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2:54 PM on 03.25.2010

3DS Gameplay Video (Shortblog)

I did some searching around the c-blogs and didn't see this subject posted anywhere, but a friend of mine sent me a link to the below video showing footage of how the 3DS gameplay *should* work. Not sure how legit this is, but hell, it looked awesome to me!


The magic doesn't happen until about 0:50 in.

So, what do you all think?   read

4:00 PM on 02.23.2010

Why FF XIII on the PS3 is blatantly better than FF XIII on the 360

You read that right, ladies and gentlemen. Final Fantasy XIII will be blatantly better on the PS3 than it will be on the 360. Sorry to crush your dreams fanboys and girls, but it had to be said. I compiled a highly scientific and highly significant list of reasons why you should believe what I am writing.

1. PS3 has teh blu-rays. - The PS3 release will have one disc. One beautiful, glorious disc just bursting at the seams with uncompressed goodness. The 360 will have three discs. Three discs jam packed with compressed garbage. Jesus, how am I supposed to keep track of all them dvds? What is this, the 2000's?? It was hard enough to keep track of my Final Fantasy VIII's four cds for christ's sake.

2. 720p vs. 576p - I don't even know what that means, but there is one thing I do know and that is bigger numbers = better. Period.

3. No Japanese Voice Acting on the 360 version - Are you f*cking kidding me!? If I owned a 360 and heard this news, I would have chucked it out of the nearest window post-haste. I know I am not fluent in Japanese. But goddammit, don't tell me what I can't do!! Besides, I love me some moonspeak.

4. The 360 can red-ring, the PS3 can't - Does this even need explanation? The PS3 doesn't even have any rings at all. It is virtually indestructible. I would know because I use mine as a cornerstone for my house's foundation. That's rock-f*cking solid right there. How would you like to be 30 hours into the game and suddenly your 360 red-rings for the 10th time? I bet you wouldn't like that very much, would you?

5. The 360's US cover art is basically porn. - Dear sweet baby jesus. I wouldn't show the 360's US cover art to my grandmother with all the leg that's exposed. At least with the PS3's cover art, there's a little more tact with using the teen rating box to cover the bare thigh.

Well there you have it. Undeniable proof that Final Fantasy XIII will be blatantly better on the PS3 and how it will be barely even playable on the 360, probably. But hey, worst case scenario, you can always go over to your rich friend Joey's house and watch him play it on his ungodly, immensely expensive PS3 and silently think to yourself, "man, I could club him over the head right now and take his stupid PS3 and play this game the way it's supposed to be played. Then I can blame it all on Square-Enix!".

6. The 360 version will cause you to murder your friend Joey for his PS3 so that you could play it the way it's supposed to be played. - Enough said.   read

2:55 PM on 08.28.2009

Soon to be a LYNX!

Hey guys, I'm getting my Atari LYNX II today in an hour or so and I just wanted some help picking out some games for the system.

I plan on buying Batman Returns, Lynx Casino, and Todd's Adventures in Slime World right away. However, I'm stumped as to what other games I should get.

I'm looking for some games with some good multiplayer action, but really I'll look into just about any suggestion I'm given. Please help me out and let me know so I can get some good ideas. Thanks! :)


9:58 AM on 08.25.2009

Why the hell WOULDN'T I love Dtoid!?

I would have to be some kind of Nazi to not love Destructoid. Seriously. If you are any form of gamer, and you don't find something you like with Destructoid, then you might need to get your head checked.

What's to love?
Well, for starters, everything. That simple. I leave a browser window open at work, and literally hit the refresh button (F5 is my best friend) about 500+ times a day. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. And I'm not kidding.
What else is there to love you say? Here comes the breakdown (now with 50% moar bullet-points!):

* Insanely awesome articles (or posts, whatever). If you want to read about gaming related news without [edited] any bullshit, then you will definitely love this place.

* Great contests. I've never been to a gaming site that had contests like Destructoid. Honestly some of the most interesting (read bat-shit crazy) contest entries can be found only @Destructoid.

