. You put an avid Celine Dion fan in front of a band like Mastodon and odds are you are going to have a disappointed listener. It’s a shame really because without having an experimental ear, one misses out on worlds of talent. Having said this, I will shamefully admit that before tonight I knew much about the band but listened very little to their music. Something I now substantially regret.

The night began subtle enough with the usual cigarette and beer amongst the naturally pleasant congregation of bearded and/or inked souls wearing black with lady friends to suit, bringing the male to female ratio in at around 2:1…which in my experience was a lot more varied compared to assorted metal gigs of the past. Indeed, the collective here had full intentions to give Mastodon the reception they deserved to make up for the apparent lukewarm response given when backing Slayer years back.

After sound and lighting were complete doing a very thorough and untimely but necessary check, the room dimmed and the eager crowd sprang to life with fists in the air. The slightly psychedelic lighting brightened to reveal Kelliher with guitar in hand electrically introducing the opening track Oblivion. All band members followed in tight succession while building consistently throughout largely progressive verses and acutely fitting melodic choruses. After blasting through the walls with equally impressive renditions of Divinations and Quintessence a double electric guitar was brought out to execute and maintain a definite highlight of the evening; a very epic delivery of The Czar, and as promised at The Big Day Out, without even stopping to speak, the band played through their forth full length and most recent album Crack the Skye in its entirety.

After a very eerie intermission with gothic like lighting and an intensive organ performance, the four returned to the stage to please long time fans with the escalated execution of anthems taken from their debut album Remission as well as critically acclaimed Leviathan and Blood Mountain. With the noticeable change in sound throughout their catalog, came a noticeable rise in energy from both onlookers and performers; with arched backs, guitars and drum sticks raised high and all four voices bellowing to the ears of those assembled. It was easy to spot that the band genuinely love being on stage as an extremely ecstatic female devotee was invited to join them and express her love for the band by what seemed to be imitations of an epileptic love doll executing cartwheels and hugs throughout perfectly staged presentations of Iron Tusk and March of the Fire Ants bringing the eventual close of the evening.

Having not listened to much of the harder progressive metal of the past, an experimental ear for the stubborn can only be attained through talented gateway band - what I learnt this evening was that Mastodon is one of these. Flawless.

P.S - Check out their website on acid, if possible   read

8:23 PM on 01.19.2010

I got ripped in 4 weeks (NVGR & Shortblog)

Alright Destructoid,

I don't know about you, but I have had it up to here *point to head* with these petty piece of shit advertising campaigns about how to get ripped in 4 weeks. The before and after shots are...look, don't judge my writing skills based on this small spiel of abuse, but they are fucking retarded. To top it off when I am around retards, I am pretty uncomfortable. I know...O.K, I know. I am suppose to feel bad for them for not having the opportunities non handy cap people have, and to an extent, I do kinda feel bad for the poor guys and gals, but fuck, you can't help but feel a tiny bit uncomfortable when they are attempting to talk to you and all you can notice is how they all look the same.

I think I am going to hell.

But enough of that! Back to the point of this little venomous piff of shit. I have a dick that fucks (although the amount of fucking it does, needs to be worked on), a girlfriend that loves me (I hope) and hands to play video games with (that mostly fuck myself of course). So why do I need to get ripped in 4 weeks!

YOU TELL ME DTOID! ... YOU TELL ME! Because I am this *holds index and thumb close together* close to killing something that breathes because this world is petty as fuck! GOD HELP ME!

P.S - I can already see the fail blog sign ahead, but there is a point to this and I did mention video games in there somewhere. So yeah, I'm sorry if you consider this a waste of time, but what the hell isn't a waste of time these days. The only thing I can think of, is masturbation, because it always has pay off and all you need to worry about is yourself!

Fuck, I hate this place. I'm going to play some Xbox.   read

7:06 PM on 12.21.2009

My Set WHOLE set up

Long time no see Dtoid.

