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8:27 PM on 02.13.2010

Has anyone seen this? (shortblog)

Yeah, my friend who plays WoW found this. Just as a note, everyone, I wouldn't recommend actually trying to play this "game", because its owned by goldmine, which is a site that sells WoW gold. Probably a keylogger meant to get your password and whatnot.

However, the site itself is absolutely hilarious.

"World of lordcraft create a new Middle Ages fantastic world ,which totally different from world of warcraft"

That was probably the best part.   read

1:02 PM on 01.07.2010

My Top Games of 2009

2009 was a great year for videogames. We all know this. We had hugely AWESOME titles like Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games, The Godfather 2, and Tony Hawk: Ride. We also had totally forgettable titles like Modern Warfare 2, Halo ODST, Left 4 Dead 2, and, of course, Uncharted 2: Among Theives. However, for me, there were some titles that just blew the others out of the water. These are my top three games of 2009.

First up is The Beetles: Rock Band




I'm a huge fan of the Beetles' music. I just love those guys. I mean, who doesn't love that song Hey June(bug)? Unfortunately, that song isn't in this game. It made me very sad. However, they made up for it with other great songs, like Baby You Can Drive My Bug, I Wanna Hold Your Antennae, and, of course, I am the Ernobius gigas. And, with the addition of the Buprestoidea Road album, we can now play the famous Buprestoidea Road medley... if you own the game on Xbox360 or PS3. If you're on the Wii, you can't play it straight through.

Almost as amazing as the songs themselves are the dream sequences. You see, later in the Beetles' career, they began to realize that if they kept trying to perform concerts, they'd eventually get stepped on and trampled by their overzealous fangirls. So, they locked themselves in their studio at Buprestoidea studios and released hit after hit. In order to avoid tarnishing their history, Harmonix decided to put in bright, colorful sequences to replace screaming fans. For instance, in “I am the Ernobius Gigas” the dream sequence is a single Ernobius Gigas eating. BRILLIANT.

For the use of brilliant music and awesome dream sequences, The Beetles: Rock Band gets number three on my top games of 2009. However, it is nothing compared to number two.

In Fatman: Fatman's Asylum, you play as Brunce Whine (pictured above). Bruce Whine is a rather large fellow. Bruce Whine is also a huge Batman fanboy. He's also certifiably insane. It is due to these two facts that he is locked in Fatman's Asylum. Long story short, Fatman thinks he's Batman, when really, he's just a fat man.

I know EVERYONE has played through this game, so I won't bore you with the details of the story. I'll just say its amazing from when the Poker breaks out of captivity to when the superb final boss fight in which Fatman prevails against Poker, proving once and for all, that cookies beat steroids.

What really makes this game remarkable for me is the prowler missions. You, Bruce Whine, hide from muscly steroid-enhanced goons with guns. Then you eat them. There's a reason this game is rated M for AWESOME.

There's also the really cool psychoanalysis part of the game, in which Scare'fro (the game's token black character) makes you think that you're really just a fat man locked up in an insane asylum and that none of the game is real. Of course he's wrong, though.

...isn't he?

Lastly, there's Borderlands.

I wasn't expecting to be that amazed by this sneaky title. However, its easily stolen what would be Fatman's place as my Game of the Year. It might not have Beetles: Rock Band's amazing soundtrack (though it does have the great song “Ain't No Rest for the Picket”), and it might not have Fatman's awesome goon-eating prowler missions, but it does have one thing the other two on this list lack: realism.

If you don't know, Borderlands is a story-driven game about a National Guardsman who has to shoot Mexicans who try to cross the border. However, he is often at-ends with this because of the fact that he is half-Mexican, and his grandfather may or may not have been an illegal immigrant. As time goes on, he realizes that he can't stop the immigration alone, so he goes on a hunt for the mythical “vault” a place where immigrants are said to pole-vault into American-soil. However, by the end of the game, he is somehow at Canada, and in his absense, thousands have crossed the border. The game ends with him deciding that it was better to do a half-assed job than what he was really payed for.