* Original videos. Some hilarious, some fucking hilarious. Basically, if Jim Sterling makes a video, I pee myself a little in anticipation whilst it buffers.


* Podcasts. Well, apparently only one remains for the next couple weeks. But I love them all. Teh Podcastle (RIP), RetroforceGO! (AMMMMAAAAAAZZZIIING!) and of course, the Podtoid (And for the record, I like Mr. Burch's eeyore-esque attitude. If he wasn't all smarmy and shit, I believe the universe would actually implode on itself).

* THE COMMUNITY - Good lord there is no place like Destructoid when it comes to you guys. Fanboys, casual gamer, hardcore gamer, retro gamer, grrl gamer, gamer, gamer, GAMER! Deep down, we are all gamers, and it shows. Some posts get so fucking heated, it's just amazing to be part of such debates and getting to see what other gamers think. Love it.

* Last but not least, the STAFF! Destructoid has the greatest staff of writers around. Each and everyone of them has something unique (and amazing) to offer on a daily basis, and without them, we'd all be a lot worse off. Thanks to Jim Sterling, we can have uproarious debates, Samit keeps us in the loop with the sports games *shudders*. Topher let's us all know what's hot with Shmups and fighting games (I'd love that large Slurpee with the bee now please!). Colette and Chad are the Queen and King, respectively, of Retro games and/or news, and me being a fellow "80's" gamer, I instantly fell in love.
Hamza and his banhammer and something about sharks. Holmes and his fanboy love for the Wii and discounts, Brad (Chet) and his pecks of doom. Dale and all things Persona. Burch and his rants, Davis and her amazing drawerings, Dyson and PANCAKES!! etc, etc. See what I mean?

* But of course. None, and I mean NONE of this would be possible, or as awesome, without our Robot-in-Chief. Niero, you are the man, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have never felt more part of a community as I do at Destructoid, and how awesome is it to have the founder of Destructoid as active as the community itself? That's like fishing with Obama! Here's to 3 more years and beyond.



3:23 PM on 04.23.2009

Oh DS, how I love thee. Let me count the ways.

1. The World Ends With You

Honestly, I can't say enough good things about this game. I just got it last week, but holy shit, this game is seriously amazing in every way. The battle system is so much fun, and the fact that you can customize your pins to suit your unique style of fighting is enough to keep me grinding the hours away.

I'll admit, when I first fired this game up, I was suddenly disheartened when I thought the game was going to be timed. Since the DS system time was displayed on the screen, I thought for sure that I had 60 minutes to complete the first day. I was literally panicking going through the first few cut scenes and dialog. Oh you could only imagine my huge sigh of relief when I found out that it was timed based on real life time. But they sure had me going for a while.

2. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

I originally got this game for my wife since i was sure that she would get into it. I was jealous as hell. I wanted to play this game so bad, it hurt. But I would have to wait until she beat it. Or would I?
Turns out, I wouldn't actually have to wait that long. I think after the 2nd trip to the Temple of the Ocean King, she got so frustrated with being timed, that she gave up. I told her to keep at it, that it would get better. Not having played it myself, I really was just hoping that was a true statement. But alas, she talked to her sister and her mother who had both played it, and they told her you went back over and over and it got harder and harder.
That was the end of my wife's relationship with Phantom Hourglass.

I started playing the next day, and I didn't touch another game until I beat it. It was such an amazing experience after having played Wind Waker years ago, and finally getting to jump back into the water world I missed so dearly. Unlike a lot of other people that had issues with Wind Waker's boating aspect, I freaking fell in love with it in the Wind Waker, and the fact that I would get to do it again was exhilarating, to say the least. Needless to say, I spent a majority of my time in Phantom Hourglass fishing and treasure hunting.

3. Big Bang Mini

Best $20 I ever spent. Period.   read

10:38 AM on 03.18.2009

Oh dear sweet baby jesus!

It's my motherfucking birthday bitches! I know with all the hullabaloo of Destructoid turning 3 that my birthday may seem insignificant, but let me assure you, it is significant. For starters, both Niero and I turned 31 this year (old gamers FTW!). And for finishers, we are both totally awesome.

