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PhilKenSebben's blog

(NVGR) A family still in need. Attn: PAX Attendees
11:18 AM on 08.30.2013
(NVGR) For my brother's family. Please help. Please.
3:41 PM on 08.23.2013
(NVGR) A thank you and another cry for help.
12:54 PM on 08.06.2013
(NVGR) I need some help. Please. I know I suck.
2:16 AM on 08.02.2013
(NVGR) It's all downhill from here.
1:05 PM on 07.15.2013
Dtoid Memories - Laughter, Tears and Everything In-Between
8:23 PM on 03.19.2013

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PhilKenSebben's Profile - Destructoid

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PhilKenSebben 's blog
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I am now almost 33 and I'm old. I hate you. I used to run The Low(er) Tier. We podcasted (and will again) and got into development. I enjoy nothing. My interests (besides games) are: reading, hiking, playing with my kids, yelling at old(er) people, collecting various virus samples, stalking Smurfee, thinking about working out, itching my bare butthole and seeing how long I can go, without smelling my finger and Batman. I love old school cars (Chevy), football (Packers & Niners) and of course: Vidya Gamze!

My favorite games as a wee lass were: SMB3, Gunstar Heroes, Commander Keen, Blake Stone, Doom/Quake, Excitebike, Anything from Sierra/Lucasarts and MK. Now days I'm a filthy game slut. I play it all, I love it all. Keen on TBS and Roguelikes though. The replayability makes my dick hard. I'm always down to game with anyone, so feel free to hit me up on whatever you see I'm on. I've been on Dtoid quite awhile now (almost 7 years) and have been involved in numerous off the radar things like contests, recaps and spreading my AIDS. You can find me lurking mainly in the forums now days, but I check for spam and spread my love here and there in cblogs and the fp. I love you sick bastards. In a sexy non-sexual way.

I'm also on that thar Tweetarr @MikeMcPhil. Feel free to hit me up, I'm always down to chat.

Player Profile
Xbox LIVE:PhilK3nS3bb3n
PSN ID:MickGuerrera
Steam ID:hillbillysk8
BattleNET:Never again
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Links/PayPal: Indiegogo
PayPal can be sent to charleebaby84@gmail.com, this avoids the Indiegogo 10%

Yes, I'm back again for my brother. His first Indiegogo fell far short of his mark, raising only $320 and a box with a weeks worth of gluten-free food in the past month of trying to help his family. While my brother and I are both very grateful, I still believe that we can do better. I was hoping some of you Dtoiders lurking around PAX might be willing to pass this around and show people my brother's story and see if they could help with what we're trying to do. My brother felt starting another Indiegogo would help. I personally think private donations of money, food and clothes is the way to go, but hey, might as well try them both. 

We restarted the campaign with a goal of $19,680 since we had already gotten the $320. Why so much? Well besides being out of food and low on gasoline, clothes, toys, basic needs, they also need to go see that specialist in L.A. and get some lawyer action going, to go after the folks that lied and caused this situation. My brother is going to be updating the Indiegogo site later today (friday the 30th) with more pics, showing their current state of living, the paperwork he has concerning medical, disability and food stamps and including more evidence of the toxic mold that destroyed their home and made them sick. Below I'm going to include the short story of what happened and below that links to help. Thank you for taking the time to read this and a huge thanks to everyone that has helped so far. A few of you have continued helping and checking in and it means the world to my brother and I.

I love you guys.


Our Story (short version):

My name is Jaimie Jurgensen. My wife and I have four lovely children. Around the last part of 2011 we began having problems in the duplexes we were renting. Moisture was appearing all throughout the house, every night. Mold began to appear as well. Before the mold began to appear, we contacted maintenence about the moisture. After numerous calls, the maintenence man came out and told me the place needed to be remodeled. These duplexes were old military housing that had been decommisioned and never fixed up. We did our best to keep our house dry, but a few weeks later, we began to get sick. I was vomiting and having breathing problems, my youngest children were both put on breathing treatments and inhalers as well. My wife and children had various illnesses during this as well.