I have a job again and I fucking hate it, but you gotta do what you gotta do. On one of my very few days off I had a situation with some eggs which forced me to get the video camera out and then it led to the following.

While most of you present your set up's in the form of blogs and pics, I have decided to take it one step further and do a little video presentation, and while it may go for a while, it recommend you check it out in its entirety because there are things in this that I'm sure you will all relate to. So enjoy my day off from work and what it caused me to do...

It is unfortunate that any of us have to work coz it takes away from the time you could be doing more productive things, like this:



P.S - I have decided to make a little bit of a series based on the events that I cause throughout my free time and post it up on Destructoid's Refused Classification community post. Up and coming vids will be based on my bronx like home town, the Pyramid Rock Festival where I am bound to take acid and go crazy and a trip around the whole world...I kid you not. So stay tuned, coz I plan on taking a shit somewhere in France, coz its one massive toilet.   read

7:56 PM on 11.12.2009

*SHUNK* My Knife - Your Face

Modern Warfare 2 has minimized the perks from its predecessor and upped the collective of weapons you can dispose of your fellow enemy with. To be fair, there is an amazing selection that makes for extremely balanced warfare. From Sentry turrets to Sniper Rifles, and from Tactical Nukes to the almighty combat blade; to which I have developed a big fat hard on for.

Since the dawn of time, man has loved to produce sharp things to stab and slice things with. Regardless of what belief system you have, it is true. Evolution had the Precambrian Monkey Men smacking rocks into sharp instruments to plant into the skull of some other hairy dude that fucked his food collecting, flare bush of a misses. That, and they also liked to hunt with it, but who cares about civilized killing for procreation?

In the Christian bible the first siblings to ever be given mention; Kane and Able, had a jealousy problem with each other so Kane decided it would be in his best interests to shank his only brother to solve the issue of who God would love the most...obviously the tactic did not work, but the stabbing sure as hell did.

Fast forward to today, the knife has so many uses that they have to put about fifty different kinds into one and call it a Swiss army tool. But if it isn't big enough to see your face in it's reflective blade, then who cares? The following statistics are taken from my favorite custom class, and collectively, they practically make me Sonic the Hedgehog welding knives and guns...on speed.

- Class Name: The Runner

- Title: Impaler

- Primary Weapon: UMP45 Sub Machine Gun with Red Dot Sight: Light and automatic with decent accuracy.

- Secondary Weapon: AA-12 Automatic Shot Gun: Light weight with decent spread for close encounters.

- Special Equipment: Recoverable Throwing Knife: Difficult to use but oh, so satisfying

- Perk 1: Marathon - Unlimited sprinting and fast ladder climbing.
- Perk 2: Lightweight - Quick on my feet and quick aim after sprinting.
- Perk 3: Commando - Can leap further at somebody with a knife and not take damage from falls.

Needless to say, this class was set up for the simple pleasure of being able to run around the map at top speed while sticking my blade into every single opponent that has the unfortunate fate of crossing paths with me.

I am difficult to hit with a sniper rifle, I am hard to catch with a spray of gun fire and by the time an enemy has seen me, I usually have a blade stuck in their face...

I wait for a challenge...bring it mother fuckers, my knife needs to be fed.


P.S - Whatever you do, don't google knife ain't pretty   read

9:29 PM on 11.10.2009

THAT airport scene...Oh the humanity

Yeah, yeah. I know people. I know that this issue has been talked to death. But I am not here to talk about the level in question (to which I morbidly got great satisfaction from playing). I am here to discuss this issue that is; What the fuck is wrong with everybody?!

Most of the population (including many individuals of Destructoid) have stated that the 'No Russian' section of Modern Warfare 2 is of bad taste and it could have been extracted from the game entirely without weakening the title. All I can say is, put some cement in your breakfast cereal and harden the fuck up.

