His Holiness Pope the Rev The 28th. Is a Gamer, Anime fan. Comic lover Film Analyst, Psychologist and Porn star you have my seen His holiness in Sister Kabob and Sister Kabob 23: Kim and Katie ******ed by an Angel. Currently his Holiness creates You Tube content in the form of Shmup the F**k up and Them's Fightin' words. Prior to those shows his eminence did Retrocade Fantasia and Tales from the Arcade. His next Project is said to be something called Console Nightmare.
His Holiness hopes you enjoy his teaches though his spelling and grammar is not the best. We do hope you enjoy his works, In the Name of the Hedgehog, The Plumber and The Blue Bomber Amen.
Before I begin I wish to apologize for any grammatical and or spelling errors. Writing is not my strong point and I don't have access to my proofreaders right now. That said let us begin. This story also has some mature subject matter that may be NSFW.
I'm almost 32 now I've been gaming since before some of you were even thoughts in your parents heads. Yet in High School I wasn't much of a gamer, I was too busy being awkward, Trying to get laid and being a depressed sack of sadness. It figures that I would grow up to be the angry adult that I am now. My reentry into gaming was in 2000 The Day of Wrestlemania 2000 infact was the day I returned to gaming, I had found out that Street Fighter III was heading to the Dreamcast and I HAD TO HAVE ONE. So I was back in the game so to speak.
So how did I get my Saturn? Fast Forward 11 years it was Christmas time 2011, My Cousin and I at this time would do retro game runs. This night was different my Cousin was acting a bit weird. For starters he was late coming to pick me up but it would get worse. On our way to our first stop my cousin for whatever reason started to disclose way too much about his sexual history, WAY MORE than I wanted to know. I don't want to know where your boyish looking ex liked to put her fingers Mike. I needed a Drink at this point like I needed to get so sloshed that none of what he said would register.
FINALLY we reached our first stop. This lovely comic shop called the Time Capsule in Cranston RI It is by far the best comic shop in our area and I've gotten some good stuff from them in the past however on top of comics they also buy and sell Retro Games as well as Vinyl. I had a few PS1 gems to unload here so I sold them got a good price on it and then did some hunting of my own. For the life of me I can't remember what I bought there that night other than Ridge Racer R4. Do I love me some Ridge Racer! I may have picked up some Aliens related comics as well before my departure. The Next stop, Button Mashers and My Saturn.
As we made our way to Button Mashers more odd things were being told by my cousin as he puffed on his Medically prescribed pot which he takes to help treat Muscular Dystrophy. I probably should have mentioned that too. My cousin steered our chat away from him and on to me and my sexual history. Frankly what I do with my Sha-wangalang is my own business. So I did what any one would do steer the conversation over from myself to a Furry Friend. In this case my friend Tim a pretty chill kid I know who will one day be my PHD Thesis Project. He's just that complex of a person his two sisters are also unbelievably hot. His older half sister especially, if only I could muster up the balls to ask her out....or have a mid morning quickie, But I digress. This at least kept my cousin at bay with his weirdness until we got to our second destination.
Button Mashers was a mom and pop operation on Bald Hill Road in Warwick RI. It sold modern games as well as classics. They had an wonderful PSX and Dreamcast selection and their used current gen games were much lower than Gamestop and they gave better trade ins as well. More importantly though they had a disc resurfacer. They decided to move and never found a new location, so sadly they are now out of business. Anyways This was where they had it, THE SATURN the whole reason I was enduring these weird talks with my cousin. I had some more things to sell and honestly did not get much for them. There was still one more stop so it wasn't a big deal but for roughly $40 I finally had it MY SATURN. It was beautiful the Sega Console for the Hardcore gamer was after 15 years finally in my possession. I WAS THRILLED.
I was happy now but we still had a few more stops to make and I had a few more things to unload. The Next stop was just down the street inside Warwick Mall. The Toy Vault is a comic/collectibles shop, run by complete and utter morons. What Button Mashers was offering me cents for These guys gave me $30 what exactly did they pay me $30 for? A copy of Resident Evil 2 with no booklet MORONS. Anyways with this generous trade I got some Saturn games Virtua Cop, Virtua Fighter 2, and Daytona USA as well as Daytona USA Championship. Mission Accomplished. I was ready to get dinner go home and forget this fucked up evening.
Yeah just my luck it would go on for four more painful hours. After leaving Warwick Mall we decided to had over to Providence to PF Changs in Providence Place Mall. Before that though we decided to wander about the mall first. This is when the night of Hell began. It was already weird but now it was just pure hell. For Starters My Cousin's confessions were getting weirder exact quote "I like girly things and being girly but I'm not gay and I'm still a guy." In Hindsight I'm pretty sure whatever he was smoking that night was really strong and that's why what he was saying was so weird. He also seemed to get some impression that I frequent Glory Holes on the basis that I do in fact, know what a Glory Hole is. We get a parking space and guess what? He forgets his keys IN THE DOOR OF THE CAR! We realize this and he gets them. Not like anyone would steal the shit mobile car he was driving at the time but the precious cargo inside I was worried about.
Thankfully nothing went down.
Inside my cousin continued to act strangly claiming a man walked up to him and said "Hey you hear about this earthquake just now" Something cryptic Implying the mall was going to blow up. Thing is I never did see the guy my cousin claimed walked up to him. Finally we head down to PF Changs for dinner and the night for a shot time normalized, but that may also be due to the number of Tsing Taos I had too. Although my Cousin did eat half of my orange beef and expected me to chip in half the bill. Eh whatever. I also called home so nobody would worry about me. I expected to be home in about a half hour after we finished eating. BUT My Cousin HIGH, was also now drunk. We figured we'd head up stairs to dave and Busters for about 15 minutes while my cousin sobered up a little then I could head home and play my Saturn. We were at Dave and Busters for two more hours! A half hour of gaming, another of me freaking out because I could not find my cousin and had no clue where he was then an hour of him like a little kid, deciding what to spend his tickets on. When I say I could not find him and freaking out by the way I mean I COULD NOT FIND HIM he was like vanished into thin air and I had a full blown panic attack as I have severe GAD. TWO HOURS OF HELL We finally left when Dave and Busters closed and my cousin now in a childish state thought I wanted to call him to avoid being grounded or something, UH NO I said I would be home in a half hour TWO HOURS AGO! Plus I wanted to spend time with my Parents and Aunt and Uncle who only come up for the Holidays. Half way home my Dad calls my cousin on his Cell phone to check up on us. when I get home..at 1 AM 3 hours after I was supposed to be home I didn't bother with my Saturn, I went right to bed.
The next Morning I went to hook up my Saturn for some Sega Goodness. THEY GAVE ME AN RF SWITCH... I HAVE AN HD TV........It would be another month before I got to play with my Saturn. My Cousin and I consequently never spoke of this night again I doubt he even remembers the weird shit he said.
In about a Year and a Half I did amass an amazing Saturn Collection which I will show you here.