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I Suck At Games: Charge!
SWE3tMadness | 9:39 AM on 08.06.2009 3 comments


Hello, my name is SWE3tMadness, and I suck at strategy.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know simple tricks like “Always aim for the eye,” and Elemental Rock-Paper-Scissors, but that just means my whole meta-game principle pretty much amounts to “Hit it’s weak point for massive damage!”





For example, I’m currently doing another run of Ocarina of Time this summer out of boredom (and lack of funds for new games…), and when facing down a boss, a veteran gamer’s first instinct would be to keep your distance and wait for an opening to appear.

Well, fuck that shit. LEEEEROOOOOY JEENKIIIIIINNSS!



Hey, I may have only one and a half hearts left after using up one fairy-in-a-bottle, but at least the big bad monster is dead now, right? It’s a small sacrifice to pay for saving the world.

It’s not just adventure games though. Real-time strategy? Human wave tactics (We have reserves.) RPG’s? Level-grind until you can defeat the boss in one or two hits. Shooters? Set your gun to automatic and strafe.

This also is my greatest undoing when facing off against human opponents, and where the meta-game aspect of playing is crucial to doing well. Take Pokèmon for example. After four generations of games, you’ve got almost unlimited options for customizing movesets, stats, and overall strategies to guarantee victory. Unfortunately, a lot of these strategies rely on you being able to predict an opponent’s moves and plan accordingly.



Did I mention I’m also terrible at chess?

It’s honestly not that I’m stupid enough to take advantage of meta-gaming principles or try to formulate better strategies, it’s just that whenever I try it, I end up getting so frustrated that I get killed anyways. It’s unbelievably hard for me to try and memorize attack patterns while running around an enclosed space trying desperately trying to dodge said attack at the same time. I’ll try to beat boss battles and enemy encounters the “right” way, but eventually, I find it’s just faster to find the biggest sword you can get your hands on, boost your health as much as possible, and load up with healing items. And if I’m going down, I’m taking this fucker with me.



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3 comments | showing # 1 to 3

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walkyourpath's Destructoid Blog
Nice post. I'd say that you actually do use strategy -- Your strategy is to max your character damage and funnel your remaining funds / skills into healing items/spells/whateves.

If you played D&D that way, you'd be a cleric. Bludgeon, heal, and repeat. There's no "right" way to beat a game -- if the devs allow for it to be used, it's fair game in my book.

As for human opponents -- the only way to be able to predict opponents moves is to play so much that you have all the possibilities memorized. Sounds like you'd rather experience more games than focus in on just one like that.

Also, Patapon wins the universe.
Zodiac Eclipse's Destructoid Blog
Heh I'm pretty much the same way in MMO's. I see a boss and start running at it while my poor husband is running behind trying to talk me out of it right up until we're both dead.

The problem with strategy is that when it fails you get mad because it took so much time and effort and didn't work. If you charge in sword flying you might win, but if you don't at least you can laugh it off as just being unprepared.
Krow's Destructoid Blog
I'm going out of my way to bring this to your attention because I'm a douchebag. Also, I like the chess mention.


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 about me

Welcome, and enjoy the random ramblings of the rare "girl gamer". Mi blog-a es su blog-a. Just remember to clean up after yourself when you leave.

-About Me-

Outside the Interbutt, I'm a college student, currently majoring in Biology. I'm a huge science and math nerd, and like laughing at jokes that no one else understands. My chocolate cookies are the best in the universe, and I bake a mean batch of scones as well. I've been a serious pianist for almost twelve years now, and enjoy playing video game themes to show off my absolute geekiness.

As far as gaming, I'm a relative newbie, only having played seriously for about nine years, and then mostly restricted to Nintendo franchises. As a result, I happen to be a pretty big Nintendo fan, so beware of a slight fangirl-ish bias when I comment.


-Favorite Games-

Guitar Hero/Rock Band
Super Mario series
Paper Mario series
Yoshi's Island
Super Smash Bros. series
Resident Evil 4
WarioWare: Mega Microgame$ and WarioWare: Twisted!
Warioland 3
Pikmin 1 & 2
Pokèmon G/S/C & P/D
SoulCalibur series (II specifically)
Elite Beat Agents
The Legend of Zelda: OOT & TP
Tetris
Donkey Kong Country 1 & 2
Donkey Kong 64
Donkey Kong Jungle Beat
Banjo-Kazooie/Tooie
Mario Kart 64 & Double Dash!
Old-School 2D Sonic games


-Video Game Piano Repetoire-

(These are only songs I have memorized, my complete sheet music collection can be found here.)

Feel free to message me if you would like a link to any pieces or have a request. Currently, I'm not working on doing any recordings of performances, but if enough people would like to see one, I'd be glad to oblige.

Super Mario 64- Final Bowser Theme
Super Mario 64- Dire, Dire Docks
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time- Saria's Song
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time- Song of Storms
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time- Title Theme
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess - Midna's Desperation
Super Mario Bros.- Star Theme
Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island- Athletic Theme
Super Mario Galaxy- Space Junk Galaxy
Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow- Gym Theme
Portal- Still Alive
Halo 3 - Trailer Fanfare
Final Fantasy X - To Zanarkand

NEW! Pieces currently working on:

Final Fantasy IV - Clad in Dark (Golbez's Theme)
Pokèmon P/D/P - Palkia/Dialgia Battle (SSBB ver.)
Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island - Ending Credits


-Promoted Articles-

The Wrong Thing: The Root Of All Evil
Other Worlds Than These: Pokèmon
Music and Rhythm Games: A Classically Trained Pianist's Perspective
Feel the Hatred: Zant (Twilight Princess)
Instant Replay: Guitar Hero III
The Start of the Affair: Super Smash Bros. 64

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