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About
Sorry everyone, but I'm not some beautiful and unique snowflake in the gaming scene so this is hard to fill in. I try to push the envelope for being a big snarky jerk, and I won't make any apologies about it when my Sony fanboy side comes up.
I did draw my own header image so there are my sw33t MSPaint skills to contend with too.

PSN: KingBoah
Class: Software Developer
Birthday: Apr 8 1976
Sex: I AM A BOY GAMER
Blood: A+ ... its important to know which fighting game characters I can give transfusions to

Gaming on:
Dreamcast, GameCube, PlayStation 1/2/3/Portable

Favorite games/series:
RPG: Demon's Souls, Monster Hunter, Phantasy Star, ICO, Shadow of the Colossus, Alex Kidd, Super Wonder Boy, Wizardry, Ultima
Strategy: Greed Corporation, R-Type Command, Front Mission, FF Tactics, X-Com
Shooters: Coded Arms, Metal Gear Online, Borderlands, Lost Planet, Paradroids
Music: Wipeout, Burnout, Shatter, Frequency, Amplitude, DDRMax
Mechs! Armored Core, S.L.A.I.
Shmups: R-Type, Gradius, Einhander, Power-Up Forever, Warning Forever, rRootage, Gunroar, Sky Gunners, Mars Matrix, Super Stardust, Everyday Shooter, Strikers 1945, 1942, Forgotten Worlds, Fantasy Zone
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PvPPY
10:05 AM on 08.04.2010

In case anyone slept through it, I hate on Nintendo pretty much whenever I get the chance. Who knows where it came from... maybe it's because I started off with a Master System like a future bad-ass instead of being one of the sheep whose parents bought them a NES?

I don't like their games, and never did, but that's just my opinion and I don't care if anyone conforms to it or not. That's not what this is about. What really gets my goat is their hardware. Nintendo occasionally produces decent products like SNES and GameCube, but the company increasingly doesn't give a fuck when it comes to designing their gear.

Let's start with the N64. I figure that this is when Nintendo figured their fans would buy anything as long as it had some kind of Pokemon tie-in. How much market research does it take to figure out that your target audience only has two hands? Not much, and they still designed the controller to look like some kind of Klingon melee weapon rather than be anything where a human being can use the thing all at once. I know one guy who's so hardcore he thinks it was the best controller ever... but all the cool kids made proper fun of that piece of crap. When Nintendo got serious by giving the GameCube some solid processors and a goofy-looking but entirely functional controller (Z key aside) I was happy to pick one up for some sweet split-screen action on PSO.

Unfortunately it wasn't a case of "lesson learned". The second coming of the N64 controller was a lot more successful than I ever would have imagined. You might recognize it:


I went there

Yeah, I think the most successful game platform in the history of forever is so mis-designed that no human being should have been able to imagine it in the first place. Let's start with all the problems of the N64 controller. Now how about you hold a stylus while juggling between the crosspad, face buttons, and touch input. Just because it hasn't become a proper clusterfuck yet, let's give it one more screen than your eyes can focus on at any moment.

I guess the DS would be my platform of choice if I suddenly had a chameleon's head, letting me jab at the touchscreen with my tongue while simultaneously monitoring two displays.

While we're on the subject of Nintendo products assuming their customers have bizarre mutations...


that sure as hell isn't my hand

You would think game controller design would be a pretty well-defined science at this point. Historically only Atari should be able to position 4 game-related buttons on a 3D surface such that a player can only conveniently hit two of them... but here we have the most popular console of the day featuring a crosspad that's brutally uncomfortable compared to any other crosspad except maybe the DS, and has half its buttons located so badly that the fastest way to hit them is by fellating the controller.

Holy crap I just had the best game idea ever. Gonna cut this short.
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I've never owned a Nintendo console and I have no youthful remembrances of Nintendo games. The existing game line up doesn't seem to offer anything suited to my own interests and I have to say that buying the DS seems like a mistake as I very rarely use it and I have yet to find a game I really love for the DS (the PSP seems to offer more of what I'm used to in games).
... that being said, I bought my niece a DS because there are so many E rated games and the DS seems an easy to use system... and she loves it! I also bought my Mom a DS because there are a lot of crossword/puzzle type games that she enjoys. I encouraged my brother to buy my nephews a Wii because it offered a solid library for their age group and appeased my brothers concerns of them sitting on their butts becoming addicted to shooter games.

