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Cashwh0re Kain and Lynch video review!
by Ron NSFWorkman on 12.02.2007 175 comments


[Update] Cashwh0re (Formerly Destructoid) is proud to bring you the review you have been waiting for... Kane and Lynch: Dead Men, sponsored by Kane and Lynch:Dean Men!

Final verdict: 11 out of 10!

Our hearts go out to everyone that left Gamespot in the wake of Kane and Lynchgate 07' and we totally agree with what you are doing. Even those of you that were fired. Please keep in mind that Rev. Anthony reviewed the game for Destructoid and gave it a 3 out of 10. So, if you think we are selling out...Phew! There is nothing else that I can tell you.

CASHWH0RE FOR EVA!!!!

Update: I am really glad that everyone liked the video. The one thing that really makes me sad about all of this, is come Monday, Jeff is going to be ripped apart by a PR team. It has already started with people saying he was fired weeks ago. It's just not true. While I can't talk about specifics, the dude did get fucked over no matter what you hear. The fact that Eidos could have 1% influence over him being fired is 1% more than GS should have allowed. This all clearly happened. People didn't even know about this until GS reacted to the situation. They pulled the video, edited his post, and Eidos switched ads. Nothing to see here is just not going to cut it on this one.

User reviews were blocked on the 30th and I do understand why. Every review coming in was a 1.0 backlash. But you know what? Fuck it... You reap what you sow! (or sew depending on where you are from)
Any GS former staff needing a home, you have one here.

PS Thanks to everyone at Digg that supports and gets what the video is about. I really expected a ton of asshole comments like, "you spelled too wrong idiot." It's awesome to see that the message (the fact that I get to be an asshole) is the most important part. I am really happy to see that people get what I was trying to say.

Answer bag

Whats the song at the end? The song at the end is the Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (Angello & Ingross Remix)

Was that 2g1c? Yes the piano song is 2girls1cup

What's up with 7 out of 10 IGN? I have some friends there and its a joke. Also, IGN's review scale is kind of a 7 out of 10. Dtoid uses a true 1 - 10 scale if you haven't noticed.

Surfergirl comment? Well... I am really tired of people "Claiming" that surfergirl is breaking news. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate her and I'm not trying to bash her, but it's just a random blogspot of a mid-40's PR lady in the industry that works or trolls Gamasutra. She just hears rumors and very little of it is concrete. THERE IS NO JOB IN THIS INDUSTRY WHERE YOU HEAR IF EVERY RUMOR IS TRUE. As some of you know, .......... .[redacted].............., I can say that there are things on her blog that she states will not happen and they are happening. FOR SURE. Aside from that... WTF does 2d/3d or cell shaded mean? Was 4d taken?
And stop giving her credit about the Ghostbusters game. That shit had been around forever. It can be an entertaining read, but writing "May or may not be" and being super vague is easy.
Gamestop management "May or may not be" total fucking assholes. See?

Hey Ron, how much would it cost for you to sell out on a review? $20,000 bucks. 11 out of 10 everytime. But, for that money, I plan on spending it to buy copies of said game and give them out. I also will make it clear that I am a sellout. For 20k I will give you your monies worth in video, contests, and maybe even midgets. Pheonix-blood for $4 I will do anything you want as long as it involves my penis and your vagina, or toy trains.
Update: I now have this item for sale on ebay
Click here to buy it now!

Ron are you worried about being sued? Its happened before. Who fucking cares. As long as the message gets out there its worth it. Advertisers should have zero editorial input. My goals have always been to change this industry. I am a gamer. Not a writer, not a Game dev. I am just some fucking random ass dude that likes gaming. The user should have a say. It would be awesome if GS came after me. They would have to disclose info publicly about firing Jeff which would make my fucking day. Look for "Ron Workman's Legal fund" soon.

@Neuraal Yep, I'm not on there. My mom noticed it today. Then she beat me with a hose.

PS if you really want too, there is a Petition going around that you can sign.



PSS A few people think this is about money and us serving ads. The reason I posted this on a Cblog and not the front page is because WE HAVE NO PAID ADS ON OUR COMMUNITY BLOGS! I did it for the message not for hits or ad revenue. The X-marks the spot ads at the top are there because we are part of the contest. We were givin no money to put it up.

