I’ve always been a PC gamer. Since before I was born, my family had a Commodore 64. So since I’ve gained relative consciousness I’ve had some form of personal computer in my face. It was at the tender age of 5, in the year 1994, that we got our first Windows based PC; a second hand 486. It was when I first played the only game we had at the time, a shareware version of Wolfenstein 3D, that I became hooked. Since then my hands have gradually formed to the contours of various keyboards and mice.

At some point during my early years we bought a Sega Mega Drive (yes it’s a mega drive, to me Genesis will always be an early prog rock band that Phil Collins ruined). We had three games: Dragon’s Revenge, a fantasy pinball game that I must say was pretty kick ass; Land of Illusion, a fairly fun Mickey Mouse platformer; and my favorite of the bunch (and still one of my personal favorite games) Sonic the Hedgehog 3. I was capable of using the controller with some proficiency. Yet there was something about these games that made me feel uncomfortable, it wasn’t how they look, it wasn’t how they played, it was the tool I was using to control my onscreen character, something felt off. But I was able to use the tool well enough to complete the games I played.



That was until I met a neighborhood kid, this kid had something wonderful I hadn’t seen yet. A brand new Nintendo 64. At first I sat and watched him play, marveling at the TV screen, never once watching what this kid was using to play. Then came my turn, I was handed the controller. I looked at it stunned, I saw remnants of what I had played on the other consoles I had played, but what was this stick, sitting in the middle of the controller. “You use that to move around” I was told, uncomfortably staring at that the thing. “So it’s a joystick then” I thought, and started to play.

But this was not the same as the computer joysticks I had used in the past. It didn’t have the feeling beneath it, like I was actually moving the characters body, just merely telling it where to go. Now don’t get me wrong, I was seven years old, I still had fun, but not as much as my “friend” had, I died practically every second, unable to feel comfortable moving the character around the screen with this stick. It appeared that this new age of consoles would not be as kind to me as the previous was.



I was still capable of playing most platformers and puzzle games, the mechanics of those games have never really changed so neither have the controls. But it’s when I got into the shooter and flying games (games I excel at on the PC) my fingers collapse. It just felt so unnatural to be moving the character the way I had to with a controller, moving the camera with one joystick and the character with another…my fingers got confused. With PC my hands knew, look with the mouse, move with the keyboard, and use the various buttons to interact. But with a controller, the principles were the same, but the execution just threw off my perception.

This began what I think of as a dark period. I continued to play PC games en masse, only occasionally using a console whilst over at a friends place. Then things got a little brighter when I recived a Playstation 2 for my birthday. At that point I was basically stuck with a console, and I didn’t want it to go to waste. So I used a controller. There was only two game series I ever felt comfortable playing on my PS2, the Tony Hawk Series and Grand Theft Auto (3 onwards). Maybe it’s because they were the only games I owned on the PS2 but they felt comfortable enough to complete. Outside of those games, I was still a complete mess and showed no signs of really improving.



Admittedly, since I bought my Xbox 360, I’ve begun improving at the use of a controller, but for me something will always feel off about it. I’ve spent the majority of my gaming life using a keyboard and mouse, and that’s what I feel the most comfortable with. Challenge me to a game of TF2 or L4D on pc and I’ll probably whip your ass, but throw me a controller and I’ll crumble into a heap of unplayable mess. I’ll stick with my keyboard and mouse. For now.