Introduction:
Hello, lightsaber-wielding Nerdlings, Basement-Dwellers, Gamers, Stoners, Internet-Rats, Indie Devs, Virgins, Attention Whores & Industry Fat Cats!!
As you already know, I go by the name of Riot Monster and I am from the Internet. In case you don't a lick about me, here's my Destructoid Introductory blog. Also, here's my 15 Things You Didn't Know About Me blog. I joined Destructoid quite a few sunsets ago in the early Spring of 2008, when someone stated that "Destructoid would eat your unborn babies". Having an insatiable taste for mucus-covered, unborn babies, I had to join. Since then I lurke your articles, sea-blawgs, listen to your podcasts and lul silently. Plus, people were like "WHAT THE @#$% YOU TALKING BOUT MAN?!1! WE GOT XBOX AND PLAYSTATION!! PFFFT NIGGA!!1!". Naturally, I was in.

Autobiography:
Well, here’s my story. I raced hard, beat a lot of hopefuls, but I finally made it. I am the supreme winner of the Sperm Race. After that victorious triumph, I spent a few days as a dumpster baby, living off of the mysterious liquids that dripped into my trash can. As a toddler, I was discovered by a Samurai. Believing he would train me in the ways of Karate, I went with him. I ended up working in an Asian sweat shop, making shoes for NBA basketball players. I turned five years old and decided it was high time to GTFO and see the free world. After months of hitchhiking and over 9,000 H-Jays later, I ended up in Texas, in a small town called San Angelo, where you have nothing to do but drink, snort cocaine, screw hookers, smoke crack, play games and have unprotected gay cowboy sex. As a convicted sex offender and a felon for robbing porn shops, I’ve grown to become the bombastic starlet your mother warned you about.

I’m one of the most laid back girls that you will ever meet in your life. With a silver tongue, immature humor and a love for comedy movies, I find myself really easy to get along with. I see myself as a sweaty, mosh-pit-hopping, stomping, raver who loves video games, molests people over the Internet and isn't afraid of getting dirty. I'm the girl who has bruises and black eyes from attempting to glowstick with ninja-like skills but fails. I’m the girl who you see at parties with fucked-up hair, Hello Kitty pajama pants and a torn-up Slayer t-shirt. The girl who’s most likely smoking from a strawberry-flavored joint and talking her head off about her most recent Halo 3 matches, bitching about religion and government or just laughing to herself thinking about something that happened the other day. Yeah, that pathetic excuse for a girl is me.

Shameless Plugs:
I'm the Dallas Video Game Examiner and I have my own little blog where I talk about stuff that absolutely no one gives a shit about, Kisses Candy Chronic & Cumshots. Also, I have a Twitter so be my guest and follow the fuck out of me.

Favorite Games:
Portal, Rocket Knight Adventures, Banjo-Kazooie, Banjo-Tooie, Halo 3, Gears of War series, Resident Evil series, Silent Hill series, Fatal Frame series, Paper Mario series, God of War series, Legend of Zelda series, Mario Kart series, Guitar Hero series, Dead Space, Bioshock, Left 4 Dead, No More Heroes, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Bros Brawl, Castle Crashers, Kingdom Hearts, Sonic the Hedgehog (2D), Body Harvest, Conker's Bad Fur Day, Hexic HD, Tetris, Boom Boom Rocket, Pokemon games (Red & Blue through Diamond & Pearl), Pokemon RPGs (Pokemon Ranger, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, etc), Kirby Super Star Ultra, Animal Crossing series, Jak & Daxter series, Ratchet & Clank series, NiGHTS: Into Dreams, Bug, Clockwork Knight... Give me more PLATFORMERS.

My Consoles:
Atari 2600
NES
Super NES
Nintendo 64
Nintendo GameCube
Nintendo DS Lite
Nintendo Wii
Game Boy Original
Game Boy Color
Game Boy Advance SP
Sony PS2 Slim
Sony PSP
Sega Genesis
Sega Saturn
Sega Dreamcast
Xbox
Xbox 360 Elite
Xbox 360 Arcade

Games I Play:
Action Role-playing
ACTION ADVENTURE
Arcade
Dance
Fighting
First-person Shooter
PLATFORMER
Puzzle
Rhythm
Strategy
Third-person Shooter

Games I Don't Play:
Final Fantasy games
World of Warcraft
RTS games
Dating Sims
Flight Sims
Educational

Currently Playing:
[DS] Kirby Super Star Ultra
[DS] Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Darkness
[DS] Pokemon Platinum
[PSP] God of War: Chains of Olympus
[PSP] Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters
[360] Dead Space
[XBLA] Frogger (Omg, fuck this frog)
[XBLA] Galaga Legions
[XBLA] Banjo-Kazooie (Just one fucking cheev left!!)
[XBLA] Banjo-Tooie (Again, just one fucking more!!)

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In General, I Enjoy:
Video Games



It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Partying



Ace Attorney sprites talking dirty to me

Destructoid's Resident Assholes

Destructoid's Xbox 360 Friday Night Fights

Phallus Knife Fight, because he drew me

Yojimbo, because he made this for me

Zodiac Eclipse, because she owns SO HARD for this

Hardcore Nintendo Wii'ing

Lollercausts

Bob-Ombs