The adventure of Tank Man
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Some believe that mystic legends where only in the past, that all natural magic in the world had been completely obliterated in the age of technology and science. While, those people are technically correct that as science and technology continue to prove the super natural as simply facts and not myth.
But alas the age of Legends is not over, but the only to the profile of my friends father's Xbox live account prove true that there would be a man that had the strength of a tank.
Chapter 1: Birth (optional music)
Tank Man was like any other human child at birth.
There is not much to say except that his father and mother were intimate and 8-9 months later he was born. And what a day it was, his father was checking the sex of Tank Man and the baby blissfully cried so loud after being confirmed that he was indeed male that the entire world crashed.
Literally the world could not withstand his awesomeness so it fell to pieces and needed to be restarted due to the shier force that Tank Man's baby voice brought.
Once back into the world Tank Man had forcefully restarted a second birth just for good measure.
This time the world was ready and no longer he broke the world with the amazing voice.
So obviously Tank man was commanding and had Sarge hair with the Chopper mustache.
And so the world asked Tank Man what skills we want:
Chapter 2 Early life
Tank Man lived a troubled early years, while he wanted to do studies and be like his father he felt that there was simply so much more that he could learn by going out in the world and smashing things.
However he did enjoy cake and shooting bbs at the roaches.
Chapter 3 the goat (If you have not stopped the music you should :3)
Tank Man did not want to take the GOAT and it took quite the conversation to get him to go to class. However in a last attempt in rebellion he did go to the GOAT wearing nothing but his underwear. However, everyone failed to notice how under-dressed he was and assumed that it was okay.
Tank man did not remember much from the GOAT except that a familiar tune played after he selected his root traits there was tune the universe screamed out.
Now as a man he was ready to move on.
Chapter 4 Father leaves with no warning
So Tank Man wakes up to find that his father is gone and goes on the epic quest of finding his father and returning to his true love Alamanda.
However he did not leave the vault without getting his fist bloody with victory. He wanted to stealth-fully make it out of the vault but due to scripted events... Either that or the creator forgot to sneak at the right moments and completely messed up not running out when the door first opened XD.
Chapter 5 Outcast from paradise
It did not take Tank man long to understand that he had iron fists and max melee skills, so using bullets was useless when it only took 4 hit combo to kill off smaller vermin.
Tank Man has a strong sense of justice, so when he first ran into a small town with a nuclear missile in the middle. He planed on staying there, as he loves living on the edge of death.
Meeting with the town sheriff he knew there was a bad dude in a bar that was so weak he was trying to blow up the town for 250caps. Tank Man did not have to to tell Lucas Simms he simply beat down the evil man and took all of his belongings without a questions.
Just doing what an average American citizen would do:
Cause honestly this town does not have a jail, and screw letting the dude kill Sims for his gun.
Chapter 6 Righteous Quests (Audio track please switch)
Tank Man got bored of Megaton fast because he was literally too dumb to fix anything and did not have the materials to do anything.
He knew he had to master his skills to do anything and started wondering the waist land.
First of all screw raiders, and thank them.
They sure know how to gang up on a man, but what they did not know is that Tank Man used the simulators and read Karate magazines all of his life and was on the same level of that of Bruce Lee. He never mentioned this to anyone because they surely would have locked him away for being too amazing and dangerous.
So once tank man was surrounded with 5 raider with assault rifles and full view of him, but they were no match for his agility and speed. In less than 3 hits he combo the whole group in less than a minute with 80% of his health left.
He left none a live, if they flee they flee to their death.
None were left alive.
Except that one guy that ran so fast that he died from falling off a cliff.
Chapter 7 (you may stop your audio for now)
Tank Man found his father in the second trip out in the waste land... So he paused the game and reloaded from an earlier state and completely forgot to go back.
Cause seriously forget him...
Instead raided a grocery store, because that is more important.
FOOD, honestly it take quite a lot of it to feed a titan like Tank Man. Even though he is basically a tank and can take 40 rounds of bullets in his gut and keep moving. But food is amazing.
Specifically Blamdco and Cheese, that made Tank Man Happy... and gave him radiation.
It really quite got annoying that raiders kept trying to kill him, which a few punches in the face and the occasional decapitation by punching kept them away.
Ham and Steaks, yum!!!
Chapter 8 poor John
After killing so many raiders and picking up their armor Tank Man needed to make multiple trips, however after quick traveling to the grocery-store again a pack of viscous dogs attacked a NPC in front of him as he was unable to save him in time.
Tank man killed all of the dogs in time and then looked through his things to go tell his family.
There was a key and a audio tape and it was identified that his name was John.
Tank Man mourned John's death and tried to find whatever he was trying to give to his friend in the junk yard but after pending thirty minutes and gave up....
Tank Man went to gray ditch to kill the freaks of nature, because there could only be one freak of nature... himself.
So he went around and killed all the flaming ants with his fist.
The queen's guards could not stand any chance, but at a high cost because Tank Man became a drug addicted and was suffering all the mighty effect to clear the town of such vermin.
Chapter 10 Valut 108 (change music please)
I do not think I have to point out what a beast Tank Man is but let me digress:
Gary 33: 1 punch
Gary 27: 1 punch
Gary 32: 1 punch
Gary 29: 1 punch
Gary 36: 1 punch
Gary 43: 1 punch
Gary 41: 1 punch
Gary 1: 1 punch
Gary 25: 1 punch
Seriously screw Gary 47........................................................................
It took 2 punches...
Chapter 10 Downtown (change music again please)
By this time Tank Man has leveled a lot, and literally cannot be gunned down by super mutants with mini-guns and rocket launchers.
So he took the opportunity to unite his enemies with the pain of his fist in their face.
At some point I felt sorry for all the mercenaries, raiders, and super mutants because there literally not much they could do to stop Tank Man.
Literally, every foe quaked in their boots cause they could not stand Tank Man.
Man did he stroll...
And make it all the way to Lincoln Memorial to help out the slaves regain their identity?
Nah, he just wanted to kick some slaver @$$.
Chapter 11 Friends and glitches
Tank Man made friends with one of the super mutants and completely respects him.
There was several times where Tank Man just broke the game:
And there was several times the game broke itself... Tank Man was very displeased that he could not play the game for an entire week due to the fact the DRM needed an internet connection to let him use the saves on his computer...
Is this really the end? No but there is nothing more to tell right now.
It was fun but boy did we over look things back in the day. It seems for everything that goes right in this game there is at least 12 game crashing errors I ran into in the 20 days I was able to play the game... so 60% of the time I had technical difficulties that literally have been there since release...
Maybe I am spoiled in that I use Valve products a lot and they fix up their older games regardless of the fact if people want them fixed.
But most of them fans online had fixes to make it work but in the end it just really confused me on why they could have not taken the week or day it patch the master copy instead of causing people to do so much manual labor... for a game that crashes a lot.
I love this engine, but it will crash at any moment. So I saved a lot and I saved often. Even then there was some times where I had to redo ten minutes of progress and it was not fun.
GFWL... this must be removed from the source code, there is no reason for it to be there.
Oh yeah and I could have played it a week more but my internet went down and apparently your saves get swapped out when the DRM does not get the okay sign... There is an easy fix but honestly it has been too long for the DRM to mean anything.
So as much as I enjoyed this game the lack of support and other stuff really killed it for me. I wished Bethesda will think about actually supporting their games post launch... cause in so many ways this is beyond pathetic. Especially if you wanted to sell me on Fallout 4, this just seems sloppy...
But if you can get past all the technical issues this game has there is a lot of fun to be had!
Thanks for reading!!!