PS3 Thanks for making this One of the top 10 stories on Digg

Gamers rock today! Thanks a ton everyone.
Ron

There are 169 comments about this post:
Butmac's Destructoid Blog
I'm just gonna sit here and keep hitting refresh. kthx
sleepingagain's Destructoid Blog
lol
JACK of No Trades's Destructoid Blog
You must be drunk again. lol
BS3 Owner's Destructoid Blog
Ron, please don't flame me... Please!
Tristero's Destructoid Blog
Do it, Ron! Do it big boy! Bring the pain!
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
uploading now. prob 20 minutes?
CheapyD's Destructoid Blog
BRING THE PAIN
PacoDG's Destructoid Blog
Damn man, I was going to sleep pretty soon, then I had to do my quick run of sites before shutting the monitor off... I guess I can find something to do to keep me busy till this is up.
Suff0cat's Destructoid Blog
What the hell is that video making program? It looks awesome.


Then again pretty much anything is awesome compared to Windows Movie Maker.
Professor Pew's Destructoid Blog
More importantly, the right people will like you more while the evil corrupt shades of darkness will dislike you more. Win-win?

Wait, you use Sorry Vagina 6.0 as video editor program...?
Butmac's Destructoid Blog
Uh oh, Ron loves his Sony Vegas...rofl at sorry vagina though
dvddesign 's Destructoid Blog
I'm sorry, I can't support a gaming website that edits with Sony Vegas. You guys have now officially sold out.


"Destructoid will never merge with Gamespot. We're not going to sell-out the soul of the site." -Niero
SPIDER PIG's Destructoid Blog
come onnnnnn, i cant wait any longer
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
Yay, a reason to stay awake longer!
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
@Suff0catingSight its Sony Vegas 6.0. 7 is out and has better options but on my laptop, I never really got around to upgrading it. (Upgrade = Finding torrent)
Damnit, Now I feel like you may be disappointed. Here it comes...
atheistium's Destructoid Blog
hurry xD
Macca's Destructoid Blog
Don't worry Ron, if it all turns to shit, blame it on the alcohol.
atheistium's Destructoid Blog
hurry D:<
jerrt's Destructoid Blog
so where is the video? i want to watch....
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
I give that video an 11 out of 10!
atheistium's Destructoid Blog
this video is no longer avaliable?! :(
atheistium's Destructoid Blog
best vid u've done so far
Upgrayedd's Destructoid Blog
fap-tastic!
JACK of No Trades's Destructoid Blog
LOL! Thats was great.
Macca's Destructoid Blog
That was awesome.

Best line?

"The sound... it has it. 11/10."
Professor Pew's Destructoid Blog
<3!
joepaniic's Destructoid Blog
best review ever. Emailing to every Gamespot email address i can find.
jerrt's Destructoid Blog
oh yeah, that video kicked ass!!!!!!!!!!!!! [i've never used that many '!' in my life]

some great moments:

"sound, it has it"

also, the song at the end seemed very fitting.

ever bit of the 'technical difficulties' section. from the picture, the caption, then sealing the deal with the price is right filler theme...... perfect. i give that section a 12 out of 10, that is how much it made me laugh
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
I really wish now I put up the first version
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
@jrrt Fucking sellout! 12 out of 10? Thats unpossible
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
btw, if anyone cares, the first version of this video had the word fuck in it 30 times
jerrt's Destructoid Blog
i don't care. i don't know about anyone else, but that is my two cents.

@ ron, if the check from edios was double what they sent you [; you would have given it a 12. you can't fool me. [:
bunnyrabbit2's Destructoid Blog
that was made of pure win. If I ever end up in america and meet you, I am buying you a pint.
Brandon Undead's Destructoid Blog
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Fixed. Also, I love yous guys. If you ever sell out, Ron, I have your phone number. Something bad will happen... telecommunication related.
JACK of No Trades's Destructoid Blog
"Anthony reviewed the game for Destructoid and gave it a 3 out of 10."

With 3 being the hight score possible! You fucking sell outs!
MaxVest's Destructoid Blog
Don't limit yourself, Ron -- you could also offer to take cash from competing companies for negative reviews.