One day my wife and kids were on our bed and I jumped in to the pile of love myself. As I did, the bed came away from the wall and we noticed that behind where the bed was on the wall, was huge patches of various colors of mold. Mainly a blackish color though. We went through the house looking behind things, checking closets, behind pictures, etc. We found mold over the house. Mainly concentrated in our bedroom though. We contacted the manager of our building, demanding something be done, our clothes and things replaced, and were denied. We were told our renters insurance should cover these items, but the insurance stated that since it was a preexisting condition of the duplexes, it was THEIR responsibility to do this. I contacted the manager again and asked for cleanup and a mold test to be done. They came and did their alleged cleanup and test. We had to go stay in hotels during this, draining our dwindling finances further, we were not allowed to stay at the house. After the alleged cleanup, I asked to see copies of the mold report, worried about what was in our house. Especially since my littlest ones were sick and my wife and I were also having bad problems. We were given the round around so bad, it got to the point that I contacted another company and had them come in and do a mold test. During this process, we noticed the moisture had come back, the mold was showing through on places they had painted. Where there was drywall, it was getting so wet it was falling out of the places they had patched. It was a nightmare. Adding to the nightmare, the mold report I commisioned came back showing HUGE amounts of toxic black mold in our bedroom and high levels elsewhere in the duplex. We complained about the problems contuining to managment and repeated the cleaning process at least 4 times more. During this, the managment told me their mold report came back clear, yet refused to allow me to see a copy of it.

By this time it was around February '12. We had had enough. The health concerns and problems were mounting. The whole family was being affected and we were getting no where with the managment of the duplexes. Something had to give, we were being lied to by people who are supposed to follow laws concerning this, but were not. We contacted many lawyers about this and while everyone told us we had a case, no one seemed to want to take it. I had our mold report, pictures, witnesses, the whole nine yards, but couldn't get anywhere for awhile. With no other choice, but to stay and get sicker, we put all our possesions into storage and went to stay with some of my wifes family in another town. During this period, I lost my job due to all the events occuring and my ongoing health problems. Things quickly fell apart from there, culminating in us bouncing around friend to friend and culminated in us being homeless. This went on for months. I was able to get another job and move us into a discounted rent situation. The landlord was absolutely horrible and odd, but beggars can't be choosers. I continued to work my butt off to rebuild our lives, when problems started occuring in my arms. I recieved tendon and ligment damage to both arms, landing me smack dab on disablity status at 31. I need corrective surgery to fix arms, long story short. My wife has found work, but we still aren't making ends meet. County aid is anything but, with being accepted then cut off. Red Cross and Salvation Army don't help people, that are victims of this. We've tried everything we could. We are paying out of pocket for our medical, no insurance. Nightmare city.

Through this horrid patch, we did get a lawyer interested in our case though. He commended me for the evidence I had collected, moving out, putting things in storage, etc. and is trying to help us now. While I have done most things right and made smart moves concerning a lawsuit, due to our health problems, we need to see a specialist in L.A. to go further with our case and get our problems documented, which leads to why I am here, asking for your help and prayers. We have lost everything. My children have been through so much, my wife as well. I am now disabled and useless and we are just not able to make things work. The strain on our lives and marriage is tremendous. We have very little family or friends and they have helped as much as they possibly could. Our backs are up against a wall and we are left with no where else to turn. 

What we are asking for and why:

We are asking for $20,000 (holy s**t that's a lot, I know). The testing and visit to the specialist in L.A. is $5,000 a head. "But wait, you're only asking for $20k and there are 4 of you..." Yes, we know. Our main concern is getting my wife and youngest daughter tested, since they stayed in the room, with the highest concentration of the spores and suffer the most problems. Next up is my second youngest, due to her problems health wise. That's $15,000 right there. The other $5k would go to paying our outstanding bills, putting food on our table (at the time of writing this, I have literally 4 dinners left to make us), helping us outfit the kids for school (supplies and some decent clothes, backpacks, etc.), putting gas in my wifes vehicle, so she can get to work and other everyday expenses.

