How's it hanging nerdlings, geekettes, /b/asement-dwellers, stoners, web monkeys, indie devs, lurkers, trolls & industry fat cats?~
In case you don't know a lick about me, I joined Destructoid quite a few sunsets ago in the early Spring of 2008, when someone from the Internet kindly informed me that Destructoid would "eat your unborn babies". Having an insatiable taste for mucus-covered, unborn babies, I knew what I had to do. Plus, people were like "WHAT THE @#$% YOU TALKING BOUT MAN?!1! WE GOT XBOX AND PLAYSTATION BITCH NIGGAH!!1!" Naturally, I was in. Since then I lurke your forums, read your c-blawgs, listen to your podcasts and lul silently. Also, cocks.
!|[SEX DRUGS & PIXELS]|!
I've a soft spot for random acts of kindness, drawing, writing, bellydancing, raving, opening up mosh-pits, and not getting high but staying high. Like most people, I have a wide range of interests. I adore anything from goofy people, offensive jokes, zombie flicks, stand-up comedians, and mind-altering experiences, to comic books, sexual positivity, philosophy, mysteries, and general bizarreness.
Also, I'm a die-hard gamer and I have an animated eagerness for spilling pixelated blood and a never-ending appetite for slaughtering moving polygons. I like to think of myself as a fairly laid-back broad. I was born with a sarcastic mindset, dark sense of humor, and an uttermost weakness for impassioned babble sessions about any video game (8-bit to 1080p) to date. I may be unorganized, immature, and irresponsible but Iím the funnest chick youíll have the chance to get teamed up with on xbox live.
You might spot me at any olí keg party with my signature tangled hair, ripped Hello Kitty pajama pants, and a battle-worn shirt. The girl who's most likely flapping her tongue, detailing the last minute curb stomp in her freshest match, growling about big corporations and government conspiracies, exploring the concept of eccentric theories or geeking out about some other irrelevant crap. The girl who strives to learn something new every day and genuinely enjoys turning strangers into friends.
That pathetic excuse for the girl next door, is me. If Iím not your cup of tea, you can not imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.
Last bit!~ Honestly, if you ever happen to have a hankering to just chill, blast some good jams & relish in lighthearted, videogame-related, blood-spraying with me... Hit me up. Shoot me a message if you want to talk about anything at all really, I'm a bit of an open book and not a bad listener, if I do say so myself. And hey~ If you let me, Iíll cheerfully put a couple of spiffy dreadlocks in your hair.
!|[CONSOLE LOVE AFFAIR]|!
Nintendo DS Lite [Own]
Game Boy Original
Game Boy Color
Game Boy Advance SP
Sony PS2 Slim
Sony PS3 [Own]
Xbox 360 Elite
Xbox 360 Arcade
Xbox 360 Slim [Own]
So for this Monthly Musings, I was running through all sorts of ideas in my head about different video game universes that stood out to me. I contemplated talking about the Halo worlds or the Legend of Zelda realms but something didn't feel quite right. I told myself to try to remember the one place that I would absolutely LOVE to live in, to remember my thoughts as a child with great imagination and reminisce about what I wanted most out of life. Then, it finally hit me.
Well of course, I've always wanted to live in the Kanto Region.
No it's not like just any dog, this one shoots fire!!
Any person who has ever heard of Pokemon in their lifetimes will, most likely, only remember this particular region. It's home to the first set of Pokemon that stole our hearts. Those wonderful and most original Pokemon. The first one hundred and fifty one.
Even the most hardcore of Pokefans that have battled their way through Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh have to admit that nothing beats dog fighting our pocket monsters on familiar soil such as Kanto's. The only bad folks we really had to worry about in this city would be the dim-witted Team Rocket. All they ever had were Meowths, Arboks and Wheezings. Pffft, nothing that would ever worry an experienced Pokemon handler like myself. Of course, there are plenty of other members of Team Rocket that are trying to take over the world... But if you ask me, leave all of that to the suits in charge. I'm just here to play with my Pokemon. Living in the Kanto Region meant living in simple times and life was just amazing.
No! Noooo, it's not just a bull, it can cause an Earthquake!!
What child doesn't want a companion to love and grow up with? Every one does. We all need that little sidekick to help us get through life. Luckily, I had several. Can you imagine waking up every morning with an Eevee nuzzling your face, waiting with eager eyes, for you to greet the brand new day? What about getting to school or work, riding on the back of a fierce Charizard? Have a bully that picks on you at school? Does he throw Weedles in your mashed potatos during lunch? Make him meet you afterschool and bring your Nidoking with you. See if wants to mess with you any more after he's suffering from Poison Sting. Our perceptions of "bad ass" would be insanely different than what it is today.
Living in Kanto means I get my pick of the best of the best Pokemon. I would not only have six though. I'd have one for every occasion. A great Pokemon to have would be Snorlax. I'd sleep on his belly during the Winter to keep warm. If I ever forgot to take out my garbage during the day, I'd let Snorlax gobble it down so I wouldn't have to go out past sunset. Who wants to deal with pesky Zubats on your day off? I know I don't. He'd be a warm bed and the perfect garbage disposal all in one.
Living in Kanto wouldn't always be so easy but I'd take every negative in stride. I don't mind having
annoying wild Butterfree ruffle my hair if I get to see wild Rapidash running freely through open fields. I will live with friends cow tipping wild Tauros and bragging my ears off if I get to snuggle my Vulpix every night. I'd have bags under my eyes and a twitch due to the Haunter who decided to live in my closet and stare at me with that wide grin but I'd have a giant Dragonite right outside my window, protecting me. Yes, I would have a freaking Dragonite. I'd dedicate my whole life to owning one of those. Who would need to pay electricity bills when you have a horde of Jolteons to generate your electricity. Gas bills? Forget about that outdated stove. That's what young Charmander is for. The positives definitely outweigh the negatives when it comes to living in Kanto and frankly, I would give anything for it to be real.
All I'd hope for is that people wouldn't buy and trade Jinxes for some sort of underground prostitution thing. I feel like PETA (Or I suppose PETP) would be all over that one.