If you want to argue the point that games are just as much for adults as they are children, you would appreciate the fact that a game developer has gotten the balls to do what most wouldn't even consider after it being brought up by designers in the development stage. Yes, it is difficult to watch given the fact that we are watching innocent civilians being massacred, but last time I checked...These things happen...a lot. I don't know if it is just me, but I am sick to death of the people up on high thinking that the best way to avoid the issues of the world is to pretend they don't even exist. I don't want things sugar coated, I want the bare back truth. Not some collared up, pink polo shirt version of it.

Yes, shit happens and yes, we have the power to either cause it or fight against it, and the fact that Infinity Ward have decided to man up and say "This is what the world can be like so have a good hard look" is something I think most pessimistic fuck heads should consider to be a wake up call more than a Columbine wanna-be simulator for the one in every millionth teenager with stability issues and access to daddy's gun cabinet.

The problem with this World is that most people are so ashamed of what it has become that they believe you are better off without eyes, so you can't see the horror of the shit hole it has become thanks to human nature. Try and remove my eyes and I (as Edward Norton so poetically described), this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho that I am, might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers.

Oh wow...I do have a killer in me after all, as I am sure you do.

P.S - On a more gameristic (I just made that up) note I am so glad I have finished writing this so I can go back to Modern Warfare 2, aside from the menu's, it is one of the greatest gaming experiences I have ever played through.   read

7:58 PM on 09.26.2009

Gaming changed your life?...Oooooook then

This is going to have a little bit more of a serious tone to it because I have been up all night thinking Now before you all start to facepalm yourselves and think of me as an emo, hear me out because gaming and you, yes you, have a part in this and because of this I want you to try to understand it.

Some people look at certain means of entertainment and write it off their list before they can even comprehend the greatness of it. In fact we all do it. But I didn't come here to piss and moan about everybodies faults. We all have them, so why should I care about what your faults are when I have faults of my own that need sorting out? Perhaps the most fucked up thing about our faults is that we rarely even know what they are. Other people from a distance can make an assessment built up over time, but we as individuals can't for the life of us, change, without being able to safely say, "I am at fault here" or "I need to improve there" and it usually takes a long time for your brain to convince your heart to go ahead with attempting to create a better future for yourself by going through the forced but necessary changes.

I honestly don't know where the fuck I am going with this, but I know the reason I came on dtoid this morning was to make a point. A very important point.

We all go through shit at one point or another and when it happens it is like being put into a blender with a fuck load of doubt, fear and self conciseness. The amount of shit a person goes through in life is irrelevant...but what is relevant, is how the person feels while going through the shit. If somebody is down and out, who are you (and who am I for that matter) to judge the degree in which a person should be pissed of at the world.

I have heard hundreds of people tell me that people are starving on the other side of the world and I should be greatful for what I have and who I have in my life. Fair enough, but if I am going through a bad state the last thing that is going to be going through my head is Keuth Fanarong...or something(My sponsor child from some bum-fuck-nowhere village...thing) and how he has to carry water buckets to the river and back every day. Sure, he's got it bad. But try as I might to give a fuck about Keuth in a time of personal change, my focus is on what is changing around me.

I still don't know where the fuck I am going with this and it probably makes no sense at all.

So where am I going with this Hailey Berry Oscar speech of a blog entry? A good friend of mine is going through some pretty difficult changes at the moment, and while many would consider these changes to be mediocre and not worth giving three fucks about, I consider these changes to be life altering. And anything life altering is serious fucking business.

Tonight while listening, talking and offering my support, I started to think about the times I have had to face myself or a forced act of change without wanting to submit to it. And sure it saddened me a little to think about shit like that, but through thinking about that depressing, wahhh wahhh, Nanbu styled bullshit, I came to a very special and important revelation...

Gaming has gotten me through some fucking HARD times, and it has always delivered. I am this solider once I put in Cod4, I am this driver in Midnight Club:LA, I am this fucked unit tearing others apart with chainsaws on machine guns in Gears of War. And through progressive gaming, film viewings, friendships and writing I got through it all. As have many others, as have probably you.

