Oh yes, I went there. I watched Mircosoft's reveal of their newest “Gaming Console”, which they foolishly called the “Xbox One”. I'm pretty sure that most of us all over the world were saying the same thing all at once:
And no one would blame you for doing so. There are so many things wrong with this device. Microsoft calls it the next gen console and it's an “all in one” device – NOTHING can be further form the truth.
First off, next gen devices have a Next Gen feel and design. That means the device mustn’t look like something you have seen before in the past.
The Xbox One looks a lot like a combination of VCR's and DVD Players I've owned throughout the years. I mean look at it:
It looks like the love child of a Fat-PS3, A Betamax Player, a Toshiba VCR from the 1990's, and the First Gen DVD players when they hit the market (Those bastards were huge, btw), and the gene pool was too funky for anything good-looking to come out as a result.
Who would seriously take this as a next-gen device? Where the hell would you put it in your house where it WON'T get in the way? It's big and clunky, and I swear it might be able to play my old VHS Cassettes if I push the right buttons. You can fit an Xbox 360 inside of it. Damn.
Let's move on to the 2nd biggest issue I, and many others have with this mash up of fail: The NAME.
“Xbox ONE”?! Really?
I don't know about you, but when I hear that name, I think of the first ORIGINAL Xbox:
You see, when something is the first, is should get the number 1, because it's the first in of its kind in a series. The same thing goes with the iPhone – when the second one came out, it was called the iPhone 2. This continues whenever you make a never version of any product or device. The Xbox 360 may not have been called the Xbox 2, but we all knew it was the 2nd in the series of Xbox consoles.
And now, after all this time, Microsoft calls the 3rd console in the Xbox line the “Xbox One”, instead of something like, oh I don't know, Xbox 3? or how about the Xbox 720? A lot of gamers and tech news services called the latest Xbox the Xbox 720. You don't go back to 1, because it wasn't the first console. You are supposed to go UP in the version number, and keep going up in the number.
Are they gonna do this with the next version of their PC Operating System? The current one is called Windows 8, does that mean the new one is gonna be called “Windows 6”? I'm serious here. It's just dumb.
In addition of making devices that look like they belong in sci-fi movies from the 1980's and giving them dumb names, they love embracing two things gamers all over the world don't like very much nowadays: EA and DRM.
EA is the biggest fail-horse in the gaming world. So many bad moves and choices, and apparently, Microsoft is taking to them like a fish to water. If you were one of the unfortunate number of people who wasted an hour of their time not doing anything good by watching the reveal, you would know that EA wants to make a ton of Sport games for the Xbox One.
FIFA, NBA, NFL, Racing, and maybe a Hockey game, were the “major” highlights of the whole presentation. What about the rest of us who don't even PLAY these games? Where are the Action and Platformer Games? Puzzle Games? RPGs? Adventure Games, perhaps? Anyone? Anyone?
And then, as if this golden nugget of WTF couldn't get any bigger and smellier, they pump the fail box full of DRM.
From what I know (And readers please correct me if I am wrong), Microsoft has confirmed that all Xbox One games will require mandatory installation onto the system's hard drive and, to install the same disc onto another user's drive, a fee must be paid. This KILLS the used games market.
The damn thing is trying to be everything to everyone, and it fails big time. There is nothing wrong with a device or gadget that can do many things, but all of it's features cannot overshadow its primary purpose.
It's supposed to be a gaming console, first and foremost. All I heard about was how you can manage your Netflix account, and/or be on a Skype call while you are either watching TV or playing a game. I don't know about you, but When I'm watching TV or playing a game, the phone is not within reach, and I like it like that.
Its a household device that allows you to do all the things you do on your computer without leaving your living room, and can play games when you are bored with all of that mess.
And NOW the Xbox can play Blu-Ray Movies! WOW! It can play a medium that has been around since 1999! How cool is that?! It's not cool. Not at all.
We don't know about how good the gameplay is (Cinematics, is NOT gameplay btw), how much it costs, and why indie developers are snubbed from making their games available on the damn thing.
On the other hard, when you think about all the shortcomings I've mentioned, that's more like a blessing in disguise.
THIS, my fellow Dtoiders, is what happens when businesses, developers, and designers stop listening to the needs and demands of their customers, and just start focusing WAY too hard on the money and the Intellectual Property rights of publishers, which are only threatened by the stupid ideas like this.
The only people I can see buying this ridiculous console, are mega noobs with really a poor sense of design and context. No offense.