Getting us tested by this doctor is the puzzle piece we are missing in going after these people for what they've done to us and getting justice for my family and all that we have lost. It's not about getting a huge settlement, it's about making right on all we've lost and what we've suffered due to this. Imagine losing it all. Everything from when you were a baby on up. Imagine it happening to your kids. All they're favorite toys and books, all of it, gone. The health problems and expenses. The lies fed to you and your family.....

The rest of the money as I said, goes to us living decently for a short while. It's been a long time since that's happened and I want to see my babies smile again. I want my wife to be happy and I'd like to also be a little happy. Being disabled and being shot down left and right for everything, this all I can think to do now.

What happens if you beat the goal?

Anything we make beyond the goal, goes to the rest of the children and myself, being tested. 6 people = $30k for all of us to be tested. After $30k and up to $40k, goes towards paying dow our debts and bills, putting food on the table, taking care of the kids and replacing their things. Now, if we somehow manage to make more than $40k, what we are planning to do with the money after that is starting a foundation for those in situations like ours.

A foundation?

Yes. We are not the only suffers of toxic black mold. We aren't the only family out there with health problems, getting shot down for aid left and right. We all know things aren't easy these days and if we make more than our goal, we want to help out others like us. Helping them with mold tests, visiting doctors, paying hotel/rent expenses, bills, food, etc. Whatever we can do to pay it forward. The best way we think to do that, is setup a foundation, to help people in similar circumstances.

How does this story end?

We don't know. We are trying to go after the company that did this to us, hence this campaign to help us with the testing and possibly food and bills. Our situation is dire, but we are doing everything we can. Despite being disabled, I am still fighting to recieve, actual disability payments from SSI, I am out hunting for jobs that don't really require my hands and as you can imagine, that is not easy. My wife is working and as I said above, we still can't make the ends meet. The medical expenses, prescriptions, bills and everything else, have driven us into debt, when before we were doing alright. If we can get the help we need, we can get over this mountain of a hump and start rebuilding. We just need some breathing room and to get these tests done, so we can hopefully recoup our losses from the company that managed the duplexes. If the lawsuit doesn't work, then at least we have the breathing so I can maybe find work and we can start putting into savings again, instead of always taking out until it's past dry, like it is now.

 If you can't donate, please tweet the link for this, tell your friends, notify your news channel, email co-workers, please help our story get out and expose these people.

Thank you. 

So yeah. That's my brother and his families story. Short version. As you can see, pretty shitty. Whatever you can do to help, please, please do. I'm going to throw a list out now of suggested ways to help:

1. Donate food or local grocer gift cards. PM for the address.

2. Donate clothes and toys or gift cards for Walmart, etc. PM me for address.

3. Since we're not just trying to get them fed and clothed, but also get them gas, get them to the doctors and some help. Donate money. You can do it through the Indiegogo here: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/family-in-need-pt-2
or you can do it directly through paypal here: charleebaby84@gmail.com
You can also ask my brother any questions you have at that email as well. There is also sending checks/money orders, in that case, PM me for the address

4. Retweet the link to this blog and spread the word.

5. Contact our local news stations with this story. KCRA and KXTV are the big ones (those are links btw), tell what a local company has done to this family, the lies and danger put upon them and demand that something be done.

6. Offer suggestions to spread the word or better the campaign and get more help. We know about food closets, goodwill, all the cheap stuff. We are utilizing every tool at our disposal to help, it's how my brother has survived the past month, but it's not enough. With two daughters allergic to gluten (celiac disease), it's hard to get enough food for everyone and the food closets here are limited as is Goodwill/Salvation Army and local churches. 

