I’ve been in Finland for about six months now and I’ve seen some pretty weird stuff. I’ve eaten cake made from whole fish, gotten drunk at a heavy metal karaoke bar, visited a “zoo” consisting entirely of dead animals, and I have been locked outside, naked, in the deep polar-night due to a malfunctioning Finnish door.

I’ve even been to Moscow, and that place is on an entirely different level of weird. They have street shows where people bet on large falcons that eat tiny kittens—I know because I watched one.

But nothing could prepare me for what greeted me when I went grocery shopping yesterday.



Yeah, that’s right. That’s a pasta brand using an illegal rip-off of our beloved plumber to sell their evil-wares. To add insult to injury, they don’t even attempt to hide this fact. The only thing that they altered was his name.



I’m sorry but a chief’s hat does not make Mario turn magically into “Marco”, and thus allows you to bypass a huge lawsuit.

Naturally, I nerd raged. I was insulted that they would take my beloved icon and pervert him in such a foul manner. It was spitting on my childhood, common legal sense, and the good name of Nintendo.

Finally, I was able to distill my anger into a plan of action.



I made delicious Marco butter pasta and broiled pork steak.