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Riser Glen's blog

4:36 AM on 07.16.2008

And now for a Happy Birthday message from Roseanne


8:15 AM on 06.13.2008

Own a PC with INTERNET? Click Here.

In a post last week, I issued a daunting challenge to all PC owners. Specifically users of Internet (Or [insert poorly thought out insult here]). I merely proclaimed that I am the greatest iSketch player in this here parts of Destructoid. This new post is not meant to be a retraction, if that's what you're expecting, I wouldn't hold your breath. This is merely to remind all you PC owners who don't own a Mac and are not lucky enough to be playing Jeopardy! Deluxe (I just happened to pick mine up and just Alex Trebek alone is glorious!), that tonight you can try to take out your frustration on this here Apple enthusiast, me, in iSketch.

Mind you this is no easy task but you do have two things in your favor:

1. I have contracted a venereal disease. A bad one actually that has rendered me even more awkward than usual.

2. I broke my headset giving myself fellatio. Hence my epic shit-talking arsenal will not be in use to anger and distract from your game. Trust me, this right here is a blessing in disguise, as I sound like Dora the Explorer. Swiper no swiping.

This will be your future. Crying like a bitch, when I'm done with you.

But please don't think those things will cripple my game as I intend to bring it and crush all who oppose me. My shit-talking I will post in a future blog for all to read and ridicule the losing players, as I will be laughing at the lack of skillz (with a "z") I'm quite sure I'll come across if any PC players show up. Before you crybabies start telling me:

"Oh, but Riser, it's hard to draw with a mouse WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" excuse, all I have to say is I manage quite well. Perhaps it is not the mouse that is garbage but your artistic ability (OH DANG I FUCKING WENT THERE DUDE DID YOU READ THAT SHIT?!).

Any brave or stupid challengers who wish to wipe the smug grin off my face can do so @ 8PM ESTizzle. 3 ROUND MATCHES FO SHO. For about an hour or two should suffice. Should I see that there will be a need for an additional host I believe White Power Bill has volunteered for duty as one.

This is your opportunity to kick my ass gentlemen. To shut this "labeled" Apple Fanboy up once and for all. Are you man enough to? Because I'm man enough to. Seriously. I'm not compensating for anything.

Interested parties leave your information. I will throughout the day send GTalk messages containing images of my lower region. As well as free lessons on how to wash your eyes out later in the evening.   read

7:48 PM on 03.20.2008

My "out-shoop Riser Glen" FAILCAST CONTEST entry

Riser Glen as Himself
Necros as Himself
Christian Bale as Himself   read

4:53 PM on 03.16.2008

Celebrating DToid the only way I know how

...with a goofy photoshop and Christian Bale. Predictable, ain't I?

Destructoid is open for everyone, but at the same time, it's feels like a privilege just to be here. I love this site. I love love love love love love this site. I love the way it makes me laugh, I love the way it keeps me informed, I love its community and I love the way it tucks me into bed at night.

I love it here (as previously mentioned).

I came here in early summer, 2007 (I think...I can barely tell time let alone read calenders) and instantly fell in love. Everyone here is amazing. I could go on and on about your awesome posts and your unbelievably great senses of humor. Before I found DToid and its great community, I had no plans to become part of an online community and never would have expected to become friends with anyone on the internets. And yet here I am, blabbering on like an idiot. I seriously hate getting all sappy, as I am usually a very guarded person, but everything I'm saying is true. What have you done to me, DToid?!

That said, I plan on sticking around like an unwanted house quest. So get out the extra blankets and clean the bathroom, because I'm here to stay, baby!

Your favorite Power Ranger - Riser Glen

P.S.: If you are in California and come into contact with Charlie, can you give him a punch for me? Just say "This is from Glen" and give him a good ol' energy drainer on his right shoulder. He'll know what it means.   read

9:54 PM on 02.20.2008

The Greatest Guitar Hero Lesson Ever Made


I've never played Guitar Hero, but I've always been interested in it. After watching this video, I feel like I could play DragonForce all day long and could at least beat it in 3 days. This man is a true Guitar Hero and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be him.