I'm sorry to keep posting these (this is the third), but I am all my brother and his family have and until I get told to stop, I am going to use every resource I have to try and help. I have to see these little girls be sick, I have to see that house out of food and look my brother and sister in the eye and see the sadness and despair. Almost every day. If it was your family and you couldn't help financially anymore, would you stop? Thank you all for reading and for your support.

I don't know what else to say really. My brother is almost out of food. He needs help and I'm all he has. I've been spamming twitter, I've pleaded and begged (thank you everyone that spread the word and the few who donated), everyone I could. I tried to get a loan, I wrote this blog and I'm out of ideas and my brother is out of food after tonight. The shit that happened to him (read the blog and indiegogo linked in it for the story) was through no fault of his own. I can't help him anymore than I already have (gave him some of my dwindling food this week), because I still don't get paid for another week. Not to mention I have bills of my own and kids of my own. I'll help where I can, but I just can't do much. 

As I write this, his IndieGoGo has 58hrs left. We've made $255 so far. $55 of that is locked up until about a week after it ends, because it was payment through credit card. The $200 is the only thing that got him through until last week. I look at IndieGoGo and I see people getting thousands upon thousands for bullshit reasons and it flat out pisses me off. Tit jobs, personal needs, fan movies... these things get funded. Sure there is a lot of noble causes on there as well, but isn't a family on the verge of starving, who had everything taken from them due to a lying, scum bag company a noble cause as well? Getting justice for what was done and taken from a family of 6, ain't worth anyone's time? Two of my nieces need medication to breathe normally now, they have fucking breakdowns all the time.... THEY ARE LITTLE KIDS FFS! I'm just so damn frustrated at the moment. Not at any of you. Seriously, all the retweets and help you guys have provided... I'm just so thankful for. My brother is as well, check the comment he left on the original blog I wrote for him (link above).

Is there something else we can do though guys? If we were to relaunch the IndieGoGo, how could we improve it? As of right now could anyone retweet this blog? Anyone got some spare change, ideas, fucking anything? I'm out of 'em all and my brother needs help badly. Please help me, to help him. I'll link everything below, in case anyone does retweet this blog. Once again, thank everyone for what they have done. Seriously, I love you guys, I'm just super frustrated right now.

Original Blog for him: Link

IndieGogo: Link

I know you all here have given so much, but if anyone wants to donate right now and not through the Indiegogo, leave a comment or pm me and I'll give you his email. Shit most of you probably already have it, from when you helped me. If you do, send away. This shit is.... it's just so damn wrong. Hearing my brother cry his ass off an hour ago, set me off and there has to be more I can do dammit. So one more time: retweets, ideas to improve the campaign, ideas to make money, any tiny donation, anything... please.

Shit. I don't even know how to start this. Just thank you. Thank all of you. My God I did not expect the response my last blog got. I was filled with so many emotions that day. I was happy, sad, angry at myself, depressed, overjoyed, touched, thankful, spiteful... so many feels. None of the bad stuff was directed at you guys though. God you guys. I cried so much that day, it probably equals all the tears I've spilled in the past decade. I am truly blessed to have you all in my life. You all went above and beyond for me, to the point I had to start turning down some of you, due to help I already had received or had pledged. Jim Sterling and Chris Carter were a catalyst for this and I wish I could hug them both so hard. The fact that Jim of all people, even noticed my blog got me, let alone that he went and retweeted it and posted it on his Facebook. Same with Carter. If you two read this, thank you. Thank you so much. My children both have what they need for now and I have a little squirreled away, along with a few other pledges that are supposed to come in this week.

