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Pixie The Fairy avatar 8:38 PM on 12.31.2012  (server time)
A look back at 2012's fairy-bottling controversy...

If you're of the fairy folk, the other races of Hyrule have been rather needy throughout history. Whenever a Hylian gets bloodied or a Goron gets chipped they come walking into one of the local fairy fountains to get patched up by our magic. For us, the fountains are a social gathering place, but Hyrulians seem to think its a hospital or a way of getting out of going to the potion shop.

With the arrival of Ganondorf the people of Hyrule began to panic. They made it a habit of invading our fountains and bottling my people without our consent. We became viewed as as a resource they could just help themselves to. There you'd be just minding your own business, thinking fairy thoughts and conversing with your kind at a fountain - then some Hylian walks in and sticks you in a bottle and hauls you off.

It's happened to me before...

And in his darkest hour when the he was writhing in his own filthy blood in a dark dungeon he uncorked my bottle, looked up and said "Heal me."

I looked down, fluttered away and said "No."

This last year a change occurred. A new movement of Hyrulians forbidding the bottling of fairies has been all the rage - in a well-intentioned-but-sometimes-totally-misguided-kind-of-way, at least. There's been a demand for equal treatment of fairies among Hyrulians which I would see as a good thing if it were more about us getting better treatment than these Hyrulians trying to absolve their guilt - actions speak louder than words, after all.

But all we fairies get are words.

This new movement began because a new Great Fairy emerged on the scene. Great Fairies are of rare birth, they end up about the size of a Hylian but are still fairies. They also tend to elect themselves as leaders even though no electoral process put them in such a position. They just show up in your fountain one day to occupy it as if it were her home and Hyrulians think these bigger, louder fairies are in charge. They put on a good light show to visitors, I'll give them that, but their views and advice can be flawed and don't necessarily reflect the views of opinions of all fairies.

Anyway, this new Great Fairy appeared promising enlightening programs regarding my kind in exchange for donations of rupees. These new, progressive-minded Hyrulians paid up, but then decided that in order for justice to be done and make themselves feel right, the old one-sided practice of fairy-bottling must be suppressed entirely. Oddly, this also meant whatever fairies that actually were willing to aid green-clothed Hylians with Master Swords must shamed for doing so. Now we must be told by our new allies not to be such pushovers that appeal to the base needs of adventuring Hylians, Gorons and Zoras.

They even tell some of us to dress more respectably, even if we like wearing a simple, short gown or a one piece with leggings - because they insist dressing skimpy is what encourages our bottling.

We'retold what to do and how to look, but are never asked what we want.

I find that rather insulting. Dressing skimpy helps keep me flying longer as heavier clothes put a strain on the wings. Instead of really helping us and asking us how we'd like to be treated our new "protectors" help-shame and bottle-blame us for what happened to us. There is ZERO correlation between having a helpful nature or dressing skimpy and getting bottled by selfish Hyrulians.

What really gets my wings in a bunch is that all these Hyrulians threw hundreds of thousands of rupees into the fountain of this new, self-appointed Great Fairy all in hopes of enlightenment, validation and to feel absolved of their old, selfish, one-sided relationships with fairies. Fairies don't need that kind of money, really. A handful or rupees per day gets us a basket of fruit and a couple bottles of Lon-Lon Milk - enough to share with the entire fountain - and that's just from minor donations tossed in the fountain.

But what did this "Great" Fairy do with those rupees they threw in "her" fountain? Nothing! She has yet to produce the programs she promised or renovate the fountain - she didn't even give you the ability to carry more bombs and arrows or a new spell! She gave a speech in the Hyrule town square about how horrible SHE had been treated - even though she's never been in the bottle - and called it a day. Princess Zelda was not pleased with that grand waste of time considering it could have been time citizens bartered or shared worthwhile ideas in the square instead.

Assuming this Great Fairy does ever get around to her little crowd-funded project, she'll probably do little else but than what she did in the square - the Great Fairy light show and guilt trips rather than promoting constructive ways to better treat my kind.

I don't think we really need Great Fairies or a self-serving change of heart to help point the way, though - just the attentive ear of a friend.

The Great Deku Tree knew what was up. He never told us what to do or how to dress, but he watched out for those Kokiri children and made it a point to ask, to consult the fairies of the forest on whether or not they wished to be a companion to a particular child. He didn't tell those kids to just pick one of us and jam us into a bottle. He asked us if we wished to be companions and treated us with the respect we were due. Those Great Fairy light shows didn't impress him, either, he sent those girls packing more often than not.

We need more people like the Great Deku Tree. Someone that listens and asks questions about the things they do not have answers to, which is how you get to be as wise and kind as he was. You don't get that way by being born a bigger fairy or throwing rupees at one.

I think some people are already where he was, but we've still got some work to do getting everyone on the same page.

You say you want fairies to be free and exist equally and get more diverse representation? Well, that means letting the fairy in the skimpy gown exist right alongside the one that dresses more conservatively. It means respecting the helpful and uncooperative fairies. It means fat fairies, skinny fairies, voluptuous fairies and fairies of various colors. It means keeping the loudmouthed Great Fairies around, too - even if they're not that great. It means hiring writers that are fairies and letting them share their experience in stories. Basically it means ALL fairies.

Just ask what we want. Don't tell us what to do or what to wear. Be a friend and not a control freak so we don't have to be all "HEY LISTEN!" about this stuff.

Maybe then I won't be content to watch you bleed out in your hour of need. Just sayin'.

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