So, I'd like to tip my hat to gaming and everybody involved in it by saying a big cheers for getting me through the shit in the past and sticking around for the future. (Hope I don't get hit by a car today because it will kind of take away the meaning of this Ricky Lake story).

So, long story short (And I know for a fact you didn't read the whole thing because I wouldn't), thanks guys.

Moses Dillinger

P.S - What the fuck did I just write? And where the fuck did I get that from? ... Eh, I'm going to bed, its 10am now and I have been up since 9am yesterday. So, yeah...bye.

P.P.S - Wait, before I go, you need to see my Dad's opinion of video games, I filmed him and put something together I hope Dtoid will enjoy.

P.P.P.S - Click on the link in P.P.S

P.P.P.P.S - The statement in P.P.P.S is a direct order from the leader of your country...but since most people hate others above them, disregard that and suck cocks.

P.P.P.P.P.S - Add me on facebook here

P.P.P.P.P.P.S - I just had the most amazing piss of my life, and I sat down to take it.   read

5:03 AM on 08.12.2009

dTunes 4

So...I am unfortunately coming to the end of my contribution to dTunes. Which is a shame because I love putting these articles together. But as RonBurgandy2010 has stated, it is always great to pass the baton onto somebody else to share their tastes in music with the rest of the community.

Since the end of the week approaches I figured I would dedicate this day to one of the most beloved gateway bands in the history of music. While it may not seem original to bring them into focus through dTunes, I believe it necessary. They are one of the very few that play the game collectively by their rules.

With little radio play, promotional marketing and over excessive press coverage, there is only one reason these four men have ascended in artistry as well as personal wealth; The creative spark of talented individuals fusing together to form a creation which many have tried to replicate to the same magnitude and failed.

Before I begin this article, just let it be known that the singles released to video are in no way the best material Tool has brought forth. If you want to have a really in depth look into the music they produce, be sure to check out tracks: Eulogy, H, Pushit, Third Eye, Lateralus, No Quater (Led Zeppelin cover), Swamp Song, Jambi and perhaps my absolute favorite tune of theirs; The Patient.

The Early Days

During the 1980s, each of the future members of Tool moved to Los Angeles. Both Paul D'Amour and Adam Jones wanted to enter the film industry, while Maynard James Keenan found employment remodeling pet stores after having studied visual arts in Michigan. Danny Carey performed as a drummer for Wild Blue Yonder, Green Jell˙ and Carole King, and played in the Los Angeles area with Pigmy Love Circus.

Keenan and Jones met through a common friend in 1989. After Keenan played a tape recording for Jones of his previous band project, Jones was so impressed by his voice that he eventually talked his friend into forming their own band. They started jamming together and were on the lookout for a drummer and a bass player. Danny Carey happened to live above Keenan and was introduced to Jones by Tom Morello (Guitarist from Rage Against the Machine), an old high school friend of Jones. Carey began playing in their sessions because he "felt kinda sorry for them", as other invited musicians were not showing up. Tool's lineup was completed when a friend of Jones introduced them to bassist D'Amour. Although Lachrymology was also explained to be an inspiration for the band's name, Keenan later explained their intentions differently: "Tool is exactly what it sounds like: It's a big dick. It's a wrench.... we are... your tool; use us as a catalyst in your process of finding out whatever it is you need to find out, or whatever it is you're trying to achieve."

After only a few gigs, the band was approached by record companies, and only three months into their career they signed a record deal with Zoo Entertainment. In March 1992, Zoo published the band's first effort, Opiate. The EP included the singles Hush and Opiate. The band's first music video, Hush, promoted their dissenting views about the then-prominent Parents Music Resource Center and its advocacy of the censorship of music. The band began touring with Rollins Band, Fishbone, and Rage Against the Machine to positive responses.

Tool - Prison Sex


The following year, at a time when alternative rock was at its height, Tool released their first full-length album, Undertow. It expressed more diverse dynamics than Opiate and included songs the band had chosen not to publish on their previous release, when they had opted for a heavier sound.