I'm so angry that I'm in a position that I had to rely on strangers, but I'm glad I wasn't too proud to reach out. No matter how I feel, my kids come first. Due to how we were raised and the hardships and just flat out shit we've faced, we don't tend to talk about our problems or reach out in my family. It's just not how we are. Being mocked and betrayed and lied to non-stop while growing up (by your own family) has that effect on ya. We play things very close to our vests, until it's almost too late usually. The "we" in this, is my brother and I. We are two of the last 4 remaining members of our family. Our older brother couldn't handle the traumas we've faced and... he's lost to us unfortunately. The other one.... well, let's leave her the fuck out of this. She's a liar and filthy thief. So yeah, it's just me and my brother against the world, or so I thought. You guys showed me I had more family than I could ever imagine. God, I love you guys so much. I always have, but this past week.... ;-;.... I love you all.

Which brings me to my cry for help. This isn't about me though. When you guys donated, I used my brothers paypal and he saw just how much love I got from you guys. After seeing this he showed me something I wasn't aware of. His Indiegogo page. You see almost two years ago, my brother and his wife discovered the house they were renting, was infested with toxic black mold. My nieces were sick and on inhalers, they were all having health problems, so they had no choice. They had to leave the house and in accordance with health and safety laws and advice from a lawyer, all their possessions. I mean right down to underwear. All of it. My brother and his family bounced around after that. I never knew they had been homeless on occasion during this, as my brother didn't want to tell me just how bad shit was, because he knew what I was dealing with and I had already been helping them as much as I could. Fast forward to now and even after doing their best to rebuild the children's and their own lives, it's all starting to crash down again. They need money to go see a specialist doctor to get their case really rolling. They can't keep enough food in the house, my brother is disabled and unable to work normal jobs (both his arms have destroyed tendons and require surgery) and they are struggling big time. You can read the whole story here.

I know most of you shot your money loads on me last week and I'm grateful as fuck. I can't help but feeling like a giant piece of shit now though. My brother has been struggling for a long time now and not getting anywhere. He started that Indiegogo 10 days ago and hasn't had a single donation. He asked me to join his campaign and try to help raise awareness for it, so here I am. As I said above, I know you donated to me and are probably broke, but I'm not just asking you guys for donations. I need real help on this. If you can't donate, retweet. If you don't have Twitter, use Facebook. Don't have that, e-mail anyone you know and ask them to spread the word. If you don't want to e-mail, bug our local news here. Part of my family has been fucked over by the company that rented them that house. My nieces and brother and sister have health problems now due to this shit. No one wants to listen, so please Dtoid, help me make them listen. I already wanted to pay forward the help you gave me, but I didn't think I'd be doing it for my own family. That just makes me even more tenacious about it though. This shit isn't right or ok. Help me spread the word. My brother has paperwork, test results, disability papers, cut off slips from medi-cal (or caid, can never remember), all of it. Let's get the news in on this and help a family that got fucking destroyed. My brother is one of us too. He's just a dirty lurker and podcaster on Low(er) Tier with Used, SayWord and myself. You guys just showed me we don't let our own go down like that, so let's attack.


Indiegogo: http://igg.me/at/Rebuildaftermold/x/4054050

Channel 3 Sacramento: http://www.kcra.com/tv/contact

Thank you again Dtoid for your help.

-Love Phil.

It's no secret I'm going through rough times. Things are a little better now at least. Some of you helped me make it possible to have food and gas for a little while longer. Go out and job hunt (Got a callback yesterday for a group home dealio, fingers crossed) and just buy things I needed in general. I can't thank those of you that helped me enough. I will keep my word and get you back, once I'm doing good again. I swear on everything I have left (not much mind you). But yes, things are somewhat better for ole Phil (I can't tell you how relieved I am to have a couple weeks worth of food stocked up). The kids are doing alright, they are well fed and taken care of and to be honest, thats all that matters to me at this point. Unfortunately I'm not writing this blog as just an update.