"This 2.5 Halo 3 review sponsored by The Ken Kutaragi Make-A-Wish Foundation."
Bioautographical's Destructoid Blog
To whom do we make blowjobs payable?

That was beautiful.
The Incredible Edible Egg's Destructoid Blog
OMG U no nothing U kANT do 11 out of 10 it doesnt work that wei this blog is crap stupid... MARBLES!!!

So, gameplay gets 22/10, right?
PacoDG's Destructoid Blog
Awesome.
Azereki's Destructoid Blog
I need a permanent copy of this video on DVD or HD please. I give it an 11/10!
Pedro Blandino's Destructoid Blog
your going to kill me with these videos Ron. I cant stop laughing!
Rockvillian's Destructoid Blog
Makes WoW look like a single player game my ASS... it has better graphics than Mario's Galaxy at least, not to mention it's a next gen tittle.

Nice work Ron lol
Eschatos's Destructoid Blog
Game of the Century fo realz.
mackisawesome's Destructoid Blog
OMFGAWD cASHWHORE GIVES THE BEST GAME ADVICE EVORZ!
Butmac's Destructoid Blog
"Doesn't Matter...

11 out of 10 again"

hahahaha
JACK of No Trades's Destructoid Blog
Tiauguinho's Destructoid Blog
This is all sorts of awesome!
Riser Glen's Destructoid Blog
Money ha$ made thi$ place great!
Scape's Destructoid Blog
It has sound!!
SPIDER PIG's Destructoid Blog
super awesome.

Are you going to be a guest spot on AOTS now?
Teta's Destructoid Blog
I rate this video: 11/10.
Now where´s my check?
Hoygeit's Destructoid Blog
"Ever, ever, ever"

Brilliant isn't the best word (no word is sufficient). But it's the first thing to come to mind.
NihonTiger90's Destructoid Blog
Once again, Ron pulls through with a great video.
brad drac's Destructoid Blog
So, how much does a score of aleph null/10 cost?
JohnnyWadd's Destructoid Blog
Haha Classic.
KamikazeTutor's Destructoid Blog
I'm going to buy 11 copies!
CronosBlade's Destructoid Blog
EPIC! MOAR!
CronosBlade's Destructoid Blog
Sad thing is I beat this piece of shit game last night.

*cries in the corner*
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
You suck/. I give you an 11 out of 10
wardrox's Destructoid Blog
Fuck yeah!

Though what is the average price for an 11 out of 10?
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
for me Wardrox, 20 grand buys you and 11 out of 10. For Gamespot, it was near 6 figures
shipero's Destructoid Blog
Glad to see it has sound, so many modern games overlook that feature.
BlindsideDork's Destructoid Blog
It so beautiful......and definitely has sound!
WDot's Destructoid Blog
I'd love to see more of these CashWh0re reviews. Sure, Destructoid reviews give mostly honest, balanced opinions of the game, plus added balance from the opinions of the CBloggers, but CashWh0re builds hype from a pile of crap!
Clockwork's Destructoid Blog
That was so phresh. I've been looking for a multiplayer game to oust Crysis ever since it came out....what?
BuckF1tches's Destructoid Blog
It has sound! 11 out of 10!
liam2015's Destructoid Blog
No longer available video is no longer available
AngelsDontBurn's Destructoid Blog
Lol amazing Ron. Gotta love the 2 girls 1 cup song. LMAO!
Riser Glen's Destructoid Blog
69 out of 10
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
liam it works fine for me
Velt's Destructoid Blog
It has sound!!

Awesome.
If i give you 50 bucks would you sell me the dtoid helmet?? I mean, since this site now is a entire auction.
Necros's Destructoid Blog
Best Destructoid review ever! I'm sure Rev totally agrees!
Necros's Destructoid Blog
Best Destructoid review ever! I'm sure Rev totally agrees!
liam2015's Destructoid Blog
Yeah, I guess my computer crapped out for some reason, it works now.

