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Hello ladies, my name is Sir Cucumber. I'm looking for a redheaded woman who likes puzzles, vegetating, and settling disputes with a game of rock, paper, scissors. No persimmons, please.

I've been blogging for a year with my brother, Doomeru Woebashi, at Resigned Gamer, but no one ever comes to visit us there, so I've come here to beg for your attentions.

If I'm not playing the hot new game of two years ago, I'm probably playing a 6/10 bargain game from one year ago. I do this not because I am cheap, but because I would rather live off gaming's long, shit-encrusted tail than face being "between games." God, nothing sucks more than that.

I like photoshopping screen shots of classic games, and, when feeling saucy, have been known to write the occasional haiku.

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Mirror’s Edge Wired Review Makes me Want to Vomit
ResignedGamer | 12:12 PM on 11.18.2008 7 comments


Back in 1997 Wired magazine ran a cover feature on Doom, titled Doom Goes To War, while we were all playing Descent II and waiting for Unreal to come out. To my seventeen-year-old hardcore Gamefan-reading eyes, seeing the game we all played in 1993 get cover treatment was proof beyond doubt that Wired was out of touch.


Argh!!! The pixels make the man!

I couldn’t help recalling this yesterday as I watched a curious story rise to the top spot on Reddit and get Dugg 785 times. Wired.com’s Clive Thompson brings us Victory in Vomit: Sickening Secret of Mirror’s Edge. Now the first thing I’m wondering is whether this story would mean anything to anyone if it wasn’t running on Wired. I’m the first to admit that Wired has come a long way editorially since that Doom cover, but a story on the potential for an fps to be vomit-inducing?! My mother might write a story like this, but what action gamer worth their salt has this problem?

Thompson’s thesis hangs on the apparent effect of proprioception in Mirror’s Edge, supported by being able to see the main character’s arms and feet while she runs around. To me this comes across as an exercise in mental masturbation. DICE comes out with a game that looks different from the fps pack, and Wired has to blow it into a big exposition. Perhaps the simpler explanation is that since Mirror’s Edge isn’t very focused on gunplay the developer’s had to show us something else, just to keep us anchored in the game’s virtual space.


Trespasser let you see stare at your own breasts. Feel like vomiting?

What Thompson is really getting at is art direction. I found Mirror’s look to be striking, but that shouldn’t be enough to carry it. If this game made Thomson puke, is that a case for or against buying it? This leads me to the issue of loving on a game for its look and contrivances, and not for playability. Negative Gamer ran a great article on this. If you want a fair review, Ben Kuchera at Arstechnica does a fine job dealing with Mirror’s shortcomings.

So I ask, what’s the story here? Why is this Wired post getting voted up? If Mirror’s Edge made this review vomit, I imagine Wipeout XL was an absolute nightmare for him.



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6 comments | showing # 1 to 6
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Half left's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/18/2008 12:35
Half left
Indeed. Any gamer who suffers from motion sickness and the like from a FP game will have a difficult time in life.
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/18/2008 12:57
Tubatic
You know what game makes me a little quesy?

Gears of War.

I just started playing it yesterday (slowpoke.jpg). Turning and "Roadie Run" both jostle around so much that its really disorienting and kinda jarring. A little messy for messy sake.

I have no negative effects from Mirror's Edge. Maybe because I focus in as a bad habit, and usually don't take in my full landscape of view. Its probably why I have glasses . . .
Rational Animal's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/18/2008 13:35
Rational Animal
Thanks for pointing to both the BS Wired article and the Ars review...I played the demo for Mirror's Edge and was immediately struck by a lot of this game's lameness. I think I will wait to pick it up in the bargain bin a year from now for half-price.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/18/2008 13:41
Sharpless
How much did wardrox pay you for the Negative Gamer mention?
doomeru's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/18/2008 14:58
doomeru
I played Trespasser back in the day. My shame remains.
Darth Kupi's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/19/2008 08:48
Darth Kupi
@doomeru

I kinda liked Trespasser...

:/


It was trying to be Crysis, but a decade ago when it was'nt technically possible.

I'd give it an "A" for effort, although the execution was pretty bad.(Or maybe I had totally low expectations 10 years ago. Go figure.)
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