I have a problem quickly approaching me this Wednesday. My daughter goes back to school and I don't have the money to get her the supplies and stuff she needs. She is starting middle school and it's killing me that it's already starting on a bad note as is. Before I lay this out, I want you all to know I have barked up every tree I could. I have an appointment with welfare on the 12th, I don't have any family left, other than a brother in the same boat as me pretty much. I didn't think it would take this long to get a new job, but here we are. I'm sorry for this but everyone told me to set aside my pride and just ask if I need anything, so I'm hoping y'all meant it. I need about $150 and I'm begging you guys for it. Lemme break it down:

- New backpack (old one is worn out beyond recognition and she needs a larger decent bag, due to all the books and other crap she has to lug around. We don't have lockers around here): $30-40.

- Gym Uniform: Required, no way around it - $25

- Supplies: I can grab 95% of this stuff from the dollar store at least - $15

- New socks and underwear: embarrassing, but we are all overdue. She takes priority though - $20

- Lunch money for two weeks: We dont really have spare food here and it takes 2 weeks to process the free lunch program forms, which you can't get until school starts. School lunches are $3.50 a day, but I figure I can make her lunch here for two weeks cheaper than that, just need the extra food: $25

- Gas to get her there: Bus doesn't run by our house and it's too far to walk: $25 for the first two weeks. 

So yeah. I'm asking for $150. Look I know I'm a piece of shit right now, who doesn't have the right to ask this. I feel awful, but I don't have a choice. I don't have anyone else to ask either. Believe me I would. I will pay back every dime I have received though. I am a man of my word. It's all I have left. Thank you for reading and if you can help, shoot me a pm or leave me a comment asking me to shoot you one.

You'll all have to excuse me. I've been falling down for a while and I'm just at the end of my rope. I honestly don't know how much more bad shit I can take. Those of you you who know me, know it hasn't been an easy 2 yrs for me and my family. Starting with a breakup and a robbery within months of each other, it really all went downhill from there. The past 6 months in particular have just been fucking horrid and have led to a deep depression inside me. Deeper than ever before. The only reason I'm not drinking again or drugging, is my babies and support from some of my close friends. Sadly I don't have many close friends. A few of you from here and my brother irl and that's about it. My dad was probably my best friend in the world and a tremendous support, but he's been in the ground for quite awhile now. Can't really replace him either, ya know?

Back on point to what's led me here. Almost 10 months ago a very traumatic event happened to my daughter. One of those absolutely horrible, life changing, nothings ever going to be the same type of things. It fucked her up badly and spiderwebbed its way out to the rest of us as a result. This was coming off the heels of me losing my second job and led to a lot of problems in our house. Shit still isn't right and never will be. Fast forward through problems with birth mom, other shit and a host of small day to day bullshit to about 6 months ago. My hours got cut. This is coming off the heels of us moving to a safer area and nicer house. I pick up some extra work and am still able to afford bills and all the other stuff. We're going to therapy to help my daughter, I'm keeping my hands off bad stuff and things look like they'll turn around. Man who the fuck was I kidding?

Anybody ever have their kid try to commit suicide? It's about as fun as it sounds. I'd say this is where my mind began to crack. Trying to keep it together, while helping my baby and helping her find reasons to move on.... it has fucking drained me. The fact that people had done something to make her want to do that, well..... I was ready to kill. Not hyperbole either. One day there will be a reckoning with a few individuals and they sure aren't going to like me. After dealing with something like that, you have no choice but to push forward. You have to do it for your kids mainly, but yourself as well. I felt that every time I stopped to think, hatred, sadness and fury would overtake me. I felt like a selfish horrible person. My daughters going through this shit and I didn't feel I was being the best parent I could. Still don't. I've failed in a few areas, but I swear I'm doing the best I fucking can by them.

At this point in time, I'm pretty much a bottle of rage with a smile plastered on it. I'm constantly reminding myself not to kill the stupid bitch who won't hang her up her phone when ordering food, or the dumb ass shit stain who cut in line in front of me at the store. I'm just all sorts of fucked up. Daydreaming about murdering random people, knuckles white, fists clenched all the time. Holding a lot of shit in. So of course that's when the ex starts fucking with me. Parading a lovely selection of dicks of the week in front of me and the kids. Just all around loveliness ya know? Not a huge horrible thing in my case (for the kids though...), but it adds to my stress and bothers me none the less. She likes to one up herself all the time in this area too. I'm waiting to open my day one day to her just blowing 6 dudes on the doorstep while flipping me off.

