I am a young sprout residing in the Dominion of Canada, a land rich in bacon and trees. The only goal I have is to evacuate this country and flail my limbs wildly in the United Kingdom instead.
I play video games because they are fun things but can also be art things too. I also like to bake things and enjoy listening to loud, obnoxious electronic music.
I tolerate living in a very small town far away from my friends with my mother while I search for work, preferably in a kitchen somewheres. Browsing Destructoid is my favorite thing to do to burn the large amount of free time I have.
I own a Nintendo 64, a Game Boy, a DS, a Wii, a PS2, an Xbox 360, and a laptop that can barely handle playing last-generation games.
While I played video games, I noticed that some were better than others. I took note and made a nice list of them.
- Super Mario Bros. 3
- The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
- The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
- Resident Evil 4
- Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
- Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
- Pokemon Crystal
- Diablo II
- Final Fantasy IX
- Animal Crossing
I have terrible taste in music. I am now going to impose it on you. These are the various musicians and bands that make me all fuzzy inside.
- Black Sun Empire
- Far Too Loud
- Crystal Castles
- Lady GaGa
- Sophie Ellis-Bextor
- Jamie T
I also like video game music, much to the dismay of regular people. My favorite game soundtracks:
- Super Mario RPG
- The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
- Final Fantasy XII
- We <3 Katamari
- Megaman 2
- Pokemon Gold & Silver
- Bit.Trip CORE
- Mario Kart 64
- Super Mario Galaxy
The only thing I like more than video games and terrible music is dessert. I like getting diabetes from oatmeal-chocolate chip cookies the best, but I also like a good chocolate cake, cherry pie, and hot cross buns.
That E3 festival that happened last week put the serious smiles on my face. Amongst announcements of Nintendo's shiny new handheld with 3D-o-vision and the announcement of a brand new Paper Mario which was honestly my favorite moment of the show, we got to see the brand new Zelda game. I am a huge Zelda fan, and thus I poured over every piece of footage I could find to get a proper picture of what to expect from it. From what we've all seen, I am only more curious and excited than I was back when we only had a single piece of concept art to pick apart. The art direction looks splendid, the demo music sounds upbeat and beautiful and the environments look much more tight and exciting than the sprawling-yet-sterile areas that are so common in Twilight Princess.
With this generally optimistic impression I went to a Zelda fansite I used to frequent to see what other people thought, and I was fucking traumatized. The kind of venom and vitriol I found there was more akin to a parent's reaction to finding out their friendly neighbor violently raped their only child, or a world-class gourmet's impressions of a double-down. The depth of misery coursing through these people's veins was palpable and terrifying. There was only one thing I could think of in the midst of this stinking pool of disappointment and contempt.
This seemed more poignant to me at that moment than ever before. Here I was, a long-time Zelda fan revelling in the thrill and excitement of the series' newest installment, and my Zelda-loving peers were having a literal e-aneurysm over it. What had they been witness to that I hadn't? Had I missed something important? Is life just a series of random, uncontrollable circumstances? Is there a God, and if so does he like chocolate chip cookies? So many mammoth questions were stirring in my head, and with these queries I dove into the heated discussion for the purposes of doing serious Zelda-related JOURNALISMS.
These ....... are quotes. I couldn't have made these up. These are things that were said by people who claim to be Zelda fans.
"Easily the biggest disappointment of the show so far."
"I hate those graphics. I can't believe they went back to cartoony. How can you take this seriously with adult link?"
"That ain't right, they really shouldn't be allowed to get away with this."
"I freaking hate this cell shaded BS."
"After 365 days of anticipation and excitement, I feel entirely pissed on."
"And isn't Link supposed to look cool? Look at him. Look at those baggy pants, the low detail, the boring face, and that terrible hair style. It looks like early gamecube era."
And THIS is the one that really got me:
"As far as the story goes, I'll pass judgment after I play it, but I agree that Aonuma's 'placing emphasis on fun over the story' comment is nothing but alarming."
Yes, it's a fucking tragedy that Nintendo would even think of making a game fun.
...and this brings me to the second half of this blog's title, why I love Destructoid. The dialogue I saw amongst Dtoiders during E3 was just fun to read. People were talking about how happy they were about some announcements, how excited they were, and having a communal laugh over some of the show's less brilliant points like the Kinect event and Konami's one mirrion troobs. I didn't see anyone be a sad panda, and if there were sad faces, they were all overpowered by the general atmosphere of delight. No one was rocking back and forth in their swivel chairs screaming THESE GAMES ARE LIKE A POISON TO ME AND I WOULD LIKE TO GET HIT BY AN AUTOMOBILE SO THAT THIS TERRIBLE ANGUISH WOULD JUST STOP KTHX. No one exclaimed that they felt cheated or betrayed or hungry at any of the announcements at E3.
It is so shocking to hang around a site whose motto is STFUAJPG to then step outside it for half a second and be overwhelmed by the degree of contempt and anger people have over videogames, the things they apparently like so much that they want to spend their free time talking about them on the internet. I don't understand. Why can't people be happy?