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QuickTimeEvent avatar 2:22 PM on 04.24.2010
A Link To The Past: Super Mario Bros. 2 toilet-time.

So way back in 1988 (has it really been that long?), little ol' me was very excited to be playing the soon-to-be-masterpiece of vegetable-pulling action, Super Mario Bros. 2. Yes, I know it was actually Doki Doki Panic rethemed to be a Mario game BUT I DON'T CARE IT WILL ALWAYS BE THE REAL MARIO 2 TO ME SO BACK OFF!!

Oh hey, let's Google Image search for Mario 2 screensho...WHHAAAAAA AHHHHHH!!!


Anyway, the game was great fun, probably one of the best platformers of the era and it holds up really well, even today. The whole different characters angle was pretty cool too in that who you picked to play effected how well you ran and jumped and such. Personally, I was a Toad man myself. He ran the fastest and pulled vegetables the best. Of course, he himself WAS a vegetable, so I'm curious how he felt about ripping his vegetable brethren from out of the ground and tossing them at enemies, to and fro.
Now, if you've never played SMB2, you have to understand that it was designed, in all likelihood, by developers who were dropping acid. I mean, you're moving around in a dream world with ShyGuys and veggie throwing and a giant, weird bird thing that is dressed like a girl but is supposed to be a boy, the main villain is a giant frog in a king's cloak, there's snakes and walking cactuses and.....or wait, was that the time I smoked some weed out in the desert with my friends and we all woke up naked, buried up to our chests in sand with painted nipples? Huh..nevermind.

Yeah, so it's a pretty trippy game.

Flying carpets, ninjas, and cherries. what is this I don't even

Back in those days, Nintendo Power basically had an ALL SPOILERS POLICY and pretty much any game they did an article about had most of the secrets, details, level maps, and even game endings all laid out and explained to you before the cartridge was even in your sweaty little hand. As a result, beating the game wasn't really all that hard since most of the major warps were revealed, as well as boss tips and all sorts of stuff, so I got pretty good at speed-running through the game and, maybe out of the fact we didn't have Tivos and iPods and Twitters I beat the game a few times a week just for fun.

One day while I was home alone I was doing my thing with Mario 2, going so far as to even use Luigi's goofy ass to complete a few levels just to make things a little different, and I made it to the wonderful ending.

OMG THE GAME WAS JUST A VIRTUAL HOLOGRAPHIC SIMULATED WORLD SIMULATOR INSIDE MARIO'S HEAD ALL ALONG...OH AND: SPOILER ALERT


Feeling pretty proud of myself, I did what most people do when they feel very proud of themselves...I went to the bathroom. I left on the NES with the ending playing and basically the music just loops endlessly after the point where the above video ends. In fact, there was no way to get back to the menu without resetting the console. (HELL YEAH OLD SKOOL) So I left it on, went to take a tinkle and as I went to come back out, the knob to the bathroom door literally fell off in my hand as I went to open it. I desperately tried to figure out a way to put it back on and get the door open, but no....it wasn't working. I tried jamming something in there to somehow engage the lock, but you don't really have a lot of tools and options handy in the bathroom. So...I was stuck. In the bathroom. With the console looping the ending of SMB2. Endlessly. I panicked a little but eventually realized my mom would be home at some point and let me out, so I tried to just relax and enjoy the pleasant and inviting atmosphere of the bathroom. Eventually she did come home about 20-25 minutes later, but for that 25 minutes I had to listen to that end theme. Continuously. Forever. Coming from the living room.
(at this point, you must now replay the above video 10 or 12 times to get the general feel for what this was like)

I think that was the last time I played SMB2.

It was also the last time I was trapped in a bathroom. So far, anyway.

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