All in all, Nintendo just isn't for me... but I have no bias against the system and realize that it does offer challenging and fun platforming games and some unique and interesting shooter and RPG games among others. I think their current hardware designs are brilliant and well suited to a broad range of gamers - but yeah, it's just not for me.
Nintendo sucks. Most of the Nintendo games I did enjoy weren't their mainstays. Heck I ONLY sufficiently played (and beat) Legend Of Zelda in 2003-04 when my brother got a Nintendo Gamecube. I didn't mind the first 2 mario games and I never played a single big IP on future console generations except Mario 64, which I beat.

I mean I bought a N64 basically for Shadows Of The Empire and WCW/NWO Revenge two non Nintendo IPs. I furthered the trend by getting a Gamecube for Rebel Strike another Star Wars game.

I too was a bad ass who grew up with a Sega Master System, then a Genesis then a PS1. I don't really think Nintendo sucks more I just never grew up with Nintendo and thus their stuff doesn't hold a special place in my heart like Alex Kidd, Wonderboy, Golden Axe, Altered Beast. Just look at that. Be a barbarian with a fucking sword orrrrr a plumber. I think I made the right choice.
I've lost a bit of the whimsy I once felt for Nintendo but I still hold the SNES and certain N64 moments dear to my heart.


Speaking of controllers, I want to beat the Dreamcast controller to death with an axe handle.
Whenever I hear someone going on about Mario my eyes glaze over. They may as well be talking about shoes.

I never had a Nintendo system as a youth. Never got into all these long-lasting game series whose originality seems to stem in fresh dressing and finding new ways to employ old staples. No interest. And then the Wii came out, brandishing motion control as if it was good... how I loathed it!

Since you mention it, the controllers did always seem to me as somewhat ineptly designed. I can't imagine the mindset where a design team believes adding another handle or buttons longside your wrist will make for an intuitive interface.
Nintendo makes some truly masterful games and they make most solid hardware even if it isn't always the most powerful. They also manage to keep franchises relevant for decades.

They also single handedly revived the video game industry with the NES.
@Corduroy - I agree that Nintendo's done a lot for the industry and their games have a lot of appeal to other people.

They're at fault though for designing their hardware as if they gave a fuck. "Dance like nobody's watching" is good advice about how to be awesome. When guys at Nintendo figured "design controllers like nobody's going to use them", it was a nice try but not the same thing. Their platforms are less and less capable of supporting third-party developers. They don't have the controls or capability when it comes to multiplatform releases or traditional (well, post-PSX) game genres, which means their gamers are either forced to buy into other platforms or accept a loss in the variety and quality of games they have access to.
@PvPPY

"Their platforms are less and less capable of supporting third-party developers."

Self-fulfilling prophecy on the part of third parties. No sympathy from me.
@PvPPY


Just sayin'.
@Corduroy Turtle

Although he is awesome, Tyson the Skateboarding Bulldog is not the standard for dogs. Nor is that controller the standard for the Wii.
I don't want to like this. I like Nintendo, but damn if you don't make an excellent point about the Wii controller that has bothered me for some time. You win this round.
I've NEVER had a problem with the 1 and 2 buttons on the Wii Remote, because I press them with my left hand. The Nunchuk and Remote aren't connected so you can have the freedom of individual hand movement -- I sincerely doubt Nintendo actually intended for you to press 1 and 2 with the same hand you're holding the Remote with. You can just reach over and press them with the other hand.
@Courderoy - that would be a fair point if it wasn't a knockoff of Sony's controller design. It still doesn't fix any (hypothetical) challenging game that makes full use of the wand+nunchuck control inputs.
The 1/2 buttons aren't frequently used by me, and it's just a quick slip up the hand to hit it before sliding it back.

I've been a nintendo fan forever, so my bias is for them.

And the 3rd party thing is definitely at fault of third parties. Let the 3DS show, seeing as it has ridiculously large third-party support despite not even having a date/price.
Finally, someone else who hates Nintendo in this website. I especially hate their Wii lineup.

