34 years ago this day, a man was born. A man who would change the lives of millions. A man who would redefine the way we look at movies. That man's name is Christian Bale.
Born of a virgin in a manger outside of Bethlehem, Wales; Christian Bale grew up watching movies on a daily basis. Disgusted by what he saw, he decided to become an actor so that he may make a difference. After getting the blessing of his earth-father Alan Thicke, he moved to Hollywood with one goal: To change it.
To this day, he continues to be the greatest actor in the history of the universe.
FACT: Christian Bale played every member of the Klump family in The Nutty Professor. Also, he refused to wear makeup.
FACT: The Sun revolves around Christian Bale.
FACT: Contrary to popular belief, Bale was the first person to play a perfect game of Pac-Man.
FACT: Bale confirmed for Brawl.
FACT: Bale was rated "OT-XVII" by the Church of Scientology before they kicked him out after learning he killed all of L. Ron Hubbard's past lives. Why did he join Scientology? For the lulz, of course.