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A Declaration of War on the Bastard Smurfee McGee (NVGR) - Destructoid

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I am 31 and I'm getting old. I probably hate you. I run The Low(er) Tier also. We podcast, publish indies and are getting into development. I enjoy watching the weather channel and complaining about grass. I have two beautiful kids, a wife and am dealing with life and just trying to do my best with it all. My other interests (besides games) are: reading, hiking, playing with my kids, yelling at old(er) people, collecting various virus samples, stalking Smurfee, thinking about working out, itching my bare butthole and seeing how long I can go, without smelling my finger and Batman. I love old school cars (Chevy), football (Packers & Niners) and of course: Vidya Gamze!

My favorite games as a wee lass were: SMB3, Gunstar Heroes, Commander Keen, Blake Stone, Doom/Quake, Excitebike, Anything from Sierra/Lucasarts and MK. Now days I'm a filthy game slut. I play it all, I love it all. I'm always down to game with anyone, so feel free to hit me up on whatever you see I'm on. I've been on Dtoid quite awhile now (almost 5 years) and have only started getting involved the past couple years. You can find me lurking mainly in Cblogs and OH. I also do the weekend recaps in Cblogs and have started a podcast called Low(er) Tier. I love you sick bastards. In a sexy non-sexual way.



I'm also on that thar Tweetarr @MikeMcPhil. Feel free to hit me up, I'm always down to chat.



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Tonight an uneasy truce was broken. Decades of peace have been pissed away and many innocent people have and will continue to suffer, as long as this conflict is allowed to continue. Monday recapper and all around scoundrel Smurfee McGee rained his opening salvos down around me and my people tonight. Thousands were lost in this unprovoked attack. As I walked through the aftermath, stopping to pray with the injured and puke on the really gross ones, I steeled myself inside. I knew at that moment what must be done, so that future generations may live in peace.

Even Max can't stand the sight of this decrepit being.


This conflict must be ended. Once and for all. Only one of us will walk away McGee and that one shall be ME! Rather than hide behind my people, as if they were fodder (like you cowardly do), I have sent them off to safer lands. I have placed my children with those I can trust to keep them safe. I have regrettably had to postpone my nuptials with my new bride and walk away from everything and everyone I love. I'm coming for you McGee.



I am coming alone my dear Smurfee, with a backpack full of knives and socks filled with quarters. No longer shall I perch atop a ladder outside your window and fap. I shall perch atop a ladder and KILL now. Then I'll fap... because well... it's me. That's kinda my thing. Anyways, I shall be hiding in every shadow, every dream, every.... something. Do not worry too much yet though, you shall not be first. First I shall erase everything you love and cherish.

FROM BEHIND! LIKE A NINJA! OR A PORN GUY!


When everything you know and love is gone. Then you can start to worry. That's when I shall pounce upon you, like the lithe, 6' 4" 250lbs. cat I am. That's when my knives will begin stabbing into you repeatedly until I find your cold blue heart and cease it's beating, once and for all.



Or I'll just post a bunch of stupid shit here and crack jokes at you on Twitter, whatever.



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