Have you beaten Uncharted 2? Have you Prestiged 15 thousand times in Modern Warfare 2? Have you 100 percented (fill in the blank) RPG? Sounds like you need something else to play. Something new? Something fresh?

Instead of doing that, why not try something a little...crappier. A game that has very few, if any, redeeming qualities. Games that are so bad, they can sometimes be good. Games that change your perspective. Games that make you question the very existance of video games in the first place. A really good bad game can do many things.

There are several games out there, but there are a few that really stick out. Games that had great concepts, had successful sequels or just suck so much that the rest of the world looks better by comparison.



Haze (First Person Shooter, PS3)

Haze is a great place to start your journey into terrible gaming. It's one of those games that took a nose dive in every single possible area. One of the few games in the world that has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Most people you meet will advise you not to touch Haze, let alone play it, for fear that you very well could die in the process. So why am I telling you to play it?

Because Haze will immediately change your viewpoint on first person shooters, and games in general. From the minute you pop it into your PS3, to the moment (likely less than an hour later) you take it out, you will be overwhelmed with the constant stream of mediocrity that is Haze. You think Modern Warfare 2 sucks? Think again. Want to bitch about Halo? Try an hour of Haze.

So if you think you hate a game, try playing Haze. You'll soon realize game X could have been much, much worse.



Bullet Witch (Third Person Shooter, Xbox 360)

Bullet Witch had the potential to be a great game. It has a cute, non-sexualized female lead, a ridiculous 'broom' that doubles as 4 different guns, zombies, Dreamcast hair, magical tornados and plenty of explosions and cheesy Japanese dialog.

But the result is a third person shooter than only people like me would actually enjoy. The game has essentially one enemy type, lifeless shooting mechanics, bland level design, generic graphics and a story that never goes anywhere at all. To top it off, the game is full of cheap deaths and glitches.

But despite all this, the entire experience manages to nail the 'so cheesy it works' style, and for that it should definately be experienced. From the campy dialog to the cookie cutter characters, it's like the playable version of the worst movie you've ever watched, with a witch as the main character.



Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad (Third Person Action, Xbox 360/Wii)

A natural progression from Bullet Witch, Onechanbara ditches the emotionally defined, non sexualized female lead in favor of an over sexualized, fully defined but also half naked lead. Onechanbara is one of those games that should have never been localized, especially considering the series originated on PS2 in Japan.

So why should you play it?

Well, if you enjoy half naked girls slaying zombies, the selling is done. Aside from this, the game features gameplay that will quickly make you appreciate the hack and slash offerings in any Dynasty Warriors, along with the graphics and storyline. Onechanbara is even more B-movie than Bullet Witch. And probably more B than any movie you have ever watched.



Mister Mosquito (Blood Sucking Flight Adventure, PS2)

To round out your Japanese weirdness, in comes Mister Mosquito. A game that is so weird, makes so little sense in almost every aspect, that it manages to captivate you in ways you never thought possible. A game that manages to be reasonably fun, despite being no fun at all. A game about flying around a room, and sucking blood.

The localization keeps all the Japanese naming conventions and style of the setting, but replaces all of the voice acting with completely generic, this-is-my-last-day voice actors that completely butcher anything even remotely Japanese in origin. Beyond that, you have awful flight controls (think Dark Void is bad?), boring sound and music and gameplay that requires a lot of overall luck.



Blue Stinger (Survival Horror, Dreamcast)

Remember how much you loved or hated Resident Evil? Well imagine a world where every mechanic Resident Evil has ever introduced is now broken and uninspired, and set in a future world where strange naked alien girls populate a city full of supermarkets. That's kind of what Blue Stinger is.

What makes it so horrible?

Blue Stinger has the worst controls of any SH game to date, and any of it's time. The controls in Resident Evil were amazing compared to BS's 1980's tank control. Beyond that, the graphics were presented in full 3D, but that 3D looked downright terrible. Couple that with the absolute worst English voice acting ever (and I mean ever), and you see what I'm talking about.

But what Blue Stinger does do well is the randomness. Things like being able to collect promotional tickets from the supermarket and win prizes really had no reason to exist, but they did. The naked alien girl? The horribly forced totally-not-codec sessions? The completely random collection of characters? All random as hell.



Counter Force (SHUMP, Wii)

A port of a Japanese arcade game, Counter Force is one of the worst games you'll probably never even find. CF had an extremely limited release in the states, most stores never even saw the title, Best Buy immediately sold it in the check out line bargain bin, and Gamestop/crazy had the game used for 8 bucks almost instantly.

Counter Force features advanced Dreamcast level graphics, an obscure control scheme, a debug list of options to change for seemingly no reason (game speed, screen shaking/angles, etc) and gameplay that most other SHUMPs would be embarassed to share the genre with. It also opens with the most uninspired-sounding man saying, "Counter Force, The Power Is You!"

It's like the Captain Planet of video games, or something.



Metal Gear (Action/Stealth, NES)

You may love Metal Gear Solid and it's various sequels and prequels, right? So you'd easily love the original source that the series grew from, right?

No.

Metal Gear is awful. Featuring the kind of bland, top down gameplay that didn't even pass back in the day, and certainly doesn't pass even with the retro revival of today's games. From the lack of any proper map options to insanely frustrating gameplay mechanics, horrible 'stealth' gameplay and a book full of questionable design choices, Metal Gear just isn't fun.

Why should you play it? Simply to experience video game evolution at it's finest. To see how a game of such mediocrity could grow up to be one of the most successful series of all time.



Rock Revolution (Music, PS3, Xbox 360, Wii)

So you love Rock Band or Guitar Hero? Maybe both? It's too bad there aren't any other music games for you to play then. But Rock Revolution has been there, and you've been ignoring it. Because it sucks. And I know it.

Made by Konami, the undisputed king and creator of music games, at least in Japan, Rock Revolution feartures some of the worst ideas ever crammed into a rhythm game. Every song is a horrible cover, sung by the horrible in-house band, even downloadable Benami songs are resung by the cover band. These are, without a doubt, the worst covers you'll ever hear. If there are any songs you like in Rock Revolution, I suggest you skip them, because RR will make you hate them. The note charts are flat, the graphics mediocre, etc, blah blah blah.

But you should play at least one part. The drums. Rock Revolution features one of the most random and incoherent music peripherals ever devised. Instead of 4 or 5 drum zones, you get a whopping seven. Instead of a kit that resembles drums, you get the control panel to a captured alien spacecraft. It's one of those things that is so overly confusing, you just have to try and master it, because no one else will.

Of course, there are many more horrible games out there, but maybe you should give these a try. I picked these because, well, I own them all. I enjoy them all to some extent too, and given the right mentality, you might be able to as well.

Except for Haze.