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HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTIAN BALE!
Riser Glen \| 6:58 AM on 01.30.2008	43 comments

34 years ago this day, a man was born. A man who would change the lives of millions. A man who would redefine the way we look at movies. That man's name is Christian Bale.

Born of a virgin in a manger outside of Bethlehem, Wales; Christian Bale grew up watching movies on a daily basis. Disgusted by what he saw, he decided to become an actor so that he may make a difference. After getting the blessing of his earth-father Alan Thicke, he moved to Hollywood with one goal: To change it.

To this day, he continues to be the greatest actor in the history of the universe.

FACT: Christian Bale played every member of the Klump family in The Nutty Professor. Also, he refused to wear makeup.

FACT: The Sun revolves around Christian Bale.

FACT: Contrary to popular belief, Bale was the first person to play a perfect game of Pac-Man.

FACT: Bale confirmed for Brawl.

FACT: Bale was rated "OT-XVII" by the Church of Scientology before they kicked him out after learning he killed all of L. Ron Hubbard's past lives. Why did he join Scientology? For the lulz, of course.

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37 comments | showing # 1 to 37

atheistium

i worry about you, riser :s

Macca

God has a birthday?

Excremento

OMG I LOLed at the scientology reference and that the sun revolves around him. All praise be to our lord and saviour CHRISTian Bale.

Excremento

@Macca

Of course it does! Lord Xenu is millions if not billions of years old!

Justice

Riser what happened to you!
You used to be cool!

Now everything's coming up riser!

Snaileb

All hail Bale!!

The man deserves it! He's a king amongst men! The duke of silver screens! The prince of awesome!

Phist

Lauren, there's nothing wrong with having non-gay love for Bale. Riser, you do good yobs.

Kryptinite

LOL...wow. So...man crush? It's cool, I have a man crush on J. Deep.

bhive01

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BALE!!!!

!Christian Bale++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Clockwork

FACT: Christian Bale played every member of the Klump family in The Nutty Professor. Also, he refused to wear makeup.

HAHAHAHAHA!

MaxVest

10,000,000

pierrerodriguez

riser, you truly are the king of kings.

Demios

Hail to the Bale.

Wherever he may roam may he be greeted with only the finest ales and offered the most beautiful hand-maidens.

HAIL!

Brandon Undead

Wait, is Alan Thicke really his earth father.

I MUST RESEARCH!

Gameboi

All hail Halle Berry! Whoops... I meant Christian Bale ;-)

BluDesign

I planted a tree in his honor today.

Riser Glen

@dvddesign

itemforty

Huh, Holy Days always sneak up on me. I need to check the mail for Bale's list of things he wants this year. I hate sending him his presents late!

Maurice Tan

Happy Baleday! Bale > Heath Ledger, if only because Bale is still alive.

Why so serious?

BigPopaGamer

Man, I totally forgot about this day. I need to remember to put it in my calendar. Hope he'll forgive me for being late with his presents.

Hey item, what are you getting him? Don't want to send him the same thing.

itemforty

He asked me for $7000 in iTunes gift cards again.

Demios

I think the offering of the first-born child in every family is a present worthy of Overlord Bale.

BigPopaGamer

Damn that guy, he always breaks my bank this time of year. Guess I'll have to go hire some hookers for him to bang and kill again. It's starting to get awkward when I keep having to ask CronosBlade for women and they don't come back.

itemforty

Can't you just say they got deported?

BigPopaGamer

Yeah, I've tried that one and it worked the first time. But 30+ women in 3 years is kinda hard to explain.

itemforty

Too bad Bale doesn't like Cubans: no one cares where those bodies end up.

Darkknight37

Christian Bale convinced Hugh Jackman to go solo from the Xmen movies during the filming of 'The Prestige'.

Fact: Christian Bale thought hard enough and duplicated himself for the double role he played.

Side Fact: Christian Bale was the inspiration for Cloverfield.

Demios

Fact: In true Bale fashion (i.e. never doing the obvious) he once punched a wall through a man.

Bob Muir

For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, now and forever, amen.

Ascythopicism

I fully support stripping the Bill Brasky meme from Chuck Norris and giving it to Christian Bale (who deserves it).

Norris is a crazy-religious asshole who thinks that it is in fact Jesus who has another fist under his beard (and thus doesn't get the joke). Whereas Bale cuts off his secret twin's index finger just for a magic act, tries to feed kittens to ATMs, sees ghostly apparitions of Steve Zahn after escaping from a POW camp in South-East Asia, and lays the smack-down on Liam Neeson despite the fact Neeson's 9 feet tall, and has a cock the size of Bale's fore-arm.

Bale / Gravel '08!

king3vbo

My parents dont understand my obsession with Christian Bale; they think I need to see a shrink

HIS WILL BE DONE

itemforty

Fact: Christian Bale hunted down and killed every single Nigerian Spammer.

Coonskin05

"Bale, I recognize that I have not lived my life for You up until now. I have been living for myself and that is wrong. I need You in my life; I want You in my life. I acknowledge the completed work of Christian Bale in giving His life for me on the cross at Calvary, and I long to receive the forgiveness you have made freely available to me through this sacrifice. Come into my life now, Bale. Take up residence in my heart and be my king, my Lord, and my Savior. From this day forward, I will no longer be controlled by sin, or the desire to please myself, but I will follow You all the days of my life. Those days are in Your hands. I ask this in Bale's precious and holy name. Amen."

kawitchate

Fact: Christian Bale exudes the 1.21 gigawatt's of power necessary to power the flux capacitor. The irony is he doesn't need to time travel since he exists in all times at the same time.

Sharpless

FACT: Christian Bale was the original Cloverfield monster. Test audiences' heads imploded under the strain of the amazingness, so Abrams changed it to some CGI shit.

liqideos

We should pitch in for an erotic cake.

Samit Sarkar

ALL GLORY TO THE MACHINIST/BATMAN/AMERICAN PSYCHO!

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