Meanwhile I can't even find a decent lady or dude to date. Lonely as fuck, dealing with all this shit, not ashamed to say I wanted to get my fuck on at least. Well I did find someone to have some booty calls with once or twice and that was cool, until she flipped her shit. I guess some shit with a guy she liked or an ex, but that was gone as quick as it appeared it seemed. But hey, at least it happened. Anyway that leads us up to the past month or close to it. I'm probably forgetting a few horrible things, but it's getting hard to keep track of all the bad shit. I'm truly starting to believe I'm cursed.

So yeah, the past month. The straw that broke this camel's back. Started off innocently enough with a strained/torn ligament in my left leg, that put me out. Going to pick a prescription after that, I learned my insurance had been cut since I wasn't working the required number of hours anymore. That really sucked because I have to pay full price for everything now. Wasn't even able to pick up my script, until a lovely Dtoider gave me the money to do so. Right after that I learned I was being let go from my job due to further budget cuts (I wasn't alone either, a lot of good folks lost their jobs that day). So there I was. Last check in hand, savings exhausted. Paid my mortgage up as much as I could and my bills off until next month. Put some food in my house and gas in the car (also thanks to a lovely Dtoider who sent me $100). I of course struck out (on my gimp leg) and started applying everywhere I could. I've applied so many places the past two weeks my head is spinning. I'd be happy to flip burgers right now and then go do graves at a gas station, if it meant income. I'm on the cusp of losing my kids since I can't provide, losing my house since I can't afford it, I have emergencies left and right that have drained my once hefty savings to nothing and I'm freaking the fuck out.

So that leads up to this weekend. I'm a fucking stress case. Bummed the fuck out. Kids go to a swimming party with mom and give me a much needed break. Yay right? I lay down for a nap (haven't been sleeping well). Probably asleep for two hours when I hear someone yelling on my answering machine that my son had drowned. Fucking fly out of bed grab the phone and start screaming "What the fuck do you mean?" Apparently no one had noticed my 3yr old, didn't have a life jacket on, was around the pool (surrounded by adults, according to witnesses) and had jumped in. Some stranger pulled him out thank god. From what people and the doctors say, he was an inch away from death. His lips were blue when he came out, he was pale and unresponsive. Someone began cpr, while someone else (no one family or related to him mind you) called 911. I received my call after he had already arrived at a local hospital. Doctors told me there was no brain damage, but since he had swallowed so much water, his lungs were fucked up and he had to be admitted to pediatric ICU. An incredibly stressful 24hrs later and he was cleared though (thank you God). He's at home like nothing ever happened, running around, being the little Phil that he is (a borderline monster). I realized yesterday though, that I have a fuck ton of expensive ass medical bills coming my way now too though. Jesus Christ. Don't get me wrong at all, I'd pay any price for my babies, but I can't actually pay any of those prices right now.

I just don't know what else to do now guys. I get one step ahead of shit, then knocked fifty steps back it seems. I loaded my gun yesterday with the intention of going to rob some drug dealer I knew was a fucking joke and a bitch (but that bitch usually has at least 5k laying around), but thankfully common sense took over. My babies can't lose me now. I can't afford to go to jail, can't afford to be who I once was or do things I used to do, so any illegal activities are off the table (dealing, stealing, etc.). I have about $40 to my name at the moment, almost everything I could sell was stolen over a year ago, bills coming soon, food needed soon, more gas needed soon, more, more, fucking more. I'm being crushed under all this weight and don't know if I can continue being the man, my kids need me to be. I'm praying to find work soon. That's really all that can save my ass at this point. I'm praying like I've never prayed before and am hoping someone or something hears me and answers. I just want to work and take care of my kids. Kids I've almost lost in horrid ways now. It feels like the universe wants to rip it all away from me. As down as I get about all this (pretty down), I'm too fucking stubborn to stop. It's so fucking hard though. I really can't take another blow at this point.

