^Photographic proof of ancient rage.


It is I, Roryzilla.

Long, long ago at the tender age of sixteen years old, I disbanded from my field trip to Monticello to explore an ancient ruin that lied just past the gift shop. In it's dark, moist corridors, I lurked through to stumble upon one of the greatest discoveries of all time: Destructoid. A relic that, once touched, transported me into a magical, far-out world of actual brutally honest, non sell-out game reviews. A world where the writers would post lengthy, detailed, and loving previews for games, and would still speak ill of them had they not delivered the goods. A world where I didn't have to curb my inane humor and blunt opinions on the gaming scene in general. So, I decided that I wasn't going to be leaving on that school bus back to Virginia, and instead that I'd start to post a couple of goofy C-blogs only a sixteen year old would write, and skulk through the comments section like a stealthy sage, only dropping in from the treetop canopies to lay the smack down on weeaboos and fanboys of all sizes and kinds, only to disappear in a flash of my cape. As I stayed, the world grew larger, and people came from all around to that temple near Monticello just to join the world of Destructoid and to contribute, and pray, in it's name. The world grew humbly and strongly, and it blossomed. People far and wide knew the robotic clutches of Destructoid had pierced their hearts, and they posted with love, skepticism, logic, and comedy. Then, without warning, the scourge came.



^The temple was located in a strange glowing hole in the middle of this flower field. Who'd have thunk?

Fanboys, fanboys, fanboys, from the depths of hell, or IGN and Deviantart message boards or something. People who couldn't stand to hear that terrible injustices were being occurred on the gamer community at their expense because the consumer's blind love for whatever game series, console, or mascot they loved drove them to support it without thought.The writers who were writing honest pieces of journalism and thought-provoking write-ups about the state of the industry were called trolls, or even in some cases fanboys THEMSELVES, just for speaking ill of the products they consumed. My heart grew hard at the sight of such butthurt, and my butt grew strong as well. For a long time I was inactive, skulking in the shadows, and watching. Watching the fair citizens of Destructoid give way to fanboy bullying and arguments about game companies that no one in their right mind could care so much about. People who rationally enjoyed all three systems and made neat, neutral points about franchises, brands, games, or skeezy company moves were dubbed as outcasts, idiots, dummy-heads, or worse. It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, and so I've decided to emerge from my cloaked-canopy-throne and write this post. This post is a warning to all those gamers who defend not their hard earned money, time, or love of playing video games, but the game franchises/machines/things they so blindly and unflinchingly love, and even in some cases the corporations and industry that occasionally slipped fast ones over their heads and still got their victims to fight for their side:

Stop it. Just calm down, and understand that opinion is a wonderful thing, especially when it isn't bought and controlled by the people who develop the games or market the hardware. Sure, you may not agree with some of the things posted here, and I certainly don't implore you to listen and love everyone's writings and opinions, but I do expect you to try and view people's opinions from differing perspectives, and to provide the class and respect the people who write here deserve. Because deep down, behind the sweat and broken fingers lies a gamer, just like you. Gamers who fight for the other gamers and who spend their every waking hours providing the other gamers with honest opinions and saucy internet rumors. It is a smack to the face to tell these people they know nothing about the games they love, review, and play endlessly, and it's childish to ceaselessly defend whatever game/brand/machine you love over anyone else's opinion, especially when you resort to jeers or cat-calls. There are going to be times when companies and developers do some wacky things or release some garbage, and I want you to know the writer's here have you covered, and they have your best interests in mind. There are also going to be times where you disagree with the writer, but rest assured, they aren't making thousands of dollars from other people by saying these things. They don't want to see you read a 4 page preview of a game in a game magazine that ends up being dreadful, but still receives an excellent score in said magazine for monetary or other ill-devised reasons. Rather, they'd like you to continue to enjoy what you love, but also not settle for anything less or anything you, the paying and supportive consumer, deserve. They also want to implore you that just because a game has a lower score than a 7 doesn't mean it's a complete sack of shit and can still be fun or hold your attention anyway, and that the scoring system doesn't even have to apply to you if you disagree with it.

Chances are, you don't even need to read this, and if you don't, I'm thrilled, and I'll gladly swoop away to my badass throne in the treetops. But if you do, I want to let you know I'm not calling anyone out in specific, and I didn't intend to by writing this. I just want to let you know that I've been here for a while and I'm confident in where I've put my trust, and you can always go to a site with more pleasant and comfy reviews. If not, you should know that you can give it up, relax, and just enjoy what you like right here without worrying about what anyone says about your beloved franchise or game, because I assure you, no one here in their right mind gives nearly as much a shit as you seem to. And the Robot Lord said: "STFUAJPG!"

*le swoop*