What the lobster milkshake is wrong with Gamespot, besides the fact that they are money whores and cash cows? I wanted to start this post off positive, but goddamn, I just thought I would take a peek at their review of Magic Ball for the PSN, and they gave it a 6. A f#!@%ing 6!? Mitch Dyer, you either have no heart, or no soul, either way, you sir, are a douche. It is interesting that a couple of the things he listed as "The Bad" in his review are reasons why I actually enjoyed the game. One example, "Too easy to lose sight of your ball". Yeah, Mitch, that's part of the challenge of the game. That's part of what makes this game unique. It could be a clone of the many, many, many Arkanoid clones, but no, CREAT decided to take the road less traveled. Damn those CREAT bastards!
I won't go off on a tangent any more than I already have so read it for yourself and let me know what you think.



The wife and I just downloaded this last night and had a blast the entire time. This game is fantastic, and a great multiplayer experience. Speaking of multiplayer, I thought it was interesting how they implemented this. When you are playing co-op, you only have to worry about your half of the screen; there is an invisible wall that splits down the middle of the playing field, which is great if you have someone that would otherwise snag your power-ups in a heartbeat if you let your guard down for more than a second.



The physics are pretty solid, what with the Havok engine and all, but the gameplay overall is just plain fun. Other than that, their really isn't much more to say that hasn't already been said by Mr. Sterling.

So, what do you dtoiders think of this? Gem or Phlegm?

1. My wife and I quit smoking over 2 years ago by sheer will power alone.

2. I do NOT own a DS, nor have I ever. If you have one you want to give me, PM me and I'll shoot you over my address.

3. I once owned a Sega Genesis equipped with a Sega CD, and a 32x. It was a monster. Sewer Shark FTW!

4. I started writing a couple fantasy novels when I was a kid, and I have yet to finish either. I am great with titles, bad with finishing stories and/or committing to anything.

5. I visit Destructoid over 500 times a day. I don't actually keep track, but I'm just estimating how many times I hit the refresh button while at work.

6. I know kung-fu.

7. I collect pez dispensers. I even have a one-of-a-kind pez dispenser tattooed on my forearm.

8. I am an aggressive driver. It's not something I like to admit, but I am. It is due to the fact that I delivered pizzas for 8 years.

9. I have never played an MMORPG. Ever. I honestly fear that I would become WAY too addicted. I am like that with RPG's that have an ending; I couldn't even imaging becoming engrossed in an RPG that is virtually endless.

10. I'm a certified towel-head! Fear my terrorist inclinations!

I figured it was time to bare my heart and soul to the dtoid community. I've seen these "10 things" posts sprouting up like wild fire, and it seems like a pretty cool idea to get to know your fellow gamers/perverts. So here goes nothing.

1. I was born Nathan Ray Kleewein on March 18, 1978 (that makes me OLD). I've lived in Colorado my entire life. While I may have contemplated moving to other parts of this vast country, I've never been able to convince myself that there is any other state I could ever possibly live in or is as great as the 303.

2. I lived and toured with my all-time favorite punk band for the greatest 4 years of my life. RIP Pinhead Circus.

3. I am addicted to tattoos. I love them and if it were financially possible, my entire body would be covered. But alas, I only have been able to afford 10 at the moment. My dream tattoo would be an Akira inspired legging.

4. I became a proud parent of the most beautiful baby girl on the planet on Oct 3rd 2007. This also happens to be my wife's birthday. Oh, and our anniversary is Oct. 2nd. I struck gold!

5. Much like tattoos, I also have an (un)healthy obsession with novels of the fantasy variety. Which is why I collect more books than video games. 2 of my favorite authors are Terry Brooks and Robert Jordan (RIP)

6. I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 17, whilst preparing to leave on a school trip to Russia. Not only did I find out my dad wasn't my biological father, but my real biological father was a Saudia Arabian hospital administrator, naturally, living in Saudi Arabia. We've never met or talked. Ever.

7. When I first went to college after graduating high school, I was studying psychology with a minor in English. Ironically, I have been working as database integration specialist for the last 5 years.

8. I delivered pizzas for a company called Blackjack Pizza for 8 years. I was the best they had (or ever will have as far as I'm concerned). I loved it, and if I was paid what I make now working with computers, I would do it full time.