Due to all this shit, I'm stepping down as a recapper. I'll churn out shitty caps until they replace me, but don't expect any fun ones anymore. I'll still be around making a dumb joke here and there, but not like I was. Probably mainly stick to the forums and the occasional comment on a blog, but I just don't have it in me anymore people. I'm broken as all fuck now.

The past couple days have left me in a very not nice place. However, I was sitting in my chair today, lost in my horrible thoughts and my phone buzzed. A fellow dtoider had texted me, inquiring if I was ok. This person (name withheld for reasons) then went on to continue to talk to me and try to make me feel better. This simple act, left me in tears. Someone far away from me, cared enough to make sure I was ok. Let that sink in. A virtual stranger almost, knew something was wrong with me and took time, from his day, to check in on me. That's what Dtoid is. We are family. I've never met any of you. I've talked to a lot of you though and consider a lot of you closer than blood. I'd do damn near anything I could for you and it goes both ways. Never in all my years have I been part of something so amazing, so insane and so beautiful, online. This simple act forced me out of my stewing chair and to come sit down and start writing this.

It was around 2008, maybe a little earlier, that I began to lurk around here. Retroforce sucked me in, along with the awesome reviews, Burch's ramblings and that little green mascot. The way everyone acted in comments sealed my fate. I loved reading what these assholes had to say. As the years went on, I started commenting here and there. I wasn't the nicest person in the world either. I remember flat out trolling a few times in fact. I was a bag of shit known as hillbillysk8 back then. I believe that account was deleted or lost at the switch over to the current layout (I did find some old responses to me though such as this and... oh wait, guess I switched my name as seen here.) ANYWAY, yeah. I used to be Hillbillysk8, stalker of sofik and troll of ScrappyDoo (Man did that guy get cool though). Anyway, sometime in 2010 I switched to PhilK3nS3bb3n (DO NOT miss those 3s) and that's how most of you know me now. I stopped trolling (mostly) and began actually interacting on the fp at least. I still lurked the forums and c-blogs though. I was too scared to jump in. Eventually, I sucked it up and boy did I dive in.

My first blog was just codes for SF4 on 3DS. My first forum post was just me ogling hot ladies and muttering about boners. I did start REALLY participating in comments sections everywhere on the site though. Soon I began pumping out blogs that spilled my guts (I don't think I've written more than 2 game related blogs still, free indie game stuff not counted), carried on the amazing bbain's indie blogs in my own way and started giving out free shit. All the while making friendships and getting to know amazing people. It's crazy how much this site has become part of my life. I'm in shock all the time that people even know my name. I was fucking recognized on Steam for fucks sake (You sick Italian bastard, you better stop with the dicks). That's crazy. I'm not entirely sure how I've become a recapper, a mod (lie, I bugged the shit out of Funk and Dixon), or even how I started a podcast (that was with a LOT of help from friends). Somehow I'm here though. Talking to devs (getting dem sweet codes), making a game (see you at GDC/PAX next year) and getting put on the frontpage of a game's site. It's been a hell of a ride. I'm actually beginning to live my dream of working in the game industry and I owe it all to this place. We have tons of laughs together, we get pissed together, but what sticks with me, is that when I'm sitting in a chair, crying and lost, my phone can vibrate and one of you will be there. I love you all. That's my greatest Dtoid memory. You guys. Love you all so fucking much. Here's to another 7!

Special thanks to:

Mr Andy Dixon
PK Fire
Smurfee McGee
Used Ta Be
Chris Carter
Kyousuke Nanbu
Isay Isay
Long John

and to anyone I missed, I'm sorry, I love you and all, but I'm running out space and memory :p