We are gamers. We are Geeks and Nerds. We are not a minority, and we are not stupid....We are a way of life, and Microsoft is insulting all of us with this craziness of a device they have come up with.
It's just a bad product all-around, and I'd rather wait for the PlayStation 4 instead.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off – I love that film.
Btw - the Original Xbox was beautiful.
For those of you who are new to the scene, I am a caster on Twitch.tv.
My twitch username is GodOfKonckers. It's supposed to be GodOfKnockers (spelled n-o, not o-n), but that is what I get for typing way too fast, and drinking coffee all at the same time.
I don't stream much, but when I do, I rock it like a boss. I play Retro games and indie games, not because I LOVE them, but because my Capture Device is a true pain in the neck, and that is putting it nicely.
Now, I don't have a webcam, but I DO have YouTube clips of my gameplay.
Here is a highlight of one of my streaming sessions from May 14th, (Runtime 12 Minutes, NSFW):
Was that not cool, and funny as hell? Yes? I think so too.
Now as for that crappy capture card...I have a Hauppauge HD PVR - the one with the air intake vents on the bottom, and no exit vents on the top. It overheats a lot, the Capture software seldom captures the dimensions properly (Its set to capture in 16x9, and it stretches it to 4x3), and even though it hasn't happened lately, the capture software crashes so bad that I have no choice to reinstall Windows 7 AND ALL THE APPS I USE.
Can the Technical Support for the damn thing help me? Nope. They don't even know what causes the crash in the first place, and reinstalling everything is the only thing that works.
And that sucks so much, because I have a PS2 and a TON of games, but the PC I'm on is not strong enough for the PS2 Emulator, and I play Classic Nintendo better on the Psychical Console anyways (Yes, I have the original 8Bit NES).
I could really use a new capture card, because I REALLY want to play PS2 games for the masses. I have over 100 games for that lovely console, and many of them are just kickass. Can you imagine me playing Resident Evil 4?
I'm good at it. I love that game. Hell, I plan on playing it after I finish this essay.
I play a lot of games, and I'd love to expand on that list. Streaming was something I had never considered before, and now that I have been doing it, I can't imagine my day without it. It's fun, and I have met some really cool people both on Twitch and DTiod.
It would be hella cool to win that card - and even if I don't win, that's OK too. It won't stop me from streaming and having fun.
Before I go, I think I'll post one more clip of my gameplay. CastleVania (NES):
But, despite how good the blog is, I did take issue with one part of the article: Realism.
I was gonna Comment on the article, but there is an error with Disqus. I couldn't login and post a comment, so I'm gonna copypasta my comment here instead:
[b] "A Good read, but I take issue on the realism concept. A Video Game is a work of art and fiction. The Second we start trying to or continue to pursue realism into a work of fiction, it stops being artistic, and becomes boring.
I'm going into Indie Game design, and I can tell you right now: there will be zero realism in any game I make. I have always seen Video Games as a work of art and fantasy, because that is what they are. Realism should only be in the graphics, visuals, and the movement on the characters in the game...nothing more.
If anyone wants more realism than that, then go outside and enjoy life. When Life starts to become boring, come back inside and escape into the fantasy world of Video Games." [/b]
Now If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get back to a pimping mission I've got running in GTA:LCS - The Johns aren't treating my ladies right, and I gotta problem with that.
UPDATE: Esquire has moved the Rebranding to the Summer instead of Next week.
So, this is it....
This is the final week of G4TV's Existence. Beginning next week, the rebranding begins. G4 will change to the Esquire Network.
I know very little about the changes, but here is what I got:
There are only 2 shows that I know of that are "Original" from the new network.
The First one is "Knife Fight"
I know right?! It sounds really good, doesn't it? You are probably thinking of a bunch of guys fighting each other with knives, am I right?
I hate to disappoint you - but "Knife Fight" is a, wait for it.....Cooking Competition. Yes, a Cooking Competition. This guy is a chef (I forget his name) who invites his famous celebrity friends to judge the meals made by 4 chefs, who are all using weird-ass ingredients.
So....It's a lot like "Chopped" on the Food Network, but with an audience and no 10,000 Bucks to win.
The Second show is called "The Getaway"
Celebs travel to remote locations and enjoy the local cultures.
It sounds a lot like E!' "Wild on...", HDNet's (Now known as AXS TV) "Get Out!" and a Show on The Travel Channel called "Bridget's Sexiest Beaches (2009)", Starring Bridget Marquardt, except the hosts aren't in skimpy bikini's doing photo shoots.
*Sighs* how I miss those shows. "Get Out" was Crazy good. Should've recorded those episodes more often.