9. I used to make my own fireworks. Not so much as of late. Thanks a BUNCH 9/11 and Homeland Security!

10. Not really special or interesting but I build all of my computers from scratch.

"OMFG! I could punch kittens right now I am so angry!!!"

That was the common phrase around the Wii two nights ago. Something so terrible, so foul happened... and it all happened so fast that it literally left our heads reeling with confusion and utter terror.

My wife and I have been trudging through Okami for weeks, and I must say it has been a brilliant..uh...trudge. Honestly, it's probably one of the best adventure games I've ever had the pleasure of playing.

So Ezofugi comes and goes, and now it is on to the Ark of Yamato to confront the God of Darkness, m*therfuc*ing YAMI!

We really had no idea what to expect with Yami seeing as the boss battles up to this point were epic, but we knew it was going to be good. And it was. After learning the intricacies of each phase, it wasn't bad, and we slowly whittled away at the "god" of darkness.

[Editor's note:] The below paragraph may seem like a wall of text, but in all fairness, it was written this way to convey the emotion, and calamity my wife and I went through whilst battling Yami, so please bear with me...]



Alright, phase 1 down. Phase 2 down. Holy shit, phase 3...down. Christ, are you serious...? Phase 4 down. Alright, phase 5... This better be it. My goddamn arm is going to fall off. I'm making sunrise patterns like there's no tomorrow to avoid the darkness. I'm moving and shaking and Yami is going down! Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap...he's almost dead. I got him. Okami, I am going to Goozex the hell out of you as soon...as...I... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GAME FROZE!!!!! WWWWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!! GOD NO, GOD NO, GOD NO, GOD NO!!

"OMFG! I could punch kittens right now I am so angry!!!"

[Editor's note] My wife was still to shaken to attempt another go at Yami, but I am glad to say that I was able to muster up enough courage, enough raw, primal energy to F*CK THE SHIT OUT OF THAT GODDAMN WORTHLESS SACK OF COW BALLS THAT IS YAMI! Roll credits!

www.Destrctoid.com (Internet)
Developed by Mr. Destructoid
Published by Mr. Destructoid
Released on March, 2006



Nathan "PappaDukes" Kleewein

Over the past 20+ years, I have been hip to this crazy train called the interwebnet. Or, internet, to the lay-people. I have surfed far and wide, and have ridden some pretty crazy "waves" over the years. But none have been as crazy as the "dtoid wave". dtoid? wut's that!? Come ON! You're riding it as we speak, baby. Just enjoy it.
So now, sit back and enjoy my impressions of the little website that could; and if you don't enjoy this then STFUJPG!

More after the jump...

*cosmic jump*

When I first happened upon the "internet" back in the BBS days, I was but a wee pup in a vast land of bulletin board madness. I would dial random numbers in hopes that I could quench my insatiable thirst for game reviews, news, and all-around madcappery. For years, this thirst went un-quenched, and my 28.8 kbit/s modem was pushed to the limits. I was lost, delirious and incredibly horny. So game reviews, news and madcappery had to take a back seat to the budding feelings that were emanating from deep withing my loins.

Skip ahead several years, and many a porn website later, to bring us comfortably to the year 2006. The future. And what does one expect from the future besides flying cars and hoverboards (thank you very much Michael J. Fox! You crushed a young boy's heart...)? Well, not a whole lot.



The internet has officially exploded into a wasteland of blog-this and digg-that. I was disgusted with the filth that passed as, what I will coin at this very moment, as "web-worthy". If it wasn't about video games or naked chicks, it was wasting my time, energy, and time. Freaks like Perez Hilton and Paris Hilton were enough to make me run virus scans on a daily basis just to keep my fragile motherboard pristine.
Sure, there were gaming sites galore. It was truly a golden-age for me. For the first time in my life, I was actually having to filter through porn site after porn site after porn site in order to find what I had always been looking for.

One day, the search ended, and I stumbled upon a website called "Destructoid". For some strange reason, I don't even remember how I got here. I honestly think it just "appeared". I know, it sounds "ridiculous", and you're all thinking I'm "crazy". Well, maybe I am. But don't you try and change the subject! I've got a one-track mind, and I came here to speak my mind. Wait, where was I? Crazy; right.

