If a quarter-century’s worth of video gaming has taught me anything, it’s that people take shortcuts. Time is finite, and work infinite; it’s understandable. We all do it.

But most of us don’t do it like this:


no, no that’s alright…



That’s right, eyeballs. Suikoden Tactics features over 50 playable characters, each with their own semblance of a personality, but I guess there wasn’t any left over for non “plot” related characters…


[i]You rich, white, heterosexual males are all the same! With your power, and your privilege, and your eyeballs!
[/i]


I mean, okay, overlook some frame skipping here, unbalanced enemies there, it’s expected. Unintelligible interface, unskippable animations, unavoidable loopholes, whatever...


[i]Couldn't have seen that one coming…Oh, wait. I guess he really couldn’t…
[/i]


But is it that hard to slap a couple eyeballs in an NPC’s skull? It’s not like you aren’t going to recycle their faces a hundred times anyway!


[i]Doesn’t it just break your heart? The young idealistic hero really cared about that guy, in the blue, who was a merchant…what was his name again?
[/i]


Oh and by the way, that plot? It's about a kid looking for a bunch of cannons that turn people into fishmen. No, seriously.