So for the next 24 hours, I will pretty much get to do and say whatever the hell I want. Work? Suck it! Wife? Suck it (seriously, down on your knees)!

All gifts will gladly be accepted. I own a PS3, Wii and DS ;-)

P.S. The cake is a LIE!   read

9:09 AM on 02.16.2009

Say hello to my little friend!

That's right suckas! Valentine's Day was very good to me. My wife got me a DS and Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia, so now, goodbye PS3, syonara Wii, nice knowing you schmucks!

It's kind of scary to think that this is the first DS I've ever owned; I have a shitload of catching up to do.

RPG GET!   read

9:30 AM on 02.09.2009

Shortblog: Profile rank shenanigans?

So, I've been hitting up the forums pretty hard in the last couple of days. I took a hiatus for a couple of months, but now I'm back in full effect.
But I noticed something on Friday that I hoped would correct itself by Monday. I checked my profile rank here on dtoid, and it has shown that I have only 41 posts in the forums, but as of Friday, I had 65! Well, I checked again this morning, and my profile rank still has 41 posts listed. What the lobster milkshake!?

Furthermore, I tried to PM our robot-in-chief, Mr. Niero himself, and i get the ever so elusive "File cannot be found" page of death.

Anyone that uses the forums, can you go ahead and double check what your profile rank says you have for forum posts against what the forums say?   read

9:28 AM on 02.06.2009

Magic Ball - Gem or Phlegm?

What the lobster milkshake is wrong with Gamespot, besides the fact that they are money whores and cash cows? I wanted to start this post off positive, but goddamn, I just thought I would take a peek at their review of Magic Ball for the PSN, and they gave it a 6. A f#!@%ing 6!? Mitch Dyer, you either have no heart, or no soul, either way, you sir, are a douche. It is interesting that a couple of the things he listed as "The Bad" in his review are reasons why I actually enjoyed the game. One example, "Too easy to lose sight of your ball". Yeah, Mitch, that's part of the challenge of the game. That's part of what makes this game unique. It could be a clone of the many, many, many Arkanoid clones, but no, CREAT decided to take the road less traveled. Damn those CREAT bastards!
I won't go off on a tangent any more than I already have so read it for yourself and let me know what you think.

The wife and I just downloaded this last night and had a blast the entire time. This game is fantastic, and a great multiplayer experience. Speaking of multiplayer, I thought it was interesting how they implemented this. When you are playing co-op, you only have to worry about your half of the screen; there is an invisible wall that splits down the middle of the playing field, which is great if you have someone that would otherwise snag your power-ups in a heartbeat if you let your guard down for more than a second.

The physics are pretty solid, what with the Havok engine and all, but the gameplay overall is just plain fun. Other than that, their really isn't much more to say that hasn't already been said by Mr. Sterling.

So, what do you dtoiders think of this? Gem or Phlegm?   read

10:00 AM on 02.05.2009

10 MOAR things you probably shouldn't know about PappaDukes.

1. My wife and I quit smoking over 2 years ago by sheer will power alone.

2. I do NOT own a DS, nor have I ever. If you have one you want to give me, PM me and I'll shoot you over my address.

3. I once owned a Sega Genesis equipped with a Sega CD, and a 32x. It was a monster. Sewer Shark FTW!

4. I started writing a couple fantasy novels when I was a kid, and I have yet to finish either. I am great with titles, bad with finishing stories and/or committing to anything.

5. I visit Destructoid over 500 times a day. I don't actually keep track, but I'm just estimating how many times I hit the refresh button while at work.

6. I know kung-fu.

7. I collect pez dispensers. I even have a one-of-a-kind pez dispenser tattooed on my forearm.

8. I am an aggressive driver. It's not something I like to admit, but I am. It is due to the fact that I delivered pizzas for 8 years.

9. I have never played an MMORPG. Ever. I honestly fear that I would become WAY too addicted. I am like that with RPG's that have an ending; I couldn't even imaging becoming engrossed in an RPG that is virtually endless.