Such a heart warming story.   read

10:00 AM on 06.10.2009

The Adventures of Oldmun Jenkins (Sims 3 Review)

Ah, the Sims! The third one, in fact. Before EA has a chance to be... too evil.

So, been looking forward to this for awhile. Never really hit Sims 2, but I sure hit Sims. I also loved Urbz on the Xbox for some reason that I've never understood. (Honestly, I put hours and hours into that game.) So, I decided, heck, I'll try Sims again.

I wish I hadn't. It's really addicting. So, here's my review. It's done based off one game that I had.

Oldmun Jenkins!
First of all, the new Create a Sim feature is very robust. Especially the face creation. You have a few basic shapes that are predone, and then you have the advanced option, where you can pull parts of the face to be longer, shorter, fatter, or whathaveyou. The built in editor to create different clothing styles is really impressive too. My main gripes with this editor is the limited hair styles and limited clothing types (though the clothing ones can be fixed with use of the style editor thingus).

So, these trait things. Rather interesting. My first character I built was rather stupid, so we'll just pretend he didn't exist in hopes that he'll go die. Instead, we'll use my second character, who I fondly named Oldmun Jenkins.

Behold, this is your new Overlord!

Based off the idea of an ex-hippie who will never have a real job, Oldmun Jenkins was given the following traits: Handy, Angler, Friendly, Loves the Outdoors, and heavy sleeper. His overall goal in life was to create the perfect aquarium with 13 different species of perfect fish. I only got 10 species before I became bored with playing Oldmun.

Now, Oldmun was a peculiar person. For this character, I turned off aging, because I didn't want Oldmun to die. I mean I started him as old, he obviously wouldn't have much time, and I just wanted to have fun. This feature, the ability to turn of aging, that is, definitely scores The Sims 3 some points.

Now let the role playing begin. Oldmun never had a job, and never would. He lived in a small house (at first) and all he did was fish, garden, and have fun in the town. He also participated in every protest he ever saw at the Town Hall. He was a real rebel. Just imagine him mashing at a Rage Against the Machine concert. Pretty awesome image.

Time went on, and Oldmun eventually caught something very... interesting. A seed. And not just any seed, a seed that would eventually grow into...

Free money? Awesome!

Yes, the seed was none other than a money tree seed. It was very interesting, really, that you could have this. ESPECIALLY through fishing, which you really wouldn't expect to make much money off anyway. But Oldmun sure did, and he was eventually able to upgrade his small three roomed house into...


Well not really the ultimate, since Oldmun was still, in a sense, too broke to upgrade it much further. And I got bored of Oldmun, and now I'm doing another role playing type game. It isn't quite as entertaining as Oldmun, but hey, what's funner than an ex-hippie who spends all his days fishing? Not much, right?


Now, a few of the gripes I have with Sims 3. First of all, there isn't nearly as much to do in town as you'd think. The best parts of being able to go into town is probably the fact that there are other people there. If that wasn't so, Oldmun probably wouldn't have left his house at all except to go fishing. Secondly, there seems to be content that's... missing. I mean, I never played Sims 2, but couldn't they have put a bit more of the content from it into Sims 3?

My last gripe, as of yet, only has half of its evidence. It is presented in The Store, where you can buy, with real money, more content for Sims 3. 100 Sims Points translates into one dollar, and 100 Sims Points is the amount that many things are being sold for in The Store. How much content came with the game? Well over 50 items? Well, if you want many more than fifty items from the Store, you'll have to pay more than what you payed for the actual game. The half that DOESN'T have evidence is the continuing milking of the game in the form of expansion packs. I mean, come on, you know there coming. (the fact that I'm complaining about them doesn't mean I don't want them coughhackcoughcoughhackcough)

Final Thoughts

In a combination of fun stuff to do (fishing, collecting, writing, TROLLING ON THE INTERNET HAHAHA), a sense of humor that presents itselfs through the lives of the Sims, and the option to say "FUCK YOU" to getting a career, the Sims 3 certainly has me hooked. However, its few flaws (and the evil that is the Store! (which, of course, I really don't have to use if I feel so strongly about it...)), while they certainly don't detract hugely from the experience, could have been easily fixed.