I salute you, Guitar Hero. I salute you, your gorgeous hair and your curiously strong middle finger.   read

11:42 AM on 02.15.2008

EVERYBODY: Super Sonic Racing, let's do it!!


Come on run away
You don't have to stay
You're running out of time
But you're doing fine

So stay on track
And don't look back
Just feel the haste
Come on now race!!

Everybody Super Sonic Racing
Gotta keep your feet right on the ground
When you're Super Sonic Racing
There's no time to look around
With just Super Sonic Racing
Running to the point of no return
Everybody Super Sonic Racing
Come on let the fire burn!

Everybody, Everybody, Everybody
Everybody, Everybody, Everybody
Everybody, Everybodaaay!!

Don't you know
We really have to go
To a place
Where you can feel my heart in space


Tazar's Doin' It!


BahamutZero's Doin' It!


Neonie's Doin' It!

"I hounestly hate you, Riser."


Weegee's Doin' It!


Are You Doin' It?!


6:58 AM on 01.30.2008


34 years ago this day, a man was born. A man who would change the lives of millions. A man who would redefine the way we look at movies. That man's name is Christian Bale.

Born of a virgin in a manger outside of Bethlehem, Wales; Christian Bale grew up watching movies on a daily basis. Disgusted by what he saw, he decided to become an actor so that he may make a difference. After getting the blessing of his earth-father Alan Thicke, he moved to Hollywood with one goal: To change it.

To this day, he continues to be the greatest actor in the history of the universe.

FACT: Christian Bale played every member of the Klump family in The Nutty Professor. Also, he refused to wear makeup.

FACT: The Sun revolves around Christian Bale.

FACT: Contrary to popular belief, Bale was the first person to play a perfect game of Pac-Man.

FACT: Bale confirmed for Brawl.

FACT: Bale was rated "OT-XVII" by the Church of Scientology before they kicked him out after learning he killed all of L. Ron Hubbard's past lives. Why did he join Scientology? For the lulz, of course.


5:12 PM on 01.29.2008


It has finally happened -- I am burned out by all of this Super Smash Bros. Brawl stuff. The daily updates didn't turn me off as much as they did for some people, but this recent influx of leaked info has just completely shut down my interest in the game's contents. Last night when it was first starting to show up on the net, it was fun and often hilarious to see all of these leaked pictures and the people mocking those who were so hot and bothered by them. But when people woke up in the morning, it got to be a bit too much.

I now have people instant messaging me "new" "leaked" pictures at least 2-3 times a hour and almost every link I click has unmarked spoilers for the game's newest features. There's only so many times a usually excited gamer can hear -- "I told you Ness would be in the game!" and "Look! I found this pic! (link to badly photoshopped picture supposedly confirming their favorite piece of speculation)" before the gamer's brain just completely shuts out anything having to do with it.

I will say this, though: I am still quite interested in playing it online. But this isn't so much me wanting to play Brawl online as it is me wanting to play online period, as I do not own a XBox or PS3 and my current router is not compatible with the DS (more like "BS," right?)

I'd really like to share in the excitement with you, I really would. But I can't anymore. And while I'm sure I'll get excited about the game a week or so before it comes out in America, right now, I just feel like avoiding any blog containing the letters "S" and "B" for the time being. Also, the word "confirmed" has been added to my firefox word-filter plugin that changes the word to "God told me to write a blog so I did lol." So watch out.

No More Heroes is a great game. But it's one of those games I don't feel comfortable recommending to people because it's just so basic, random and absurd.

The combat is simple: press "A" a lot and then waggle to kill. And while there is an arrow given for a specific direction in which to move the WiiMote, gamers with figure out that moving the WiiMote randomly will suffice, as there is no punishment for swinging it in the wrong direction.

The sandbox over-world feels like an afterthought. It's bland, glitchy and populated by NPCs that make GTA NPCs look like they have character. I often find myself trying to get unstuck from corners and roaming cars. Flying off of my bike is a common occurrence, too. And not because I'm bad at driving, but because almost everything is firmly secured to the ground. Never mind that I can knock 15ft trees and 20ft power-line poles down. I suppose the trees don't have roots and the fences/2ft posts are planted 20ft below ground.

