No idea why I even started it, but I did and when it was done... an hour had passed. I've been asked to cblog it, so here it is. Proceed at your own risk. It's been formatted to make it a bit more readable with some IRC quotes in between. Bearcremento is Excremento's bear alter ego.

As Gandysampras was dinging level 15 in City of Heroes, he felt some excitement in his pants. He didn't know that he had not known excitement until what would happen later that night.

[22:54] * Bearcremento finished and wipes his bum on Gandy|Sleep
[22:55] <Bearcremento> thatth mines

Bearcremento was having a rough day at work, someone had tried to shave part of his hot body hair as a trophy and it had taken some energy to teach the man not to fuck with a bear. As he was driving home, he noticed a blinking indicator on his dashboard: 'Out of fuel...'

[22:55] <Bearcremento> i am having a boooooored day

Living in the middle of nowhere, there was but one house with its lights on in the vicinity. Call it fate or just sheer luck, but that house was where Gandysampras had just reached level 15. Bearcremento decided to stop there and ask the inhabitant if he could help him out with some fuel, or maybe something else?

[22:56] <ME> true story?
[22:56] <Bearcremento> true dat
[22:57] <ME> if that is true, then it is one of the most awesome story ive read

Outside of the house, in the pale moonlight, something what looked like a skinned fox fur coat was hanging on some washing lines. Bearcremento thought to himself: that is quite a good skinning, the man who lives here must have artistry in his hands.

He walked up to the door and rang the bell.

After waiting for 5 minutes, a sight to behold opened the door... Before him stood a man as tall as him, almost his equal in hairyness! Yet, slightly lacking in girth. The seeds of a raging boner appears in Bearcremento's pants...

[22:58] <Bearcremento> boys
[22:58] <Bearcremento> boys
[22:58] <Bearcremento> boys

"Hello", he stumbled for a second, "I ran out of gas right in front of your house, could I ask you for some assistance?" The young Gandysampras appeared to check out Bearcremento for a second, then said: "Ehm, sure man, I was just playing some games." "Games you say?", Bearcremento replied, "Why, I love games!!"

<Bearcremento> i do
<Bearcremento> my favorite is hide the sausage

"Really?" Gandysampras replied, shocked that someone would just appear out of nowhere in the shithole he lived in; no one within 50 miles had even heard of games. "Yeah, especially Secondhand Lands, I love that game!", Bearcremento replied. Gandysampras was flabberghasted for a second, had this man seen his costume drying outside?



Finally, Gandysampras was able to contain himself and said in a stable voice: "Cool, I have played that game for a while myself, it has a great community. Have I ever seen you on there?" Bearcremento said: "Hmm, you may have? I dunno, my nickname was Bearcremento."

Gandy's heart skipped a beat that second.

Not for 10 years had his heart skipped a beat, not since his little brother fondled his balls 1 day after he was able to walk his first steps. "I.. I think we may have met, my nickname was Furst Lady on there."

These words struck Bearcremento as if a hammerblow of love had slammed to his chest. They looked into their eyes for 5 seconds, in what felt like an eternal moment of love.


At this point, another conversation started in IRC but I didn't pay much attention to it. It's been edited out.


These two hairy men had had more cyber sessions than a 20 year old just in college, with access to a 1gbit line and free porn leech accces, would've fapped in a month.

"I know you!", they both exclaimed in extacy. "Let's make out!", Gandysampras said. "Let's!", Bearcremento replied. And so they did.

As their lips touched, it was as if a choir of angels sang the song of Firegod in the background, and lo and behold: they did!

"Fiii aaaah gooooood!", they sang
"Fiii-hee-aaah goooood"

As their kiss deepened, Gandy and Bearcremento were caught in an epic embrace of love, while lust started to take over their very physiological state. Their heartbeats quickened. Sweat started to slowly gather in their skin's pores, ready to facilitate what was yet to come. They were just about ready to take off their clothes as a bright red and fiery light started to shine outside, casting a silhouette of two horny hairy men on Gandy's living room.

As they turned around, slightly confused and mildly annoyed of being interrupted, they were instantly smitten by the warmth of the light that was cast upon them. There they saw a choir of 13 Angels singing in midair, their very appearance similar to a Witch from Left 4 Dead, yet their voices sang ever so sweet. Between them, what seemed to be a fracture in the very fabric of timespace itself started to grow, from which the warm light shone ever stronger.