The only thing I do remember from this first epic encounter was that I read an article by some guy named Jim Sterling. It was both awesome, and hilarious.
The overall look of the site was raw. You could tell that this site was virtually a baby. Just barely able to walk. Stumbling around from post to post fighting to make it with the big boys. I was captivated. I new from that very first Jim Sterling post that I would never need another gaming website again. Period.

There wasn't much happening other than posts at that time. We didn't have leaderboards, or the c-blogs. Just raw, unadulterated gaming news, reviews and yes, finally, the madcappery I had been so deprived of with past "gaming" sites.
I must admit that I must have hit F-5 on my keyboard about 1,000 times that day. As I worked I would just leave the browser open, and then refresh. Anything new!? Damn...refresh. OOOOH, new post! And from Ron! GOLD!
And I am also proud to admit that our network administrator has actually blocked Destructoid because I apparently visit so much (God bless proxy servers and Firefox!!!).



Obviously, over the months that followed. The man behind it all, the mysterious Niero aka, Mr. Destructoid, was busily making changes to an already epic site, and admittedly, for the better. While I was truly frightened at first, I learned that all the enhancements, and down-time was absolutely worth it. While I was content with the simplicity of the early days of dtoid, the fresh new look(s) and the overall feel of the site kept me coming back even more. Hell, most days at work I would never even leave. And now, with the addition of the "c-blogs", and rankings, and leaderboards, I'm hooked for life.

Honestly, there are no other gaming sites that compare. I don't even think about buying a game anymore until it is reviewed on Destructoid as they are the most honest you are going to find anywhere on the internets, hands-down. Unless, of course, it's reviewed by the infamous Rev Ant ;-) (he is such a smarmy bastard!).

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I forgot this was a review, and really must get back to work. So I am going to make this short, and sweet. Destructoid, while being in my opinion, the most definitive gaming website around, it still has it's minor flaws. Little site navigation hiccups here and there that keep me harshly cursing the gods, and the fact that my rank sucks balls is a HUGE issue as well. Oh, and not nearly enough posts after 5:00 PM MST (seriously Niero, crack the whip. I need news 24/7!).
But seriously, best website ever.

Score: 9.9

Well, I hope that I don't get banned by dtoid for not posting a game-related blog. Hell, this isn't even a blog, period. (<-- periods followed by a period fascinate the hell out of me...). Anywho, welcome. I figured it was time to get this shit under way. My name is Nathan, but i go by pappadukes, because 1:) I am a new father, and 2:) because I wear "daisy-dukes" when I have enough liquor in me to tranquilize a horse. Hence, "pappadukes". (The extra "p" is for another post altogether. C-blog usage guidelines currently prohibits me from explaining further).
Call me sick, depraved, or insecure. I really don't care, which you can see illustrated below:



wait, wrong picture... THIS is a picture of me not caring, because I'm drinking beer.



So, I lied earlier when I stated that this "post" (NOT blog) would have no relation to video games whatsoever. I am sorry. I couldn't truly capture my "essence" without delving into video games just a little.

I am 30 years of age, which means that I grew up on video games. The earliest being the Texas Instruments and Commodore 64. I also had almost every incarnation of the Atari "console" they could shit out (2600, 5200, 7800). But I can't say that I really got into video games until I got the obligatory Nintendo Entertainment System as is the case with most (if not all) 30-somethings. I became a junkie. From that point on I slowly began experimenting. Any new system that came out, I had to have. Genesis, SNES, Sega Saturn, Sega CD, Sega 32x, Jaguar, Sony Plastation, Nintendo 64, Gamecube, XBOX, Playstation2, Wii, Playstation 3. And that's just consoles. You HAD to have a Gameboy if you didn't want to be called a "poser" back in my day. And I'm not talking about your fancy "Gameboy Color"; I'm talking about the "jaundiced" yellow and black OG Gameboy. Not only was I able to immerse myself in video games in the comfort of my own home, now I could bring my addiction with me, wherever i went. It was absolutely amazing to be alive!
But I can safely say that the Gameboy was about as crazy as I got with the handhelds (Color, Advance, and SP). I did own a PSP at one time, but ironically I sold it so that I could afford a 80 gig PS3 (absolutely fucking worth it, if you ask me.)
Well, that's it for me at the moment. I thought I would just give this C-blog a test drive, see how I liked it. Seems to handle pretty well, although, I did notice some drifting, when I took my hands off the wheel. And I think the previous owner let her cat urinate all over the bucket seats...