34 years ago this day, a man was born. A man who would change the lives of millions. A man who would redefine the way we look at movies. That man's name is
Christian Bale.
Born of a virgin in a manger outside of Bethlehem, Wales; Christian Bale grew up watching movies on a daily basis. Disgusted by what he saw, he decided to become an actor so that he may make a difference. After getting the blessing of his earth-father Alan Thicke, he moved to Hollywood with one goal: To change it.
To this day, he continues to be the greatest actor in the history of the universe.
FACT: Christian Bale played every member of the Klump family in
The Nutty Professor. Also, he refused to wear makeup.
FACT: The Sun revolves around Christian Bale.
FACT: Contrary to popular belief, Bale was the first person to play a perfect game of
Pac-Man.
FACT: Bale confirmed for Brawl.
FACT: Bale was rated "OT-XVII" by the Church of Scientology before they kicked him out after learning he killed all of L. Ron Hubbard's past lives. Why did he join Scientology? For the lulz, of course.
Of course it does! Lord Xenu is millions if not billions of years old!
You used to be cool!
Now everything's coming up riser!
The man deserves it! He's a king amongst men! The duke of silver screens! The prince of awesome!
!Christian Bale++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HAHAHAHAHA!
Wherever he may roam may he be greeted with only the finest ales and offered the most beautiful hand-maidens.
HAIL!
I MUST RESEARCH!
Why so serious?
Hey item, what are you getting him? Don't want to send him the same thing.
Fact: Christian Bale thought hard enough and duplicated himself for the double role he played.
Side Fact: Christian Bale was the inspiration for Cloverfield.
Norris is a crazy-religious asshole who thinks that it is in fact Jesus who has another fist under his beard (and thus doesn't get the joke). Whereas Bale cuts off his secret twin's index finger just for a magic act, tries to feed kittens to ATMs, sees ghostly apparitions of Steve Zahn after escaping from a POW camp in South-East Asia, and lays the smack-down on Liam Neeson despite the fact Neeson's 9 feet tall, and has a cock the size of Bale's fore-arm.
Bale / Gravel '08!
HIS WILL BE DONE