"Behooooold", the Witch-Angels sang, "Beeeeeeeee-hoooooooooooooooooooooold!" they reached ever higher. "The Firegod approaches!"



As the fracture in the air grew to a mansized hole, a flaming figure in a dark grey hoody with baggy pants stepped out, gracefully yet half crouching as if ready for a pounce; the lust of Bear on Bear interaction had summoned an otherworldy creature of myth: the Firegod Hunter.

"HYIIIAAAAAAH?", it asked them. Yet in their minds, it sounded like a song. "My name is Wilbo Firegodathan the Third", they heard... the creature was communicating to their very minds! "The immanent joining of your Two Towers has summoned me. I have come to you know, at the turn of the tide."

Bearcremento and Gandysampras would've soiled their pants in that very moment, were it not for the pure feeling of love and warmth that the Firegod bestowed upon them. Little did they know that they would yet do so.

"Let us go inside and continue what you have started", the Firegod spoke to them. Gandysampras and Bearcremento could only obey the Firegod, for he was Firegod. This was quite a surprise for them, as Bearcremento has just raped 2 little boys the day before and was not really the type to be told what to do. The same was true for Gandysampras, who spent most of his free time yiffing with strangers online and then breaking their hearts.

As Gandysampras took Bearcremento's hand, he guided him to his upstairs master bedroom. There, Bearcremento saw a sight to behold. What he thought was a fox skin hanging on the washing lines outside was not so much a skin as it was a costume! The bedroom itself seemed to be alive, the very fabric of the walls made of fur from the most delightful creatures, some of them which may be extinct now. A single window let in a shimmer of moonlight, while the back wall featured a cozy fireplace. The fireplace's light made the furry walls seem alive, almost breathing in anticipation.

"Now, let us get ready", the Firegod's second command sounded in their minds. For an outsider, this would've sounded more like "HRWAAAAAAAAH!" Gandysampras went to a walk-in closet and took out two suits: a shiny black panther costume with a unicorn for a penis, with a shiny black and white striped tail and the head of a Lust Badger, the most extinct of creatures known to man.



He gave Bearcremento a different suit: made from a mix of lace and panda fur. The suit turned Bearcremento into what looked like a mix between a panda, a wallabee and an alligator. "This is hot", the Firegod said.

The Firegod looked at an empty corner in the room and SWOOSH, a Throne of Iron Dongs appeared. He took place on his throne, walking slowly but with an air of majesty. As he sat down, the room was illuminated in a flash of red light for a second, blinding both Gandysampras and Bearcremento for a few seconds more.

As they regained their eyesight, they saw the room had changed. The furry walls now were actually alive, pulsing like a boy in puberty when his 30 year old milf French teacher was teaching him the other side of France. Bearcremento gently seemed to lie Gandysampras on the floor, which donned a carpet that appeared to be as alive as the walls; it was as if it was waiting for the two beary men to lie down on it and to bask in the glorious moment.

But as Gandysampras thought he had finally found true love, Bearcremento violently pushed him to the ground. He started to rip off Gandysampras's costume with his hands, which had suddenly turned into claws! "What are you doing?!", Gandysampras tried to say, but he was cut off by a booming voice of the Firegod: "You Shall Submit, You Shall Learn What Destiny Is Bestowed On The Furry Kind"

Bearcremento's costume started to slowly meld with his skin, the two very essences mixed into a glorious sight. As the transformation seemed to complete, the Firegod spoke some mysterious otherworldly words and Bearcremento started to slowly glow as if he were on fire. But he was not, this fire was of another kind.

"Time to do some furry flaming!", Bearcremento shouted. In the corner, the Firegod's image started to show what would look like a smile, if his face were not too FIREGOD to behold. Gandy tried to stop it, but he knew in his heart it was too late. There was no escape from this. In a way, he had known ever since his first yiff: nothing good would ever come from his furry antics yet he had always persisted in them.

Bearcremento had removed all traces of Gandysampras' costume by this point. He turned the young man around, slammed his face into the living carpet, and the most horrible sound Gandysampras had ever heard entered his ear: the unzipping of a fursuit.