Fapped.
Interesting points. The thing about the DS and the N64 controllers is particularly genius.

Thing is, it's hard to say "Nintendo's doing it wrong" when they're so successful, especially right now. They got to where they are today by with controllers that can be used in multiple way, and therefore, can be enjoyed by multiple types of people.

Clearly, they haven't succeeded at that mission 100%, as they don't make stuff that you enjoy. I'm wondering what they could do to change that.

Is there any way you could ever love a Nintendo console?
@Jonathan Holmes - there are lots of products that are wildly successful despite design problems or poor quality. It's a fact of life... XBox360, Fallout 3, F150 pickup trucks, Toronto Maple Leafs.

For me specifically, that shit makes me rage. I just hate anything that's not designed well even if it's a success by every other measure. It takes all sorts.

I loved SuperNES, and bought multi-platform games on GameCube rather than PS2 once I owned one because it was faster and quieter and more reliable. I'm not totally stoked about 3DS... I'm waiting to see how PSP2 stacks up, dual analog nubs would totally sell it for me, but there are a lot of obvious things Sony could do to make it even sweeter... tilt, cellular internet, etc.

SuperNES particularly had a brilliant controller and it's easier to count systems that came afterwards that didn't swipe the crosspad + diamond shaped 4-button + triggers layout and add stuff to it here or there... GBA, 3D0, Saturn, Lynx, Jaguar, Wii, done.
I am and always will be a Nintendo kid. Sega never did it for me, with the not as bright colors and that tinny sounding music and all the bullshit I remember hearing about "Blast Processing" (not that Mode 7 was any more relevant) and Sega putting blood in their games, until Mortal Kombat II when Nintendo evened the gore field and it ceased to matter. Playing Sonic for the first time was one of my best gaming memories. (and when your wife and kid die in Splatterhouse 3...scarred me irrevocably)

However, I wholehearedly agree with the N64 controller indictment. What a bastard to control. Take a piece of shit game like Blast Corps and add the N64 bat'leth and you are in for one hell of an experience with the potential to destroy your love of video games. I thought the same thing regarding the DS, hence why I skipped owning one. Just too much shit to do.

Then again, the SNES and the GBA were great devices that held strong through multiple competitors. Up until the PSP, Nintendo was the only workable handheld that lasted. The SNES beat out the Genesis, the TG-16, the Neo-Geo, the Jaguar, the Sega CD and the "32x" while Sega and Atari beat themselves to death with bitchy marketing and one good game like Snatcher or Bonk for every 20 Time Gals and CyberMorphs. The original X-box controller was a beast as well.
I'm on the opposite end of this argument. I grew up with both Nintendo and Sega consoles and enjoyed different games on both. As I got older I took a break from gaming for a while. When I was finally able to return I opted for the Xbox...and loathed it. It wasn't the controller, or that the games weren't pretty. It was that the games just weren't fun. In 2008 I picked up a Wii because it looked interesting and I figured I'd try to revisit my Nintendo roots (and Sega stopped making hardware--booo). I still tingle when I think about all those nights spent playing Super Mario Galaxy. It wasn't just a connection to Mario (I'd only played two Mario games previously), it was the look, the feel of the controls....it was just fun.

While I agree that the button placement seems odd, and some 3rd party developers just don't have a clue how to maximize it, the majority of games that I've played have never required any extra fingers or Wiimote handjobs. I've used the Wii remote for some many unique activities; swinging a golf club, throwing a pass, balancing on a ball, swinging a sword, shooting zombies, and they have all felt natural and enjoyable. I can't wait to get my hands on Metroid: Other M and switch from 3rd person to 1st person.
You're supposed to use the 1 & 2 buttons when its sideways, like an NES controller. You're never meant to use the A & B in conjunction with 1 & 2 because its a different configuration.
@Doc - yeah, but the majority of modern games use way more than 2 (or 4 w/ nunchuck) buttons and Nintendo's controller is terribly designed for when a game like that ends up on Wii. The controller could have been designed to make the gamepad controls easier to hit when held like a wand, and vice-versa for A & B when held as a gamepad.

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