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PointingDevice avatar 3:02 PM on 03.10.2008  (server time)
Hitler was NOT a good man, Itemforty!

- Hitler shortly before never calling this girl back ever again.

It's well known fact that Hitler and his legion of facehuggers were a team of formidable political figures. Enough so to even sway the majority vote of Germany, which is a feat in and of itself. BELIEVE me.

Note: Experts say that without his army of facehuggers, history would have been different. Facehuggers, as a rule, are naturally talented at typesetting and marketing strategies, giving Hitler that edge up over his opponent from the Union party.

- Jim, Manager of the Political Marketing and Propoganda team at play.

Regardless of his political clout, Hitler and his team were absolutely terrible at the art of military strategy. Try as they might, the Facehugger Advisory Group (FAG) were unable to sway the twitching mind of Hitler, who in a fit of opiates and absinthe told his weapon-making dwarves that the world's first assault rifle was "ugly," and didn't field it. He had the dwarves shaved and thrown into the local lava pits, so common with Germany.

5 minutes later the Soviets froze the entirety of Germany with their Tesla Ice Guns, stole the dwarven prototype, and 2 short years later we had the AK-47. In the wintery blast, the facehuggers didn't survive. Adolf Hitler found himself heartbroken for the first time.

From here he replaced most of his body with machines through dark Nazi sciences, and drank nothing but gasoline until pre-Ultimate Captain America came and wrecked his shit. Always bet on the Captain.

- Post-surgery Hilter trying to shoot Captain America (off-screen).

Point is, sure he was a politician, and 9 times out of 10 politicians are actually rad to party with, but underneath his smooth, fast-talkin' exterior he was a crackpot who had nothing to do with sex or video games; and everything to do with alien alliances and debauchery. Not the sexy type of debauchery, the fucked up kind where you lay your eggs in countless hooker's chests, do insane mountains of blow all at once and then sell used cars.

The guy was a cunt.

- Hitler after the loss of his Marketing team, and close friends, 1945

- The bust of WWII-era Captain America placed in the center of Manhattan island in honor of how fucking bad-ass the Captain is. **Not shown: The engraving on the back of the base which states, "Bitches ain't shit," the popular motto of Captain America's friend Tony 'Iron Man' Stark, who drunkenly etched that into the still-drying concrete base during it's construction.

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