With a lot of effort, he managed to turn his head around to see what was approaching... and then he wished he hadn't. A horrible giant penis hydra was slithering tis way outside of Bearcremento's crotch, each head more disfigured and ghastly than the other. He started to feel two of them pressing down on his upper thighs.
Three others pressed his lower back onto the ground, immobilizing him, or one might say: incapacitating him. The remaining 4 Penis heads started to open their mouths and screamed! Outside, the choir of Witch-Angels had moved to outside the window, their voices singing "DING DING DING DING DING DING DING"

Gandysampras had alerted the Penis Hydra from the Plains of Witchington.


But with penises for heads, coming out of a man's crotch, duh

With a single trust, two heads entered his not so virginly anus. Two other heads ripped off his penis and created a new hole to invade. The remaing head proceeded to enter his mouth, making him unable to even scream or block out what was happening to him. Gandysampras' colon started to rupture, blood and feces dripping out of him. As he thought all hope was lost, a familiar voice was speaking from the door's opening:
"Am I late to the party?"

Gandy managed to turn his head. In the doorway, DMV was standing, smiling his pedo smile. He did not know to fear, despair, or to kindle the flame of hope. At this point of rape, Gandy could not care anymore.
DMV entered the room. "Why, what's going on here? There is a surprising lack of underage girls in here", he said. The Firegod was startled. He had not foreseen this happening. "YOU! You cannot be here! I cast you down into the Tentacle Pits of Bukkaketon and saw them devour you!", the Firegod shouted, emotion clearly taking over his otherwise holy visage. "Ha, tentacles are my minions, you fool!", DMV exclaimed. "To war, my loves!", he commanded.

From every orifice of the living room, small tentacle penises started to grow. Out of every penis, 3 more penises grew. Then 5 more grew out of those!! Soon the entire room's walls, ceiling and carpet was littered with tentacle penises. They started to bite and then devour the Penis Hydra of Bearcremento, making him scream in pain. After mere seconds, Bearcremento was no more than a bloody mess on the floor.

"NO!", the Firegod screamed, "This cannot be!" "It can, and it will", DMV simply seemed to state as if it were a mere fact; something that had already happened but the Firegod was simply unaware of. "I have forseen it. Now go, my loves. GO and cleanse this fire from this world!"

All the tentacle penises started to aim at the Firegod...

Their necks pulsing in concert. One pulse per 10 seconds. One pulse per 5 seconds. One pulse per half second. Until finally, they all exploded their holy semen on the Firegod, extinguishing not just his flames but his very essence. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO", it screamed! "Save me, my Witches!"

[23:47] <Vexed_Alex> Pew, ryu says he wants you to be involved in his song. (I only read this line, didn't notice that ryu was opposed to his inclusion in the fapfic but... it was too late at that point)
[23:48] <ryu89> alex
[23:48] <ryu89> burn in hell
[23:48] <Vexed_Alex> :D

The Witch-Angels broke through the wall from outside and slew the tentacle penises with their claws. In their valiant fight, 6 of them fell. 7 remained. The holy 7 picked up what remained of the Firegod and started to extract him to the fissure in timespace what was still glowing it's horrid warm light outside. There it was that Ryu, a little boy who was just minding his own business and walking his dog outside, came across this unholy scene. "Witches!", he yelped.

"Here boy" he said to his dog, which transformed into an autoshotgun. "Time to bag me some cheevos!" he cried in a hysterious laughing voice. Ryu proceded to one-shot the Witch Angels one by one. Until only two were left. One of them managed to throw the Firegod through the fissure. As he flew, he shouted "You will fall, DMV, I will see you fall yet! My day will come!" Ryu proceeded to shoot the remaining two Witch Angels.

In the broken wall of Gandysampras's bedroom, DMV looked down upon the scene. "Ha, my day will come over your day any time!", he mocked, and exploded into a thousand slowmotion doves who flew away reaaally sloooowly. Gandy had no idea what just happened. All he knew was that the pain had stopped. The exploding tentacle penises' cum had healed his wounds and reattached his penis!

Ryu went inside to see what the fuck had just happened. There he came upon Gandy's healed but still scarred body.

"Dear Diary", he said to himself, "JACKPOT!"

the end