Tool later played several concerts during the Lollapalooza festival tour, and were moved from the second stage to the main stage by their manager and the festival co-founder Ted Gardner. At the last concert of Lollapalooza in Tool's hometown Los Angeles, comedian Bill Hicks introduced the band. Hicks had become a friend of the band members and an influence on them after being mentioned in Undertow's liner notes. He jokingly asked the audience of 60,000 people to stand still and help him look for a lost contact lens.

With the release of Tool's follow-up single Prison Sex, the band again became the target of censorship. The song's lyrics and video dealt with child abuse, which sparked controversial reactions; Keenan's lyrics begin with: "It took so long to remember just what happened. I was so young and vestal then, you know it hurt me, but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive." The video was created primarily by guitarist Adam Jones, who saw it as his surrealistic interpretation of the subject matter.

In September 1995, the band started writing and recording their second studio album. At that time Tool experienced its only lineup change to date, with bassist D'Amour leaving the band amicably to pursue other projects. Justin Chancellor, a member of former tourmates Peach, eventually replaced D'Amour, having been chosen over competitors such as Kyuss' Scott Reeder, Filter's Frank Cavanaugh, Pigmy Love Circus' E. Shepherd Stevenson and ZAUM's Marco Fox.

Tool - Sober


This was my gateway album to much of the music I appreciate now. I first listened to this album from start to finish when I was 16 years of age. From that point on it was difficult to see me studying without my diskman tuned into my ears, tapping my pens on the desk and sometimes shutting my eyes while swaying my head in a hypnotized-like state. While most people at the time were off listening to Eiffel 65 and Crazy Town, I was baptized to a new way of listening and in the long run and new way of thinking. This album did more than entertain me for a short period of time and drop off the charts; It literally opened my mind.

But it was long before my awakening on October 1, 1996, when Tool released their second full-length album, Ćnima in Compact Disc format and in vinyl format on October 15, 1996. The album was recorded and cut at Ocean Way, Hollywood, California and The Hook, North Hollywood, California from 1995 to 1996. It was certified triple platinum by the RIAA on March 4, 2003.

The title Ćnima (pronounced ON-ima but who really gives a shit how you say it?) is a combination of the words anima (Latin for 'soul' associated with the ideas of "life force" and a term often used by psychologist Carl Jung) and enema the medical procedure.

The album was dedicated to satirist Bill Hicks, who had died two and a half years earlier. The band intended to raise awareness about Hicks's material and ideas, because they felt that Tool and Hicks "were resonating similar concepts". In particular, Ćnima's final track Third Eye is preceded by a clip of Hicks' performances, and both the lenticular casing of the Ćnima album packaging as well as the chorus of the title track Ćnema make reference to a sketch from Hicks's Arizona Bay, in which he contemplates the idea of Los Angeles falling into the Pacific Ocean.

Tool - Stinkfist

The break between albums and lawsuits

A legal battle that began the same year of the album opening, interfered with the band's working on another release. Volcano Entertainment—the successor of Tool's by-then defunct label Zoo Entertainment—alleged contract violations by Tool and filed suit. According to Volcano, Tool had violated their contract when the band looked at offers from other record labels. After Tool filed a countersuit stating that Volcano had failed to use a renewal option in their contract, the parties settled out of court.

During this time, Keenan joined the band A Perfect Circle which was founded by long-time Tool guitar tech Billy Howerdel, while Jones joined The Melvins' Buzz Osborne and Carey drummed with Dead Kennedys' Jello Biafra on other side projects. Although there were rumors that Tool were breaking up, Chancellor, Jones, and Carey were working on new material while waiting for Keenan to return. In 2000, the Salival box set was released, effectively putting an end to the rumors. The CD contained one new original track, a cover of Led Zeppelin's No Quarter, a live version of Peach's You Lied, and revised versions of old songs.