10. I'm a certified towel-head! Fear my terrorist inclinations!   read

12:50 PM on 02.02.2009

10 things you probably shouldn't know about PappaDukes

I figured it was time to bare my heart and soul to the dtoid community. I've seen these "10 things" posts sprouting up like wild fire, and it seems like a pretty cool idea to get to know your fellow gamers/perverts. So here goes nothing.

1. I was born Nathan Ray Kleewein on March 18, 1978 (that makes me OLD). I've lived in Colorado my entire life. While I may have contemplated moving to other parts of this vast country, I've never been able to convince myself that there is any other state I could ever possibly live in or is as great as the 303.

2. I lived and toured with my all-time favorite punk band for the greatest 4 years of my life. RIP Pinhead Circus.

3. I am addicted to tattoos. I love them and if it were financially possible, my entire body would be covered. But alas, I only have been able to afford 10 at the moment. My dream tattoo would be an Akira inspired legging.

4. I became a proud parent of the most beautiful baby girl on the planet on Oct 3rd 2007. This also happens to be my wife's birthday. Oh, and our anniversary is Oct. 2nd. I struck gold!

5. Much like tattoos, I also have an (un)healthy obsession with novels of the fantasy variety. Which is why I collect more books than video games. 2 of my favorite authors are Terry Brooks and Robert Jordan (RIP)

6. I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 17, whilst preparing to leave on a school trip to Russia. Not only did I find out my dad wasn't my biological father, but my real biological father was a Saudia Arabian hospital administrator, naturally, living in Saudi Arabia. We've never met or talked. Ever.

7. When I first went to college after graduating high school, I was studying psychology with a minor in English. Ironically, I have been working as database integration specialist for the last 5 years.

8. I delivered pizzas for a company called Blackjack Pizza for 8 years. I was the best they had (or ever will have as far as I'm concerned). I loved it, and if I was paid what I make now working with computers, I would do it full time.

9. I used to make my own fireworks. Not so much as of late. Thanks a BUNCH 9/11 and Homeland Security!

10. Not really special or interesting but I build all of my computers from scratch.   read

9:19 AM on 08.20.2008

Yami, you cold-hearted bastard! AKA {The most edited blog on the planet!}

"OMFG! I could punch kittens right now I am so angry!!!"

That was the common phrase around the Wii two nights ago. Something so terrible, so foul happened... and it all happened so fast that it literally left our heads reeling with confusion and utter terror.

My wife and I have been trudging through Okami for weeks, and I must say it has been a brilliant..uh...trudge. Honestly, it's probably one of the best adventure games I've ever had the pleasure of playing.

So Ezofugi comes and goes, and now it is on to the Ark of Yamato to confront the God of Darkness, m*therfuc*ing YAMI!

We really had no idea what to expect with Yami seeing as the boss battles up to this point were epic, but we knew it was going to be good. And it was. After learning the intricacies of each phase, it wasn't bad, and we slowly whittled away at the "god" of darkness.

[Editor's note:] The below paragraph may seem like a wall of text, but in all fairness, it was written this way to convey the emotion, and calamity my wife and I went through whilst battling Yami, so please bear with me...]

Alright, phase 1 down. Phase 2 down. Holy shit, phase 3...down. Christ, are you serious...? Phase 4 down. Alright, phase 5... This better be it. My goddamn arm is going to fall off. I'm making sunrise patterns like there's no tomorrow to avoid the darkness. I'm moving and shaking and Yami is going down! Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap...he's almost dead. I got him. Okami, I am going to Goozex the hell out of you as WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GAME FROZE!!!!! WWWWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!! GOD NO, GOD NO, GOD NO, GOD NO!!

"OMFG! I could punch kittens right now I am so angry!!!"

[Editor's note] My wife was still to shaken to attempt another go at Yami, but I am glad to say that I was able to muster up enough courage, enough raw, primal energy to F*CK THE SHIT OUT OF THAT GODDAMN WORTHLESS SACK OF COW BALLS THAT IS YAMI! Roll credits!   read

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