Hi my name is Phil and I like to play games, review games, talk about games and rant/muse about games. I live in the UK and mostly game on my 360. I like to read, listen to podcasts and write bad reviews. I love all gods creations even PS3 fanboys. The last bit may not be true.
Unlike any other medium video games have multiple platforms in which developers can distribute there games. Because of the various platforms people called ‘fanboys’ have emerged giving undeniable support to a particular platform. Although these fanboys can be found disagreeing with each other in message boards and forums, there’s no chance any of them would refute the importance of E3. So I asked a fanboy from each platform to sit down with me to talk about E3 and what they want and what they think will happen
Me: Hello everyone thanks for coming.
Me: So shall we dive right in? Why don’t you go first Xbox Fanboy?
I would like to point out I have hidden the fanboys identities so to avoid excessive trolling.
PS3 Fanboy: Ha, We can see who you’re routing for can’t we? Bias much? Who do you think you are Jim fucking Sterling?
This threw me off a little bit; this was not only rude but extremely hostile on his part.
Me: I’m sorry you feel this way, how about you go first then PS3 Fanboy?
Xbox fanboy: Typical.
I ignored him, it was obvious this wasn’t going to be an easy process, even before the meeting started there was a hostile sort of atmosphere, which is to be suspected I suppose. The rules were simple, they each had 4 predictions relating to there particular platform. After this I would compare the results to the ones of the actual show.
PS3 Fanboy: So starting of I would have to go for,
1. ICO and Shadow of The Colossus HD Bundle
Considering that he was a fanboy and not really clued in, this was quite smart prediction
Me: Good start, up next?
PS3 Fanboy: Well based upon the trailer I would have to go for,
2. The announcement of the PS4
Not so smart.
Me: Well the thing is that the trailer, it was a fake.
PS3 Fanboy: Really? Well ermmm maybe it was reverse psychology or something?
Me: Yeah, I mean yeah maybe it was.
Xbox Fanboy: Idiot.
Me: Easy does it now.
There was a look in the PS3s fanboys eye, a very dark look, like it wanted to kill the Xbox fanboy. The Xbox’s was no different. There was an obvious hatred between the two and I was ready if it became more heated.
Me: Ignore him PS3 Fanboy, your third prediction?
PS3 Fanboy: I think I would have go with,
3. Bungie Announce a exclusive PS3 game.
Maybe, probably not, yeah this was probably never going to happen.
PS3 Fanboy: You’d like wouldn’t you Mr Dick Suck Halo?! Yeah wouldn’t you!!
Me: Simmer down would you? Don’t respond to that Xbox fanboy, ok don’t respond to that.
Xbox fanboy just sat there scowling at the PS3 Fanboy, he scowled back, I was grateful they were only geeks, if they had any sort of muscle on them there could have been a problem. I was surprised at the fact that both the Wii and PC fanboy just sat there engulfed in Netbook and DS respectably. That was probably for the best.
Me: Last but not least?
PS3 Fanboy: And lastly, hmm.
He paused for a while with only the sound of clicking and tapping coming from the two engrossed fanboys.
4. Grand Turismo 5 will finally get a release date.
Xbox Fanboy: Yeah big emphases on finally, when was that announced again? 1999 or something?
PS3 Fanboy: Alright Mr Red Ring of death what’s your predictions?
Xbox Fanboy: Alright Mr No Exclusives, first up is,
1. GOW 3, demoed by CliffyB
Me: Good call –
Xbox Fanboy: With his shirt off.
Me: What? What did you just say?
Xbox Fanboy: I err didn’t say anything, maybe it was the PC guy.
PC Fanboy: Hey I’m just playing Civilization.
There were some looks between the fanboys and me.
Me: Anyway moving on.
Xbox Fanboy: Secondly I would have to go for,
2. Halo 4 on Natal.
Me: What? I mean yeah that might happen. Well what’s happening with Halo Reach then?
Xbox Fanboy: Well the way I see it as that they’re pretty much done with Halo Reach so why not make Halo 4?
Me: Well how can they continue the story?
Xbox Fanboy: What story?
Me: You know how the UNSC beat the Covenant and now there’s nothing left to fight for.
Xbox Fanboy: Yeah I didn’t play the campaign.
Me: Fine, whatever, moving on.
I was happy to see that the PS3 Fanboy had taken the wise decision to bring out his PSP Go It was amazing seeing all 3 of them just with heads down with focused looks.
Xbox Fanboy: Thirdly It would have to be,
3. Metal Gear Solid Rising, on natal
At this moment in time the PS3 Fanboy head popped up from his PSP to scowl at the Xbox fanboy and then subsequently pop his head right back down again.
Me: And last but no least?
Xbox Fanboy: 4. GTA 5 is announced.
Xbox Fanboy: Exclusive to the Xbox 360.
Here we go.
PC Fanboy: This is utter bullshit, Rockstar would never deny the PC & PS3 platform, they would be losing money.
Xbox Fanboy: Not if Microsoft paid them like 5 billion squillion dollars.
PS3 Fanboy: Microsoft doesn’t have that sort of money……. Sony on the other hand.
Xbox Fanboy: Oh why don’t you shut your face.
Me: Fanboys please, can’t we be grown up about this?
There was a long silence
PS3 Fanboy: He started it
Xbox Fanboy: I will fu-!!!
Me: That’s it Xbox Fanboy out.