Anyway, Those are currently the ONLY TWO SHOWS THEY'VE DONE.
Cue up WTF Cat:
And we move on....to shows that will be on the network, after being on other networks.
The Shows that are gonna fill up the void the network currently has are shows that we have already seen before on other networks:
"Party Down", which was on the Starz Network for only 2 seasons before getting the axe, 20 episodes in all and "Parks and Recreation", which is still on NBC in the latter half of its fifth season.
Both shows will supposedly air in 3 hour blocks 8pm-11pm, so I have heard.
Ninja Warrior and American Ninja Warrior is going to be aired like a mofo this coming Monday and Tuesday, along with "Cops", and Movies that don't suck.
To fill up the late night hours, "Quantum Leap" and Knight Rider will run from midnight to 4am, and from 4am to 9am, Paid Programming and crappy Phone sex ads. Yay!
"Late Night With Jimmy Fallon" was supposed to air on the coveted 7pm EDT Time slot, but it won't show up until the Summer. I call the time slot coveted, because that is the time my beloved "Attack of the Show" aired.
The only thing that hasn't changed, is the Airing of the now defunct (And equally just as good as AOTS), XPlay, Which STILL gets aired at the 6:30pm Time Slot, along with the g4tv.com website (Although it is very barren right now).
So just as I, and most of you thought was going to happen, is actually going to happen.
G4 is going from a Channel that had only 2 really good shows on it, to a channel that is going to contain a mash-up of different shows that we have seen on other networks.
Will I be watching? I'd rather try swallowing a pocket knife in one gulp, with the blade sticking out.
I was thinking of downgrading my cable service to save some cash, now I have a valid reason to do so.
Goodbye G4. It was fun.
To help ease the pain of what you all just read, and to help ease the sting we are going to get next week, Here is a pic of Former Playboy Playmate Sara Jean Underwood, dressed as a stormtrooper, washing a car:
Seeing that I am going into the business of making Video Games and apps, there are a few things I'd like to say....
One: The Game I'm working on is going to be 100% DRM-Free - No Steam or Desura or that shitty EA Origin. And even IF the game or any future games make it to Steam, The Price is not Gonna break your wallet.
Second...if my game should find its way to The Pirate Bay, or any other Torrent site, Fine by me. If its a Paid game or free, Share away...I'm not gonna sic the Cops on you, or call the lawyers. Even though I want to make money from this, I want everyone to play my games more. The "Making Money" part is a pleasant side effect, and will always come second in my mission statement.
I have a great idea for a game, and I'm giving it form as we speak, so you all can play it. Just have fun, is Mission #1
Now if you'll excuse me, Time to start building my game, which now involves A bag full of Pens. Yes, you read that correctly.
As of Today, I, PlayBoyMan, aka GodOfKonckers, am throwing my hat into the ring of Game Development. That's a fancy way of saying I'm making a game. For Serious.
I've always had a passion for playing Video Games. Been playing them since I was 4. And now, after 30 years of gaming, I figured its high time I started making them. It's always been a dream of mine to make a video game, and now with all the technology we have nowadays, I'm going to give that dream form.
I'm making an RPG game for the PC, using RPG Maker VX Ace Lite on Steam. I would buy the full version of RPG Maker VX ACE, but its pricey, and as despite my best efforts, I can't crap money – just crap. Damn it. That high fiber diet did nothing for me. Expect lose weight, which was nice.
Anyway, because I can't buy this software right now, the game will be a non-commercial title, which I'll distribute myself. I'll be giving the game away for free. I might get a kickstarter going, once I figure out how much it'll all cost to make the game a commercial product, and try to get it on Steam, and maybe Desura. – Sidenote: The Commercial price of this game is not going to break you. No $60 titles from me. Ya hear that, EA?
I'll tell you some of the story which I'm working on as we speak:
“You play as a Woman named Sam (Yeah that's right, a WOMAN). She is a baker, who is enjoying her life running her bakery in a close knit town, and growing the sticky-icky for sale and leisure in the back (Liking this game already, aren't you?).
One day, she gets a mysterious package on the storefront's step. After receiving this strange package, her life gets turned upside-down, as she is chased and tormented by an unseen force.”
Not bad, yes?
If you want to help out, feel free – Money, resources, spreading the word – However you want to help out, go for it. This is a game I'm making for my fellow gamers out there – I value and welcome your support.
This is the part where I tell you the release date for this game, but I won't. It'll be done when It's done.
PLEASE....no Duke Nukem Forever Jokes.