Tool - Ćnema


This release has been set at the top of my all time favorite albums of all time for quite some time now but it wasn't always so. All the winning elements of classic, gritty and evolutionary artistry from previous Tool efforts flowed into the creation of this 13 track eye opening device but there was so much more beneath the surface that I was unknown to until later on down the track.

In January 2001 just at the peak of my mind alterations from their previous release, Tool announced a new album, Systema Encéphale, along with a 12-song tracklist containing titles such as Riverchrist, Numbereft, Encephatalis, Musick, and Coeliacus. At the time, Tool members were outspokenly critical of file-sharing networks in general due to the negative impact on artists that are dependent on success in record sales to continue their career. Keenan had this to say during an interview with NY Rock, "I think there are a lot of other industries out there that might deserve being destroyed. The ones who get hurt by MP3s are not so much companies or the business, but the artists, people who are trying to write songs."

A month later, the band revealed that the new album was actually titled Lateralus. Rolling Stone wrote in an attempt to summarize the album that "Drums, bass and guitars move in jarring cycles of hyperhowl and near-silent death march... The prolonged running times of most of Lateralus' thirteen tracks are misleading; the entire album rolls and stomps with suitelike purpose."

Tool - Schism

Drummer Danny Carey sampled himself breathing through a tube to simulate the chanting of Buddhist monks for Parabol, and banged piano strings for samples on Reflection.

Disposition, Reflection, and Triad form a sequence that has been performed in succession live with occasional help from various tourmates such as Mike Patton, Buzz Osborne, Tricky, and members of Isis, Meshuggah, and King Crimson.

The title track, Lateralus, incorporates the Fibonacci Sequence. For example, the syllables of the lyrics follow the Fibonacci pattern, and the time signature of the chorus rotates between 9/8, 8/8, and 7/8 time, referring to the 17th Fibonacci number, 987. The theme of the song describes the desire of humans to explore and to expand for more knowledge and a deeper understanding of everything. The lyric "spiral out," which is sung repeatedly throughout the song, refers to this desire and also to the Fibonacci Spiral, which is formed by creating and arranging rectangles for each number in the sequence's 1,1,2,3,5,8,... pattern, and drawing a curve that connects to two corners of each rectangle. This forms a never-ending and infinitely-expanding spiral.

Tool - Parabola

10,000 Days & The Future

The album opener, Vicarious, premiered on U.S. radio stations on April 17. The record followed on May 2, 2006 in the U.S. and debuted at the top spots of various international charts. 10,000 Days sold 564,000 copies in its opening week in the U.S. and was number one on the Billboard 200 charts, doubling the sales of Pearl Jam's self-titled album, its closest competitor. However, 10,000 Days was received less favorably by critics than its predecessor Lateralus had been.

In an interview conducted in May 2007, Justin Chancellor stated that the band would probably continue their tour until early 2008 and then "take some time off". He qualified this statement by adding that the band has already written new material and would surely release another album at some point down the road. A possible project until a next album is to make a band movie, a possibility the band has reportedly considered for a long time. The ideas range from a narrative story in a surreal fashion with as much money and special effects as possible to pockets of all of that or something that's live or the band playing.

On hiatus since early 2008, Tool is expected to begin writing a new album sometime this year, according to Keenan, but no details on a possible release date.

TOOL is:

* Maynard James Keenanvocals
* Adam Jonesguitars
* Justin Chancellorbass guitar
* Danny Careydrums

Former members

* Paul D'Amourbass guitar

Check out their official site (and their hilarious biographies) here.
Support creative artists and buy there albums here.

I recommend checking out:

Tool - Vicarious

Much love Destructoid, I hope I pleased your ear pussies.
Mr Dillinger

P.S - Thank Wikipedia for a lot of the information posted on here. Although I cut it down significantly, applied HTML and reworded some of it. They provided the brunt of the information I fed into you today.

P.P.S - Doubtful that the band will ever read this, but on the off chance that they do, I'd just like to thank em for everything. And when I say everything, they know what I mean.   read

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