But after all of those nitpicks, I still really enjoy it. I absolutely love the retro look that surrounds the game as it adds that extra bit of style that keeps me interested in it not as a game, but as a piece of art. And that's when I realized I wasn't playing the game to advance or earn money or even unlock stuff, I was playing it just to look at it. Sure, the sandbox game is bland and the combat is often a bit "buttonmashy," but I guess I just don't care. I adore the look, the characters and how it is not trying to be something it's not. It knows it's a game and loves it.


1:32 AM on 01.23.2008

That Suda 51 Game is Out Today So Buy It

Good news for Wii owners! No More Heroes is coming out today! And if you haven't talked to me for the past week, you wouldn't know that I've gotten pretty excited about this game. But not just for my love for Suda 51, but also because, as a Wii owner, I feel like a homeless guy sitting on a street corner waiting for Nintendo to throw me some change (in this analogy, Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a 20 dollar bill and a bottle of Popov.)

Luckily, the scores for No More Heroes have been pretty damn good. So if the game is actually bad, I can enjoy the ride to the store deluded and not feel bad about wasting 50 bucks on the game until after I play it! It's the perfect plan...

These are the reviews of No More Heroes as of this writing (around 2:30am EST) on Metacritic:

NGamer UK - 94
n-Revolution Magazine UK - 90
Edge Magazine - 90
GameSpot - 90
GamePro - 90
GameTrailers - 82
IGN - 78

My personal review of choice: GameTrailers - 82


From the GameTrailers written review:

[embed]66306:7213[/embed]"The game boldly wears both its heart and its punk rock attitude on its sleeve, and manages a totally playable action control scheme for the Wii that uses the Wiimote without abusing it. The game is in some ways covers a narrow range and could definitely push farther with its open world concept, but the killer vibe and amazing moments make this heroic effort worth checking out."[embed]66306:7214[/embed]

But why pick this review? Well, after reading most of the reviews for the game, this one just felt the most honest to me. But for the sake of full disclosure, I don't read IGN. I'm still bitter after flipping through 2 or 3 different ads just to see their awful, awful, awful "review" of God Hand.

So now you know my bias. What's yours?   read

9:16 AM on 01.14.2008

Lasagna Cat VI: Mondays Are a World of Ruin


[embed]64655:6886[/embed]Lasagna Cat VI

Lasagna Cat VI (ラザニア猫VI, Rasagna Cat VI) is a console role-playing game developed and published by Fatal Farm (now in 2007 as a part of the Lasagna Cat series. The game first appeared on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, then was ported by YouTube with minor differences to the Sony PlayStation and the Nintendo Game Boy Advance. It was first released in North America as Lasagna Cat III, although the original title has been restored in later releases.

The game's story focuses on a group of rebels as they seek to overthrow the Arbuckle dictatorship.[embed]64655:6887[/embed]

I can't wait for the Nintendo DS remake.

[Source: The easily vandalized Wikipedia]   read

6:48 AM on 01.14.2008

I Hate Mondays, But I Love Lasagna Cat

I hate Mondays, but I know my caffeine.


I hate Mondays, so dance for me.


I hate Mondays, so...hello?


I hate Mondays, but Jon knows the truth.


I hate Mondays! OH NO!


I hope you all have a great, dog-free Monday.   read

6:50 PM on 01.03.2008

Video Game: My Opinions About Said Game Coupled with a Joke or Perhaps a Visual Pun

Recently I played a game and I looked forward to said game for an extended period of time. After waiting for said extended period of time, I had emotions while playing it and these emotions made an impression on my brain. This internet log will contain said emotions in text form.

Said game has graphics and a color palette that may or may not have been visually stimulating. The way in which you play the game is good or bad, or perhaps both. I recommend buying, renting or doing neither.

As a summary, I have played said game and may or may not have liked it. The following is a visual description of my overall opinion in picture form. Specifically, a compressed image format know as "JPEG."


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