Xbox Fanboy: Why me?
Me: Fine PS3 Fanboy, I don’t care just one of you stand the fuck outside.
PS3 Fanboy: I'll go.
Me: Thank you PS-
PS3 Fanboy: We’ve always been the adult system.
I saw Xbox fanboy about to say something, I shut him up.
Me: Leave it Xbox fanboy.
After 10 minutes the PS3 fanboy came back in, some glances were exchanged between the two rival consoles but in general everyone was quite calm by then and I continued on.
Me: Why don’t you go next PC Fanboy.
PC Fanboy: Thank you (redacted) Firstly I would like to thank all other fanboys for coming out today. *Although all platforms other than the PC are for children*.
The last bit he said under his breath.
Wii Fanboy: What did you say?
PC Fanboy: I said I would like-
Wii Fanboy: No after that.
PC Fanboy: I didn’t say anything after that.
There were some glances between the console fanboys
PC Fanboy: First up is, this is no surprise to you (chuckles).
1. Half Life 2 Episode 3 is announced
Wii, Xbox, PS3 Fanboy all groan.
PC Fanboy: What?
PS3 Fanboy: No offense but isn’t Episode 3 a bit errrm, how do I word this.
Xbox Fanboy: You’re flogging a dead horse.
PC Fanboy: What? No, no I’m not why do you say that?
PS3 Fanboy: PC Fanboys have been wanting for that like for ever. Face it it’s not happening.
Xbox Fanboy: And frankly it’s getting annoying, whenever I go onto a PC forum to troll there’s always at least one thread that is asking when’s episode 3 coming? When’s the release date? What’s going to happen in the game? Episode 3 this, Episode 3 that. Get over yourself.
As the Xbox fanboy said this the PC fanboy expression changed into a more hardened and concentrated look and one with a bit more conviction.
PC Fanboy: There’s still hope, there’s always hope.
Again glances at each other, He must have thought he was Bruce Willis or something.
Me: Ok…..moving on.
PC Fanboy: My second prediction is,
2. Wow Cataclysm is shown off.
PC Fanboy: Yeah isn’t that amazing.
Me: No I meant…moving on.
PC Fanboy: For my third prediction I predict,
3. Deus Ex: Human Revolution will dominate the show blowing everything out of the water
Wii Fanboy: What’s Dues Ex?
PC Fanboy: Something far better than the types of games that you play.
Me: For you last prediction?
PC Fanboy: It’ll have to be,
4. No motion controls are announced for the PC……. hopefully.
PS3 Fanboy: It’s the future, you can’t deny the future.
Wii Fanboy: I wouldn’t necessarily call it the future, I would call it a huge money maker though, just see the Wii's success
Xbox Fanboy: Pftt the Wii, what a piece crap that is, I’m sure you’ll all agree that the Wii is a piece of shit and anyone owns one should be shot.
PC Fanboy: Although this is a little harsh I have to agree
PS3 Fanboy: Same here.
Xbox Fanboy: Natal on the other hand……
PS3 fanboy: Here we go.
PC Fanboy: Sigh.
Xbox Fanboy: Natal is the future and there’s certainly no denying that, Playstation Move, more like Playstation Move over Natal is the way forward.
There was an awkward silence.
Me: So that just leaves you, Wii Fanboy.
The Wii Fanboy had been silent most of the time had grimaced when everyone had started fighting, he was younger than the rest and it actually looked like he had gotten some sunlight. He also seemed quite sensitive and all things considering he was fairly normal and I hoped that the rest were easy on them, of course, they weren’t.
PC Fanboy: This’ll be funny.
Wii Fanboy: First up ill go for erm.
1. Wii HD is announced
All 3 look uninterested what the Wii fanboy had to say. PS3 Fanboy checked his watch, PC Fanboy was looking at the ceiling and the Xbox Fanboy brought out something that I thought was a Zune.
Me: Could you pay attention please, Wii Fanboy heard you now you hear him.
They all straitened up sighing and grunting.
Wii Fanboy: Thanks, Secondly,
2. Zelda will have a release date
For a fanboy these expectations were quite reasonable and even plausible
Xbox Fanboy: Gay.
I shot him a glance, the Wii Fanboy started to look agitated and when he muttered his next prediction his voice was very croaky.
Wii Fanboy: Errrrrm my second from last prediction is errrm.
3. The heartbeat sensor will be innovative in some way.
Xbox Fanboy: What?! Are you retarted or something?
All 3 began laughing
PS3 Fanboy: A heartbeat sensor, innovative!! Were you dropped on your head as a child, oh yeah you are a child!
The laughing went on for a while until the Wii Fanboy ran out crying “My last prediction is that Nintendo products are taken seriously” in-between sobs and groans which at that point the laughing stopped. There was a silence as all 3 fanboys froze looked at each with concerned expressions for the Wii Fanboy.
Me: I hope you’re proud of yourselves, all this bitching between each other which system is better, it doesn’t matter. Why can’t you stop fighting and try to create a better picture for gamers and video games. A picture of games that is mature and very much community driven, a picture that makes gamers not geeks and nerds but of a normal person that just happens to like video games. The industry is still young and you are the type of people that are keeping it from maturing. You know what, you people disgust me.
There was a silence as all 3 bowed there head in shame.
Xbox Fanboy: I bet not as disgusting as the price of the PS3.
Me: You motherfu-