"Multi-mutiplayer"

KAYNE AND LINCH GETZ 1 BILLYUN OUT OF DIEZ
Knives's Destructoid Blog
What? Only an 11?!?!?!
I bet you didn't even finish the game =P

PS:<3 Dtoid and epic video is epic.
itemforty's Destructoid Blog
Brilliant. This is why you are so very popular and insanely rich.
Big Z's Destructoid Blog
The fart noise at the very, very end pulls it all together. 15/10.
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
@Big z Thanks. I tried to use Tarintino's style with that. The cinematography was more of a dark feel though so I thought that the fart could lighten up the overall tone and feel. Or I just think that fart sound is funny
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
@Big z Thanks. I tried to use Tarintino's style with that. The cinematography was more of a dark feel though so I thought that the fart could lighten up the overall tone and feel. Or I just think that fart sound is funny
Nick Chester's Destructoid Blog
Brilliant.
DynamicSheep's Destructoid Blog
On a scale of 1 to awesome, cashwhore.com gives Kane and Lynch: Dead Men an Amazing out of 5! That's an honest, reliable, trustworthy review right there!

Lol-tastic video is lol-tastic.
taumpytears's Destructoid Blog
Good Times.
Dexter345's Destructoid Blog
"Sound... it has it."

I laughed out loud at that part.
BFeld13's Destructoid Blog
Oh god.... that was amazing
AgentMOO's Destructoid Blog
FIVE MUTIE THUMBS UP!!!11
tehuberone's Destructoid Blog
Um Ron YOUR FIRED. Kane & Lynch deserves a 20/10.
Cheeburga's Destructoid Blog
I love you.
Puppetpallmich's Destructoid Blog
best site ever ever....ever
blehman's Destructoid Blog
...I fucking love this site.
cjpkiller's Destructoid Blog
OMG IT GOT A 7 FROM IGN BEST GAME EVAR.
bottled dark's Destructoid Blog
epic
epic
epic
epic
GoS-CPT-Stewart's Destructoid Blog
Where are my 11 out of 10 minutes of credits!?
Don Other's Destructoid Blog
Ron, bring me to SpikeTV's VGA with you. I'll get the drinks for both you and Jeff.
Ron  NSFWorkman's Destructoid Blog
SPACE JAM IS ON TV RIGHT NOW!!! WGN
pheonix-blood's Destructoid Blog
i have $4, what will that get me?
sleepingagain's Destructoid Blog
that was the single greatest video ever.. 11 out of 10!
Arugala9's Destructoid Blog
lol
Cowzilla3's Destructoid Blog
I had to wait all day to see this but it was well worth it. I've been sitting through screeners of films that are being considered for WAFCA awards and this was the best thing I've seen all day. I'm nominating you Ron for all of them.
luvmysegadc's Destructoid Blog
LMAO!!!

Maybe this video should be embedded on Gamespot?
Osmow's Destructoid Blog
Oh shit yeah, This video has to be uploaded to their user videos section...
vampireblood's Destructoid Blog
Damn I used to go to Gamespot for reviews but now I guess they cant be trusted.

I guess metacritic.com will be my source for reviews form now on....oh and Destructoid.com as well :D
Thornnn's Destructoid Blog
Van I have your hairy drunk babies?

No really I'm making soup.
Thornnn's Destructoid Blog
Van = Can. I so fail.
king3vbo's Destructoid Blog
Goddamnit Ron, that was fucking genius. I havent laughed that hard in a long ass time
Maxz0rz's Destructoid Blog
Am I the only one who noticed that the music near the middle was from 2girls1cup hahahahah
Twisted Imp's Destructoid Blog
I love the part of the credits with my name in it.
Oh wait.
Neuraal's Destructoid Blog
http://i10.tinypic.com/6pzf5hl.jpg

Fail.
Neuraal's Destructoid Blog

Sorry was lazy
Farktoid's Destructoid Blog
2girls1cup sent me forty cents and some bottle caps, so I give that video an 11 out of 10 as well. Personal ethics high five, Workmeng!
Fronz's Destructoid Blog
What backflip said. "we are to dumb to sell out" hahahaha.
Stukodokka's Destructoid Blog
Is that someone in a wheelchair riding a unicorn at the very end?

If so, AWESOME.
tehdopefish's Destructoid Blog
oh ron, you get me every time.
Maxpower's Destructoid Blog
It was so awesome that I can't sleep. Thanks alot Ron.
EternalDeathSlayer's Destructoid Blog
I love every second of it. You know, it was like number 1 on digg for a while there. Might still be.