I give it, on the Destructoid review scale, a 8.5

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go create a Sim who's purpose in life is to go to other people's homes just to eat their food.   read

8:33 PM on 05.09.2009

My Love Affair with Peter Molyneux.

Warning, this blog post has a bit of... crude humor, one might say.

So yes, though I have stated before that I'm in an abusive relationship with Microsoft, I did not tell you about my other lover, Lionhead Studios. This one isn't so much abusive... more like it's... well, premature ejaculation. Please note, I don't really like such humor that much, but it seemed to fit so much.

Fable was the third game I got for Xbox, right after Halo and Brute Force. I hadn't heard a thing about it before then, but let me tell you, I was raptured by it. I fell in love right away, and this is possibly the game that got me addicted to RPG games. In fact, I played that game so much that when my basement got flooded, the only games I was worried about were the Godfather and Fable. And the xbox itself. Oh, and my computer.


Then comes in the 360 we got a few months after the flood. FABLE STILL WORKED! =D Imagine how excited I was. However, much to my dismay, I could not play the Godfather. It wasn't compatible for some reason. I was quite angry with this turn of events!

After playing through Fable due to the rather small collection of 360 games (in other words, just Marvel Ultimate Alliance), I started researching if there would be a sequal. To my eternal happiness, I found there would be.

About 2 years later, I'm all hyped up and... well, let down, to a certain extent. Of course, Fable II is still amazing to me. I love this series. Albion is amazing, and the game is just... fun! Its the only Xbox game I bought that I'm still playing.

So, when the DLC came out, I got it. IT TOO WAS A LET DOWN! But, it too was still fun! Honestly, Mr. Molyneux, I'm a bit sad when you brag about how big your stuff is, yet the ride is just not what you had hyped it up to be. Oh well, I'm still going to get the DLC that's coming out this week.

And any other DLC you ever release.

And whatever other games come out of your studio.

And I'm going to get your hair to grow a clone of you.

Or multiple clones to take over the world with. Haha, a world kept in check by fear of overhyping of games. Hahaha.   read

12:38 PM on 05.09.2009

An introduction.

Greetings, fellow gamers! I am Saint, also called The Bard in some circles. You, however, may call me Joshua.

With a bow to the gentlemen and a wink to the ladies, I come here offering my thoughts on numerous subjects in gaming, such as...

- Why I am in an abusive relationship with Microsoft
- Why EA Games is evil, yet I can't stop playing their games
- Why Mario deserves better
- Why the world isn't bowing down to me yet.

A bit about my gaming history. The first game I ever played was Road Rash. My father had it for the PC, and let me tell you, I would watch him play all the time. Then one day, he turned around, smiled, and said to me "Would you like to race." I nodded eagerly, and then proceeded to fall off bridges, crash into oncoming cars, and get caught by the police ten million times. I sure as heck had a blast, though.

Time went on, and I recieved a Game Boy colour for Christmas, as well as Pokemon Yellow Edition. This was what truly cemented me as a gamer. I spent more time than was healthy playing that game, and eventually, I built up a nice collection of GBC games.

Then my uncle gave my siblings and I a Playstation. Obsession over Spyro and Tekken then proceeded.

Then it was an Xbox, then it was a gaming computer, then it was a DS and a 360, then it was a Wii.

And now here I stand, a silly man who thinks he's a bard. With a 360 controller in one hand and the pen in the other, I come to deliver my thoughts on the industry and the games, producers, and other such things therein!

Farewell for now!   read

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