After watching the new Street Fighter movie trailer on Destructoid I felt compelled to post my own views of the videogame movie phenomenom. I'm sure I could list just about every movie Uwe Boll has ever done and just about fill out the list. However, I won't do that. I've actually spoken with the man through e-mail correspondence and though I do not always like his renditions of many of my treasured videogame properties such as House of the Dead or BloodRhayne I must admite that he is not a terrible person and actually kind'ove cool in that F the world sense. Anyway, that is not to say that his movies don't make the list and I'm sure I could talk about him as a director more in a different post so to the buisness at hand:

10) House of the Dead

The biggest problem with this movie is that there is no actual house for the dead to be connected with. There is a church and a boat and several tents and underground caverns. However, there is no actual house. I mean its in the F-ing title. How do you F- that up. Anyway, I'm sure I could harp on this one very important detail, but lets face facts this isn't even the worst problem the film has. For one, the fisherman from the fishstick box is in the movie. I do not think I have ever actually seen a fisherman wear a yellow, lets go dance in the rain, rainslicker on a fisherman before. Then of course the whole random asian-chick running around in a American Flag themed jumper does not help matters. So I guess you could say wardrobe is an issue in the film along with set design.

Another big issue is the special effect. Uwe Boll as access to decent special effects and every now and then I am able to take a moment from his movies and go, "Wow! that was actually pretty cool." However, House of Dead does not do this. The whole spinning around the person while they fire a gun is cool at first but hen soon gets annoying. Following this effect with spliced in images from the actual game and the rest of the film is a complete disaster. Plus, there is no to very little nudity in the film. What's a good horror film without a random boob or bare ass thrown in somewhere.

9) Double Dragon

When the guy who looks like a walking anti-drug, anti-roids campaign is able to save the day by telling everyone to turn on the lights then you know you have a bad movie. The movie could have been good, it could have had decent martial arts and stylized sets, or even utilized a few superpowers like motifs interlaced with Karate Kid philosophies, but no the movie doesn't do this or anything else praiseworthy. I recently watched it again on OnDeman out nostalgia's sake and was sorely disappointed. Another movie i will mention on this list, the Super Mario Brothers movie, at least had an interest style and plot concept to make up for its failures. Double Dragon on the other hand has none of these going for it and comes off as being the incestuous G-rated child of Robocop and Escape from LA.

8) Street Fighter

One Name: Jean-Claude Van Damme

I honestly respect this actor. He has made some decent films, nothing to noticable but some actual entertaining movies, like that one were he is in the prison fighting the Sandman, or the Time Cop movie. Plus, the guy can even recognize his cult status and the place he serves on the movie rack of every redneck and Walmart shopper out there. However, lets face it. The movie was horrible and only barable if taken as a spoof as the Destructoid recommends. Why the hell are the good guys wearing light blue camo. Who thought this was a good idea. Just because it works in a videogame does not mean it works in real life. Also, Bison comes off as an idiot and Magneto wannabe.

7) Wing Commander

I probably shouldn't even mention this movie sense I haven't seen it all. However, who has really seen it all every time I watch it or rather catch it on TNT or TBS or run into the VHS of the film in the bargin bin of a yard sale I want to stab my eyes out. Extreme i know, but the movie by normal standards is awful. I like Matthew Lillard as an actor and Freddie Prince Jr. is married to the Buffy chick so I can't hate him to much, but the two just don't work well in this film about something involving aliens and space and ships and wings and...

6) Super Mario Brothers

The movie is admittidly bad. But when i was a kid and it was coming out I did my best to collect every damn slurpy cup that bore an image from the film. I watched the film several times not catching on to its general "badness" and even now as an adult I still remember the movie fondly and wish I had my own pet Yoshi and Princess, and that some type of sentient fungus would give me presents. I think the movie can be appreciated by the type of actors in the film and the style of the film. However, you could easily remove the title of the film and switch it to something else and no one would have any idea the movie had anything to do with Mario or his brother.

5) Tomb Raider

If I want to see Anglina Jolie with fake breasts I just go searching on the internet. I don't need an hour and a half movie to support this interest. The Tomb Raider games were fun, but I find it hard to believe that the character was interesting enough to support an entire movie. The first one was all right in terms of action and such. But if you really want to see AJ kicking some ass just watch Wanted.

4) Tomb Raider 2

The shadow beasts were cool, and so was the ending of the movie. The ending of the movie was good cause it was over, which meant I was free from the hellish torture the movie instigated by being watched.

3) BloodRayne

If you have been unfortunate enough to see the movie then you understand why I won't go into it. The movie is bad though, I mean really bad. There is no redeeming factor about the film. I wish there was, but there is nothing I can say to make you go this movie is decent, or I could watch this again. The plot is bad, the dialouge is bad, the clothing is bad, the acting is decent on Kingsley's part and maybe a few others but I wasn't really paying attention I pretty much gave up after the first 5 minutes. The weapons were especially bad. They looked like they were made of aluminum, and by aluminum I mean that stuff dad uses to wrap the grill with or you use to protect a finally prepared sandwitch or other edible treat. Or even dare I say that thing Pee Wee Herman keeps in his play house and if you know what I'm talking about you also thing that Laurence Fishburne made a good cowboy. But I digress...

2) Resident Evil 2

I really enjoyed the first film, but the second film for me, even though I own it, was a huge disappointment. Nemisis should inspire fear and chaos and memories of absolute destruction. I remember when playing Resident Evil 2 the game, and he first appeared I ran. I didn't even think about it. The gun wasn't going to work so I ran and I ran fast as my little pixalated legs would carry me. I remember feeling satisfied as I turned a corner thinking I had escaped this beast and was free...but i was wrong for he just walked right through the F-ing wall that bastard.

The Nemisis in the film looked nothing like the one I remembered. He looked so fake and I think the fact that he was wearing platform shoes didn't help. Plus, there was the CGI issue with the lickers. I could go on a rant about the overuse of CGI versus good Sam Winston puppetry, but the point is the lickers looked like they were fake and did not compare with the one from the first film. Overall the film was as bad as the implants the Jill Valentine actress had to wear.

1) Mortal Kombat 2

If I was putting these in order this film would be my number one no matter what. The first film was decent for its time. The plot was good for what it was. The characters were actually believable for the most part. Kano actually looked cool. Goro even looked pretty sweet for the time and the scenes with him were well done and unexpected. I still think back to the fight between Scorpion and Johnny Cage and the lack of pain on Scorpion's face when his spear slams into a tree. I also remember the Reptile fight. The logistics of it confused me, but it was a brutal fight. Then in rolls this sequel and I mean what the hell happend. My favorite character at the time aside from Scorpion, Rain, dies by getting thrown into a pit of fire by the villain. Johnny Cage dies at the beginning. The setting of the film looked completely fake as did the costumes and anything else you could think of. The story was also just terrible. I'm sure I could give details but I don't need to. If you have seen the film you know what I am talking about. I think the worst part of the film is when one of the Baraka clones gets thrown into the fire. If you freeze frame the film as he falls then you discover that its some guy wearing all black and not Baraka at all. Thats just lazy film making. Lazy I say.