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PhantomTommy avatar 10:24 AM on 04.27.2013  (server time)
Monaco: Can't see sh*t.

Monaco: What's Yours is Mine is a game about pulling off the perfect heist. It's about that giddy feeling you get when you and your buddies work in unison to achieve a shared goal. It's about the joy of chaos when one of said buddies accidentally struts into a room crawling with guards. It's a game that demonstrates the power of planning and patience.

Or at least that's what the critics will tell you.

What I got was a goddamn eye exam.

I spent a good four hours playing Monaco: What's Yours is Mine yesterday and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't make sense of the stage design. For those of you who don't know, Monaco is a stealth, action game played from a top down perspective like Hotline Miami or an early GTA. Now I have no problem with the top down thing, I actually loved Hotline Miami, it's the fact that every single stage in Monaco is cluttered with initially incomprehensible icons and trigger happy guards, all of which are invisible to you unless they are in your characters line of sight.

You may remember that Klei Entertainment used a similar mechanic in their game Mark of the Ninja to great success, but that game was played from a side on perspective meaning you could always differentiate between the walls that were high enough to hide your character from sight, and those that weren't. In Monaco, all walls look exactly the same regardless of height, which makes it frustratingly easy to unintentionally enter an enemies line of sight and mess up the whole heist.

This is how a typical stage looks......... Do you see?

As for the stealth? Well that just goes out the window as soon as you go online. I had heard tales of intricate plans collapsing into frantic dashes for loot with guards in toe, but I had barely gotten out the words "Hey sexy online people, I think we should go this way" before my so called comrades had completely cleared out the stage and were waiting for me by the getaway vehicle. It's only then that they speak to you too, "C'mon you pr**k,....... wait a second....... are you black? ARE YOU BLACK???"

I dunno man, maybe this game just ain't for me. I'm planning on having a few of my best pals over to play on the one big screen tonight. We'll have fizzy pop and everything, maybe I'll start to like it then. Or maybe I'll realize that it's OK not to like the things other people like.......... Nah screw that, I paid 15 euros for this thing.

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