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About
This is my About You section. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My About You section is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My About You section, without me, is useless. Without my About You section, I am useless. I must write my About You section true. I must write straighter than my enemy who is trying to troll me. I must false flag him before he false flags me. I will...

My About You section and I know that what counts in this war is not the insults we fire, the noise of fanboys, nor the smoke we blow. We know that it is the ad hits that count. We will get ad hits...

My About You section is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sites and its bull. I will keep my About You section clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before God, I swear this creed. My About You section and I are the defenders of my account. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my ad revenue.

So be it, until victory is mine and there is no enemy, but cash!
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In the black hole of condescending oversimplification and gameplay that has often extends no further than press X (sometimes multiple times) to win, there is an occasional exception to this mediocrity. In comes Volgarr The Viking, straight from the bowels of Kickstarter with the game they promised and even the stretch goal they failed to meet included. That caught my attention right away. Crazy Viking Studio cared about this game. They wanted to make an impression. And for lovers of classic hack & slash action, this is the game they've been waiting for...

Story

You, Viking. Everything wants you dead. Can you Survive? End of storyline. You want more than that? Remove yourself from that Ritalin induced stupor and make one up. This is how it was done. You create the story and imagine the whys, wheres and hows for yourself.

Gameplay

The game features pure arcade action. In the opening level, it's a clear homage to the original Conan the Barbarian rip-off, Rastan, from Taito. You'll also find hints from Altered Beast, Golden Axe, Weaponlord, Splatterhouse, Ghouls 'n Ghosts and others as you struggle to push yourself ever forward.

This game never gives you the thought that it's being cheap. While your hit system is modeled after Ghouls 'n Ghosts, at no point is there the feeling you are being cheated. The control of our hero is very well done. Volgarr has a slow, deliberate movement with actions being slightly stiff. You know, like you were controlling a big Viking. Every move you need to make must be calculated to minimize the risk to yourself. If you avoid taking damage, the game rewards you handsomely for it. If you don't, you will be punished at levels that will frustrate lesser players.

Each level consists of 2 parts with a checkpoint between each. You die, you go back to the beginning of the stage or the mid-point. It sure makes the boss battles much more adrenaline infused as the thought of playing half the level again is both painful and infuriating at the same time. With so much at stake, there is that much joy when you complete the task at hand. Those unfamiliar with that feeling don't understand why older gamers still harken back to the games they may not have even played of their youth.

Final Thoughts

This is a title that will appeal to an audience seeking the best hack & slash arcade action available. That said, it's sadly a very limited audience. The sad fact made clear with none of the professionals posting reviews of the game. The only exception being TotalBiscuit's  video, which for someone who isn't learned at side scrolling hack & slash games, it's difficult to take his video with anything but a grain of salt. This style game is not his forte, yet there is very little negativity in his brief assessment.

I very much enjoy playing this title. The level of skill required to play this game with any level of competency harkens me back. The positive in this title is you can suffer death upon agonizing death without ever worrying about the dreaded game over screen. That is about the extent of modern design you will find with this title. The game will pummel you and laugh in your face as you get dismembered for the hundredth time. You cannot know pleasure, if you don't understand pain.